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[We're all about celebrating a positive body image here at CollegeCandy and many of our readers claim the same thing. However we've noticed that while many commentors are quick to jump to the defense of curvy women, they're even quicker to accuse skinny women of having an eating disorder. This is one (skinny) CollegeCandy writer's reaction.]

I always hated the day when we would watch movies involving a girl with an eating disorder in middle school and high school. Suddenly people would be leaning back in their chairs and furrowing their brows at me. I could never escape their concerned glances, the way they watched me eat my salad I had packed that day. Sometimes I’d even hear them whisper to each other about how I was unhealthy. Usually I would react by rolling my eyes and getting the greasiest pizza slice the cafeteria had to offer. This wouldn’t stop them from shaking their heads when I headed to the bathroom after lunch.

In middle school I weighed around seventy pounds so people assumed I had an eating disorder. They didn’t realize I was a year younger than most kids in my grade (I’m a September baby) and hadn’t developed as much as the other girls. They also didn’t consider the fact that I had been doing ballet since I was around four years old every day after school. I didn’t have an eating disorder, I just wasn’t growing yet.

As a freshman in high school, I was a size zero and weighed around ninety eight pounds. I had no hips and no boobs to speak of, so I thought I looked normal. Apparently that still wasn’t enough for people. My classmates didn’t understand that I was suffering from low self-esteem, but not enough to make me starve myself or throw up after eating.

To say I have never had low self-esteem would be a lie; I did struggle with my body. When I finally grew from a size zero to a size five in two years because my body finally developed was hard on me. I was only (and still am) one hundred and fifteen pounds, but that was a difficult adjustment for me. No, I was no longer the small girl, and many girls are smaller than me. So for a few years in high school I no longer had people monitoring my every move in the school cafeteria after videos shown in P.E.

Then I got to college, and when I began to work out both in between classes and at night some of my friends became concerned. They watched me eating smaller meals and there came that look again. I wasn’t starving myself; I was just trying to live a healthier lifestyle. Yes, I admittedly went through a period my senior year in high school where I would skip some meals because I felt fat, but my mother quickly noticed and got me back on the right track. It never developed into an eating disorder, and when I told my friends not to worry – that it was a short-lived (as in two weeks) phase – they just wouldn’t let it go. Finally, after my friends in college spent more and more time around me, they began to realize that I didn’t have an eating disorder just because I’m thin.

A thin woman can be just as healthy as a woman with a little meat on her bones, and just because I’m skinny doesn’t mean I have an eating disorder. I am five foot four. I weigh one hundred and fifteen pounds. I eat more than three times a day and I wear extra small tops. I am very confident with my body image. I never count calories, I eat meat, and I will take a bucket of fried chicken and a large sweet tea over salad and water any day. It would be a lie to say I have never had a problem with my body image – what woman doesn’t? – but I’ve never been anorexic or bulimic.

Just as some women naturally have curves, some are just born thin. Both ends of the spectrum are judged constantly. You are either too skinny or too fat, and in both cases everyone watches you while you eat.  So my question is: what makes a woman “healthy”? What is it going to take for people to stop worrying about you just because of your weight? Without knowing my lifestyle, it isn’t really fair to make an assumption about my health. Just because I’m thin doesn’t mean I’m not healthy, either, because I do eat healthy for the most part, and I work out every week. This is just who I am and I’m sick of being the subject of whispers between girls.

You may not realize it, but sometimes the “skinny” girls feel just as uncomfortable as those women shunned for their curves. Let’s do everyone a favor and stop focusing so much on weight and let everyone, regardless of their size,  just be.

We’ve spent the last week discussing eating disorders, what triggers them and how they can negatively affect your life.  But we don’t want anyone to think that all weight loss attempts result in disordered eating or full-blow eating disorders.

If you want to lose a few pounds (or a lot of pounds) there are very healthy ways of doing so. Ways that don’t require you to binge on exercising or skip meals. We asked our friend Erin, a health and diet connoisseur for the college female at Student Body, for her advice on dieting the healthy way.

Her advice is below:

If you want to lose weight, there are questions you should ask yourself before devising a plan.

1. Do you think you’ll be happier once you lose ten pounds? All other aspects of your life will be the same; if you think things will be different when the weight is gone, you’re allowing your happiness to be dependent on your weight and shape. Ask yourself what will really change.

2. Do you really need to lose weight? Contrary to what the trainers in the gym tell you, whether or not you need to lose weight can’t be determined by calculating your BMI or consulting a height-weight chart. It’s unlikely that you’ll ever be at a weight that you haven’t been since middle school. Your ideal weight is nothing more than the weight your body naturally goes to when you feed it well, exercise regularly and feel your best. That is different for every single person.

If your happiness is dependent on your weight and shape, and you’re never satisfied with your physical appearance, these are unhealthy attitudes and may signal  disordered eating.

“Disordered eating is when a person’s attitudes about food, weight, and body size lead to very rigid eating and exercise habits that jeopardize one`s health, happiness, and safety,” according to the National Eating Disorders Association. These feelings and behaviors can lead to eating disorders, so it’s best to recognize them and contact a health professional now before things get worse.

If you don’t feel that your happiness depends on your weight, and genuinely want to lose weight, it will require a plan that takes into consideration the unique situation of the college student. It’s not realistic to think that we’re going to be able to prepare three nutritious meals a day while in school. Convenience, time and socializing are all issues that prevent us from always eating healthfully.

I address the challenges of maintaining your weight while in college on my blog, Student Body and have many tips, ideas and advice to do so. Some of them are:

• First, assess why past diets have failed. “Yo-yo dieting” can have long-lasting, negative effects on your metabolism. If you drastically reduce calories, you’re also likely to deprive yourself of essential nutrients. Nutritionists recommend that sedentary women usually need at least 1200-1300 calories a day, but that’s if you’re carefully monitoring nutrient intake.

•Lose it slowly. Instead of a crash diet, reduce your intake by 100-200 calories and eat more filling, high-fiber foods to combat hunger.

•Small changes are most likely to be long-lasting. Trading mayo for mustard, or a side of fries for a side of veggies makes a big difference in the long run.

•Don’t try to make unrealistic, drastic changes. If you absolutely love a certain food, swearing to never eat it again may lead to craving and binges.

•Brush off mistakes. They are unavoidable. Demanding perfection is setting yourself up to fall short.

•Target mindless eating. Are there any high-calorie foods that you consume that you wouldn’t miss? Food shopping once a week and planning your meals out can be a good way to avoid this.  Now its easier than ever with online grocery services that deliver to your doorstep.

•Treat your body well by appreciating the taste and texture of food and the way your body feels after exercise.

•Finally, don’t let yourself miss out on the important things by spending all your time thinking about your weight. Your diet should be one aspect of your life, and it should never require you to turn down a social opportunity, distract you from school or diminish your self-esteem. If it does, those body image issues need to be dealt with before going on any type of diet.

In the U.S. one or two out of every 100 students will have an eating disorder. The most common of these are anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa. Sadly, we usually aren’t aware that someone we know has one until it is too late. My friend Tina (not her real name, obviously) suffered alternatively from anorexia and bulimia for years and she agreed to share her story.

Her anorexia began when she was around eleven years old, and continued on and off. When she began to suffer from bulimia, she was fifteen. She used to throw up after every meal, no matter how small it was. On average, that was about three to five times a day. All of this was so that she would reach her ideal weight of eighty to eighty-five pounds, which is the weight she was in 7^th and 8^th grade.

Tina said that before eating a meal, regardless of how hungry she was, she would feel guilty for eating. She would tell herself to go ahead and consume the food, as long as she threw it up afterward. While eating she would feel “disgusted and bloated,” and regret eating at all as soon as she finished. Because of this Tina says, “sometimes I had to force myself to eat.”

“It drove me crazy because I didn’t want to, but I had to or I knew I would go to the hospital. Or if my family was making me, to please them.”

While eating out, so as not to feel as guilty about eating, she would usually order an appetizer or a salad.

“I was always thinking about how fat, stupid, or worthless I was. How imperfect I was. I would look at girls smaller than me and think of ways to get like them. It was a huge mind game for control. I wanted control of my body and how I looked. I hated it but I loved it all the same.”

When asked if she could do things normally, such as play sports and be active with her eating disorder, she admitted that she could, but not for extended periods of time. “I was extremely weak, and often too fatigued to do much of anything.”

Because of constant mood swings and the amount of weight she was losing, people began to take notice of her eating disorder. Still, their reactions were surprising.

“Some people pitied me, and others told me to grow up. Only a handful of people have actually tried to be there for me.”

Eventually, Tina was hospitalized and was given medicine to help her reach a healthy weight. She reached 112 pounds and was released. For all intents and purposes, Tina is better, but it’s a never-ending cycle. “I’m honestly unaware of what I’m doing if I revert back to old habits, which keeps me from seeking the help I need until I’m already considered anorexic or bulimic again.”

But she is on the road to recovery. Tina consciously reminds herself daily of the damage she is doing to her body (her hair would come out in handfuls and her skin was white and pasty), and is attending counseling sessions.

Tina believes that her biggest challenge she faces now would be overcoming her eating disorders completely.

“It is hard to really get past it and stay past it. I slip up quite a bit. Currently, I weigh 98 pounds. Being just 17 and 5 feet 4 inches, I know that is not a healthy weight.”

Tina offers this advice for girls struggling with eating issues:

“My advice would be to get help. No matter how much you don’t want to or how much control you think you have over it, you don’t. I thought I could control it, but I couldn’t. I ended up with hypoglycemia because of it. So please, if you have an eating disorder, don’t be stubborn, get help. To the girls with friends who are struggling, be there for them. Offer to help or be there when they ask for help from their parents, guidance counselors or whoever they feel comfortable asking. Be careful to be gentle with them though and not get frustrated because they don’t listen right away or seem reluctant. Remember, when you have an eating disorder, your mind becomes fragile and you end up hurting everyone around you just as much as you are hurting your own body. There is no such thing as perfection. It is a figment of our imagination. Something far too complex for anyone to be, therefore, unreal.”

Ladies, in honor of National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, it’s time to ask ourselves, “Do I?” and “Am I?” It’s about looking at our own lives, and figuring out what’s healthy and what’s not.

So, ask yourselves “Do I…”

“Weigh myself every day?”

You are not a number! Letting numbers on a scale determine how you feel about yourself is dumb, but also lets your weight control you. The scale doesn’t know you. It doesn’t see what an amazing athlete you are, what great hair you have, how cute your butt looks in booty shorts, or how much your boyfriend drools over your smile (and boobs). The scale is a number. Which means it’s akin to math and science (EWWW). The scale doesn’t say anything about who you are on the inside. They weigh you when you’re at the doctor’s office anyway, so let your doctor tell you if you’re at a healthy weight or not.

“Skip meals?

Soooo many things wrong with this one! For one thing, skipping meals SLOWS down your metabolism. It will also just make you more hungry later! Your BRAIN needs fuel every 2 to 4 hours throughout the day to stay alive! (at night your body takes care of this, so that you can sleep). Skipping meals also makes you fatigued, and makes paying attention in lecture even harder than normal. Oh and here’s a fun fact: 95% of dieters regain their lost weight in one to five years! Eating when you are hungry, choosing nutritious and balanced options, having your favorite treats sometimes, and exercising because it feels good and is good for you, are the ONLY ways to stay at a healthy weight for your body, naturally.

“Count calories or fat grams every day?”

There was a time in my life when I was counting calories. Do you know how hard it is to figure out how many calories are in 4 red cups of beer, 2 jungle juices and 3 half shots? PLUS chaser? Yeah, waste of time AND energy AND an unhealthy state of mind to be in (the calorie counting, and the hangover). Yes, it is wise to check the nutrition labels on what food you’re eating when possible. Serving size is super important to be aware of, as is the amount of fat, sugar, and vitamins that you’re getting from your food choices. But when this become a problem is when you feel nervous or anxious about eating something until you know exactly how many calories or fat grams it contains. It’s feeling antsy until you can count how many calories you had that day. These habits may be moving you closer to a destructive and dangerous eating disorder!

Our bodies need ENERGY to function! Oh and fat? Fat isn’t bad! Our bodies need approximately 20-30% of your calories from fat every day! When possible, try to make your fats healthy fats, like monounsaturated fats found in olive oil and almonds.

“Exercise because I feel like I have to?”

There’s a difference between dragging yourself to the gym because you know it’s good for your body, and dragging yourself to the gym because you feel a nervous compulsion to work out. Working out is great for your body and mind!! In the immortal words of Elle Woods, “Exercise releases endorphins, endorphins make you happy, happy people don’t kill their husbands. They just don’t.” But when your reason for exercising crosses over from knowing that its good for you to feeling like the world will end if you don’t, then we have a problem. When you start skipping spending time with friends, or are always on your way to or from the gym, or feel like your compulsion to exercise is taking over your life, there may be a problem.

“Am I on my way to an eating disorder?”

If any of these above statements sounded like you, please seek help! Eating disorders are SERIOUS mental disorders that can take over your life and health. Think of all the extra time you’d have, and how much happier you’d be, if you weren’t constantly obsessing over every morsel of food that you put in your mouth, or when your next workout is going to be, or how many calories you burned on the elliptical. College can be one of the most fun and enlightening times in our lives – don’t ruin it by isolating yourself with your unhealthy habits. Have fun, be healthy, live life!

Even if none of the above statements apply to you, think about what you can do each day to improve your own, and your friends’, body images. Challenge the diet industry and media. Say no to discussions about weight, shape, or diets!

And remember, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

When you are out with friends, are you comparing what everyone else is eating to what you are eating, figuring out the calories instead of enjoying their company? Have you ever doubled your workouts to compensate for splurging on a slice of pizza? Can you barely even remember a time when you weren’t trying out the latest diet?

You don’t have to have an eating disorder to have an unhealthy relationship with food. It’s called Disordered Eating and it can be emotionally draining, physically exhausting or even lead to a full blown Eating Disorder.

Disordered Eating starts with a mentality rather than a behavior. If you are lucky to eat one real meal a day during finals week because you are so crazed trying to cram everything in, it’s not good for you, but it’s not a symptom of Disordered Eating. If you only eat one meal a day during finals week so you can at least be in control of your diet since everything else is so hectic, that’s Disordered Eating. It can present itself in many ways, but here are a few of the most common.

Diet Hopping: If you went from Slimfast to Atkins to South Beach to Master Cleanse, this can be a problem. If you don’t even know what to eat unless you are following some set out regimented diet plan, and are constantly changing to find better results, you might want to evaluate your motivations.

Exercise Binging: Do you count calories as they go in AND as they go out? Those very clever machines at the gym that tell you how many calories you are burning are useful, but if you obsessively exercise to burn off all the calories you consumed that day, that’s dangerous. It can ultimately lead to Exercise Bulimia which involves using intense workouts to purge instead of vomiting or laxatives.

Hidden Eating: Do you order a salad with your friends, but grab the bag of Oreos once you are back to your room? Have you ever lied to someone about what you ate that day? If you feel ashamed of eating in front of people there’s definitely something wrong with the way you see food.

Eating should be a natural part of your life. Food should not feel like your enemy and should not be constantly on your mind.

If you have exhibited these behaviors you are not alone. Not too long ago, SELF Magazine conducted a survey that found 65% of those polled displayed some type of Disordered Eating. The most important thing to remember is that to truly be in control of your eating habits, you can’t let them control YOU. Being aware of the problem is the first step to freeing yourself from being constantly consumed with thoughts of food.

Don’t be afraid to get help; being open about it is the best way to make sure it doesn’t get worse. Talk to friends, or find a support group. START a support group if you can’t find one. Chances are a lot of your friends are in the same situation.

Stop the problem before it gets worse. This really can develop into a life or death situation.

While we all might not see eye-to-eye in the quest to define the un-definable “perfect body,” we can all agree that college women have some very strong opinions on the subject. Girls our age are the most affected, and most targeted, by a society that thinks Jessica Simpson is fat, so it’s not surprising that the number of girls with eating disorders has been on the rise. New studies have shown that up to 19% of female college students are bulimic and up to 15% of those without eating disorders display patterns of disordered eating.

I’ve had my own battles with anorexia for four years, and have confronted a few friends with their own eating habits (or lack thereof). I’ve been on both sides of the situation and can tell you than it’s not easy confronting a friend from either point of view. So here are a few do’s and don’ts that will help you when you suspect a friend might be in need.

DO: Educate yourself as much as possible beforehand. Talk to a professional, someone at student health services at your university, or a doctor. There are hundreds of helpful resources on the Internet, as well. Just make sure you know what you’re confronting and you’ll be much more comfortable when it comes time to talk.

DON’T: Make accusations. She’ll feel personally attacked and won’t want to listen to what you have to say. Instead of saying things like, “You never eat!”, focus more on how her behavior is affecting your relationship: “You never go out with us anymore, we miss you.” When my friend first tried to talk to me about it, she simply said “Why won’t you eat? You’re being stupid.” It was not pretty after that.

DO: Prepare to be rejected. Girls with eating disorders will not acknowledge that they have one or admit to anyone else that they do. I denied it for two years, and it was only until I passed out at work while ringing up customers that I realized something was wrong. It’s totally normal for her to be very private and guarded about her habits, so try not to pry. If she rejects your help at first…

DON’T: Give up on her. Patience is number one in this situation. Let her know that you genuinely care about her and her well-being and she will eventually start to open up.

DO: Remember that an eating disorder is not a choice. It is a mental disease that goes much deeper than just wanting to be thin. Those affect by an ED will have low self-confidence, self-worth, and a severely distorted body image that “just starting to eat” will not fix. When I started therapy for mine, my psychiatrist diagnosed me with adult ADHD; it only fueled my quest for perfection.

DON’T: Forget to look at your own habits. Think about how often you talk about other girls’ or celebrities’ bodies, or if you complain about gaining a pound or two and “being fat.” A good friend of mine was bulimic her freshman and sophomore year of college because her best friend and roommate would always judge her own body, which made her feel inferior. Once she transferred schools, my friend was able to live without the fear of being judged and made an amazing recovery.

Having an eating disorder is a scary, dangerous thing. It can lead to depression and even suicide. If you know someone who you suspect might have one (you notice drastic changes in eating habits, she starts to become more private, etc) do not assume that it’s just a phase and she’ll get over it. If caught early, eating disorders are easier to treat, so don’t wait until she reaches the 87lb mark to say something.

Recovery is 100% possible if she is willing and if you are supportive. Even after four years, I was able to turn my life around. While I still have some lingering tendencies (it’s hard for me to eat when I’m stressed out, and a slight weight gain irks me), I wouldn’t have made any sort of improvement without the support of my friends and family.

But about what exactly? Eating disorders. Yep, it’s time to talk about them, girls. That’s the slogan for the National Eating Disorders Association’s (NEDA’s) National Eating Disorders Awareness Week (NEDAW), February 21-27th 2010.

The goal of NEDAW is “to ultimately prevent eating disorders and body image issues while reducing the stigma surrounding eating disorders and improving access to treatment,” says the NEDAW website. “Eating disorders are serious, life-threatening illnesses — not choices — and it’s important to recognize the pressures, attitudes and behaviors that shape the disorder.”

And that’s what we’ll be doing on CollegeCandy all week long. We’ll be covering the basics: what eating disorders look like, how to help a friend in need, disordered eating and losing weight the healthy way. We want to bring this difficult and serious issue to the forefront and help our friends in need.

So what do eating disorders look like? Well, just like people, they come in all shapes and sizes. Signs of eating disorders are far more varied than most people think. Sure, looking emaciated might be a tip-off that something is wrong, but there are so many more things to be aware of.

Each eating disorder, (there are four main types – Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa, Binge Eating Disorder and Eating Disorders not otherwise specified), has it’s own set of signs and symptoms. Of course, many of these overlap.

If you find you or a friend exhibiting any of the behaviors below, please seek help from someone you trust. Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness, and “a study by the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders reported that 5 – 10% of anorexics die within 10 years after contracting the disease; 18-20% of anorexics will be dead after 20 years and only 30 – 40% ever fully recover.” Scary stuff.

So what should you look for?

Anorexia Nervosa: Self-starvation and refusal to eat or maintain a weight at a healthy or normal level for one’s age, size, height and activity level. Intense fear of being fat in spite of excessive weight loss.

Symptoms:

Dramatic weight loss; preoccupation with dieting, weight, food, calories, and fat grams that interferes with one’s life; refusal to eat certain foods; denies feeling hungry; complaints of constipation, abdominal pain, cold intolerance, lethargy,and excess energy; avoids mealtimes or social functions involving food; resistance to maintaining normal body weight, comments about feeling “fat”; excessive and intense exercise regimen; loss of menstrual period; growth of thin body hair.

Bulimia Nervosa: Cycles of binge eating and purging (compensating for eating large amounts of food in a short period of time by vomiting, laxative abuse or over-exercising).

Symptoms:

Evidence of binge eating; evidence of purging; feels uncomfortable eating around others; develops food rituals; hides or hoardes food; drinks excessive amounts of water; uses mouthwash, mints or gum excessively; unusual swelling of cheeks or jaw; calluses on back of fingers or hands from inducing vomiting; extreme exercise habits; extreme concern with body weight or shape; looks bloated from fluid retention; discolored teeth. May be at a normal weight or overweight.

Binge Eating Disorder: Characterized by recurrent binge eating without regular use of compensatory measures to counter binge eating while feeling out of control, ashamed or disgusted over behavior.

Symptoms:

Excessive binge eating; food rituals; steals or hoards food; makes lifestyle changes to allow for binges; skips meals or takes small portions at mealtimes; periods of uncontrolled, impulsive, or continuous eating beyond the point of feeling comfortably full; engages in sporadic fasting or repetitive dieting. Body weight may be average, low, above average or obese.

Eating Disorders Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS): Includes some combination of the signs and symptoms of the above disorders, but not all of the criteria necessary to meet a specific diagnosis. Like all eating disorders, EDNOS are physically dangerous and emotionality destructive.

Symptoms: Any other above signs and symptoms.

[Tomorrow we'll share the best ways to approach a friend you think might be suffering from one of the above disorders. Come back and find out, from someone who's been through it before, the right and wrong way to help a friend.]

Food. Body image. Health. Things we think about everyday. With ads on TV, in magazines, on the radio and with restaurants and fast food places changing menus to provide healthier options, it’s not our fault that food is on our minds a little bit too often. But did you know that even thinking about food could be having a dangerous affect on us?

Eating disorders have always been around, and are spreading like wildfire nowadays. But we’re not just talking about anorexia and bulimia, disorders where you either starve yourself or binge and purge. We’re talking about a new disorder associated with eating healthy. Meet Orthorexia, a serious disorder that may plague a lot more people than you think, including yourself.

Orthorexia nervosa is a condition in which people become obsessed with eating the “right” kinds of foods. We may roll our eyes and call them “health freaks” but the truth is that this is a very serious condition. Orthorexia causes people to obsess over what is eaten, how much is eaten, and how it is prepared.

So what’s so bad about being obsessed with eating healthy?

Anything is bad if you are obsessed. Washing your hands prevents germs, and what not, but if you are a compulsive hand washer, it can affect the rest of your life. Overdoing any healthy practice can compromise other healthy practices in your life, and this in turn, reduces your overall health.

Some severe consequences of this orthorexia involve not being able to enjoy certain social activities, becoming depressed, or always feeling guilty if you happen to indulge or eat something that isn’t “healthy.”

Do you know someone, or are you someone who is constantly obsessing over food? Is food something that is always on your mind? Do you plan every meal that you are going to have? These are all signs of orthorexia. So what do you do?

Be Mindful
The best kind of eating is mindful eating. Eating a meal is not supposed to be a task, a chore. It’s supposed to be something that we can enjoy and feel good about. Food gives us energy and it can make us happy, excited, and satisfied. Each food is unique in its own ways. Being mindful means being aware of the smell, the texture, the taste of food. It means enjoying every bite, every lick. Next time you sit down for a meal, really think about what you are eating and how freakin’ good it tastes.

Eat when you are hungry
Don’t just eat because you have nothing better to do or because its your typical “dinner time.” Eat because your body wants it and needs it. It will satisfy you that much more and keep you fuller for longer. Also, it will allow you to not plan the next thing you are going to consume, and rather focus on all the other things going on in your life. We are busy people with busy lives so we can’t let food get in the way!

Indulgence is a good thing!
Listen, you only live once so you gotta make the best out of it. Indulging once in a while won’t kill you, and it wont make you fat, either. As long as you aren’t eating a Big Mac everyday, fulfilling an occasional craving is okay!

Don’t classify yourself by the food you eat
You are more than just a vegan, a vegeterian etc. You are a person. And food is such a small aspect of life and by no means should it define who you are in any way. There are so many more important things about who we are as individuals, and how we eat and the types of food we eat are just not part of that.

We are all fed up with our society’s impossible and unrealistic perception of beauty, and Laurie urges women everywhere to stop trying to change our bodies and start trying to change our mindsets.

I read somewhere that women have a negative thought about their bodies every 15 minutes. Sadly, this doesn’t surprise me.  I can look at my own thoughts over the years and say that sounds about right.  The more I talk to women and girls of all ages and body types, the more

I realize I am not alone.

I did feel alone at one point. I didn’t know that other girls felt like me.  In junior high, the pain of feeling left out, created an overwhelming desire to feel accepted and to feel a sense of belonging.  After losing some of my post-gymnastics, puberty weight the summer before high school, I noticed I got a little more attention from guys and girls. I felt pretty good. Soon I began skipping all meals except dinner with my family (so they wouldn’t find me out) and, when I needed more control, I began throwing up every night after dinner. My battle with anorexia-bulimia took over my life for the next six years my thoughts were occupied with how I was not going to eat, or if I had to eat, when I could throw it up, and how I would hide it from everyone who cared about me. My recovery began my sophomore year of college for a variety of reasons and with the support of family and friends who really didn’t have any idea how to help.

This experience fueled a passion in me to help women and girls to “love themselves for who they are and who they will become.” My healing has come through following my dream of starting a summer camp for adolescent girls, facilitating conversations about what really matters (that nobody talks about), and telling my story.  It is my belief that “Every Woman has a Story.”

So, why the negative thoughts about our bodies every 15 minutes? We are in a media-saturated society where women unconsciously strive for an unrealistic, unattainable image of beauty and perfection. We could spend a semester or more looking at all the ways, historically-speaking, we arrived here, but I want to explore HOW WE CAN CHANGE THE DEFINITION OF WHAT SOCIETY PERCEIVES AS BEAUTIFUL.

The CHANGE starts with you. Who do you talk to more than anyone else? Your roommate? Your mom?  Your best friend? I can confidently say I know the answer…it’s you!

Self-Talk: How do you talk to yourself about other girls?

Do you needlessly compare yourself to other women? Measuring up the size of your waist, your butt, your chest? “I wish my waist was small and toned like hers,” or, “look at all the junk-in-her-trunk – I’m glad my butt is not that big.”

This was me several years ago:  I am at the gym, (you know the drill) on the treadmill, people-watching, and I see a cute, toned, super-fit woman about my age, maybe even 10 years older, and I can’t help but think, “What a bitch – she probably doesn’t have to have a job, so she can be in here working out several hours every day. It must be genetics – so lucky, hate her!” Then I scan to a heavier girl next to her and think, ”Keep on working, sister – going that slow on the elliptical won’t get you anywhere and you really should not be wearing spandex.”

Why are we not more naturally inclined to admire other women’s bodies? Does it go back to what we’ve always heard – we put others down to make ourselves feel better? Do we then feel better?  Is competition the “American-way”?

I CHALLENGE you to CHANGE the way you think and talk about other women. Develop this habit and train yourself on how you talk about others in your mind and out loud.

Now when I am at the gym, I coach myself to think positively about the women (and men) around me.  They are most likely at the gym for the same reason I am – they want to stay or get healthy, and feel better about themselves. So when I see the cute, super-fit woman on the treadmill ahead of me, now in my head I think, “Wow! Beautiful and strong…what amazing commitment you have to keeping your body healthy! I wonder what your story is?

I know from experience that it’s not easy, so I am proud of you and look up to you. Keep up the great work!”  When I glance at the heavier girl, I think to myself, “You go girl! You are on that elliptical doing what you can do and every step will make you healthier – of body and mind! Keep it up! It will get easier!” Now I attach my emotions to them not based on how their appearance makes me feel about mine, but on how their effort and the thought that “Every Woman has a Story” makes me see them as beautiful.

Guess what? Doing this consistently has helped me to feel better about me and to feel more connected to others.

Self Talk: How do you talk to yourself, about yourself? 

How do you feel about your body? Do you have a running monologue of negative-self-defeating thoughts that run through your head throughout the day?  Most all of us do.  Some thoughts are everyday complaints we share with friends: “I feel so fat,” “My face is so broken out,” or “I can’t believe I did that.”  Interestingly, the thoughts that are the most hurtful are those that we usually do not share with others: “I hate myself,” “I cannot stand this disgusting roll around my waist,” or “People don’t like me because I’m so ugly and annoying.”

In my experience working with youth over the years, I ask girls the question, “What do you say to yourself that is negative and makes you feel bad about yourself?” I hear responses, like those mentioned, which at first shocked me that they were so consistent across the board – girls of every shape and size, color of skin, socio-economic status, and social-clique had similar negative, self-defeating thoughts. I am not alone. You are not alone. Everyone struggles with feeling bad about themselves. It doesn’t have to be this way.

I CHALLENGE you to CHANGE the way you talk to yourself about yourself. Learn and practice using positive self-affirmations. Turn those negative thoughts into positive, self-affirming ones.

When “I am so fat” pops into your head, replace it with a positive-self affirmation, “I am the perfect size for me,”  “I am beautiful the way I am,”  “I am healthy, not perfect (even if you are working on being healthy – affirmations are always spoken in the present tense).”

In our society, people generally feel hesitant to say good things about themselves, not wanting to sound “conceited.”  It is helpful to note the difference between “bragging” and recognizing our strengths.  Bragging often includes putting one’s own image above others; saying that you are better than someone else. Being confident and feeling good about yourself is healthy and empowering.

Together let’s CHANGE THE DEFINITION OF BEAUTY!  Here are your CHALLENGES:

•    Look for the beauty in others. CHANGE the way you talk about OTHER WOMEN in your head.

•    CHANGE the way you talk about others out loud. Be uplifting whether talking about other people with a friend or giving someone a genuine compliment.

•    CHANGE the way you talk about YOU to YOU!  Recognize and acknowledge your strengths.  Believe that your body, no matter what shape and size, is beautiful.  “EveryBODY is Beautiful.”

For more information on getting involved in this cause or attending BRIDGES Camp for Girls, please visit www.bridgescamp.com.