Leave your own overheard convos in the comments.]

“Holy s***! What’s he doing?”

“He’s just playing video games.”

“He looks like he’s having a seizure! He looks possessed! I’ll never understand boys. They’re all like that. Possessed.”

A girl spills most of a box of cereal on her shirt:

“Oh god – I’m such a sand rat today!”

“Shakespeare? You know, he’s not bad. He’s had his moment in the sun. I think he needs to have his moment in the butt.”

A boy walks by a girl with a shaved head, then stops and does a double-take.

Boy: “Good evening, mister.“

Girl: (no reply)

Boy, after a beat: “I mean, what I’m saying is, you look like a boy.“

Girl: (no reply, walks away)

Boy: “God! Whatever!”

“You’ve got the whole room – the whole place is just covered in furniture! Like, you’ve got furniture everywhere, and you just have it in a pile. Like ‘what are we gonna do with this furniture.’ What was it, like, ‘I know! Let’s put a Christmas tree behind it, so nobody can ever see it!’ And didn’t someone steal that Christmas tree anyway? God, you guys are idiots.”

“Can I have an appletini? I’m at Applebees, and it’s my 21st birthday, and I want an appletini at Applebees.”

“Oh my god. She isn’t even drunk yet.”

“Okay. Got my career plan. I’ll be a motivational speaker. Companies will pay me so much money to wave my ass around on stage and make motorboat noises.”

“I hate applying to grad school. There are, like, four million degrees, and they all do something different, and if I f*** it up I’ll never have a job for the rest of my life. Can’t I just be a Ph. D. in ‘Hi, it’s nice to meet you’?”

“That’s why pandas can’t have sex! They have to wait around until someone in the world loves someone else enough, and then they just pop into existence!”

“I don’t want much for Christmas this year. I just want to be smarter.”

• London will be thinking of nothing but sex for months! (The Guardian)

• According to the last link, this title is totally deserved. (The Sun)

• This is the best practical joke ever. Also, Springfield cops are really understanding. (rrstar.com)

• This little kid means business! (seattlepi.com)

• A list of gay superheroes…in Harper’s Magazine? Weird. (Harper’s)