The summer after I graduated from high school I was excited to finally be free from compulsory family vacays to celebrate the 4^th of July. So to celebrate both America’s and my own newfound independence, I went big, I went all out – I went to a house party.

It was the kind of party I look back fondly on in remembrance of high school days. There was cheap vodka, a backup keg, and plenty of top shelf liquor plucked from the generous hostesses’ parents liquor cabinet. The night started out innocently enough, with keg stands, red and blue shots (white didn’t work out the way we’d planned), and plenty of high schoolers bragging about just how wasted they were.

As a mature, soon-to-be-freshman, I was so over the same un-graduated attendees that had been plaguing house parties for the last 4 years of my life. As I lamented the lack of “real men” with my equally sophisticated best friends, the college guys showed up. Read More »

Sometimes, I have to admit, I feel defective. People I hardly know forward me e-mails about supporting U.S. troops and flying American flags proudly, and I quietly delete them. It’s not that I hate my country. It’s just that I’ve never really felt any affection for it . . . until now.

I’m not about to get up on a soapbox and give some grand speech about how Barack Obama is The Chosen One or how a liberal president makes everything better. But even when I set aside my political views and think about where our country is now, I still feel kind of inspired. For the first time in my life, I feel as if things could be steady and reasonable. I feel we have a leader who is working toward security and happiness and who is competent in the best way possible. In short, I feel we have a leader who cares. Read More »

College brings a whole lot of new experiences, new lessons and new people. But it seems that no matter what school you go to there are same characters on every campus. The frat house groupie, the sensitive all American, the cool girl, the Unhinged Coed, and the Americanized International.

Allow me to refine this status: Americanization is not to be confused with Westernization, nor is it a put-down.

International Students take up a demographic in most US colleges and universities. They are usually easily spotted on campus. No, not because that of clothing choices or accents, but because they maintain a certain wide eyed fascination and solemn intelligence. International students seem refined and sophisticated. Hard working and goal oriented. They worked hard to get to this prestigious American university and they keep that in mind as they work even harder to graduate.

Most International Students stick together, seeking the comfort of the familiar. They tend to sit back in class and take notes as the more abrasive and comfortable students take over answering the questions, debating the topics and joking with classmates. As soon as class ends, they head to the library or the comforts of their dorm room to get started on the reading assigned. They never join the rest of campus at the weekend parties.

But then something starts to change. As the semester rolls on and these students find themselves more at ease in their new environment, they begin to engage in common American customs. They become The Americanized International. Read More »

Here’s a head-scratcher: after months of kooky behavior (like, I dunno, shaving your head and flashing your va-jay-jay all over LA), after the media and public alike had written her off as Queen of the Looney Tunes, America woke up this morning and decided to accept Britney Spears back into the fold of elite pop stars.

Yep, forget the wacko driving-with-your- infant-son-dangling-from- the-driver’s- seat incident, Ms. Spears is a drool-worthy role model again. If you happen to have access to the internet (which I’m assuming you do, if you’re reading this), you can’t be more than a mouse click away from a Britney love fest. Today, her newest album, Circus, was leaked online just one week before its official release, and the world is abuzz with Brit.

How does the album fare? As far as pop records go, Circus ain’t too shabby. We’ve all heard the tour-de-force “Womanizer,” and the new single “If U Seek Amy” (is she referring to Ms. Winehouse? If Britney’s looking for her, she need look no further than a London crack den) is as gritty and caustic as I imagine Ms. Spears would be after a night of boozing. But a lame vehicle for singles (and moolah) this isn’t: the song “My Baby” perked my ears right up. Could Britney–gasp– actually be crooning? Her voice shines through clearly and tenderly on what is a sweet ode to her children.

I’m still confused at how Brit Brit has achieved her massive reinvention. I mean, check her out on the cover of Rolling Stone for godsakes! As she says in the opening to the title track, “There are two kinds of people in this world: entertainers and observers.” If baffling the public counts as entertainment, then Brit, baby, you’re a star.

Check out her album, Circus, on Imeem.com

You gotta love Japanese culture. They always find a way to surprise you with their little quirks and pleasantries.

I mean, in America, the stereotypical retiree will move down to Florida to spend their time lounging by the pool in a gated community or playing a few holes on the golf course. Lame. In Japan, adult films for senior citizens, aka “elderly porn” is growing into quite the profitable franchise, according to porn producing giant Ruby Productions.

While America’s economy is declining, many entertainment venues (including golf courses) are taking a hit. In Japan, at least one retiree is cashing in on the entertainment biz. Shigeo Tokuda, 73, is the Ron Jeremy of elderly porn.

CNN correspondent Kyung Lah describes Tokuda as “the star of his movies in every way, romancing his co-stars, no matter their age, no matter their needs.” And apparently, his films are no-holds-barred, much like anything Jenna Jameson has appeared in. Read More »

Ah, the Fourth of July. The best day of the entire summer to sit back, throw some burgers on the grill, set off illegal fireworks, and get sloshed in the name of our forefathers. Besides Father’s Day, the fourth is really the only summer holiday, sandwiched between the glorious three-day weekends of Memorial Day and Labor Day.

That said, if you are planning to celebrate our nation’s birthday this weekend, I hope you do it in style. Here are some patriotic concoctions that will make you declare your independence…from your dignity, that is.

Red Sangria and White Sangria

Sure, sangria originated in Spain somewhere, but its gotten so popular in the past few years, that even Applebees has a signature sangria on its drink menu. Besides, this recipe is totally Americanized– even George W. could follow these directions!

In a punch bowl (preferably a clear one so you can display your creatively festive colors), combine a 750 mL bottle of red or white table wine with a cup of peach schnapps, two cups of pineapple juice and one cup of lemon-lime soda. Add more peach schnapps for a sweeter punch, or more juice if you don’t want it super-strong (baby). Read More »

Diablo Cody: She stripped…and no one wants to forget that

Gas has almost doubled in a year. I smell the fumes of a conspiracy…

Blohan is poor and boring.

The Pentagon wanted Guantanamo Bay interrogation notes destroyed. Conspiracy #2?

Rupert Everett isn’t a fan of America. That’s okay. I can’t remember ever being a fan of him.

The dreaded College Wait List just got more confusing.

Midwesterners are drenched. But if you live there…your basement has already told you this.

Man, do I love the Golden Girls

This is pretty much the scariest picture that has ever been burned into my rentas

So I’ve got to vent. Being a writer and all, it’s always easier for me to vent in the form of a letter, so here you go:

Dear America,

Are you a pedophile? If you could just admit that you are one, then I would at least understand your sick obsession with underage Hollywood girls and their bodies. But since you’re going to pretend like the way you view bodies and sex is normal, I have no choice but to be angry.

Miley Cyrus is supposed to feel badly about the pictures she’s recently taken. One set of pictures features her in her underwear. Another set features her showing her…her…disgustingly inappropriate…BACK.

So what if the girl took some pictures of herself in her underwear? How is that really any different from her going to the beach and having pictures taken of her in her bathing suit? Oh…let me guess…it’s about the context of it all. A girl showing her tummy and thighs when she’s NOT post-ocean and in public is out of line.

And so what if she was wearing a sheet in a photo shoot? Did her back and right arm really offend you or give your children nightmares? Read More »

Saying too much about this commercial will give away the ending, but let’s just say those funny people in the UK know a thing or two about women.

And our needs.

Check out the hilarity that probably could never run in the US–because we’re stuffy and afraid of…well, reality.