The winners and losers of ‘American Pie’

Easy ways to save money on the movies

Kellan Lutz get chiseled for GQ

Shop H&M without leaving your house!!

21 ghostly celebrity encounters

Fashion inspired by ‘Top Gun’

Lose weight by nomming on pasta

What happens when Kris Humphries and Ray J sit next to each other…

Cougars we aspire to look like

Recently, our buddies at Brobible.com constructed a pretty impressive list of the ‘Top 350+ Must-Have Movies for Every Man Cave.’  Between watching over 350 movies and bumping chests, where did they find the time to create such a list?

But that’s neither here nor there. The real issue with this list is that, after intensely reviewing it (and wasting a good hour of my day that could have been spent shaving my legs…which really need it), it seems that a lot of “dude movies” that bros hold near and dear to their mustachioed hearts are really just chick flicks in disguise!

Yes, behind all the fart jokes, drug trafficking, and occasional airborne Porsches, these flicks are basically muscled up girl movies.

[Click on any image to start the gallery.]

Who knew stories created in T9 could ever be so priceless?
Or turned into a book?

Yes, this is great news for those of you unable to drag your computer everywhere to keep up with all the TFLN you can handle. Or for the rest of you who love quoting TFLN at parties, but can’t risk bringing your computer that close to the keg…again….

The geniuses behind everyone’s favorite website, Detroit natives Lauren Leto and Ben Bater, have turned this gem into a so-funny-you-actually-ROTFL book.

And more good news: College Candy is giving three of them away. FOR FREE. Could you imagine anything better? I mean, if the site makes you LOL on a daily (or, more realistically, hourly) basis, just imagine how fabulous the book will be (besides the fact that there is no discreet way to read it in class….)!

So how do you win it?

To enter just head over to TFLN and find your favorite text of all time. (And you can’t use “I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.” That one is mine!) Copy that sucker and paste it into the comments section below with your full name.

On Monday, April 5th at 4pm ET, we’ll randomly choose three winners and announce them on Twitter and Facebook!

And that’s it. Easier than spotting a douche bag on the Jersey Shore.

So go! LOL! Enter! Win!

There are a lot of celebrities out there that simply disappear, whether it be voluntarily or due to lack of talent/rehab/Bermuda triangle.  There are a couple that have massive amounts of issues, yet refuse to disappear.  In fact, they seem to pop up everywhere, strutting around uninvited on every red carpet.  People like Bai Ling and Paris Hilton are prime examples.

More recently, we have Mischa Barton.  I gotta admit, I really do enjoy watching a mediocre TV actress fall from grace (and she fell hard!).  Oh, speaking of mediocre actresses, I think I heard the other day that Tara Reid has teamed up with the douchebag powerhouse that is Christian Audigier to design some piece of crap that I’ll certainly see all around campus.  Yay.

In light of that wonderful piece of news, I think it’s time to pair up a couple of the most washed up faces in Hollywood:  Mischa Barton and Tara Reid.

Acting
Mischa Barton was never a steller actress, let’s not lie.  She peaked in The Sixth Sense as the creepy ghost girl who barfed a lot.  The OC was a shambles, especially when she became a drug addict or whatever and then died randomly in the third season.  Has anyone seen Mischa in anything since then?  Not unless you caught one of her straight-to-DVD releases.  Yeesh.

Tara Reid is not a great actress by any means.  I did enjoy her run in American Pie (1 and 2) and the episodes of Scrubs that she appeared in were hilarious.  However, whenever I watch her in anything else, all that comes to mind is the word “sticky.”  She just looks sticky and sweaty and drunk at all times…probably because she’s always at least one of those things (I’m voting for drunk).  See: Taradise.

Point: Mischa Barton. In the realm of acting, Mischa Barton is a fail.  At least Tara Reid’s slew of vapid, slutty characters are entertaining.

Fashion
Mischa Barton wears some pretty awesome stuff.  I’ve actually opened up the style section of a magazine and seen her there (the good part of the style section, not the losers section).  She takes chances and it pays off.  Not always, though…we’ve had some pretty awful situations involving vintage items, mini dresses and feathers.  Her foray into headbands has also gotten pretty interesting…

Tara Reid has no style.  Her “style,” as it were, consists of crop tops, glittery things, and denim mini skirts.  I certainly won’t be forgetting the exposed boob incident for a while.  She also seems to be anti-bra, even after her boob job.

Point: Tara Reid. It’s no contest, really.

(Un)classiness
Mischa Barton has been pretty unclassy lately, what with her boozin’ and partyin’.  At least she checked into rehab (finally!) after one too many shots of her looking like a certifiably crazy person with a really puffy face.  Oh, and let’s not forget her 2007 arrest for drunk driving (without a license).  Classy, girl.

Tara Reid just oozes class skankiness.  That girl is an a bikini 90% of the time, swigging something from a bottle (but not eating…never eating).  She’s done her time in rehab, but her reputation as a boozehound isn’t leaving her anytime soon.  See again: Taradise.

Point: Tara Reid. Not classy.  Anti-classy.

Love Life
Mischa Barton dates musicians.  Seriously – if you’re in an indie rock band and are based somewhere in the UK, you probably have a pretty good chance of getting with Mischa Barton (lucky you).  That is, when she gets out of rehab.

Tara Reid has dated every football player ever (only a slight exaggeration) and a generous sprinkling of other men have decorated her arm over the years.  I guess guys really do go for those party-girl types.  I’m gonna go get my drink on and test this theory out…

Point: Tara Reid. Maybe if she worked more and spent less time romping around random beaches she’d be less of a whore.  Maybe.

Gossip Presence
Mischa Barton has been huge in the gossip columns lately: is she suicidal? Will she still have a role on the new CW show after her stint in rehab?  Where is she getting all of these headbands?  Very important stuff.

Tara Reid really isn’t doing much of anything and it shows:  she isn’t in any gossip column.  When she does appear, it’s mostly following comments that are surprised to find she still exists (but not at all surprised that she’s sloppy and drunk and…sticky).

Point: Mischa Barton. She is definitely being talked about, what with this whole rehab/new TV show thing going on.  Tara…only wishes she had something newsworthy about her.

Celebretard Prize Goes To: Tara Reid. Just bow out peacefully and go seclude yourself on some beach so you don’t accidentally brush up against anyone and rub off your fake tan/greasiness.

Big deal, right?  Well, clearly with the absurd amount of publicity surrounding her most recent interview with Health magazine, where this alleged shocking secret was revealed, it is obvious that to many, this is a big deal.  But why?  If people spent half the time obsessing about literally anything of the slightest bit more importance, our world would have a lot less to worry about.

Having sex for the first time has evolved into one of society’s biggest concerns and issues of controversy.  With movies like American Pie, teens have been brainwashed into believing that they’re some freak misfits if they haven’t sealed the deal before graduating high school.  All that the media has done is distorted the truth.  Just because nowadays some teens are having sex before they freakin’ finish puberty, doesn’t mean that, 1.  Everyone is doing that and 2. There is a right or appropriate age to do so.  In fact, as a college student, I have met many people, older and younger than me that have held on to their virginity for whatever reason, and it honestly has not changed my opinion about them at all, nor should it!

What kind of society do we live in where waiting until you are in your 20’s to lose your virginity is a bad, a weird, or an abnormal age to do so?

Call me crazy, but I used to think that losing your virginity was a somewhat private and personal matter.  Everyone is different and comfortable with sex in his or her own way and should be able to decide if and when they are ready without being judged, questioned, or, in Brooke Shields’ case, considered the latest juiciest gossip.  Virgin or not, does it really define who you are as a person?

As a society, we really need to just let go of the whole virginity thing, because at this rate I wouldn’t be surprised if 40-Year-Old Virgin was remade into 20-Year-Old Virgin (starring Jonah Hill, of course).

1. It’s Making Us Dumber!

A personal pet peeve, but the title character is called Madea. Don’t confuse her with Medea, tragic heroine of Greek drama. I am generally against things that make us dumber, and the thought that tweens today will grow up with THIS as their first impression of Me(a?)dea makes me vomit a little. I hear that Madea is maybe a common name for your grandmother in the South, but still. Is our children learning, people?

2 It’s a Crap Factory! Seriously. A Machine That Cranks Out Crap.

There have been 8 of these movies since 2002. That math alone doesn’t really indicate a quality product so much as an assembly line. The title progression smacks of a children’s book series, along the lines of The Berenstein Bears, Sweet Valley Twins/High, etc. With “Diary of a Mad Black Woman” the franchise was born, to be followed up with “Madea’s Family Reunion,” ”Meet the Browns,” and some other ones I can’t be bothered to look up. Next up, ‘Tyler Perry’s Madea and Too Much Birthday!” and “Madea and No Boys Allowed!” No, no, the latest release, currently in theaters and beating the JONAS BROTHERS MOVIE IN TICKET SALES is ‘Madea Goes to Jail’, and I hear ‘Madea’s Class Reunion’ is in the pipeline. You know why those book series have such simplistic and obvious titles? Because they are FOR CHILDREN, who fall in love with an easy to understand character, and for their parents who want to know exactly what it’s about before they open their wallets.

3. Being Popular Doesn’t Make It GOOD.

I am not of the opinion that popular movies cannot also be ‘good’ movies. It doesn’t all have to be German nouveau-noir puppet theater to be artistic. But by all outward appearances, these are bad, formulaic movies, based on the premise (already well-covered by Eddie Murphy, btw) that it’s funny to see a man dressed up as a fat woman. OMG, it’s a man! In laaaaaady clothes! And a fat suit! HAHAHA! What’s that you say, that other fat or old character in the movie is also played by the SAME MAN?! Unbelievable! I must see it again!

PLEASE. When the first Madea movie came out, it was panned as a stupid but popular piece of crap, along the lines of, say, American Pie. You know the type: critics hated it, but everyone you know has seen it and probably still quotes it from time to time. I wish that, like the American Pie franchise, Madea had died a slow, shameful box office death around the third installment, when producers realized that they had stretched one and a half movie’s worth of material over three full-length features. But noooo. We, as a people, are keeping it alive. By throwing our money at it.

4. We’re Not Stupid!

I really don’t buy the claim that Mr. Perry is tapping into the humor of the black community, and so I, as a white girl, just don’t get it, and of course won’t find it funny. Seriously? I admitted to American Pie, that was some shi**y white boy humor, and that didn’t make it secretly a good movie that certain demographics just couldn’t appreciate. Well-crafted humor isn’t entirely universal, but it’s pretty close, and if something is well done, you can at least appreciate that fact, even if you don’t personally laugh out loud at it. So don’t give me that garbage. I get it enough to know that it’s unoriginal and dumb, and that’s plenty.

5. In Conclusion! Tyler Perry is an Evil Genius!

I’ve got nothing against Tyler Perry personally. Madea was once upon a time a really funny character, and he is clearly a very, very smart businessman. He’s taken an already recycled idea, re-packaged it with some sort of hit-you-over-the-head moralism thrown in (I hear his films take an obvious stand against battering women. Well done.), and released it eight times, making a pile of cash in doing so. His power is growing too great. It seems that production companies will release anything with his name slapped on the front, and so, he must be stopped. I beg of you, critics and paying audience alike. Stop. Him. Before “Tyler Perry’s Song of Solomon” hits theaters.

With no further ado, the top ten songs I personally can’t help but sing. In no particular order, let’s start with the obvious:

1. Don’t Stop Believing by Journey

Hold on to that feeling…

It’s inevitable. The bar will close, the party will end, and to signify the bittersweet ending of yet another great college night

2. Sweet Caroline (ba ba ba…) by Neil Diamond

So good, so good, so good!

Definitely should be reserved for last call, but still proves to be a favorite you can’t resist.

3. You Shook Me All Night Long by AC/DC

Cause the walls were shakin, the earth was quakin’, my mind was achin’, and we were makin’ it and you…

It requires a fist-pump. And that may be why I love it.

4. Living on a Prayer by Bon Jovi

We’ve got each other and that’s a lot/ For love, we’ll give it a shot.. Ohhhhhhh….

Yeah. You maybe just started singing right now, I saw that.

5. Take Me Home Tonight by Eddie Money

I can hear you breathe, I can feel your heart beating faster (faster)…

A great song…and a great pick up line.

6. American Pie by Don McLean

Bye, bye Miss American Pie, drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry…

The chorus is just phenomenal. Possibly the definition of an oldie but a goodie.

7. Since You’ve Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson

I’m so movin’ onnnn, yeah, yeah…

Guys definitely love this song at LEAST as much as we do, don’t be fooled. It’s just a good jam in general, especially if you’ve got any angst toward a recent ex or current significant other debacle…

8. Build Me Up Buttercup by The Foundations

So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don’t break my heart…

This one even gets you bopping around on a make-shift dancefloor. You can’t deny the greatness of Motown crooning.

9. The Piano Man by Billy Joel

Well we’re all in the mood for a melody, and you’ve got us feelin’ alright…

Don’t you wish you could play the piano and observe people on the job? At least you can sing about it…

10. Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard

I’m hot, sticky sweet/ From my head, to my feet, yeah…

I’m not going to try and say Def Leppard is good. I’m not going to sell it as a good song. But you can’t deny that you know the chorus, and you really can’t help but chime in when it’s on.

Did I miss any favorites? Let us know what made your own top ten!

[photo courtesy of www.a-1entertainment.com]

Movies aren’t always just entertainment, and though these films seemed like harmless teen flicks at the time, I see clearly now that they’ve truly effected my maturation into adulthood. Plus, they’re awesome.

1. CAN’T HARDLY WAIT

To this day, I still have a girl crush on Jennifer Love Hewitt. I mean, who didn’t want to be her when this move came out? Plus, Ethan Embry = adorable and Lauren Ambrose = truly kick ass.

2. SHE’S ALL THAT

Anytime a overly attractive person hits on me, I’m convinced it was a bet.

3. SCREAM

I still sleep with the light on because of this flick. Plus, it was hilarious while also being bloody. Which I think is kind of awesome. Kinda. …Mostly just scary.

4. CRUEL INTENTIONS

Writing in your journal and acting creepy makes even the lamest of folks look ultra cool. You know what also makes you look cool? Practicing girl on girl smooching in FULL VIEW of other people. Oh and FYI, rich kids are f*cked up.

5. DAZED AND CONFUSED

It’s okay to smoke the ganga. Everyone’s doing it. Especially Matthew McConaughey (and when was the last time this guy did something wrong?).

6. BASKETBALL DIARIES

Just kidding, drugs are bad.

7. SAY ANYTHING

“In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel is EPIC. I play it on repeat while daydreaming about becoming Mrs Cusak. Even though he’s like 40-something these days, I’d still hit it.

8. CLUELESS

“Surfing the crimson wave” is still, hands down, the best excuse for anything.

9. AMERICAN PIE

Stay away from horny boys and webcams and band camp. ALSO, it’s okay to be a MILF. …And f*ck a pie.

10. THE BREAKFAST CLUB

Even though we may look different, even the most unlikely characters share similarities. Oh, and Cap’n'Crunch sandwiches are delish.

[Got a fav flick from your young years? Let us hear it!]

If you disagree with me, all I’m going to say is…..if you could bag Ashton Kutcher would you??? RIGHT. So don’t argue with me, we all would. Demi could teach us a lesson or two, or eight.

Us twenty somethings DIDN’T “bag” Kutcher, a cougar did, since cougars have tricks we should add to the “bag” in order to…. “bag.” (Insert cheesy joke here, I couldn’t help myself.)

Obviously, we’ll never be able to compete with time, since, that’s science and time is an uncontrollable factor. However, if we are SMART, we’ll take some of the vampy COUGAR tricks in order to ooze absolute sex appeal, without having to wear “Mom jeans” (if you don’t know “Mom jeans”, look at your mothers flat, heart shaped ass and tell me how much that ISN’T cougar material.)

If we are smart, we already have a step up, since hey, we don’t have to worry about age defying wrinkle cream, menopause, gray hairs…and shit (the “and shit” was added for my immature emphasis.)

So what is a “Cougar” anyway, you ask??

A Cougar: A babe beyond 40. Sex drive on HIGH. Heels, on HIGH. Hair, on HIGH, with the assistance of Aqua Net, and BOOBS, up HIGH.

But most importantly…CONFIDENCE at a soaring dangerous level of: HIGH.

Who was the first Cougar? Well, for our generation, maybe “Stiflers mom” on American Pie. She had her eye on the prize, she trusted in her ability to follow through with her “mission” and she BELIEVED and ACTED “AS IF”, she were a goddess. Can you imagine if women our age had that approach?

Lord knows, I wouldn’t be alone tonight.

Men want to date Cougars (Dateacougar.com) because they’re tired of our RIDICULOUS insecurites. Yes, some of us have stretch marks, some of us have bellies, or big nipples, BUT damnit, do you think a Cougar gives A DAMN about that? NO. She thinks, so what? I’ve seen the world, I’ve dated numerous men, I’ve climbed mountains….I’m incredible.

If Twenty Something women could have that kind of confidence, it wouldn’t matter if we had a mad case of acne and snorted every time we laughed. Confidence can MASK all of your “imperfections” if we present ourselves with the belief that we are, perfection.

As Cougars do.

So what is the appeal you ask? Well, I don’t know….would you rather date a man who whines about his future and his boss all the time, or would you rather date a man who makes you feel like he has it, “all taken care of.” Since, obviously he’s a stud. I’d go with the latter.

Age does have the benefit of securing your belief in SELF. Cougars may not look as hot, but they wear their stories, their history, their years…..and they mold it all into this sexual energy of self assured beauty.

So yeah, would I like to be a Michelle Pheiffer-esque babe? Would I like to take tips from Diane Lane? HELLO? Of course.

The first step: Walking out of the door with a head held high, and confidence that isn’t afraid to slip my phone number across the table to a babe at the bar.

Thank YOU Cougars, for reminding us that we can be babes at any age.

I found myself standing in an absurdly long line outside a movie theater on 34^th Street. And while the crowd was varied, they all had one thing in common. Comedy geeks. And what was the thing to do in NYC earlier this week for these lovers of all things funny?

An advanced screening of Superbad, of course!

But, c’mon, who am I kidding? I was probably more excited than most of the people in the theater, (and it was only partly due to my intense crush on Michael Cera) I’ve just convinced myself over the past 23 years that I’m not obvious about my semi-closeted affection for comedy.

The lights went down, the movie started, and I, along with the rest of the audience, was treated to one of the best teen comedies based on partying, drinking, and being 18 that I’ve seen since 1999 (remember when we all thought American Pie was hilariously original?).

Evan (Michael Cera) and Seth (Jonah Hill) are best friends who, since elementary school, have been so dependent on one another that by the time senior year rolls around they are basically each other’s only friends. They’ll be off to different colleges in the fall, so they only have a little bit of time left to make their remaining days together count. Top that with their lack of social prowess and you get teen awkwardness that is so well written that it makes The Real World look fake (oh, wait…).

If you’ve seen the trailer you are probably wondering how they can make the “McLovin” joke last for 2 hours. Well, don’t worry. They can.

Seth Rogen and Bill Hader make appearances as dumb-as-bricks cops which is funny in itself, but Christopher Mintz-Plasse plays off of their cluelessness with such ease that I wonder if the outcast he’s playing isn’t completely based on himself.

The point is, I laughed like, the entire time. And unless you don’t like laughing I’m pretty sure you’ll be happy that you checked it out.

And if not, at least you’ll feel like the coolest one in the theater.