Americans are well known for their affection for, and addiction to, theme parks.  We have Disney Land, Disney World, Lego Land, Sea World, and a plethora of other immensely entertaining places.  What we don’t have is a theme park about sex.  Guess who else doesn’t have one?  China.

While that may sound like a no-brainer, China was recently set to open a theme park called Love Land.  It was meant to promote open sexual discussion in a society where tradition and conservatism still reign with an iron fist.  The park was to feature huge reproductions of male and female genitalia, how-to workshops and other fun activities and displays.  However, all of that was razed today after a weekend inspection by government officials deemed the park vulgar and sensational.  Well, duh, but how awesome is that? Read More »

If you are lucky enough to balance a part-time job with your class sched during the school year, you’ve got it made in the summer: you can pick up extra shifts and make bank, yet request days (or weeks) off to go on vacation without looking for a slacker.  Unfortunately for many of us, when finals week rolls around, we’re stressing about how to land a job and start saving for next fall’s text books (and bar tabs).  It sucks when you’re desperate, because you’re bound to accept any offer that comes your way.

Here are the ten worst summer jobs… which might just make bankruptcy look like the better option.

1.  Amusement Park Attendant
You make minimum wage to stand in the blazing heat all summer, get lobster-red sunburns, and keep little kids in check as they anxiously await their turn on the water slide you’d sell your soul to go down.  You deal with cranky parents demanding that you speed up the line (which you can’t, for everyone’s safety), and clean up puke when the little brats get sick off of the giant ice cream cone they inhaled right before getting in your line.  Oh, and you have to wear a doofy polo with the theme park’s logo.  PASS.

2.  Landscaping and Construction.
These jobs are grueling no matter what time of year.  But when it’s 90 degrees and there’s no shade in sight, you can really do some damage to your body.  Sure, it pays well, but you’re going to constantly battle UV rays, dehydration, and straight up muscle exhaustion.  If you’ve been relatively inactive sitting at your desk and studying all summer, taking on such a physically exhausting job will be brutal.

3.  Flyering.
I wouldn’t include this if I hadn’t done it before, since most of you probably have no clue what “flyering” is.  One summer, I took a one-day job hanging 1,000 door hangers advertising a new ice cream shop on residential doorknobs.  It paid $250 for the day, so I thought it would be cool.  However, that day was spent walking around on concrete for 9 hours (even in sneakers this gets painful), and being paranoid that residents would come out with a shotgun after I left shit on their doorknobs.  Oh, I tried to wear sunscreen, but missed two strips of skin and wore a racer-back tank top.  My sunburns left scars, which look like wings on my back.  No lie. Read More »

I’m not the biggest fan of roller coasters. Something about the feeling that my stomach is about to shove its way into my throat is just really off-putting. Plus, remember that story about Fabio getting slammed in the face by a bird? I mean, it could happen to any one of us.

Since I’m already iffy about the whole thing, it’s not like I need another reason to be freaked out by these fear contraptions. But this story is freaky enough to possibly keep even the roller-coaster obsessed away for a little while.

Yesterday, a 17-year-old South Carolina boy was decapitated by the “Batman the Ride” coaster at Six Flags Over Georgia. Apparently, he and a friend jumped two fences and sped past multiple “Do Not Enter” signs in an attempt to get on the ride, and when the coaster came speeding by, 17-year-old Asia Leeshawn Ferguson was struck.

The article goes on to say that this is not the first time “Batman the Ride” has offed someone. Six years ago, a Six Flags park worker died when he was struck in the head by a girl in the first car of the coaster.

Now, should you be afraid of imminent death every time you get in line for that newest, upside down corkscrew roller coaster? Probably not. But should all my friends stop laughing at my reluctance to get on one of them? Yes. Safety first, people. Safety first.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a bike helmet to put on before going to the grocery store.