Every week I count backwards from ten. I know, I’m kind of a big deal. Usually these countdowns have a theme like which phrases really grind my gears (“grind my gears” should be mentioned) or how I’m still effing sober, despite the fact that I could really go for a dirty martini right now.

I know it’s early, stop judging.

This week, in light of the ever-riveting Emmys, I’ve decided to countdown the ten primetime ladies that I wish I could be in real life. Most of them are from currently aired shows, but of course I had to let some of my canceled favorites slip by.

10. Cuddy – House
Who wouldn’t love to work with the ever lovable Dr. House? Cuddy is a complete non-pushover HBIC (look it up) who always looks fierce. And her hair is never out of place! Unlike that awful Cameron. Barf.

9. Lucille Bluth – Arrested Development
Why did this show get canceled? Why? I hope one day to be Lucille when I’m a “Gangy,” dirty martini in hand and Chanel skirt suits never out of place. Hopefully I’ll be slightly less mentally damaging to my family, though. Slightly.

8. Heidi Klum – Project Runway
The only non-fictional character on the list. This one’s a no brainer. Except I’m not sure how I’d go home to Seal every night.

7. Pam – The Office
I’m not a huge Pam fan. In fact, I was totally Team Karen while she was on the show. But, she has Jim Halpert (John Krasinski) and that’s all I need. Read More »

Today, July 13th, is “Embrace Your Geek Day.” Here are the top 10 totally embraceable things that we geek out for. And we’re not ashamed to admit it. Online.

10. Harry Potter
Ugh, is there anything sexier than a wizard in glasses? I literally screamed when I saw the preview for “The Half Blood Prince” in theaters.

9. Arrested Development
Seriously, I know every single line to this show. Points if you can do every family member’s imitation of a chicken. (Yeah, I can do that too.)

8. Twilight
Okay, admittedly, I’m not a twi-tard, err, I mean “twi-hard,” but I can’t resist drooling over Robert Pattinson’s perfect hair. Read More »

Anyone who knows me know that I have a weak spot for funny people. Like, really, really ridiculously funny people. If you can’t make me laugh, then I want nothing to do with you. On the flipside, if you can make me ROFL, there’s a place in my bed heart for you.

And if your name is Amy Poehler, I’ll even share dessert with you (and I don’t share dessert with anyone).

I’ve been crushing on Amy hardcore since her early days on SNL. Amy’s quick wit and perfect timing proved once and for all that women don’t have to be ugly or lesbians to be successful comedians, and I tuned in every Saturday night to get my weekly dose of Poehler. She made a name for herself almost immediately, and was probably the only cast member who could fill Tina Fey’s shoes…er…chair on Weekend Update.

But Amy Poehler isn’t just an improv genius; the woman can act and has found herself in some of the best comedies everrr. Remember her infamous role in Mean Girls? How could you not? What about Wet Hot American Summer? Or Deuce Bigalow?  Amy stole the show and put those movies on the top of my “Best Movies to Watch While Stoned” list.  Needless to say, I was ecstatic when I found out about her NBC show, Parks and Recreation. And she didn’t disappoint.

Part of me wants to hate Amy Poehler for stealing my Hollywood boyfriend, Will Arnett, but I can’t. In fact, if I was gonna lose my future hubbie to anyone, I’m glad it was someone as talented, beautiful and effing hilarious as her. I just hope that one day I can get in on that shiz. A threesome with Poehler and Arnett? Probably the only thing better than an Arrested Development marathon.

This looks healthy.

There is going to be another Hasselbeck running around.

Will Obama’s bailout plan work?

The Biggest Losers love their armpits?

Looks like the Arrested Development movie is a go!

That’s awkward, Mrs. News Anchor.

5 fashion choices that turn men off.

President Barack vs. Elephant Barack.

This tattoo can’t be real, can it?

Mischa Barton will do anything to get back into the limelight.

Dorm food causing some…er…digestion issues? Try yoga!

It’s that time of the week when giant sites like Gawker, Jezebel, and Perez send a shout out!! to their sponsors in a witty-but-yet-still-whorish way. After reading plug after obvious plug, we started to feel a little left out, so we’re gonna do it too.

A big OMG THANK YOU FOR KEEPING US ALIVE THIS WEEK to the following things:

* That House Vodka I Always Drink When I Go Out Because I’m Too Cheap To Drink Anything Else * Unsucky Episodes Of Saturday Night Live * Dunkin Donuts Employees Who Charge Me For A Small Coffee Instead Of The Medium I Actually Ordered * Miniature Chocolate Bars That Taste Better When Frozen *Lululemon Groove pants * Pillsbury Break and Bake Sugar Cookies (with the little Ghosts inside!) * Arrested Development on DVD *

(In our second stab at our weekly installment of G.W.W.E [Guys We Want to Eff], we decided to take on the almost inappropriately young looking, but totally adorable, Michael Cera.

If you were one of the few who watched, you will remember him at George Michael on Arrested Development. Or you may have fallen in love with him and his short shorts as quirky Pauli Bleeker in Juno. Whatever. You should totally know who he is, and even if you don’t one look at him and you will totally understand why he is a total G.W.E.E. [gently].)

Ok, so he’s not the sexiest man on the planet. In fact, if we saw him hanging out at Starbucks between classes we probably wouldn’t give him a second glance on our way to the Splenda, but there is something about Michael Cera that is just so….effable.

He is the nice guy. The modest guy. The quiet guy. The guy who doesn’t say much, but when he does it’s funny and cute and sweet and totally makes you want to tear his clothes off and eff him. Especially in that quiet Canadian accent.

Cera is the quintissential underdog. And we love to eff underdogs. He may look like your average American Apparel-wearing dude on the surface, but there is so much more there. He is a brilliant actor and should be on everyone’s effing radar. He plays in a band! He has an internet show! He once was a Berenstein Bear!

Ok, so that last one is a little creepy. Sorry. Read More »

I have a special place in my heart for terrible teen television. The O.C., Degrassi, Instant Star, South of Nowhere, Dawson’s Creek: I just can’t get enough of it. The cheesy acting, the terrible love dramas, the catty bitch fights. I LOVE IT.

Which is why I am pumped for my newest terrible teen television drama Gossip Girl. Being an angsty teen is hard enough but when you’re rich, pretty and living on Manhattan’s Upper East Side, life is so bad it’s good. I’m pretty sure I watched the trailer five times because I was THAT excited.

There have been reviews. The New York Times profiled the show while five real UES Manhattan girls watched the first episode. And a few have even written that Gossip Girl is nothing to gossip about. But this is no Arrested Development, people. This is bad television.

The acting is sub par and the plotline monotonous (teens drinking and doing it… not anything new), but this time instead of sunny California it’s New York City.

And a location change is enough for me to be interested. It’s new! It’s fresh! It’s probably awful and I love it. Read More »

Over the weekend, my boyfriend and I went to see Superbad, and even he had a Man Crush on Michael Cera.

And lately, who doesn’t? Girls are going nuts over this guy!

The only other thing y’all would have really seen him in was as the awkward, nervous and hilarious George-Michael Bluth in Arrested Development, but now that Superbad is a hit, he’s gonna be everywhere.

Seriously, how cute is he?

His character in Superbad, Evan, is adorably dorky yet totally likable. In my opinion, he completely makes the movie. All of his lines are funny, and he delivers them awesomely. He’s got that shy confidence that could easily pull Becca, his on-screen crush, in real life, if he wanted to.

Radar has a great interview with the 19-year-old Canadian cutie you can check out here, where he talks about using game on the ladies and living with the ‘rents. Read More »