The best (and worst) movie Santas

We love Dita Von Teese

How to pull off a cape coat

Former pop punk royalty Ashlee and Pete are divorced

Imagining Harry and Pippa as lovers

Are Americans more risky in bed?

The best weatherproof shoes for this season

Red Hot Chili Peppers gets the Rock and Roll treatment

Is a gap year worth it?

When you think about it (and maybe after 3 cups of coffee, two red bulls and a bowl of cocoa puffs you’d draw this connection too) Hollywood is kind of like a continuation of high school. All the pretty girls get to hang out together and the weird girls get thrown out of the slumber party just because they brought their stuffed elephant named Sammie. Oh and the whole gossip, secrets, lies, and rumors stuff thrives in Hollywood, just like it did in the high school halls.

Hollywood is full of secrets…and publicists who get paid the big bucks to slowly leak those secrets to US weekly, OK, and Lifestyle. But sometimes, we find a celebrity, who for some reason doesn’t want the public to know about a deep dark secret. Then one day they wake up and decide they want to share their secret with the world, preferably on the cover of People, but they’re willing to accept any major tabloid. But most of the time, it seems that these big shocking secrets aren’t all that shocking. In fact they probably would’ve been better off leaking them before every other blogger on the internet posted something about it.

Need some proof that celebrity’s have no real secrets?  Just click on anyone below to start believing.

Um yes, a mother of 8 should dress her age

The secret to why the Social Media Network trailer was so intense

D-List celebs! They’re just like us!

Let’s come up with a better term for when we…you know

5 trends that you can keep from last fall

Enter to win a $50 gift certificate to Laura Mercier

How to budget shop

10 Commandments of Facebook

How NOT to be that girl at the bar

What is wrong with this girl?

In light of the recent engagement of mesh-shirt-wearing, Twitter-obsessed Michael Lohan and former Jon Gosselin flame Kate Majors (the chick who quit her job at Star Magazine because she had fallen in love with the deadbeat dad), we are forced to wonder: could Kate Major be in the Guinness Book for World Records for having the worst taste in men on this planet?

We thought so, but then we started thinking and, while sad and seemingly impossible, there are a few women out there who might be digging even deeper in the dung pit of horrible men. And here they are: the only 5 women on earth who have worst taste than Ms. Major.

Britney Spears:
How could we even start a list like this without this woman?  With the exception of Justin Timberlake (and hey, we don’t even know if he’s that awesome as a bf) her dating list has been a train wreck.  I mean, we owe the celebrity of KFed to her alone. And who can forget that time she invited paparazzi Adnan Ghalib to get a first-hand look at her life? Ugh, don’t even get me started on that facial hair. Brava, Britney, brava.

Jessica Simpson:
When she first came on the scene, we loved her as the newlywed to boybander Nick Lachey.  Precious.  But following the end of that marriage, it was stinker after stinker.  John Mayer?  Scum.  Tony Romo?  Engaged less than a year after their two-year relationship ends.  Billy Corgan?  …Weird.

Ashlee Simpson:
I guess when your dad is Joe Simpson you’re pretty much guaranteed to fall for dbags. When we first heard of Jessica’s punky younger sister she was dating Ryan Cabrera.  At the time, this wasn’t so bad, but seriously?  That guy?  We get it, your dad was managing him too, but his hair actually makes me angry.  Now, she’s happily wedded to…Pete Wentz.  Yes, that Pete Wentz, who wears more eyeliner than me, got a tattoo of his friend’s face on himself and has been known to walk around with a paper plate mask on to “fool” the paparazzi.  Good one, dude.  Wah wah.

Sandra Bullock:
Sorry, but home girl has to be on here. Sure, she’s had some pretty great guys in her past (Tate Donovan and Ryan Gosling, just to name some hotness), but her recent dud cancels all that out. From the facial hair to the tats to the whole “I’m secretly a neo-Nazi who likes to bang other women on my office couch,” Jesse James is pretty scumtastic. You know the guy is bad when I’d rather spend a night with Jon Gosselin than spend a minute breathing the same air as this guy.

Anyone Who’s Ever Been on Rock/Flavor of Love: Ok so for at least three seasons, women were falling all over themselves to get with either Bret Michaels or Flava Flav.  Yes, Flava Flav.  An aging rock star with extensions and tattooed eyeliner is pretty bad, but it has to be said, at least at one point Bret Michaels was hot.  Flava Flav looks like a tiny raisin wearing a clock around his neck.  That is like cartoon character status, but for some insane reason, skanks the world over want to be this guy’s lady.  That is the ultimate in bad taste.  Sorry hos, your time is up.

Give me your wardrobe and go away, Kardashians!

Every time I turn on the television, pick up a magazine or check my Twitter and favorite gossip websites, there are certain celebrities that just won’t go away. They’re always doing something idiotic or annoying and they make sure we all know about it. These particular celebs have taken over 2009 and I’m not about to let them ruin 2010 for me.

Here are the top 10 celebrities I could do without in 2010:

1. Lindsay Lohan – We all get it. You have daddy issues. He won’t support you. And by you I mean your addiction to prescription drugs, cocaine and spray-on tans. You’ve drained this girl’s pity dry after your 100^th failed attempt at rehab. Get clean or be gone, you orange oompa loompa.

2. The Gosselins – I just don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive you for what you’ve done to those adorable kids. You should both be ashamed of yourselves. Maddie and Cara act more mature than you have this past year. And I don’t care how many times you change your hairstyle, Kate, I’m over you.

3. Kanye West – I’ve loathed you for years, Mr. West. Remember this humble quote: “I realize that my place and position in history is that I will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade, I will be the loudest voice.”  You certainly were the loudest voice at the VMA’s this year, sir. And you will go down in history as an arrogant, SOB. Oopsies.

4. Taylor Swift – As much as I could do without Kanye, I could also take a break from you, lovely Taylor. You really racked up the awards this year. Good for you, but I think you’re a bit overrated.

5. Spencer Pratt – You call yourself a villain, but I just think you’re lame. I laughed when I watched Stephen Baldwin baptize you in the jungle river on “I’m a Celebrity. Get Me Out of Here!” Your holy makeover didn’t seem to take, did it? You deserve a swift punch to the face.  Or the nads. Or both.

6. Katherine Heigl – I love the girl to death, but she just has nothing nice to say! All she does is whine, whine, whine about the parts and roles she is so generously given and I can’t take it anymore. You’re pissing everyone off Katherine, and as sad as I (and a majority of the male gender) will be to see you go, you may have dug your own grave for 2010.

7. The Kardashians, all of em’ – I still don’t know why you’re all famous. I think they can make a show about my life and have it be more meaningful. I don’t care that you’re taking on Miami. I’m taking on things of my own, so I’d kindly appreciate it if you would stop terrorizing my television!

8. Dr. Phil – I have no reason for this. You just irk me. Good riddance.

9. Perez Hilton – I didn’t want you around in ’07, ’08, or ’09. I think everyone can handle 2010 without your Microsoft Painted penises and Lady-Gaga-ass-kissing ways.

10. Ashlee Simpson – I really thought we’d be done with you in 2006 when a stadium full of football fans booed you off the stage. But no; somehow you’re still around. Sure, it’s with a completely new face and a monthly rotation of hair color, but it’s still you. And you still have no talent. Take that guyliner-wearing hubby of yours and go. away.

Seriously, this is what she looks like 6 weeks after giving birth?!

Is Ashlee Simpson Fall Out Boy’s Yoko Ono?

Welcome to the fad diets of 2010.

Taylor Swift is too busy for her fans.

11-year-old gives birth…on her wedding day.

Uh. That’s Lady Gaga? Holy crap.

We’ve all seen it.  The singer-turned-actor crossover move that has critics telling stars time and time again not to quit their day jobs. But in Ashlee Simpson’s case, I’m not sure what day job she has to fall back on. Now that she has been fired from Melrose Place, I think Ashlee should take a long look at her life’s work before she makes her next career move.

Let’s face facts: the girl can’t sing. We all remember when she blamed acid reflux for her Milli-Vanilli-esque stunt on Saturday Night Live in 2004. I think the entire world breathed a sigh of relief when Ashlee claimed she might never be able to sing again. (Could she ever?) What happened to that? I could have done without the “Bittersweet World” album. Me and the three other people who purchased it demand our money back. (And my dignity having just admitted to buying that…)

So perhaps singing wasn’t her forte. In a bold move, Ashlee decided to try her hand at acting. Melrose Place was a big undertaking, I give her that much. But honestly, while she may have been promising in her small role on 7^th Heaven, whatever talent she had then seems to have dissipated in a sea of plastic surgery and hair extensions. Besides, if Heather Locklear says she’s gotta go, then the girl’s gotta go.

But the good news here is, no one really watches Melrose Place anyway. If you’re going to crash and burn, for the millionth time, at least the whole world isn’t going to be there to point and laugh at you. Even Jessica called the show crap. But then again, what does she know? Her last acting job was a movie called “Major Movie Star.”

I’m deeply sorry for your loss, Ashlee. It looks like plastic surgery isn’t a career-saver after all.

Jessica Simpson’s got beef with the CW.

How does the First Family do Halloween?

What’s the best sandwich in the USA?

Are ponchos coming back?

Is LiLo switching teams again?

This might be the most disturbing thing I’ve seen all day.

I am a chronic list-maker, whether I have to make a difficult decision or not.  Lists help me organize my thoughts and remember important facts and details that I need for later.  However, there are some things that I would rather forget and that’s what this week’s showdown concerns.

Those of us who have little sisters know how annoying they can be (haha, love you Chloe!).  Those of us who are humans who participate in society know how annoying famous little sisters can be.  The most annoying of these are probably Ashlee Simpson (okay, the older sister is just as annoying…if not more so) and Jamie Lynn Spears (well…ditto).  But which one is more of a fame whore?  Which one can even be called a valid human being (j/k…sort of)?

Babies
Ashlee Simpson had a baby (with a really weird name). Ashlee Simpson is a baby.  I feel like if you and your husband both wear skinny jeans and excessively gel/dye your hair, you shouldn’t be having children.  Maybe she should be taking some cues from her sister and get some mom jeans up in there.

Jamie Lynn Spears had a baby.  Wait, she’s legal? Oh…nope!  Anyway, good job on her to take the heat off her crazy-ass big sister by ‘causing a ruckus and getting knocked up all southern style.  That’s dedication.  That’s love.

Point: Ashlee Simpson.  I’m not even sure she remembers she has a baby after all the time she’s been spending screaming at people in clubs and making crappy albums. Also, was anyone talking about her post reconstructive surgery and pre baby? Nope! Nice publicity stunt, Ash!

“Fame”
Ashlee Simpson sang some songs…wait, or did she act in something?  What does she do again?  I forget.  Generally that’s not a good thing if you’re famous and people don’t remember what you’re famous for except for your ability to lip sync, get booed off stages and get nose/chin/total makeover jobs.

Jamie Lynn Spears…does…nothing?  Like, seriously.  What does she do?  I think maybe she sings stuff…and has a Disney TV show.  But who doesn’t these days?

Point: Jamie Lynn Spears. She literally does nothing and all her fame is due to her crazy big sister and her own pregnancy “scandal.”

Family
Ashlee Simpson has a crazy, controlling dad and a seriously misguided older sister (I swear, the buffalo wings thing…).  Ashlee could probably take the prize of being the most well-adjusted and “normal” in that family, considering what she had to deal with while growing up. Although, that might not be saying much…

Jamie Lynn Spears has a crazy older sister (really, really crazy) and a fame-hungry mother.  Considering the level of craziness that Britney Spears operates on, Jamie Lynn seems to have missed that genetic bullet.

Point: Ashlee Simpson. Her sister must have rubbed some of that brainless, fake-talent stuff on to her.

Talent/Career
Ashlee Simpson can’t sing (we all know that) and she can’t act, but apparently she can dance.  She was even admitted into the School of American Ballet.  Too bad she seems to be focusing on the “talents” that she doesn’t actually have, as compared to what she can do relatively well.

Jamie Lynn Spears can act (I guess) on a level that is acceptable for those who perform for the mindless preteens who watch the Disney Channel.  That’s about it.  Oh wait, her reproductive organs seem to be pretty talented…

Point: Jamie Lynn Spears. As much as I hate to admit it, Ashlee Simpson actually had talent at one point. Jamie Lynn Spears just doesn’t.

Celebretard Prize Goes To: Ashlee Simpson. Lack of any remaining talent + big ego + retarded name for baby (Bronx Mowgli??) + 500 other stupid things = Celebretard.  Sorry  Jamie Lynn, you need to be at least half a celebrity to get this prize.

Instead of trusting the business intuition of people who made it big on their ability to look pretty and stand on cue (really – who needs another celebrity perfume??), we decided to make our own list of celebrity products that are more appropriate to the celebrities themselves:

Angelina Jolie Fertility Drugs – When one (or two, or eight) just isn’t enough…

Amy Winhouse Coke Mirrors – Because no one knows lines like Amy.

Britney Spears Electric Razors – Nothing but the best will do to shave your head.

Michael Jackson Boys Underwear – Choosy mothers choose MJ’s (backless) Boys Underwear.

Tom Cruise Couches – Now with sturdier construction and more durable fabric for those days when you just feel like jumping around!

Zac Efron Hair Extensions – The sexy side-swept look will drive the ladies wild!

Kanye West Earplugs – Because people say a lot of stupid sh*t.

Heidi Montag Relationship Guides – Now you, too, can find the only person on earth who finds you attractive.

Madonna ‘roids - When you need that ripped, sinewy look for a special night out…

Ashlee Simpson Lipsyncing Machines – It’s almost like real singing!

Chris Brown Boxing Gloves – Nothing protects your hands better while you’re punching…stuff.

Lily Allen Double-Sided Tape – For those rare occasions when showing your nips isn’t appropriate.

Paris Hilton Body Condoms: Protecting you from skin to skin contact since 2009.

We can only hope that these products (well, maybe not all of them) see the glorious light of day in a display window someday soon.  We’ll get our checkbooks ready, just in case.