Well, The Bachelorette happened. A whole two hours of it. There was a lot to digest in 120 minutes (and I’m not talking about the entire box of crackers I consumed while watching), so I’m just going to break it down by the numbers. I can’t really remember all those dudes’ names anyway.

So here is how it all went down:

6 shots of guys without shirts
3 shots of guys playing with dogs (awwww)
4 Vicky Gundelson-style “Woohoo!”s coming from inside the limos as they pulled up and spotted Ali.
1 very nice set of extensions for dear Ali
2 billion candles burning throughout the house
2 guys trying to get creative and giving Ali a rose (get it? Because she won’t be getting any this season!)
3 Chris’s
3 Canadians
3 John’s Read More »

In this ep, Dina and Ali struggle with the dilemma of getting older (Ali feels the need to express maturity by exposing as mush flesh as possible, and Dina attempts to avoid the process all together). There is a scramble to finish Ali’s album after she strikes Jeremy’s involvement in the project. E-man comes back (who I, inexpicably and until now, thought was this guy ) resurrect Ali’s now incomplete LP. His new song is pretty damn good, and Ali sounds quite decent singing it.

Regardless of voice quality though, her clothing (and I state the following with the full knowledge that I sound like my Nana) is highly indecent. If Ali’s sole purpose this half hour was to expose as much flesh as possible, she beyond succeeded. I’m talking more copious amounts of mid-driff than usual people. In one scene she actually wears what I believe to be a short, Lycra unitard. After I stopped laughing at my use of the word unitard, I pondered how she manages not to suffocate her vagina.

All thoughts of Ali Lohan’s vajay aside, I snapped back to reality (television, that is) to see a Chris Crocker look alike stalking Dina at the gym. Turns out he’s a choreographer. After checking out his myspace page, DiLo calls him and for some reason feels the urge to say “Yes it’s really me,” and agrees to check out his moves at the Pearl. This is the beginning of what I believe to be a beautiful and staged relationship between a gay man and hetero woman. Read More »

There is nothing more visually exciting and brain numbingly frivolous than the classic E! show Vegas episode. When the Girls Next Door go, I can’t wait to see how underdressed Kendra will be. When the Sunset Tan “ladies” go, I make sure to wear orange. So I’ve been really excited for the Vegas episode(s?) since Dina first discussed it in the first show. Every week since then, I have been taunted by promises of Vegas debauchery (at least I hope so) and yet I still have seen no Vegas. That said, I’m beginning to wonder: will this family actually ever get to Vegas?

This week’s episode, unfortunately but expectedly, was lacking in Vegas. It was chock full of boring-ness though. I got the feeling that the producers wanted to spruce up the season, and added some filler episodes before the big climax. This episode was Baby’s Breath to the bouquet of Living Lohan.

Basically, no one wants to go to Vegas with Ali and Dina. Dina tries to coax excitement out of Cody. She ruthlessly wants to uproot her only responsible child from his busy social life and sports schedule to go party in Las Vegas. She tries bribing Cody with Niketown swag. She tells him of all the fun he’ll have. She finally realizes that he is eleven and she has the upper hand. Cody’s going to Vegas whether he likes it or not. Read More »