Wowza, we thought last week was bad! This week just womped it! There have been all kinds of crazy flying around this week, and it’s only getting worse. At the rate we’re going, nervous for what’s to come next week. Cheating, drugs, trashing hotel rooms, you know, just another typical week in Hollywood.

Super 2-Hour TV Special

1. Charlie Sheen has lost it. Earlier this week, Charlie was hospitalized after being found in a trashed hotel room at the Plaza Hotel in Manhattan. Reports suggest that it was a drug and alcohol related incident, but his reps maintain that he had an allergic reaction to a medication. And then there was the girl (prostitute? porn star?) hiding in the bathroom. She’s pressing charges against Charlie because he was acting like a looney-bird. Oh and did we mention that Denise and his kids were across the hall? Classy, Charlie.

2. Howard K. Stern, or Anna Nicole Smith’s boyfriend, was found guilty of conspiracy. Psychiatrist Khristine Eroshevich and Howard K. Stern were both found guilty of conspiring to provide drugs to the former star before her death in 2007. Although Stern made a statement saying he was acquitted on several counts relating “to the appropriateness of the medication,” he was still found guilty on account that he obtained drugs for her under false names. No one’s sure if either of them will end up in jail or not, but their sentencing hearing will be on January 6th.

3. Miley’s parents are getting divorced. And he wants joint custody. They are splitting because of “irreconcilable differences” which usually means we won’t find out anything. The couple has been married for seventeen years, or as long as Miley’s been alive. Sad news for Miley…but I bet there are some new angsty songs brewing in that head of hers.

4. Mariah Carey is preggers! Don’t act surprised, I know you already knew that. But still, we’ve been waiting for the official announcement for some time now. They confirmed on The Today Show and said they wanted to keep their privacy, but Thandie Newton accidentally blabbed it on The View earlier this week! Oopsies. Anyway, congrats to Nick and Mariah, we wish you the best of luck!

5. Celine Dion had her twins! Yay! They were born on Saturday October 23, 2010 but they’ve gone all week without names. They finally named the boys Nelson and Eddy after Nelson Mandela and Eddy Marnay. Can’t wait to watch these little guys grow up!

Mini-Series Webisode

1. Scarlett Johansson and Anne Hathaway will be hosting SNL episodes next month! Both have hosted before, but this season of SNL has been pretty funny so the expectations are high. Exciting!

2. In case you didn’t get enough of Avatar in the first movie, don’t worry! James Cameron has confirmed he’s making Avatar 2 and Avatar 3! So that blue catsuit you bought for Halloween will be good for the next few years.

3. I know you were really concerned, but for the record: Kat Von D and Jesse James never broke up and they’re still together. Awesome.

4. Step Up 4 is coming! Well actually, Step Up 4ever. Eek! Maybe by 2012 they’ll have something cooler than 3D to release it in! Like, “reach out and touch his abs” vision.

5. Captain America, you can save me any day. Cue damsel in distress mode.

This past weekend at a celebrity memorabilia auction in Las Vegas, Larry Birkhead, opportunistic baby daddy extraordinaire, purchased some drawers once worn by the late hot mess Anna Nicole Smith in a Playboy spread.

Birkhead spent a reported $2800 on a pink bustier and white negligee with the intention of someday giving the items to he and Smith’s year-old daughter, Dannielynn. According to one report, Birkhead said he bought the items in the hope that they will someday help Dannielynn understand her mother’s life and that this was definitely NOT a stunt to ensure his F-List ass stays in the papers. For realzies, guys. Make sure you get my good side.

That poor, poor, poor, poor kid. First her mother and brother die, then she’s in the middle of the most sleazeball custody battle of the 21st century, now she’s gifted a piece of her mom’s history as a trashy soft-core porn star? If Dannielynn makes it to the age of fourteen without getting knocked up or becoming a crackhead, she deserves a Nobel Prize.

[Photo courtesy of OK! Magazine]

No, this is not the title of an upcoming episode of the Maury Show. This is the real-life result of the highly anticipated DNA test that was handed down today in a Bahamanian court. It is official, Larry Birkhead is the biological father of Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern.

Whew… It’s over. It is finally over. I thought most certainly we would invade Iran before the results of this ever-so-important paternity test were revealed. Now we can all return to our regular lives and sleeping patterns knowing that Anna Nicole’s little Dannielynn is safe in baby daddy Birkhead’s arms.

Or can we? It is very unlikely the battle for custody will end here.

TMZ.com reports that Virgie Arthur will continue her fight for custody of the would-be million dollar baby regardless of the outcome of today’s hearing. And although Stern has previously stated that he has no intentions of pursuing custody if Birkhead is named the father, what are the odds that he will just move quitely along?

So to recap for all of you keeping score at home, Larry Birkhead wins round one. But in the end, when the final score is tallied, everyone involved will still remain just a bunch of LOSERS.

Who would make a better baby daddy?

“Tiger said there was no evidence of foul play and the overdose was accidental.

The medical examiner’s office had said on March 7 that the cause of Smith’s death had been determined, but it would not be announced for one to two weeks to give police time to finish the investigation.

Broward County Medical Examiner Joshua Perper wanted to make sure none of the investigators’ findings change any of his own findings, his office said then.”

Oh well, So much for foul play. Everybody loves a good conspiracy theory- I am sure there will be many.

Do you think Anna Nicole was murdered?

“Anna Nicole Smith died with a toxic level of the sleeping medication chloral hydrate in her system,” so says FabackAndCollards.com. The blog sites a joint effort between the National Enquirer and Star Magazine as the source.

Does the story hold any weight? I guess we will find out Monday when the Broward County, Fla., Chief Medical Examiner reveals his findings at the heavily anticipated press conference. Stay tuned for more as this story develops.