How many times have you been hunched over a toilet bowl/garbage can/bush after a night of drinking, promising God that if he lets you live through the night you will never drink again? Obviously, if it’s more than once, you are a big fat liar. But that’s not the point.

The point is that you went a little too far with the shots and now you are teetering on death. Or so you think.

Imagine a life where you wouldn’t have to have that convo with the big guy upstairs. A life where you knew just how much you could drink and still live to see another day. A life where, sure, you may barf up that Dominos Cheesy Bread you just ate, but at least you wouldn’t fear that regurgitated mess would be the last thing you’d ever see.

Well, it’s here. Just type in your stats and find your RIP limit. Read More »

There are lots of things you don’t know about a man when you meet him at a bar. Like, where he lives. Or who he knows. Or, sometimes, his name (which makes the phone number exchange mighty awkward the next morning). It is all part of the mystery, the fun…and the nature of the situation. Usually it’s better that way; knowing that kid likes Star Wars is not going to help set the mood.

Or, I don’t know…knowing he has a girlfriend?

I found myself in that precarious situation this past weekend. I was hangin’ out when I was approached by a fine specimen of a man. He was tall, dressed really well and his smile made me melt. We totally hit it off and soon found ourselves making out in the bar like we were Freshmen at a frat party.

He invited me back to his place and, eagerly, I obliged.

When we arrived back at his place – which was a far cab ride from my own abode – he went to the kitchen to get some much needed water and I started to look around. And I began to notice a recurring theme: cute kissy photos of him and a very adorable looking girl. Tons of them. Everywhere.

Clearly, this boy had a girlfriend. Read More »

Unlike most people who only have their birthdays to celebrate every year, I am fortunate enough to have two days in my honor:

March 21st – the day my mother pushed me out of her womb

October 15th – National Grouch Day

Whereas I am always shunned, yelled at and abused for being a “royal bitch,” today I, and others like me, am celebrated for my general moodiness. I am finally vindicated for my annoyance at my roommates leaving their sh*t all over the house, for those mother-effers who can’t figure out what a turn signal is, and for the jerks down the street who keep playing that same damn Lil Wayne song over and over and over.

I don’t have to be ashamed for yelling at the Subway dude who put mayo on my 6 inch turkey on whole wheat with “absolutely no sauces, spices or mayo,” or for pushing the bitch at the bar who cut me in line and then got the last Amstel Light.

No. Today is my day. MINE. A day for me to be who I am and for those around me to celebrate it by leaving me the eff alone. Do not hug me, sing to me, or send me a card; all I want on this day is acceptance of my grouchiness.

And maybe for you people to clean up the damn kitchen. Is that too much to ask?!

As anyone knows, college is a cesspool of unhealthiness. There’s the lack of sleep, the surplus of late-night eating and, of course, the dreaded alcohol.

Fortunately, for all you weight watchers out there, there are some simple and tasty low-cal cocktails that everyone can love without fearing the love handles.

Cherry Pom-arita — A measly 105 calories!

Ingredients:

1.5 oz. tequila

4 oz. Diet 7UP (or another diet lemon-lime soda)

1 tbsp. fresh lime juice

1/2 packet Crystal Light On The Go Immunity Cherry Pomegranate drink mix

ice cubes (for serving)

Directions:

Place tequila, soda and lime juice in a glass. Empty half of the flavor packet into glass, and stir well to combine. Pour over ice and enjoy! (Note: If you don’t like the Pom flavor, try any Crystal Light powder. They are all super delicious.) Read More »