I know that most people are excited for beach trips, suntans and reading for pleasure this summer, but what’s getting me revved up for the next three months is the totally rad summer TV lineup. After all, sometimes we need to take a break from road trips, slip and slides, and parties and soak in laziness. Agreed?
And with all the amazingness that summer TV has to offer, kicking back with a Diet Coke and some Smart Pop (and probably some aloe to rub on that “I’m having so much fun I forgot to put on sunscreen” burn) will be just as good as a day at the wave pool. Actually, considering the amount of chilren that pee in that place, this is a whole lot better.
Secret Life of the American Teenager June 22
The Secret Life is back, baby!! When the season ended, Amy delivered baby John, Ashley moved in with her dad, Grace + Jack = 4-ever, and Adrian ended up alone. Season Two brings more baby mama drama for Amy, and SOMEONE WILL DIE! (Duh duh duuuuuh.)
Army Wives
In Progress
Think being a soldier in the army is hard? It is. But the Army Wives have their own troubles: falling out of love with their husbands stationed in Iraq, starting a career, kissing a doctor (boss), getting a motorcycle, sending their sons off to war, having an affair… it’s a rough time!! And that was only one army wife. This circle of women is tough! They fight off stalkers, tend to husbands with PTSD, deal with the death of family members, and battle the vicious tongues of the other prying wives. This show is incredibly moving and drama-rific; perfect for a summer night.
Nurse Jackie
In Progress
Oh yeahhh! Edie Falco is back on the tube. Unfortunately, she is no longer Carmela Soprano. Instead she plays Jackie O’Hurley, an emergency room nurse in New York City. Jackie is brilliant, sarcastic and witty, but super flawed and abuses meds to get through the days. I smell drama.
(PS. For those looking for a Twilight fix, Peter Facinelli plays a doctor on the show! Hotness.) Read More »
I don't know why, but over the past few months I've heard some seriously piss poor covers of Rihanna's 2007 Summer jam, "Umbrella." For some reason, reality show contestants have been bastardizing the popular ditty and dragging it to the place where all good music goes to die a painful, unfortunate death.
Last night's America's Got Talent contestants, The Taubl Family, played a haunting rendition of Umbrella...at least as haunting as a Christian Family band from Connecticut can get.
And how could we forget Coffey, a contestant from the latest season of Nashville Star. He dedicated the song to his daughter, a great sentiment, too bad it sucked so bad. He scats, he salutes, he beatboxes, he yells at the crowd and he does Lamaze style breathing into the microphone. Please people, watch at your own risk. You'll need an umbrella to protect yourself from the sh*tstorm that is his performance.
Word to any and all future reality show contestants: Back off Rihanna! Why don't I ever hear anyone covering Sisqo? The Thong Song won't remix itself people!
David Militello is adorable…so adorable that the earth may implode under the weight of his toothy grin and little kid high-notes. Little David auditioned for America’s Got Talent awhile back and made it through to Las Vegas, the AGT equivalent of Hollywood Week.
Before he left, The Hoff made this prediction/menacing threat:
“He is going to steal the hearts of every American watching the show.”
That prophecy came to fruition during last night’s two-hour Vegas episode. The judges whittled the 113 acts down to 60, and on Thursday they’ll cut 20 more before the pool of contestants is set for the live episodes.
David upped his game and with two minor additions that made it impossible for the judges to send him packing; a little tuxedo, and an alliance with the youngest contestant in the competition, Kaitlyn Maher. Separate they are just two cute little kids, but put them together (holding hands no less!) and the viewing public is powerless. The two little ones beat out individuals three times their age (in their own age bracket no less) and both moved on to the semi-final round. But were we surprised? Voting them off would be like putting Milo & Otis to sleep. Read More »
Meet Emily David, aka Queen Emily. She’s a 40-year-old single mom, a snappy dresser, and the only talented person on Tuesday night’s episode of America’s Got Talent.
I haven’t heard such a great rendition of Chain of Fools since Turkey Sub from School of Rock. It was proud, soulful, sassy, and confident. It was the voice of a woman who’d worked hard, walked through hell and lived to tell about it.
In her interview, Emily said, “So many times I think it will never happen for me…but then I go and look in the mirror and say ‘Why not me?’”
Why not you Emily? Why shouldn’t you take this show (and this country) by the shoulders and shake us out of a crappy music slump?
We’ve put up with pop starlets too long. Even those with good voices haven’t had the life experience to make their songs really sing. We’ve confused drunk driving, pantie dropping and stage parents with celebrity and even worse…with talent. And what do we have to show for it? Why should we wait for Disney to tell us who the next pop idol/future pariah is when hard-working, truly gifted people people like Emily are right in front of us? Read More »
I’ve never done psychedelic drugs but from what I’ve read and what I can assume, they don’t call it “a trip” for nothing. From what I remember from my sixth-grade anti-drug education, colors get vibrant, ordinary things become distorted and there’s a lot of crappy ’90s rap pumping in the background to enhance the altogether bizarre experience.
You might say it looks a little something like this:
WTF? This will haunt my dreams! I haven't been this scared of giant heads since SausageGate...and that's saying a lot.
Do you think these giant inflatables are worthy of the $1 Million prize? Or are they just a lot of hot air? (The puns just keep comin' folks. I stopped trying to fight it.)
Everyone on America’s Got Talent has a tragedy-riddled childhood, rife with addiction, overworked parents, a bout with homelessness, etc. Tonight’s contestants were no exception. The editing, sappy music and tears were actually more entertaining than tonight’s crop of piss-poor talent.
To prove my point, tonight’s episode was only an hour long and here’s how the time broke down:
22 Minutes Of Commercials
35 Minutes of Sob Stories
10 Minutes of The Hoff yelling unintelligible nonsense
2 Minutes of Talent
I’m no statistician but I think that’s about right.
Meet Kyle Rifkin, a prime example of one of the many sad sacks to grace the AGT stage. He’s got talent alright…talent for telling the saddest story ever. He sang on the street for nickels people. NICKELS. Grab a tissue or a free sleeve and let it all out.
Cross your fingers for a better episode next week. We need more crazies!
So last week I joked that this show makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little bit. Last night I seriously considered it. Yet at the same time, I couldn’t turn away from the TV.
Meet George The Giant. He’s a 7′ 3″ security guard auditioning in Chicago. His act was truly “out there.” George quips, “When you’re my size you have two choices; play basketball or be a freak…and I hate sports.”
Here’s George captivating the audience with his eyebrow raising talent.
Now remember people, the winner of this show gets $1 Million bucks and their own show in Las Vegas. So when people get moved on to the next round it means the judges think their talent is worthy of both prizes. Since Big George moved through, we can only assume the judges are crazy...or drunk.
Check both for The Hoff.
Where George lowered the expectations of the crowd and society in general, 71-year-old Paul Salos picked them up. He's a Frank Sinatra inspired singer and a genuine class act. Not only does this guy deserve the money but I'd probably pay to see him in concert. We're rooting for ya old buddy.
What did you think about last night, folks? Another evening of ho-hum talent or did you see promise somewhere I didn't?
This show kind of makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little bit. Some of the folks are genuinely talented. Others just have a sob story gut-wrenching enough to tug at your heart, and your tear ducts.
But instead of talking about the good, the bad or the weepy, I’ve decided to share the crazy with you. Tonight’s freakshow? A performer by the name of Miss PussyKatt. You can already tell she’s batsh*t nuts by the gratuitous “T’s” and random “K.”
She solidified her place in the America’s Got Talent with this statement: “It kind of grew from dancing and I kept on taking the next step…This is a lot of hard work and the creativity and the process of it and it does take a lot of skill. And I constantly train and I always look for the next thing to do.”
I know, it doesn’t sound crazy, and it’s not until you see what this woman calls a talent.
Book her now folks! Miss PussyKatt is playing at a wedding, graduation, Bar Mitzvah or emergency room near you!
If nothing else, Miss PussyKatt gives me hope. Maybe next year I’ll take a belt sander to my legs and call it innovative. Or if I have some spare time I’ll learn how to juggle band saws. Sheesh. This is why some people aren’t too fond of America…and our lack of talent.
This video about John McCain calling his wife the C-word should insult me. But it doesn't. Instead, it makes me laugh (if around others, listen to it with earphones ON)
I know that most people are excited for beach trips, suntans and reading for pleasure this summer, but what’s getting me revved up for the next three months is the totally rad summer TV lineup. After all, sometimes we need to take a break from road trips, slip and slides, and parties and soak in laziness. Agreed?
Sport some red today to help combat 
Meet Emily David, aka Queen Emily. She’s a 40-year-old single mom, a snappy dresser, and the only talented person on Tuesday night’s episode of America’s Got Talent.
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