So today’s World Peace Day and while I should be out shaking hands with a Native American or throwing eggs at those airport body scanners, political statements aren’t really my specialty. But wanna know what is? Petty Hollywood feuds and inane celebrity gossip.

That’s right. In honor of this most peaceful of days, there are a few famous foes that I feel need to bury the hatchet. Read More »

We had many, many thoughts going into this episode. Many questions about how the Snooki/Angelina throwdown would go down. Questions on if Tee-Shirt time would make another appearance (it did). Questions if Pauly would, yet again, be a human alarm clock with a crazy Kool-Aid man “OH YEAHHHH!” voice (he was). As the episode started up, we only had one burning question in mind, 25 minutes in:

WHERE IS SNOOKI?

MTV, you threw a lot at us this episode. A lot. So much that I was actually compelled to watch the After Show, wondering how to steal the host’s job. Let’s break this episode down by the major events.

PART I: The Situation Gets Punched by a Girl (again) and Bangs a Canadian, eh?
Angelina socks The Situation in the face and JWoww has a heart-to-heart with her since they can now bond over the common ground about punching Sitch in the face. WTF, Jenni? We miss your ‘roid rage. Situation reiterates that he’s the glue/leader of the shore crew and reminds us all that Angelina sucks. He moves his frustration to the club Karma/Kantra/Krib or whatever it was, and brings along some Canadian girl who’s a real handful in the sack and on the dance floor, fighting women off her man’s abs. Vinny makes some Canadian joke aboot the girl and Nutella and the crew all listens to them scream and moan in the smush room. (Seriously, that ish was loud.) Read More »

"To family....and marinara from the jar!"

Who can’t help but love the dysfunction of the Jersey Shore? This week, the gang (I feel like we’re opening a summary of Scooby Doo. Come on – Snookie, Scooby… same thing?) deals with some hard-hitting moral dilemmas. Angelina, JWoww and Snookers are all plagued by the memories of Ron getting wild at the club and their desire to inform dear Sammi Sweetheart of her “bf’s” wrongdoings. The boys deal with weeding through grenades and landmines at the gelato shop.

Come on, ladies. You and Ronnie are ON CAMERA. Did we forget this blindingly obvious fact? Eventually Miss Sammi is going to see her precious Ron-Ron hooking up with Miami scram and she will also see you trying to cover up the fact that you know anything. Putting the fact that MTV has cameras in everyone’s faces on the backburner, let’s run down the I.F.F. (I’m F*cked Foundation) governmental structure.

I.F.F. – “I’m F*cked Foundation” Hierarchy Read More »

After discovering that Justin Timberlake’s restaurant, Southern Hospitality in NYC serves fried pickles, I obviously dragged my roommate, whom I lovingly refer to as JWowww, before last night’s new episode of Jersey Shore. Snooki was right: they totally take pickles to the next level.

And leave me completely nauseous and unable to fistpump for the rest of the night.

Despite the terrible, horrible, pregnant-with-fried-food feeling we had after dinner, we managed to drag ourselves back to the apartment to relish in a brand spanking new episode of Jersey Shore. However, this episode just wasn’t all GTL and beating the beat. This was the “hangover” episode of the premiere, and let me tell you, it was no prettier than puking up jager. The cast tackled some real issues (it was borderline an after-school special) and taught me a lot of important lessons: Read More »

First and foremost, this has been the most anticipated show of the year for me. Needless to say, episode one of the Jersey Shore did not disappoint. From the first ten minutes (which we already saw) to the last, it was chock-full of immobile hair, grainy over-contrasted filter shots, super fruity blended drinks and fist pumps galore. What a delight to see all our friends from Season 1 of the Jersey Shore, clearly more grown up and matured from their long summer vacation.

We open on Long Island (Or was it Staten Island? Or maybe upstate? It’s all the same thing, right?), because god forbid anyone from the show “Jersey Shore” is actually from New Jersey, suffering in the Snowpocalypse, unable to creep or beat the beat. Luckily, MTV’s Escalade service provided the cast (at least the 4 more popular members…) with cars to road trip down to sunny South Beach to escape the chilly Seaside Heights. JWowww and Snooki have a fabulous time, ripping on the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island’s pancake ass, eating fried pickles and forcing poor innocent “sister f*cking” southerners to epileptically fist pump. This part of the show was when I began referring to myself as Snooki and my roommate as JWowww, since we have an inseparable friendship like those two …and I wouldn’t put it past my roommate to fistpump some Angelina-esque girls in the face when we go out. Read More »

As your official Jersey Shore recapper for the summer, I wanted to bring you a taste of what’s to come. What those Top Chef people call an amuse-bouche, if you will, outlining the pros and cons of the encroaching season of the Jersey Shore. (ONLY ONE WEEK TO GO!)

Now, before you muss up your poof in sheer excitement and spill your Heineken all over your Ed Hardy shirt, let’s think about the pros and cons of this season. Will Season 2 even come close to living up to the shenanigans of Season 1?

Angelina
Pros: More poof-pulling, studded-shirt-tearing girl fights! Bring it on Kim Kardashian of Staten Island! We’re so ready to see J.Woww lay the smack down on her with Snooki cheering her on from the sidelines.

Cons: Why did they bring this crazyface back? Seriously? In my book, if you pack up your ish in a garbage bag and go back to your married boyfriend, you’re out. Did the producers at MTV hit their heads on the bar after too many shots and suffer amnesia and forgot all the buzz killing that Angelina brought to the house within a mere two episodes? Leave this girl where she belongs: off the shore and back in Staten Island getting her hoo-ha waxed. Like anyone wants to see that anyway.

Miami
Pros: Just Google the lyrics to Will Smith’s Miami. It really doesn’t need any more explanation. Miami rules.

Cons: Wait, really? Miami? I thought the show was called the Jersey Shore? If I wanted to watch a show about South Beach, MTV could’ve brought back that atrocious 8th and Ocean. Or I could just watch Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami. Or I could just turn on ESPN, since they won’t shut up about the Miami Heat. Still bitter, Lebron. Still bitter.

The Fame
Pros: So now the JS kiddies are full fledged celebs- strutting their stuff on the red carpet and striking poses in Harper’s Bazaar. I’m hard pressed to think of anyone who doesn’t know what the Jersey Shore is. Could their celebrity status get them into better bars? Better clothes? Less oompa-loompa looking tans? So excited to see how hard Hollywood’s hit them!

Cons: Ugh, really? The whole reason we love the Jersey Shore is the raw, real side of it. Overscripted “reality shows” are so done (I’m looking at you, “The Hills” and “The City”) and it was refreshing to have a bunch of wild and crazy unknowns partying unpretentiously in Seaside. Now the JS gang has their egos inflated even bigger than they already were, partying like rock stars. That’s so not what I tuned in for last season. Just when I thought Sammi Sweetheart couldn’t be more of a b*tch…

The Prediction?: I foresee one more crazyface season of Jersey Shore this summer. Despite the crew’s newfound fame and return of the pointless “Princess of Staten Island” (Angelina), the previews have made me jump up and down with excitement. We’ll see what happens, and I’ll be here all summer to cover Jersey Shore’s every fist pump, hair pull and hook up.

Love it, hate it or live it, there’s no denying that Jersey Shore fever has swept the nation. You better believe I almost went into full-on, panic attack, shortness of breath and reaching to call 911 on my duck phone for assistance when I saw the 10 minute preview of Jersey Shore 2. Point blank: It looks friggin’ amazing.

Okay, admittedly, I may have a slight infatuation (obsession?) with this show to the point of concern. Let’s just say, I filled out an application in my boyfriend’s name and submitted his photos to the casting company for Jersey Shore. They haven’t stopped calling him since that day. That day was in January. Regardless, I love this show. I think it eliminates all the phony and glossed over drama we see on the Hills, Gossip Girl and every other show geared toward 15-25 year old females. It’s raw, it’s raunchy, it’s the show you love to hate but can’t help but DVR every week.

Let’s count down the reasons I’m counting down to the premiere on July 29th: Read More »

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