Do you ever listen to music that’s completely ridiculous? (Editor’s Note: Does Miley count?) To the point that you start feeling ridiculous and maybe even hide the fact that you listen to other people? (Editor’s Note: Miley definitely counts.) Or just sorta wonder what’s going on in the artist’s head?

OK, so clearly I can’t hide what I’ve been listening to this week – and I’ve already admitted previously to liking Demi Lovato – but that doesn’t mean this week’s new releases didn’t have me scratching my head a bit. And while that’s actually kind of what I’ve come to expect from Weezer and Say Anything, I was a little thrown by my homegirl, Carrie Underwood. Don’t get me wrong, she makes some amusing music, but have you ever stopped to listen to the lyrics?

Why does Carrie Underwood hang out with so many crappy men? Girlfriend needs some help!

Carrie Underwood- Play On

I am a shameless Carrie Underwood fan. Ever since the day she auditioned for American Idol (no lie), I knew she was going to make it big. And I was partially right; Carrie has made it huge. And she’s one of those girls you kind of just have to like. Seriously, do you really know anyone who has any hatred for Carrie Underwood? Her albums are non-stop good and full of hits. I first heard “Cowboy Casanova,” the first single from her new album, Play On, and I thought to myself, “Yes! Carrie Underwood is back again!” Carrie just has this sweet-girl-turned-angry kind of attitude and “Cowboy Casanova” displays that once again: “You better take it from me, that boy is like a disease/You’re running, you’re trying, you’re trying to hide/And you’re wondering why you can’t get free/He’s like a curse, he’s like a drug/You get addicted to his love.” Even though we may not know a whole lot of cowboys in our lives, we certainly know a lot of boys who can be described as “diseases.”

In a similar fashion is “Songs Like This,” with lyrics, “And if it wasn’t for guys like you/There wouldn’t be songs like this/And if you hadn’t gone and done me wrong/I wouldn’t go off like this.” And “Undo It” also reminds us a bit of “Before You Cheat” with another horrible guy: “You stole my happy/You made me cry/You took the lonely and took me for a ride/And I wanna undo it/You had my heart now I want it back/I started to see everything you lack/Boy you blew it/You put me through it/I wanna undo it.” Anyone else noticing a pattern here? Carrie’s got some seriously bad taste in guys. Who are all these jerks who have done Carrie Underwood so wrong?

We love you, Carrie; it’s time to find a man who will treat you right!
…But keep making amazing music while you’re at it.

Weezer- Raditude

From the very start of the album, you know Weezer is back in all their ridiculous glory. The first song, “Get Me Some,” starts off with “Right now everything sucks.” OK, so first of all, we highly doubt everything sucks for Weezer. And second of all, we’re pretty sure they’re getting plenty and don’t have much of a reason to be so unhappy. And after listening to this album, how could anybody be down?

I’m absolutely loving  “The Girl Got Hot,” which is a song about a girl who got hot after being nothing special in junior high. I also really like “The Prettiest Girl in the Whole Wide World” because it sounds a lot like the Weezer of the past… and because I want a guy to sing it to me: “And I got the prettiest girl in the whole wide world/And nobody can take her from me/And in the evening when she goes out walking alone/I wait at home patiently.” But honestly, the best song of the whole album is “Can’t Stop Partying” because, really? How amazing is that title? Oh, and did I mention Lil’ Wayne makes an appearance in the song. YES, LIL’ WAYNE. Holy awesome. And check out the lyrics: “Oh, I can’t stop partying, partying/I can’t stop, partying, partying/I gotta have the cars, I gotta have the jewels/And if you was me, honey, you would do it too/Screw rehab I love my addiction/No sleep no sleep I am always on a mission“

This might have to be our new club anthem. Bravo, Weezer, bravo.

Say Anything- Say Anything

I have never told anyone this, but I’ve been a fan of Say Anything in for awhile now. They definitely don’t sing the kind of music I typically listen to – it’s pretty angry, mean and snippy – but there’s just something about it that I totally dig. Just don’t tell my friends.  A few years ago, I listened to their song “Admit It!” non-stop for weeks and actually spent time analyzing the lyrics. (Don’t judge.) This album, Say Anything, is certainly no different. There may be no “Admit It!” on the album, but I’m certainly loving the lyrics just the same.

How about “Mara and Me,” which starts off with, “There are babies with guns beheading their friends/In shopping malls around the world/Yes somehow the Kings of Leon still find times to write about girls/I don’t suck much less/And if I claim revolutionary or I give to charity/They’ll all know it’s a plea for someone like me/Disgusted with lies and cut down by their own beatnik poetry.” See? Mean, snippy…. yet kinda awesome all at the same time. They’re angry (as proven by the song “Hate Everyone”) but everyone needs a little angry music now and then. If you’re jonesing for something a little rougher around the edges, I think this might be the perfect album for you.

Let’s hope she’s not the Yoko Ono of the Yankees.

Levi Johnston prepares to show his Johnson.

Does it really matter who the Idol judges are?

Rock the sequins this fall.

Wanna hear Lady Gaga’s new song?

Need to wake up? Try these tips.

Wait. Hugh Hefner was married?!

Is that what they teach at Catholic colleges?

The Real Housewives of Atlanta put Ellen in the middle.

The best workout tool ever? We think so.

Simon Cowell is too good for The Beatles.

Who dares cross Tyra Banks!?

Do I even have to ask what you think?

Hey, LiLo – put on a bra!

American Idol is really scraping for some judges.

Brad Pitt likes the pot.

Brett Favre really needs to make up his damn mind.

Can Keri Hilson save R. Kelly’s career?

So, what’s next for Paula Abdul?

Stay away from these dudes.

It’s a boy for Kendra Wilkinson.

Bates students turn trash into treasure.

Bradley Cooper is off the market, ladies.

Christian Siriano brings the fierce to your face.

And we care, why?

Who wore what to the Teen Choice Awards?

You don’t eff with Jeremy Piven.

Flirt like a pro.

That’s a little TMI for Facebook, dontcha think?

Michael Jackson’s coming to the big screen.

Posh might be too nice for American Idol.

Super Mario is super naughty.

Has the economy begun to recover?

Someone really doesn’t like Jessica Simpson.

Kara DioGuardi wants Paula back.

Pandas make everything cuter.

Kelly Clarkson is comfortable in her skin.

You know you’re a major celebrity if your Twitter page can become an impromptu press release.

When that happens, it also shows how ridiculously unprofessional you are.

Last night, Paula Abdul took to her official Twitter account to announce that she is not returning to judge American Idol next year. As usual, the major news outlets picked up on this immediately and began reporting it, actually quoting her tweets (one of which replaces the word “one” with “1.”) Now, it’s one thing for a celebrity – or anyone, for that matter – to tweet their feelings about a breaking story. It’s another thing entirely to break the story first on your Twitter page.

This isn’t the first time that a celebrity has taken to Twitter to make information public that should be private, or at least released through another medium. In June, Perez Hilton tweeted about being assaulted by Will.I.Am’s manager just after the incident occurred, pleading for help. Currently, Eminem and Nick Cannon are engaged in a very public Twitter feud that is borderline…well, actually, completely ridiculous.

I have no problem with celebrities using Twitter to reach out to their fans and make themselves seem more down-to-earth. But celebrity Twitters are not substitutes for a good publicist and a telephone, and they are definitely not replacements for reputable news organizations. Yes, there is virtue in hearing news straight from the horse’s mouth, but an announcement on the Internet written with 140 characters or less screams a lack of professionalism.

As much as I love Twitter, a big problem I have with it is that it acts as an enabler for attention-hungry celebrities and wannabe celebs. Clearly, by tweeting information that should remain private or be broadcast through different channel, these celebrities are looking to draw attention to themselves. Paula Abdul wanted to be the one to break the news about American Idol, not her publicist or the Fox network. Perez Hilton wanted to create a melodramatic scene on his Twitter in order to be noticed. These celebrities are just desperate for the limelight, and tweeting in such a way is just another means of getting it.

It’s summer (if you haven’t noticed) and therefore my time is divided between sweating, drinking whatever is cold, squeezing into shorts, sweating, sleeping through the hottest part of the day, and watching late-night TV until my apartment cools down enough for me to fall sleep.

Late-night TV is an interesting beast, forever surprising you with its ability to throw random shows together in the hope that you’re so tired/drunk/spaced out that you won’t notice what’s going on.  I usually don’t notice, but lately I’ve been awake and sober, so I’m beginning to catch some things.  Like, American Idol is a horrible show full of annoying people, yet I can’t help but watch hours upon hours of reruns.

During one of my sweaty midnight marathons (not the good kind, trust me), I happened to see one of the more recent episodes of American Idol.  You know…the one with the bikini girl.  If I despised the American Idol judges before, you can bet that Kara DioGuardi’s actions didn’t make my feelings any fonder.  What was she thinking??  I mean, the only one to rival her in craziness is Paula Abdul.  The real question is, which one is more pathetic?  Well, let’s find out, shall we?

Career
Paula Abdul was a successful cheerleader, dancer, choreographer, and singer.  Keyword: “was.”  Now, it seems, she is content to slur the same catchphrases over and over on American Idol and make random crappy dance singles.  Sad, yet amusing.

Kara DioGuardi is a talented songwriter and occasional singer.  She doesn’t seem to be content with sitting in the background, being ridiculously good looking (because, let’s face it, she looks gooooood) and whatnot.  So, what results is something akin to the Bikini Girl feud during the most recent season of American Idol.  It was almost too painful to watch.

Point: Paula Abdul. Girl, your career is over.  Stop drinking and maybe stop thinking of something new to say on Idol, if that’s what you’re going to focus on.

Fashion
Paula Abdul should fire her stylist.  Then again, you have to have a stylist to be able to fire one (and I seriously doubt she’s ever had one).  The woman comes up with the craziest and most age-inappropriate outfits I’ve ever seen.  I know she means well, but even I try not to pick out an ensemble while wasted.  It usually doesn’t end well (can we say Harem pants??).

Kara DioGuardi actually dresses pretty well.  When she went on The View, I was like, “Oh, way to make everyone else look like crap, Kara.”  Then I resented her for the rest of the interview.  Stupid fashionable jerk.

Point: Paula Abdul. I’m afraid Paula takes this point as well…there’s just no way I can see Kara losing to Paula in the realm of fashion.

American Idol Presence
Paula Abdul makes no sense. When she’s not using AI catchphrases (“pitchy,” “song choice,” “Simon’s a jerk”), she’s blabbering on in some weird language about cute outfits, pretty songs and rainbows and unicorns. That, of course, is after she spends the performance standing up and waving her arms/slamming her midget hands together to mimic clapping.

Kara DioGuardi is incredibly condescending and seems to take the “new kid in school” role pretty seriously. She’s constantly trying to be everyone’s BFF (both judges and contestants) and is way too into herself (and how she looks in a bikini) to judge anyone’s performance.

Point: Paula Abdul. As much as I strongly dislike Kara, Paula’s slurred speeches waste an average of 12 minutes each week and I still have no idea if she likes, loves or hates the performer.

Fame Whoreishness
Paula Abdul is desperate, for sure, but I’m not sure if she really embodies all that is a fame whore.  She’s pretty much gotten the hint that she’s washed up and fit only to be a TV reality show judge (and maybe not even that, it seems).  I’m…impressed?

Kara DioGuardi is, in fact, a fame whore.  That woman flits between different media opportunities like a hummingbird on crack.  If she’s not prancing around in a bikini on American Idol, then she’s producing/writing/singing another song that nobody will listen to (okay…almost nobody).

Point: Kara DioGuardi. She’s. Everywhere. Seriously – if you check daytime TV, random reality shows, credits on CD jacket sleeves…her name is all over.  Gah!

Celebretard Prize Goes To: Paula Abdul. Homegirl is nuts. That’s all there is to say.

I, for one, am thoroughly sad to hear that the web is abuzz with rumors that Paula Abdul might be abdicating her judge-ship on American Idol. She’s my second fav of the 4 AI judges (I mean, honestly, no one beats Simon: that smile, that accent, his badass, smart-alleck wit…swoon; Randy I stop listening to after the first “dawg” leaves his mouth; and I haven’t completely warmed up to Kara, yet, though the girl can sing).

Ms. Abdul was always amidst controversy during her stint on the AI show, from Cory what’s-his-face who swore he did the “straight up” with Paula, to lingering questions as to whether or not her Coke might be mingling with some Captain in that bright red cup. Regardless, I don’t see how the show could be nearly as entertaining that mumbo jumbo that comes out of Paula’s mouth (“You’re so pretty!”) and her weird clap (seriously, what is with that?.

Let’s face it, guys: we need a little crazy dancing around while the contestants sing. But the crazy has, allegedly, left the building. So who can we get to take her place?

1) Whitney Houston (think Whitney with Bobby, not normal, awesome Whitney):

Aside from the fact that she is a LEGEND diva, cracked-out Whitney would be outstandingly funny to watch, be it her arguing with Simon or joining in with Randy in the dog pound. And if she dueted with Kara, forget it! Plus, people are constantly trying to sing her songs, so maybe it’s time they were judged by the queen herself.

2) Amy Winehouse:

She knows how to sing (well,) she’s totally unpredictable, and just think of the goodness that will come from her whipping a flask out of that beehive and throwing it back while the worst of the worst singers perform.

3) Cyndi Lauper:

Another 80’s supastaaaarrrr to rival Paula’s fame. Cyndi’s quirky, upbeat, bad ass attitude may not lead to her dancing during contestant’s solos, but I can definitely see some tension brewing between her (and her cartoonish voice) and Simon Cowell. It would be delicious.

4) Kelly Bensimon:

There are only two people who leave me scratching my head in confusion every time they talk. One just decided to leave American Idol and the other is Real Housewife of NY, Kelly Bensimon. Just think of the ridiculous nuggets of wisdom that would come from this woman’s mouth (“You are like fertilizer and you are smearing it around and growing…”). If you close your eyes, you might not even realize Paula is gone.

5) Heidi Montag:

Aside from Heidi’s INFINITE wisdom of the music world, she would merely be a good ploy for ratings. Lord knows people to tune in to hear what “sage advice” Mrs. Spencer Pratt could possibly bestow upon this year’s American Idol. My guess? It would involve plastic surgery, a boom box on the beach and Jesus. Lots of Jesus.