Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

My boyfriend noticed a lump in my breast while we were fooling around. I’m so scared. I can’t sleep. I’m afraid to tell my parents. I’m at school so I could go to the clinic but I’m really scared about what they’ll say. What should I do?

Scared

Dear Scared,

Go to the clinic!!!!!!!!!

Look, it’s unlikely at your age that it’s breast cancer (which is what I’m sure you’re worried about). But you MUST get it checked.

If it is breast cancer, you want to catch it early. So go. NOW.

But stay calm. Doctors are much more effective at treating breast cancer than they used to be. Only about 3% of women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer die from it, even though 1 in 8 women will have breast cancer over the course of their lives. So stay cool and go get it checked — just in case.

Reading up might make you feel better, too. But don’t use any of those crazy self-diagnostic websites!!! That shoop will make you crazy.

So, step 1: Make an appointment to see a doctor ASAP.

Step 2: Read up on Sloan Kettering’s website.

Step 3: Once you’ve been reassured that it’s not breast cancer by your doctor (which I’m sure you will be), try to avoid risky behaviors. Don’t drink too much and be sure to know your family medical history. Get regular checks and do self-exams.

The truth is, many young women have lumpy breasts. Aunt Tuffy has spent many a night obsessing over a lump. But that’s why we have doctors. Even if you have healthy young lumpboobs, keeping track of those lumps is VERY important in recognizing the bad lumps, should they appear later. ALWAYS double-check with your OB/GYN if you are at ALL concerned. You should be going every year, but, if you feel something, add in an extra appointment.

Your visit won’t be too scary, either. You’ll go in. Your OB/GYN will check your breasts. If she feels something that she’s at all worried about, she’ll send you for a sonogram or a mammogram. Sonograms are totally painless and mammograms are uncomfortable but certainly not frightening.

There’s plenty to be scared about, but you can be brave. You have to be. Keep ahead of any possible problems and solving them becomes much easier.

I leave you with a final page of great, consolidated information.

Please be well. Don’t wait.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I love my life. I’m really happy. Everything is great. I go to a good school and I’m doing well. I have a wonderful boyfriend whom I love. I have great friends who I hang out with all the time. The problem is my roommate. She doesn’t like me. I don’t know why. I’ve done my best to be nice with her but she just doesn’t like me.

It started about a week after we moved in together. My best friend and I were supposed to live together in the dorm we lived in last year, but she was on the waiting list for a study abroad and she got it at the last minute over the summer. So I moved in and met my new roommate, let’s call her T, and at first we got along fine. But it seems like the more we live together the more I get on her nerves. She studies a lot so I try to be quiet, but I live here too! When I come in late at night, I’m always quiet, but she says just the door opening wakes her up. She wakes me up in the morning when she gets up really early, but I’m not complaining!

She also has a problem with my boyfriend coming over, so I try to only have him over if she’s not going to be around. But we made a deal at the beginning of the first semester that he could crash at our room one day a week if it was on the weekend. I have never had him stay over more than one day of the weekend and sometimes I just crash at his place to avoid it all together. But now she wants to change it so that he can never sleep over.

She seems to think I’m some out of control party girl, but I think I’m just a regular college student. I go out at night and I have a boyfriend but I definitely have never slept around — been with the same guy for 2 years! — and I am a good student. I’ve tried to be nice to her, and I’ve even tried to hang out with her to try to get to know her better, but she just doesn’t like me and it’s making everything really uncomfortable in my own room. What should I do?

Bad Roommate

Dear Bad Roommate,

Girl, you have been more than reasonable. This bloop needs to get a clue. You are BOTH paying to live in the dorms, right? I mean, she isn’t paying for your half, right?!?!?! RIGHT?!??!!

Now, if you were being totally unreasonable and having the BF stay over constantly against her wishes, I would have told you you were being unreasonable. BUT!!! The two of you (very maturely) made an agreement at the beginning of living together that it was okay if he stayed over as long as it was only once a week on weekends. And you say that’s what you’ve been doing. So…what’s her problem?! She can’t rewrite the rules now!!!

And this business about how the door wakes her up if you come in at night — too flooping bad!!! I’m sorry, but you both live there, and, as long as you’re being quiet when you come in, I don’t see how she has the right to tell you what time you have to be home.

I do not get this girl. I do not get her at all. Well, no, that’s not true. I GET her. I just don’t LIKE her.

Seems to me she wants to be judgmental of your lifestyle because it isn’t hers. And that is never, ever cool. I think you need to sit her down and have a talk. Explain that you’re following the rules the two of you set up, and you’d like to be as considerate of her as possible without completely changing your lifestyle. Hear her out. Hopefully she’ll be reasonable and you guys can hug it out.

But, frankly, I doubt it. She’ll probably be uptight and nasty, in which case I urge you to say: “I’m so sorry you feel that way. I hope we can be civil and get along well enough to live together. If not, maybe you’d like to switch rooms.” And that’s that.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I hate my friends. What do I do?

Miserable in College

Dear Miserable,

Grow the floop up.

Okay, no, I mean the thing is, you didn’t give me enough information to give you a really personal answer. Which is totally why I chose your question. Because Tuffy likes it broad. Yeah, baby. Okay, look. Everyone gets annoyed by their friends. That’s super normal, so don’t get excited. I surmise from your name, Miserable in College, that you are in college. I’M SMART.

This probably means that you just need to make new friends! No big deal, right? Probably you started college and made friends right away with the most convenient people. Which is totally the right and easiest thing to do. The problem is, sometimes the most convenient people don’t end up being the people we like best. So, Miserable in College, if that’s the case, I suggest you continue to be polite to these shoops and begin to distance yourself. Join a club or make an effort to hang out with new people after class. You’ll meet new people and find friends you actually connect with.

If, however, you hate your friends because you’re in a bad place, then, giiiiiirl! You’ve got to wait it out. If things are hard and your friends are getting on your nerves just because they’re close by, then I suggest you hang tight. Improve your mood by doing things you like and/or trying to solve whatever’s bothering you, and then you’ll be happy to see your friends again.

And, you know, these people are your friends. You could try actually, oh, I don’t know, TALKING TO THEM?! Tell them what’s bothering you,  but rationally and without judgment. Maybe there’s some kind of misunderstanding. If they’re friends, they’ll want to work it out.

BUT!!! If your friends are mean girls (or guys) — DUMP THOSE ASHHOLES!!! Forget that. Don’t you EVER be friends with someone who doesn’t want to be friends with you. That is the dumbest thing in the whole flooping world.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’m a senior in college and have been in a serious relationship for the past 5 years. He’s my high school sweetheart. I know, we’re so cute! We just got engaged and are getting married when I graduate (he’s two years older and is already working).

Now that we’re engaged, I want to go on birth control, but I’m not sure what to try. What do you recommend?

Thanks, Tuffy!

Engaged!

Dear Engaged,

First of all, congratulations!!! You’re right, that’s super cute. Go, girl!!! Secondly, a disclaimer: Tuffy ain’t no doctor, mmmkay?! So go to your OB/GYN to get REAL advice! But in the meantime, here’s what I got:

I’m going mostly by Planned Parenthood, so you can check out the link here:

(BTW!!! If you don’t have insurance and need to see an OB/GYN, Planned Parenthood is a great resource!!! Clicky click that link!) Basically, if you’re going to have sex and you don’t want a baby, you have to use protection. If you’re also worried about STDs (which MOST of you should be!!!), you need to use a condom and that’s pretty much that. You could kind of use a female condom, but those seem to be slightly less effective and have a few downsides (may be uncomfy, can slip inside you during sex, etc.). CONDOMS, people. CONDOMS!!! There are also a bunch of options you can use WITH condoms to prevent pregnancy.

Some women like the diaphragm. It’s fairly effective but it doesn’t protect, of course, from STDs. It’s like a little cup you insert in your hooha. It’s nice and inexpensive and each one lasts for about two years.

Then, of course, there’s the ever-popular birth control pill. Be careful when you go on these, since they do pump you full of hormones and some people have serious side effects. (Read up here.) Really wonderful for some women, really harmful for others. Remember, the pill does NOT protect against STDs!!!

Similarly, there’s the sponge. It soaks up the spermies and kills ‘em. Check but not as effective as we’d like.

Then there’s the patch, which is quite effective (for pregnancy, NOT STDs!). You have to wear it. Like an accessory. Same hormonal risks, but, again, great for some.

The shot: Depo-Provera. Very easy, lasts three months a shot. A little more expensive because it’s more convenient.

NuvaRing: an insertion thingy. VERY effective but pricey and a little risky. Read up, kids.

Aaaand the birth control implant. Very expensive up front but lasts three years. Mostly pretty safe, from what I understand.

I mean, basically, you just have to do your research and talk to your doctor. I applaud you for being responsible!!!!!!!! Please, kids, protect your bodies and your futures!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv. Or smash.

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I moved in with my childhood best friend five months ago. He’s great and I love him as a friend. But he’s had feelings for me in the past and we’ve talked about it. I told him I’m not interested. He said he understands. And we’re still really close friends.

When we moved in together I was having some money problems and he offered to cover the extra costs so I could afford to move in. So he’s been paying $300 more than me every month, and I really appreciate it. The deal was that if I cook and clean, he’s happy to pay for it.

Our other friends all think it’s really weird and they are convinced I’m sleeping with him, but I’m not. Anyway in the past two months I got a promotion and now I can afford the rent but he offered to keep paying the larger amount as a favor to me. I agreed because I thought it was really nice. And now he’s started buying me little gifts and even doing the cooking.

I’m not going to lie, it’s a pretty great life. But I know he’s doing it because he has feelings for me. But at the same time, is it so wrong to keep accepting his favors, since I keep telling him I’m never going to date him and he still wants to help me out?

Sort of Conflicted

Dear SOC,

SMASH. Yes, you shoop, of COURSE it’s wrong!!! Your words say no, but your actions say yes, yes, yes!!!

You may not mean to (we’ll get to that later), but you are totally leading him on. This sweet but incredibly stupid friend of yours has deluded himself into thinking that you’ll come around because he’s courting you with all this crap. Money don’t buy love, honey. Unless you’re a ho. So…

Look. You can afford the rent now, so stop accepting his cash. Pay equal rent. That is your first and most obvious step. After that, when he brings you gifts, tell him, “Thank you so much, but you’ve been getting me things so much lately! I just can’t accept another thing.” Yes, it’s rude. But it is NECESSARY to STOP THE MADNESS.

Doesn’t it bother you that he is trying (fairly successfully, by the way!) to buy your love?!?!?!?! ARE YOU A FRIENDSTITUTE?!?!?!?! It’s so messed up of you to take advantage of someone like this. It’s even more messed up that you’re taking advantage of your childhood best friend. Do you not care about him at all?! Or do you just think you deserve more than him? Is that it?! Do you think you’re more entitled to his money than he is?!!?

Oh, and back to that, “you may not mean to.” Yeah, I think you mean to. I think you’re more than happy to take advantage of this dude. And gross of him to think you’d go for it. But also gross of you TO go for it. Gross. Gross. So 1892. Geez. Woman up.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Qvestion?! Ansver: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I kind of hate my best friend.

It’s not her fault. She’s fine. She’s nice to me. She’s nice to our other friends. I’ve been living with her since Freshman year (we’re Juniors now) and she’s good as a roommate. But I just can’t stand her. She’s just always on my nerves. She complains about everything. I used to think it was funny but now it just brings me down. And if you ever say you like something, she always has to tell you why it isn’t worth liking until you can’t stand it either.

The rest of our friends still hang out with her but only in groups. They don’t come to our room anymore to hang out because she’s always complaining. I get stuck with her because I live with her, and I don’t want to sneak out too much or I think it will hurt her feelings. She’s not a bad person. She’s actually really thougthful and smart. She just really brings me down, and I feel terrible about it. What do I do?

Bad Friend

Dear Bad Friend,

That flooping sucks. There are some people (okay, many people) who just suck all the air out of the room. Some people call them psychic vampires. Those people are annoying too. People who are a bummer but who are otherwise great people are that much more of a bummer. You want them to be the cool person you know they are, but here they come again, dragging everyone down to their complainy depths. And it sucks, because it sounds like you totally like her. She is, after all, your “best friend,” and she’s definitely your roommate.

But you’re in luck, because lil’ ol’ Tuffy actually has a really good idea for you: SET HER UP! No, not for a crime. SHOOOOOOOP. Set her up on a DATE. In other words, find her a guy. Or at the very least, set her on the path to finding a guy.

This is good for several reasons:

(1) She’ll have someone else to complain to.

(2) It frees you up to hang out with your friends who aren’t downers. And

(3) She might actually get happier!!

This is win-win for both of you. Otherwise, I suggest, since she’s your best friend, that you sit down and talk to her about it. After all, maybe she just needs a supportive friend. And, as her bff, that should really be you. By the by, if you think she’s depressed, please help her get some help. Find out about the counseling services at your school and take her there yourself. Be a good friend, but don’t get pulled down in the process!

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Dear Tuffy Luv,

What do I get my new guy for Christmas? We’ve been dating for a month and a half. I don’t want to come on too strong but I also don’t want to look cheap. Thanks!

Gifter

Dear Gifter,

Okay, I love it!

You’re totally right. You don’t want to come off as a creepster. So no, like, gold watches or new Adidas or helicopters or something. But you’re also right you don’t want to look disinterested by getting him, like, a plastic piece of poop. So walk that line!! Here are some guidelines lil’ ol’ Tuffy done thought up:

1. Keep it around $30. That’s the right amount at this stage. It’s thoughtful but not over the top.

2. Keep it personal. Think about something he told you he liked. Loves a sports team? Get him a team jersey. Extra points if you can get a signed ball. Does he like hiking? Get him a new backpack. He will be so thrilled you were listening (and you better be listening!!) and that you went out of your way to get him something he’d really love.

3. No personal hygiene products. Magazines tell you he’ll love it. Magazines lie. He wants something that’s fun. He’ll brush his teeth after the New Year.

4. Tickets are generally good. Tix to an event that HE is interested in (very important that HE is interested in the event!!!) that you can get to together is a totally sweet surprise. For the ticket thing, you can go a little over $30 if you need to, since you’ll be sharing in the gift. HOWEVER!!! Do NOT get anything too far in advance — too clingy! The event should be within the next few weeks from when he receives the gift.

5. Be genuine. Get him something because you WANT to. If you find getting him a good, personal gift to be too much of a chore, maybe it’s time to break the floop up and find someone you really care about.

Happy holidays!

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I’m a college sophomore girl and I seem to have a major problem with boys — I am CLUELESS when it comes to them! I just got out of a short relationship (actually my first one) and what it made me realize was I gravitate toward guys who express their interest in me FIRST because I feel unworthy of the guys that I have a crush on (like they’re too good for me or something along that line). Now, I have my eye on a new guy right now, but these questions are mainly for any guy I’m interested in, in the future. But as for this guy, I’ve gotten his number and we’ve talked a few times, one of those times being with my roommate and his roommate, and the talks were all pretty short and “meaningless.” Now first of all, if I just simply want to get to know a guy better, how much is too much as far as texting goes and how much should I go up to his room to talk to him (we’re in the same dorm)? I’m really focused on just getting to know him better before I start to dive into something, if it’s there. BUT when/if I do get to the flirting part, HOW DO I DO THAT? How much is too much?

Sincerely,

Boy-Inept

Dear Boy-Inept,

Honey, I’m gonna be honest with you: I think you’re just chicken. Texting?! OMG. How NOT effective can you be. No! Girl!!! Go to his room once. Ask him if he wants to grab coffee. And THAT’S how it’s done. Confident. Cool. Fun. THAT’S what guys like. And you can so be those things. It’s all about working up the courage. Anyone can do it. So listen up, the rest of youse:

(1) Decide on a day and time you will make your (very casual) move.
(2) An hour before you do it, have a dance party by yourself. Put on your favorite music and dance that shoop out.
(3) A half hour before, get dressed and spray yourself with perfume. No changing.
(4) Five minutes before, look yourself in the eye in a big mirror and say eight times out loud: “I am awesome.”
(5) Go say hi to him and ask him if he wants to grab coffee.

Wow. So easy. You can totally do this.

Because, like, what’s coffee?! Chances are, he wants to hang out with you ANYWAY. But no matter what, it’s a totally tiny commitment. And once you have coffee with him, you’ll know if you’re even interested in trying again. It’s so win-win I could vom.

I’m rooting for you, girl.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv. (You KNOW this.)

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I stole my best friend’s boyfriend.

I know it sounds bad but here’s the situation. She didn’t love him. They were just dating because he asked her out and she was too lazy to break up with him. She was always complaining that he wasn’t thoughtful enough or romantic enough and etc.

But I saw something really special in this guy. Let’s call him T. He is the nicest sweetest person and we always had chemistry. I actually introduced them. T and I had a lit class together and we always hung out. I took him to a party and he though my best friend was really cute so I set them up.

But then I watched how she treated him (not good — making him carry things and complaining about him to me behind his back) and I realized I had developed feelings for him.

One day we were hanging out and I don’t know why I told him — and he said he felt the same way!

Anyway, he broke up with my best friend and we started dating. We were going to keep it secret but everyone found out kind of quickly.

So now my best friend won’t speak to me. We’ve been friends since the beginning of college (we’re juniors now) and I can’t stand the idea of losing her. But I don’t think it’s fair of her to keep me from dating the guy of my dreams just because she dated him for three months.

Help!

Found Love

Dear Found Love,

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!?! Why would you write to me with this?! WHYYYY?! DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT NOW I MUST SMASH YOU?!?!?!??!??!

Okay, look. No. Bad dog. Heel. You can’t just convince this guy to stop seeing your best friend to see YOU and then expect your best friend to be fine with it. Seriously. Are you kidding me?! If you REALLLLLLLY  think this is, like, THE ONE, then here’s what you SHOULD have done: You should have gone to your best friend and TOLD HER. Is that so hard?! I mean, a little communication between besties?! SERIOUSLY.

Anyway, you should have told her, and then you should have figured out a way to handle it where no one’s feelings got hurt. Instead, you went behind her back and flirted with him and told HIM and then he dumped her for you. TOTALLY HUMILIATING for her. I’d hate you too.

Listen, um, your relationship with your best friend is probably unsalvageable. If you really care about her, you can try to go beg and plead and apologize. However, something tells me you DON’T really care about her. Because if you did, you never woulda done her this way. Look, you got your guy. What do you want?

Peace, jerkface.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Dear Tuffy Luv,

My roommate forced me to get an account on plentyoffish.com, where I actually met a really nice guy, Ryan.  We started talking and I found out that we went to the same high school, and graduated the same year (coincidence!).  We talked on Plenty of Fish for a few days and then I gave him my phone number (we did go to high school together, after all).

Everything was going GREAT and we really hit it off.  He’s Catholic, I’m Catholic. He’s a Republican, I’m a Republican.   He works construction, and he seems like a really nice person.  We have a lot in common and we remember each other from high school, kind of.

Here’s the PROBLEM. Every time we make plans to hangout, he ALWAYS backs out.  I mean I talk to the guy for at least an hour a day (texting, calling, Facebook, etc) and he won’t meet up.  He asked me out on a date once and I said sure and then we decided to meet at this concert we both wanted to go to. I told him to bring a friend, and I brought a friend…he never showed.

He always asks me out and asks me to hangout with him but then when we plan on meeting somewhere he stands me up or complains because he doesn’t want to meet my friends because it would be “awkward.”  YES of course it will be awkward at first, but have a few drinks, loosen up!

I think it would be awkward if we met just the two of us for the first time (since high school) without friends or at least alcohol present.  Am I wrong?  Should I meet him for lunch just the two of us, or should he just grow some BALLS and suck it up…meet my friends and ME?

I have a feeling that he might be the one…just from what we talk about and everything, but if we never meet, how can we have a relationship? Do I stop talking to him? On the other hand if I pass him up, I might regret it for the rest of my life. Opinion pleasee?!

-Stood up and Shot down.

Dear Stoop up and Shot down,

No! Bad girl!

In other words:

SIT THE FLOOP BACK DOWN.

Something is obviously SERIOUSLY wrong. He won’t meet up. He’s canceling or just not showing. In spite of you saying that you’re uncomfortable meeting solo the first time, he is insistent (and, in fact, unbudging) in his need to meet you by yourself.

SHADY SHADY SHADY.

No no no, girl. Don’t meet this guy without a friend. I am getting a BAD BAD vibe.

Okay, to be real, he is probably not a serial killer. He’s probably sinister in a much more minor way.

But why take the chance?!

Look, either way, he is purposely making you uncomfortable by insisting you do something you’ve already said you don’t want to do. If he’s already this creepy and pushy and controlling, how do you think he’s going to be in a relationship?!

And you want to MEET this guy?!?!!?!?!

No, girl. Sit. Heel. Stay.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.