I have watched you since the first season of The Hills and now on The City, so it’s kinda safe to say that I know you, or at least the parts of your life that are shown on MTV. I was there for the big transition to life in NYC and it looks like have navigated life in the big city pretty well so far: you’ve found your dream apartment, you have your dream job, and, of course, you got your “dream boy.”

Well, that’s why I’m writing. As a loyal and caring fan, I would like to give you the guy advice that Lauren would have given you if you hadn’t left her to get your own show work for DVF. Only I won’t be as harsh or bitchy as her. And my mascara won’t run all over my face when we start crying and hugging and loving each other again.

You are being naive, Whit. Or maybe you are just so in love with Jay that you’re blind. I understand that he is cute, he dedicates songs to you (awww) and has an Australian accent; I would probably melt too. So whats the problem, you may ask.

See, the thing is, dear, Jay seems to be playing you. (Ok, he’s TOTALLY playing you.) He’s seeing other girls apart from you. But it’s not like you didn’t know this already from Alex, that model guy you met but ditched for Jay (who I will gladly take for my very own). Yes, I get that you may not believe Alex because you may think that he’s trying to ruin it for you after you unceremoniously ignored him when Jay came around. But trust him this time. Then pass him my number.

Remember when you confronted Jay about Alex’s accusations and he said that he was going to call that Danielle chick (that was her name, right?) that he was supposedly with, but you wouldn’t let him make the call? Shoulda let him call, girlfriend. Should have let him call. Then we wouldn’t be having this awkward conversation.

I won’t tell you to break up with Jay, because you seem head-over-heels in love with him already (and then your show will be even more boring). My advice is that you be careful, because even though that “social ” bitch, Olivia, seems to be bashing Jay so she can have him all for herself, she may actually have a point.

When you do sit down and watch the episodes of your show, you will see that I am right about Jay. You will also notice that those fringy bootie things you sometimes wear are really ugly. When that time comes, I will be here with the tubs of ice cream and the tissues….and some basic flats.

So be careful for now. I’ll be watching.

Sincerely yours,

Mazuba

Prepare to have your heart broken: “As she put him into his cage for the night last Thursday, Dr. Pepperberg said, Alex looked at her and said: “You be good, see you tomorrow. I love you.” He was found dead in his cage the next morning…” (New York Times)

Does every art teacher have to be a hippie? I mean, c’mon! That’s like saying all female gym teachers are lesbians… (Chicago Tribune)

What if universities called your house every time you missed class? What if they called your entire school? For some reason I don’t think my mom would have done what these moms did. (tampabays10.com)

$160 = a 5-year supply of Ben and Jerry’s. You just have to find a criminal. Wasn’t this a Nancy Drew book? (local6.com)

Just in case you’re like, the one person who doesn’t check PerezHilton everyday and haven’t seen his own ads on his own site, his show is on tonight. So, you might as well watch so you know what the hell he’s going to be talking about all day tomorrow. (VH1.com)