CollegeCandy » ari gold

“Entourage” Forgets That Non-Models Exist

Jess - NYU — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 18:10:45 +0000

[Just to preface things, because I know some of you out there are probably gonna surmise as much, I am indeed 500 pounds, have never had a boyfriend, am missing one eyebrow, and am so intimidated by other people's attractiveness that I cry myself to sleep every night atop of a pile of melting cookie dough.]

It’s no secret that here at CC, we love Entourage. HBO and Showtime never cease to entertain with shows like Dexter, Weeds, and True Blood, but for some reason, Entourage has always held a special place in our hearts (and no, it’s not just because of this).

Besides the witty and quippy writing, Entourage is almost always hilarious, last night’s episode being no exception (everyone trips on shrooms in the desert and Ari desperately calls Lloyd to get him through his ordeal). The characters are strange yet likeable, and the Hollywood “scene” has never been drawn quite so wackily. So yeah, we love the show. Love it enough to stay up late on a Sunday night or TiVo it to watch immediately after work.

But here’s the thing: there’s pretty much no way to feel good about your body once the credits roll. A show created, produced, directed, and mostly written by men, Entourage is bursting at the seams with “hot” women. I’ve been watching for 5 seasons, and I honestly can’t remember a time when a female character was anything less than absolute runway material.

Everyone has big boobs. Everyone is thin and tall enough to dunk a b. ball like Michael Jordan. It’s like the casting director opened up a Victoria’s Secret catalogue, pointed to every single girl in there, and made sure she got a spot on the show. Like the producers walked around Vegas with Pied Piper flutes and somehow made the entire population of showgirls, strippers, and car models follow them to LA (perhaps they offered them cookies that would eradicate cellulite?).

This got me thinking; Entourage is great and all, but most likely, it’s written with dudes in mind. Most of the guys in Vinny’s group are less than perfect (E’s four feet tall, Turtle looks like one, Drama isn’t hot in the least, and Ari is on the old side), and yet, they get all the vajayjay they could ever hope for from beautiful chicks who disappear from the plot as soon as they’ve served their purpose.

I’m not trying to be a killjoy; it’s obvious that we love hot strippers and girls with big boobs, but WTF?! There’s more women in the US than there are men — shouldn’t we be granted the right to A) see girls who represent more than just the small model percentage, and B) at least a few guys who are super smokin’?!

We wouldn’t dream of getting pissed off at our favorite show (it’s like getting mad at that adorable frat boy for falling asleep on your shoulder after shotgunning 9 beers), but it seems pretty obvious to us that Entourage could certainly improve it’s female following if they took into consideration just how sensitive some of us are to how we’re represented on screen.

What do you think? Should Entourage change it’s ways, or stay just the same?

We’ll Protect You, Jeremy: A Goodbye to “J. Piv Love Week” at CC

CC Staff — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 16:40:57 +0000

Since the beginning of our plethora of Piven, a lot of people have come out the woodwork saying how much they agree with us (seriously, fan letters!), but there are also a lot of you out there who are confused. WTF? you’ve been saying, He looks dirty and is probably a douche.

Well, maybe. But if no one will stand up and say “I don’t believe it!” how will our 40-Something fantasy ever shed the assh*le cloak so many have tried to wrap him in? (Like that metaphor? Yeah.) So today, dear readers, we lay to rest our week-long J. Piv love fest with a proclamation: until we find out about him doing something morally reprehensible (like wearing purple satin pants or something), we are proud to call ourselves Piven’s #1 fansite on the web.

We are also giving Piven a chance to be awesome in real life this weekend, when one of your editors will attempt to get student rush tickets (I may be out of college but my ID still works, suckers!) to that new Broadway show he’s starring in. With student rush, one never knows if they’ll be sitting behind a pole in the back of the theater or close enough to get spit on, but if I am close enough…well, J Piv, if you’re reading this (and why wouldn’t you be? We’re you’re #1 fansite!)…I’ll be the redhead who may or may not flash you during curtain call.

Note: I do not have fake boobs, but if you decide to date me, you’ll enhance your reputation threefold, because you’ll be dating a regular person. How can you get more likable than being a famous celebrity dating a regular person? You can’t. Except maybe if you’re this guy.

Double Note: We did not photoshop the picture in this article. Someone did that all by themselves…

[Take a look at a video after the jump that confirms our beliefs that Jeremy is in fact NOT a douche]



J. Piv, Don’t Make Us Relinquish Our Love For You…
CC Staff — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 15:40:34 +0000
So yeah.  At least for the past week, we’ve been featuring Jeremy Piven a good amount on our site.  Why?  Mostly because we’re suckers for a well placed smirk, but also because it’s kind of funny to have Entourage‘s Ari Gold as your mascot.
But we just might reconsider our devotion if reports like this keep coming out.
According to PrettyBoring, our precious Piven was “doing his best” to mack on 19-year-old Hayden Panettiere at some post-Emmy party a few weeks back.  Although there’s no source linked out to the report, if this is true, we will be pissed because A) Hayen in 19 years old. We’re in our mid-twenties, Piven can totally make us his May-December, but he should really stay away from a girl who is still two years too young to legally drink, and B) she’s already in a relationship with that weird looking guy from Heroes.  Everyone knows that.
Lots of people who write blogs seem to think J. Piv is a prime assh*le. We’re going to hold out until there’s actual taped proof (you know how some people won’t believe in God until they see his face in a grilled cheese sandwich?), and until that day…we’ll love every possibly smarmy inch of him.

         


G.W.W.E!: Jeremy “Put it In Me” Piven
Lauren - University of Michigan — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 19:10:15 +0000
(In our first ever weekly installment of G.W.W.E [Guys We Want to Eff], we decided to tackle the possibly oily but strangely hot Jeremy Piven.  
If you have an expensive cable package, you love him as Ari on Entourage, and if you’ve only got basic, you love him from the small to medium roles he’s played in tons of various movies that were not always good.  Now, on with the GWWEeeing…)
Two Sundays ago, the Emmy’s were on. I don’t watch the Emmy’s because they’re boring and everyone is always thanking God — who probably doesn’t give a crap about your little gold statue when there are wars and famines going on all over the globe — but I happened to switch over to it during a commercial break from TLC’s Incredible Medical Mysteries (best show ever. TiVo it NOW).
The part of the snooze-fest I ended up catching was Jeremy Piven‘s heartfelt acceptance speech for his 3rd Emmy for Entourage.  And something just…happened.  I was inexplicably drawn to his chiseled boyish middle-agedness.  My insides got all hot and tingly.  There was a need to see what he was rocking underneath that tux.
Maybe it was his fantabulous hair plugs.  Or wig.  Maybe it was his new cut bod.  Maybe he went to a voodoo lady and found a potion to make girls almost 20 years his junior want to eff him.  Whatever he did. It worked.  I want to eff all 43 years of him.
I only wish the rest of the Internet would jump on the bandwagon and stop skimping my provocative Piven on the web love.  As you can clearly see from the picture on the left, there is only one fan page dedicated my new sexy time fantasy, and it is lame.  I think it was put up in 1999 and hasn’t changed since.  Plus, nowhere on the site does it state “I want to eff Jeremy Piven.”  How can you have a fan site and not want to eff the guy?
Apparently, some people think he’s kind of a man-slut who might have a ‘tude, but I can deal with a ‘tude.  Especially if the ‘tude comes from a hot guy who’s been practicing yoga for 15 years.  So he might be a little in love with himself.  What actor isn’t?  And maybe he likes models with big fake boobs.  I don’t have big fake boobs but I still want to eff him.
Hellllo.  Have you seen that trademarked smirk?  Most of the time smirks are hot.  And Piven’s is no exception.
So yeah.  I want to eff Jeremy Piven.  And he’s in New York right now.  So maybe I can throw on a fake platinum wig and make sh*t happen.

         


A One-Night Stand With The Guys of Entourage
Lauren - University of Michigan — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 20:00:03 +0000
Sundays haven’t been the most exciting for TV watchers this summer. When it comes to evening shows, we had the choice of “Parental Control” on MTV or reruns of Law and Order (Criminal Intent, SVU and the classic) on every other network. But not anymore.
TV is coming back with a bang tonight. Not only is there an extra episode of “The Hills” delighting LC-obsessed girls worldwide, but we also have the VMAs, and, of course, the return of Entourage!
I. can’t. wait. It has been waaay too long since the last time I got to follow the life of Vinny Chase and the rest of the boys of L.A. So long, in fact, that I haven’t even been having my usual “steamy night with Vincent Chase” dreams. And I miss those.
The truth is, though, that Vincent isn’t even the only one worth fantasizing about. Every guy on the show – including Turtle – is well worth a roll in the sack:
Vincent Chase – He’s hot. End of story.
Ari Gold – He’s a dirty talking business man who will fulfill your fantasies of wiping all his sh*t off the desk, throwing you down and doing naughty things to you in the middle of the office.
Eric Murphy – He’s a hard worker who will do anything to succeed. Success in the bedroom = an orgasm for you.
Turtle – He’ll get you high on the best weed in town. After that, the sex doesn’t really matter.

Johnny Drama – The sex may not be that great, but he’ll make you a gourmet breakfast in the morning.
Lloyd – He probably…er…most definitely doesn’t want to sleep with the ladies, but he would be a great gay best friend to snuggle with on Sunday mornings.
Which guy of Entourage would you want one night with?