We all have those days when the last thing we want in and around our mouth is our boyfriend’s Little General. Let’s be honest, sometimes the art of fellatio can be quite a chore. But denying our man what he most wants doesn’t come without guilt. While flat out rejection seems like cruel and unusual punishment, there are some foolproof excuses that will lessen the blow of the job-not done.

“I think I’m allergic to your sperm.”
Yes, that is possible. And unless he want’s to explain to the nurse at the health center exactly why your mouth is swollen to the size of a grapefruit, he better let you off the hook this time.

“It’s not me! It’s the curse of the lockjaw!”
A stiff jaw does not a good BJ make. The attack of the lockjaw is just as painful for him as it is for you. Especially if you catch a little skin in the midst of the untimely episode. The thought of a bleeding dick may turn him off to the idea altogether, and if it doesn’t, the thought of calling EMS to remove you from his man-bits might do the trick. Read More »

[I swear this is not a PMS list -- though after compiling it I realized that's exactly what it looks like.]

This is my tribute, my thank you, my ode to certain foods for being so delicious (albeit not very nutritious) that I consume them in mass quantities and therefore am forced to spend far more time at the gym than I’d like. In no particular order the foods that I’d do anything for are:

1) French fries: Regular, sweet potato, waffle, frozen, deep fried to crispy, baked – I don’t care how they were cooked or in what form I get them, but I need them and I need them with like half of a bottle of ketchup. They’re vegetables though, right? No matter how much I eat, I always always always have room for fries, whether I order them or you do. I especially have room if you ordered them and I got a side salad.

2) Nutella: It’s really versatile if you consider all of the pairing options. Fruit like strawberries and bananas are begging for Nutella and it’is fantastic on bread or waffles or crackers. I am such a mixer that I also add it to ice cream and cake and you can use it in pies to line the graham cracker crusts with chocolately goodness (well, I do). Despite the mixing options, my favorite way to consume it: off of a spoon, straight from the jar. Read More »

I never had allergies when I was a kid. However, I do remember my father telling me that his allergies only developed when he was older.

This all seemed like hypochondriac nonsense to me…until I developed my own allergies. As a singer, allergies may very well be a bigger pain in the ass for me than most people. Therefore, I have recently felt the need to learn all that I can about my own symptoms so that I can effectively tell the difference between a common cold and an allergy. After all, you can’t fix something if you don’t know what’s broken, right?

Here’s the rundown of allergy symptoms versus common cold symptoms.

Both come along with a sneeze, but a sneeze from a cold is typically very loud and infrequent, coming more from the lungs than from the nose. The allergy sneeze is much more frequent and it stems from irritation in the nose.

You’ll have runny eyes with a cold, yes, but you will experience this symptom much more clearly if what you’re struggling with is actually an allergy.

The difference between the itchy nose you get when you have a cold and the one you get when you have an allergy is this: Allergies causes itches that really can’t be scratched. You feel them in the back of your nose and it makes you miserable. The cold, however, causes an itch that can typically be alleviated much more easily by, for example, blowing your nose. Read More »