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Learn how to kiss well (or teach your man).

Welcome back to The Rival Rundown! If you’ve always wanted to give props to your school on CC, now’s your chance! Shoot us an email explaining what’s awesome and unique about your school (or what stinks about Rival U) at rivalrundown@collegecandy.com!

This week, we take a look at the opponents in the nation’s most notorious holy war–no, not the mission in Iraq, but the rivalry between Boston College and Notre Dame, America’s premier Catholic universities.  Besides giving mad props to the Pope, these two institutions share a common interest in superior athletics, academics, and intense fan-dom. The Holy War refers to the quasi-annual football game between the schools (the only Catholic universities to play NCAA D1-A ball), and the fierce competitiveness between the two. Let the pillaging begin!

1. Mascot Matchup

BC – The Golden Eagles can be seen emblazoned on every Superfan shirt and bumper-sticker in Beantown.
Notre Dame - South Bend, Indiana is home to the famed Fighting Irish–the mascot championed in media from The West Wing (President Bartlet was an alum) to the football film classic, Rudy.

Three credits to: Notre Dame (extra points for high media recognition).

2. Holy War Stats

BC - has won 9 out of 18 games.
Notre Dame - has also won 9 games!

Three Credits to: It’s a tie!

3. Local Attractions

BC - Located in Chestnut Hill, MA, Boston College isn’t actually in Boston, but a suburb. It’s still within the Boston transit system, and is home to the Mall at Chestnut Hill (where you can find all of your favorite upscale retailers, including Kate Spade, Sephora, Barney’s and Bloomingdale’s) and of course, all of the celebrated Gothic architecture on campus!
Notre Dame – Though South Bend, Indiana is more than a stone’s throw from any major city, it is home to a variety of cultural establishments. Visit the Potawatomi Zoo and the Fischoff National Chamber Music Association for some entertainment around town.

Three credits to: BC for it’s proximity to Boston and terrific shopping options!

4. Ass-kicking Alumni

BC – Doug Flutie (NFL quarterback–remember Flutie Flakes?), Amy Poehler, John Kerry, Elisabeth Hasselbeck
Notre Dame – Joe Montana, Jerome Bettis (both football), Condoleeza Rice, Regis Philbin.

Three credits to: Notre Dame, for producing the cream of the crop in everything from sports to government to media.

5. Acceptance Rate Agony

BC – 26.2% for the class of 2012
Notre Dame – 26.7% for the class of 2012

Three credits to:  Almost too close to call, but BC by a nose!

And the diploma goes to: For only the second time in Rival Rundown history, it’s a tie! Just proves that there are never any winners in a Holy War! God is with (both of) you.

And if your name is Amy Poehler, I’ll even share dessert with you (and I don’t share dessert with anyone).

I’ve been crushing on Amy hardcore since her early days on SNL. Amy’s quick wit and perfect timing proved once and for all that women don’t have to be ugly or lesbians to be successful comedians, and I tuned in every Saturday night to get my weekly dose of Poehler. She made a name for herself almost immediately, and was probably the only cast member who could fill Tina Fey’s shoes…er…chair on Weekend Update.

But Amy Poehler isn’t just an improv genius; the woman can act and has found herself in some of the best comedies everrr. Remember her infamous role in Mean Girls? How could you not? What about Wet Hot American Summer? Or Deuce Bigalow?  Amy stole the show and put those movies on the top of my “Best Movies to Watch While Stoned” list.  Needless to say, I was ecstatic when I found out about her NBC show, Parks and Recreation. And she didn’t disappoint.

Part of me wants to hate Amy Poehler for stealing my Hollywood boyfriend, Will Arnett, but I can’t. In fact, if I was gonna lose my future hubbie to anyone, I’m glad it was someone as talented, beautiful and effing hilarious as her. I just hope that one day I can get in on that shiz. A threesome with Poehler and Arnett? Probably the only thing better than an Arrested Development marathon.

A while back, the editor of this very site put out a query: “Give me a Top 10 list of your favorite High School Movies.” I told her I wanted in – after all, who doesn’t love to indulge in a little HS drama? So I sat down and started listing. Only I discovered that including just 10 was more impossible than winning 8 medals in one Olympic games. And I am no Michael Phelps.

So, I listed 10. The first list of what would soon become many. After posting, many of you seemed quite angry with my decisions. Your comments were full of ALL CAPS and lots of exclamation points!!!! You were upset that I had left some classics off the list. Perhaps you didn’t notice the “Part 1″ in the title, or perhaps you just needed everyone to know of your love of The Breakfast Club.

Not that it mattered; I was clearly coming back for round 2. So here it is – another 10 gloriously angsty high school flicks. Get that Smart Pop ready, ladies; these high school dramas are gonna rock your lockers!

11. She’s the Man
In a take on Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night, Amanda Bynes is Viola Hastings. In the many twists and turns of the movie, she enters her twin brother’s private school, tries to make the soccer team to beat her school’s team and make her sexist ex cry, get rid of her brother’s obnoxious girlfriend, fall for her… er… her brother’s roommate, and much more. Whew! Amanda is such a power girl in this movie. It’s nothing like my high school experience (I never did the drag thing), but totally entertaining all the same.

12. 10 Things I Hate About You
Are you kidding? Seriously? This movie is on the top of every list. Another Shakespeare twist done right.
Kat rocks!! The tough, sensitive chick lands the hot, caring, bad boy; the college of her dreams; and the Fender Strat! I want to scream in pure bliss. You can laugh at me, but I know you’re squealing on the inside. 10 Things I Hate About You is just too good to be true. (See what I did there? Get it? No?)

13. Jawbreaker
High school, like life, is a hierarchy. Some are at the top of the list, some at the bottom of the barrel. So it makes sense that Fern Mayo wanted to be like Liz Purr. It’s completely tweaked that Liz’s BFFLs accidentally killed her, made her death look like a sick sexual perversion, and turned poor Fern Mayo into Vylette, the newest member of the clique. Be careful what you wish for.

14. The New Guy
Umm. Eliza Dushku’s wardrobe montage was kinda whack, but if I could snap my neck like Dizzy and make people scared I’d totes do it! It’s the ultimate makeover; why go from Geek to Chic, when you can go from Geek to The New Guy??

15. Say Anything…
Dear John Cusack,
I’m gonna keep on loving you, ’cause it’s the only thing I wanna do.
Love Always,
Donnette
Here’s the deal: when someone asks what’s the greatest thing you ever did for love what will you say? Lloyd Dobler can say anything (almost). The infamous boom box scene where Lloyd stands outside Diane Court’s window and plays In Your Eyes is a top rated classic, but who can forget the date where he’s shivering because he’s happy. And yes, Diane was so deeply touched by his vulnerability that she “spent the night with him” and told her dad about too. If you’ve forgotten, go watch this movie again! Now!

16. Can’t Hardly Wait
I’m LOLing just thinking about this! Typical-guy-misfit-is-enamored-with-teen-queen-and-waits-until-graduation-to-tell-her-after-her-jock-boyfriend-dumps-her-then-she-finds-herself-and-gets-letter-from-misfit-and-tries-to-find-him-but-he-finds-her-and-she-thinks-he’s-a-drunk-creep-and-people-get-abducted-by-aliens-and-Seth-Green-loses-virginity. Whew! Like I said typical. Ethan Embry paves the way for Seth Cohen, Rusty Cartwright, and Paulie Bleeker. Yum.

17. Strike! (Aka Strike! Aka The Hairy Bird)
On one hand, this movie has way too many names. On the other, it’s a Kirsten Dunst flick. Love her or hate her, the girl’s good. At an all-girl prep school in the early 1960s, the girls are flung to the trough of puberty. Ha. So here’s want goes down: Kirsten Dunst and her clique hold meetings and eat stolen ravioli, they have ISSUES: they discuss boys, school, family, the girls who hate them and all of their seemingly massive pubescent drama. I’m already reminiscing…

Anyway, the school decides to go co-ed and Verena (Dunst) became a one-girl revolution. The girls decide to play some games and do some damage when the boys come to visit. This involves bra-stuffing, drink spiking, sex having, cat fighting – your basic no-holds barred war. And don’t you think for a moment that it ends there. The best is yet to come.

18. Carrie
This movie is the reason why I was nice to everyone in high school. Seriously. Okay no not seriously, but it definitely made me fear anyone with that name. Regardless, it’s a fun one to watch (with people that, you know, like you).

19. The Breakfast Club
GREATEST MOVIE EVER!!! Great cast, great costumes, great plot, great, great, great! Since I have no words I’ll let Brian’s (Anthony Michael Hall) letter speak for me.

Dear Mr. Vernon: We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did was wrong, but we think you’re crazy to make us write an essay, telling you who we think we are. What do you care? You see us as you want to see us, in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. You see us as: a brain, an athlete, a basket case, princess, and a criminal. Correct? That’s the way we saw each other at 7 o’clock this morning. We were brainwashed.

I am forever devoted to The Brat Pack.

20. Mean Girls

In junior high and high school, I’m sure you’ve encountered these *insert derogatory word here*, but they’ve got nothing on Regina George. She’s sweet and sour, impeccably dressed, and knows how to rock the school. Until Lindsay Lohan comes along. Tina Fey totally hit the mark with this movie and it will forever be a classic. It’s just so…fetch!

GPS will kill you!

T.I. sentencing today.

Britney doesn’t know what day it is.

Do you want it or need it?

6 ways to cut out caffeine.

Are astringents good for your face?

Un-wire your life.

Woohoo! Another fabulous designer comes to Target!

Zac Efron. Nothing to say here. He’s just so pretty.

[This post is courtesy of our gal pal, Marie Claire.]

With Amy Poehler’s new sitcom, Parks and Recreation,MC premiering this month, and Tina Fey ruling Hollywood from atop a pile of Emmys, funny women are having a moment.  rounds up the pioneers, the visionaries, and the chemically imbalanced to talk about how we got here.

Can a pretty girl be funny?
MARGARET CHO (Lifetime’s upcoming Drop Dead Diva): I remember seeing beautiful girls do stand-up, and it was a disaster every time. Not only were people not gonna listen to you because you’re a woman, if you’re good-looking, people really don’t want to listen to you.

SUSIE ESSMAN (Curb Your Enthusiasm): I’ve had to give some young female comics advice about what they’re wearing. Like, you can’t wear something too provocative — it’s too confusing to the men in the audience. They don’t know if they wanna f**k you or laugh at you.

JOAN RIVERS (comedian): Phyllis Diller used to dress like a fool. Totie Fields was a big fat woman. In the beginning, women comedians were all grotesque in one way or another.

PHYLLIS DILLER (comedian): When I started, I had a broken nose, my teeth were crooked, and I was very skinny. And you know what? It all helped.

ESSMAN: I always wondered if Roseanne would have been accepted by the country, being as strong as she was, if she weren’t fat. Lucy was beautiful. But she played dumb, dumb, dumb.

SUZANNE SOMERS (Three’s Company): [When I was fired from Three’s Company], a producer said to the ABC people, “She’s a blonde. I trained her, I’ll train another one,” like I was some sort of seal … [But] a comedy is musical. It took me two years to understand the rhythm, the beat, the timing, but once I heard the music, oh, my God, I so got it.

Read the rest at Marie Claire.

So, in an attempt to avoid an ulcer or an unfortunate road rage incident, I vent to you, dear reader. Please feel free to join in and comment about anything–really, anything–that pissed. you. off. this week. Let it all hang out. I feel you.]

Landscapers: Ok guys, I understand that you’ve got a lot of ground to cover (no pun intended) and that requires you to start the day extra early to please all of your clients, one of whom happens to be the landlord of my apartment. I have no problem with you guys manicuring the lawn (because the thought of operating any type of lawnmower scares the living crap out of me–wierd childhood fear), but I do have trouble justifying the fact that you come at 7 am every. single. Monday. Coincidentally, 7 is four hours earlier than I ever plan on waking up on a Monday. I’m sure you can understand why it could be difficult to sleep through someone weedwhacking right under my window. On the bright side, you do wake me up early enough to possibly be a productive citizen, so I actually didn’t mind my chainsaw alarm last Monday when it got me to go to the library earlier–until I walked outside and got dirt in my eyes from the huge clouds you stirred up with the leafblowers. Will you never let me have my peace!?

Tricky Ass Midterm Questions: You know when you get the breakdown for an exam ahead of time and you see that there’s a 30 question True/ False section? You know how AWESOME that is? Ok, then you also know the confusion and frustration that come along with realizing how freaking tricky your professor is. Yes, you memorized specific dates, names and details, but when you memorized the Byzantine Empire’s obsession with the color purple and your teacher throws the word “puce” into her question, what the hell are you supposed to do?! All of a sudden you’re questioning the double meaning behind all of her questions. Then you panic and rush through the section carelessly T and F-ing your way to a C-… Why can’t we all just rely on multiple choice?

Perfect Beach Days When You’re Landlocked: So I know that complaining about sunshine and blue skies probably earns me a lot of enemies still shoveling snow after this week’s Nor’Easter, but let me just tell you that living in the Sunshine State is pointless if you’re hours from any kind of beach and locked in a library. Looking out the window and imagining the countdown to Spring Break is pure torture when the closest thing to the Sea is your Marine Bio exam. You keep trying to push through your midterm studying to inch closer to Margaritaville, but that feat is incredibly difficult when the entire climate is mocking you.

Dakota Fanning: I’ve always felt that the best way to sum up my feelings towards Dakota Fanning is through Amy Poehler’s SNL skit about her. She was pretty cute in Uptown Girls. She’s a talented kid, but that still doesn’t explain the weird vibe I get from her. Like she knows something I don’t. Like after completing a Scooby Doo sequel she’ll enroll in Yale and later become head of the C.I.A. Anyway, her portrayal of the little girl who was molested creeped the hell out of me, and her new role in that superhero movie was as annoying as her superior sounding tone. And Coraline? Awesome…but creepy. And now my good friend Perez has informed me that she’ll be expanding her realm of sketchiness with a role in the latest Twilight movie. She will be playing a vampire though, so I can’t decide if her creepiness may just be completely appropriate. Thoughts?

The US Airways flight was brought down by a bird?!

Fergie works it for MAC.

Barack Obama trading cards.

Top Shop is finally coming to the US!

Brad Pitt is just like me loves the pot.

There is a silver lining to the current economic situation.

It’s time to do some beauty detox.

What a cute little teddy….oh, wait. That’s Mini Me.

Amy Poehler’s got a new show! Woopy!

Cheap (and cute) ways to organize that jewelry.

And I’m not alone. Unlike men who get weird just brushing against another dude, we ladies are able to admire and look at (and even makeout with) other girls without a problem. We can talk about another girl’s great boobs, or how hot she looks in a dress without thinking twice. Lots of girls have girl crushes, so this week I asked the CollegeCandy writers which lady could get them to switch teams.

And I gotta say – we have really good taste.

Erica – Kent State: Helena Bonham Carter, but only as her character Marla Singer from Fight Club. Yum.

Elisabeth – UA Huntsville: Eliza Dushku. She rocked on Tru Calling.

S.E. – Fordham: Megan Fox. ‘Nuff said.

Lauren – University of Michigan: Amy Poehler. I have a thing for funny girls. And maybe I could use her to get to Will Arnett?

Sarah – East Carolina University: Milla Jovovich. She kicks ass and looks fantastic doing it.

Sarabeth – University of Texas: Kat Von D. She’s beautiful and a B.A.M.F.

Kathryn S.: Emily De Ravine from Lost – she’s hot, and maybe I could entice her into having a three-way with Josh Holloway or Naveen Andrews. Bonus!

Sara C – Fordham: Heidi Klum! She’s a bombshell, and when we’re done doing the deed she can help me construct a better wardrobe. What’s not to love?

Leah – Ryerson University: Jessica Alba.

Carly – Grinnell: I think I probably have to go with Keira Knightley.

Noa – CU Boulder: Elisha Cuthbert. She’s just hot.

Devon – UCLA: Megan Fox.

Madison – Puget Sound: I think my person would have to be Adriana Lima. Who can resist a Victoria’s Secret model?!

Liza – Grove City College: Hands down, Rhianna. No question!

Mandy – Hofstra: I’d definitely switch teams for my girl crush, Kim Kardashian. I don’t know what it is about her, but the girl’s hot!

Kelly – UMass: Angelina. No questions.

So, who’s yours?

The Pregnant Man – Thomas Beattie became the sensation of the world in April when he appeared on Oprah to defend his choice to have a child as a transgendered man. Sticking up for your beliefs? Awesome, and definitely commendable. Eventually turning into a fame slut and marketing out your second pregnancy? Not cool. Now pregnant with his second child, Beattie has already cemented a book deal on his experience and been interviewed a second time as a ‘Barbara Walters Exclusive.’ One child is a miracle. A second one immediately afterwards is a marketing scheme.

Batsh** Insane Celebrities Across The Media - Britney, Lindsey, and others: we’re talking to you. 2008 was the year of the mental millionaire, with the world playing a captive audience to the tragic, bizarre, and sometimes just eerie behavior of celebrities. We watched Britney Spears struggle to put her life back together after divorce, Lindsey Lohan battling various addictions, and Scarlett Johansson crossing the borderline into stalker-ish about Barack Obama. Here’s the real scoop: an estimated 57.7 million adults are suffering from a diagnosable mental illness in the United States alone. What makes these celebrities any different from these people who are suffering in private besides their income and the paparazzi that shadow them? Watching people suffer is definitely a trend that shouldn’t cross over into ’09.

“Reality” Dating Shows - Now that Flavor Flav has finally hung up his clock and gone off the air, there are about thirty shows taking his place, and they’re spreading like cockroaches. Tila Tequila, the ‘Ikki Twins,’ and others are taking over Vh1 and MTV mercilessly, swamping our televisions with drunken fights (actually funny to watch), and pointless drama. Who makes their boyfriends/girlfriends eat nasty pig parts and do bizarre things in the name of love? These loveless actors do. Some dating shows range from the creepy (Date My Mom) to the outright postmortem (The Bachelor), but either way, they all need to go.

Political Ignorance/Apathy – In the year of the historical election, political action was awesome and political apathy was absolutely the anti-cool. The worst of the worse were the nonpartisans who were both apathetic and uneducated about the election. Their “why should I bother to vote” statements were both inhibiting to the democratic tradition and simply irritating. Guaranteed to piss off people who were voting, the ‘Not Voting’ demographic drew on fallacies and the platforms that they didn’t really understand to prove why they weren’t going to vote. The election was basically a two horse race, but there were still other entries available as an alternate, so not voting at all was just not cool.

Guys in Girl Jeans – It’s creepy. It’s weird. It’s a guy shopping in the same section as you in PacSun. As you put down the pair of sunglasses you were looking at and openly stare, you realize he’s not just shopping for a shirt to give to his girlfriend. He’s holding three pairs of jeans in his hand, and there’s no girlfriend in sight. As you watch, he takes the jeans and starts walking to the dressing rooms. You are not witnessing a confused shopper. You’re witnessing the Girl Jean Phenomenon, a plague of 2008 pop culture, and a trend that needs to die on December 31st. Guys wearing our jeans is not cool or edgy. It’s just lame and, now, overplayed.

Saturday Night Live – Is it still going? It’s been in the process of becoming painfully unfunny in the years since Will Ferrell left, and now with the exit of Amy Poehler, we just need to euthanize it. A classic sketch show that began in 1975 with genuinely funny people, SNL has run over six hundred episodes of pure comedic bliss continuously for thirty-three years. As with all great series, though, the time has come to put SNL out of its misery before it becomes the kind of joke it used to make.

Churning Out Tween Pop Stars By The Dozen – If child enslavement was defined as being manufactured on a kids’ show and being shoved on the masses, Disney and Nickelodeon would be doing massive amounts of time in jail. The list of sugary sweet music artists includes, but definitely is not limited to The Jonas Brothers, Hannah Montana, Demi What’s-Her-Name, That Miranda Kid, and a host of others, few if any of whom have actual talent. But you wouldn’t know, because should you approach any method of media that is playing a song by them, you’ll be deafened instantly and hopelessly by the cacophony of shrieking that erupts. The Original Disney Channel Star, Hilary Duff, unfortunately started it all when she split from Disney in 2004 to pursue a solo career (which caused a big fuss, if I remember right). She was an original, at least for the Disney Channel. These cookie cutter kids? About as generic as it gets.

Agree or disagree? Think something else should have made the list? Voice your opinions below, and tell us what you think about the worst pop culture in 2008!