And the lady on page 194 isn’t this week’s only bright spot—our posts since Monday have been full of pluses. For example:

- Something called the Amethyst Initiative wants to lower the drinking age, which should come in handy when your study group wants to start pounding shots. Drunk studying for midterms: CC tested, commenter approved.

- Dressing up for Halloween doesn’t necessarily mean looking like a hooker, unless, you know, you want to look like a hooker with a sense of humor.

- Getting ready for unscheduled boot-knocking is simple…

… as is buying fresh, healthy produce.

- And speaking of produce: it’s finally pumpkin season! Mmmmm, pie.

- There are bright-eyed, bushy-tailed freshmen out there who are somehow excited about writing papers. That’s just heartwarming.

- AskMen.com’s list of 2009’s most influential dudes is light on substance, but heavy on eye candy. As far as I’m concerned, Don Draper can top any list he wants.

Of course, this week wasn’t all sunshine and pumpkins—we had to deal with bad kissers, Spencer Pratt’s continued douchitude, and, er… how to deal when your guy wants to use the back door. But for now, let’s focus on the positive. Have a great weekend!

You may find yourself asking, what does it take for a man to leave his mark on society in this day and age? AskMen.com made a list of the 49 most influential men of 2009, as voted by the readers. And apparently, the AskMen readers believe that the man that has most inspired them this year is Don Draper, the main character in AMC’s series Mad Men.

Leave it to the male gender to vote a fictional character (who is sexist, racist and cheats on his wife) into the number one spot. This man’s biggest mark on society is his abuse of alcohol and cigarettes. Now there’s a man to look up to.

After reviewing the list it looks like the majority of names have had more influence on my late night fantasies than my actual life. Sex symbols such as Robert Pattinson, Roger Federer and Ashton Kutcher, to name a few, littered the list of “influential” man-meat. But to be fair, the vampire trend has really taken off thanks to Pattinson’s cold stare, so I guess he is influential in his own right.

I liked to see that #4 Mark Zuckerberg followed #3 man, Barack Obama. The President of the United States and the man that created Facebook should run side by side as pillars of inspiration.

Men such as Usain Bolt, the Jamaican sprinter and three-time Olympic gold-medalist, and Chesley Sullenberger, the pilot that successfully landed a plane in the Hudson River earlier this year, saved this list in my eyes. Champions and heroes such as these deserve to be recognized and honored as influential men of our time. Ryan Seacrest, however, probably does not.

This week’s article warns men to get rid of emasculating trends in their relationship. I didn’t realize this was such a problem, but apparently men are being emasculated from coast to coast and someone at AskMen thinks it needs to stop.

And he means business.

The article puts men in their place right from the start: “When women emasculate us, it’s often because we let them do it. Our wives don’t want to think of us as anything less than men — they only think about us like that when we act like that. All those emasculating trends in our relationships, we’re complicit in them. If you no longer feel like the man of the house, it’s at least partly your fault.”

Of course, showing any signs of having an actual human soul will lead your girlfriend to see you as a girly child and treat you as such. If you’re not pounding your chest and tearing the flesh off a dead zebra, something is very, very wrong with you. And your lady hates it.

Let’s see what the “men” at AskMen advises the boys to do:

AskMen says: Stop asking for her opinion… It can get dangerously easy to defer to her when making a simple decision, like which restaurant to go to, either because you want her to be happy or because you honestly don’t care. There’s nothing wrong with asking for input periodically, but incessantly asking her what she wants to do tonight, or what she’s thinking about, will only irritate her.

I say: I would love a man to ask my opinion on something and actually care what the response is. It shows that you really care about someone when you consider their own wants and needs as well as your own. And, no, I don’t think a guy is super girly if he asks me what restaurant I’d prefer.

Askmen says: No good can come from baby talk. It’s one of the most common emasculating trends in a relationship. You may think it’s cute; she may think it’s cute, but we can guarantee she doesn’t think it’s sexy, and in a relationship sexy trumps cute 100% of the time.

I say: I baby-talk with my boyfriend and love it. We both recognize that it’s a bit ridiculous, but it’s fun to have a break from proper English now and then. And I may not find it sexy, but he does.

Askmen says: Stop whining… We understand she’s your significant other, and if you’re worried about losing your job or about your Dad’s health, she’s obviously your go-to person. Just try to keep minor annoyances to yourself.

I say: This is probably good advice for relationships and friendships. No one wants to be around someone who can only see negatives in life. But don’t be afraid to talk to your girlfriend if something is really bothering you, even if it is just a little thing like an mean comment from a coworker or a headache. It will probably make her feel good to know you want to go to her with that stuff. This is a relationship, after all – aren’t we supposed to put our guards down and be who we are?!

Askmen says: One way to remind her you’re a man, is to remind her she’s a woman. So get traditional. Take her out to dinner and choose the restaurant yourself. Buy her flowers and open the car door for her. Pay for the meal. Going a little old school is a great way to reverse emasculating trends. It will remind her that you’re a gentleman — emphasis on the man part. You’re a guy who can take care of her and make her feel like a lady.

I say: Ah, gender roles at their finest. Any women would appreciate a nice meal or flowers now and then, but remember that we don’t need men to take care of us and make us ladies.

All in all, this article is basically a bunch of gender stereotypes compiled into a neat little list. It’s about time men stop worrying so much about being “men” and start focusing on being humans. Because the most emasculating thing of all? Turning to a website to teach you how to be a “real man.”

Take that, AskMen.com!

This week’s article lists a number of reasons why women are (supposedly) attracted to taken men. Let’s see what they have to say…

AskMen says: “In the Garden of Eden, Eve sinks her teeth into the one piece of fruit that God instructed her to avoid — so began a long line of women who wanted, oh so badly, what they could not have.”

I Say: Actually, I’m pretty sure Eve convinced Adam to eat the forbidden fruit instead of biting into it herself. Nevertheless, I don’t really find bible references to be the most accurate explanations of human behavior.

AskMen Says: “Significant others are a reflection of the people they date. That’s why it’s in a girl’s best interest to act like her boyfriend’s PR rep: to mention whenever possible that he studied at Harvard — oh, and he plays in a band. When she boasts, her listeners see him through the rose-colored glasses that she wears.”

I Say: Of coarse, the only way women can make themselves seem like decent human beings to to boast to others about the great things their boyfriend does.

AskMen Says: “Girls want what other girls have. To women, the simple fact that a guy is someone’s favorite flavor makes him worth a try.”

I Say: For some girls, sure. But it’s definitely not a majority of women who feel this way. Most of us abide by the same code men do: hands off your friend’s man!

AskMen says: “Consider this: If a man risks his entire relationship — commitment be damned — for one exceptionally steamy night with another woman, that other woman will go home feeling like she has one-upped Helen of Troy. That’s bragging rights to the max.”

I Say: I would never, ever brag about sleeping with someone else’s boyfriend.

AskMen Says:”In short, women believe that men who are single are single for a reason. Backward as it may sound, the ones who aren’t available are the ones worth going for.”

I Say: Single women who know that not having a boyfriend doesn’t mean there’s something inherently wrong with them. We are smart enough to know  that a man not being in a relationship doesn’t mean he is defective.

AskMen says: “Women want to screw over other women… Women size up their competition and somehow rationalize that her boyfriend is begging to be with a real woman — no offense to the tramp he’s with.”

I Say: Women are terrible, horrifying creatures responsible for all the evil in the word. Right, askmen?

AskMen says: “The man exuding confidence like perspiration in a sweat lodge has his arm blissfully around his bombshell of a girlfriend — and in case you didn’t notice, she’s all about him. What better proof exists that he is successful, intelligent and endlessly charming? Men who enjoy this luxury are infinitely more natural, comfortable and cool. They worry little, stress out even less. This all adds up to a man with incredible romantic gravity who pulls women into his orbit.”

I Say: Seeing a girl who loves her man does not make every woman immediately want that man. However “successful, intelligent and endlessly charming.” Most women will turn off their advances the moment they see he is taken.

All in all, askmen offers another pigheaded view of how women work.

Have you ever gone after someone else’s boyfriend? Why?

This Week’s Article: 5 Lies All Women Tell by askmen.com.

This article’s tag line is: “If she’s said any of these things to you, she’s lying.” Starting off with a gross generalization is never a good thing, but let’s take a look at what lies the boys at AskMen think we’ve been telling. All of us. Every time we speak.

“I’m not mad at you.”

Askmen says: “Oh, yes she is. Don’t think you’re getting off that easily. This lie is one of the most frequently used in relationships. Typically, women who have been hurt by men in their lives — often inadvertently — use this phrase as an emotional defense. For example, if a guy forgets his girlfriend’s birthday, calls her by his ex’s name or commits any of the other minor screw ups that most men do on a daily basis, women usually can’t just let it go. They dwell on it, letting worries whittle away normal feelings of well-being like a dog gnaws on a bone.”

I say: This is true some of the time, but there are definitely times we really just aren’t mad! Really! And if we are, we don’t all let it “whittle away normal feelings of well-being”; we can get over things, you know. The best way to get around this confusion is to encourage open and honest communication from the start of a relationship.

“I don’t mind if you go to strip clubs with the boys.”

Askmen says: “If this one sounds too good to be true, that’s because it is. Word to the wise: Virtually all women mind when their men go out to ogle other women at strip clubs without them.”

I say: I love strip clubs. I’ve even done amateur night. I don’t mind if you go and I’ll probably ask to come along!

“I’m just not ready for a boyfriend right now.”

Askmen says: “The truth is, if the woman is single and at all interested in you, she will certainly make the time to date you. It’s that simple.”

I say: That’s true. But it’s important to note that dating and being boyfriend-girlfriend are not necessarily the same things, and it’s possible she just wants something more casual.

“I don’t mind picking up the tab tonight; you always pay anyway.”

Askmen says: “Not true. Although this lie doesn’t apply to all women, most still do expect men to pay for things, especially if the man asked them out in the first place. They will secretly think that the guy is cheap if he wriggles out of the bill on a regular basis.”

I say: Not true. My boyfriend and I split everything, because we’re both broke at the moment. I don’t think less of him at all.

“That was f*cking great!”

Askmen says: “This lie falls under the broad category of sex lies. When women are committed to a man, they focus on him, often believing, time and time again, that he is “the one.” Because girls have this tendency, they also tell guys whatever they think they want to hear (like they just had an orgasm), just to make them feel good about themselves.

I say: So anytime we say we’ve had an orgasm, it’s really just our secret hope that you are our soulmate? (And that we want to spend the rest of our lives with someone who can’t satisfy us!?) This sounds scarily like it falls under the old school “women don’t like sex but do it to keep men happy” train of thought, and that is just wrong.

What are some lies you girls have actually told?

Men are tricky creatures. As much as we may wish we could read their minds, it just isn’t possible (yet… come on, science!). But don’t worry, I have discovered a trick to help us understand them a little more.

We all know guys that have picked up Cosmo from time-to-time (or have a monthly subscription) to help them figure out what their women are thinking. Hell, I bet a bunch of guys are reading CollegeCandy right now to try and figure something out about their girlfriends. Well ladies, we can do the same thing! Taking a peek at the kind of dating and relationship advice guys are being fed is a great way to get into the mind of a dude and see why he acts the way he does. Every Wednesday I’ll be doing just that. Hopefully, this will explain a few things…

This Week’s Article: Her Best Friend Is A Guy by askmen.com.

As someone who has a lot of close platonic male friends in her life, this article particularly irked me. And by “irked,” I mean “pissed me the hell off.”

The boys (they are not men) over at AskMen refuses to believe that a male and female can truly ever be good friends. As they say, “we’re operating under the assumption that heterosexual men and women cannot be best friends; sex always gets in the way.” I know many people may believe this, but I am living testament to the fact that it is not true. I would never dream of sleeping with my best guy friends, who I absolutely adore, and I know they feel the same way about me. In fact, the mere thought of it all makes me puke in my mouth a little.

Moving on…

The article lists a number of steps to help the reader deal when the girl he is dating has a close male friend. The first few sound OK: don’t express jealousy, meet the best friend, be nice to her best friend, find out their history, etc. The steps all seem pretty normal and natural in any relationship, but don’t be fooled. According to the author, your boyfriend’s “main objective here is to assess the competition,” rather than simply get to know your friend and what role he plays in your life.

And if being shady and manipulative isn’t bad enough, it all goes downhill from here. After assessing the competition, the article advises guys to phase BFF out. Why? “If her best friend is a guy, it’s probably going to cause problems for your relationship, as there will always be another guy with whom she’s emotionally intimate.” Because clearly it’s impossible for men to understand or accept that women can be emotionally connected to more than one person. Especially a dude; if she was emotionally intimate with a female friend, I doubt it would be a problem.

But, again, it gets even worse.

Step 7: Get her to talk about him. The article says: “Another useful technique for phasing him out is to subtly get her to talk about him. Encourage her whenever she starts complaining about him. Be there whenever the two of them get into an argument.”

Um, NO! Of coarse you should be there for your S.O. when they are fighting with a friend, but this shady approach to ruin their friendship will only push your girlfriend away. If she gets the sense that you hate her male friend (and she definitely will when you start prodding her to complain about him…we’re not dense like SOME people…) it’s only going to make her question your motives. And besides, shouldn’t men stop being so damn selfish and insecure and think about what makes their girlfriends happy for once? You know, like having healthy relationships with their friends?

Step 8: Get him to embarrass himself. “OK, granted, setting her best friend up to embarrass himself is a pretty shifty move, but all is fair in love and war, right? Try getting her best friend drunk, or subtly encouraging asinine behavior.” This kind of behavior doesn’t just make guys bad boyfriends, it make them all around sh*tty people. Honestly, who does this?!

AskMen should be telling their readers to GROW UP. So what if their girlfriend has close male friends? If they are honestly a threat, the guys need to talk to her about it. But they usually aren’t and guys need to realize that they are important people in her life and probably will be for a while. Just because someone’s girlfriend has a best male friend doesn’t mean she will be less of a girlfriend to him. It should actually be a good thing. It shows that she is good at relating to guys, and probably enjoys some more male-oriented activities. It also means that when they get into fights, instead of sitting around with her girlfriends talking about what a dick the guy is, maybe she’ll talk it out with her guy friend and he’ll help her see that there are two sides to every argument.

Of course, guys don’t see that. At least the ones writing these articles. They’re far too insecure to have a relationship, let alone a healthy one.

Girls, have you noticed your boyfriends employing any of these steps to rid you of your male friends?

Men are tricky creatures. As much as we may wish we could read their minds, it just isn’t possible (yet… come on, science!). But don’t worry, I have discovered a trick to help us understand them a little more.

We all know guys that have picked up Cosmo from time-to-time (or have a monthly subscription) to help them figure out what their women are thinking. Hell, I bet a bunch of guys are reading CollegeCandy right now to try and figure something out about their girlfriends. Well ladies, we can do the same thing! Taking a peek at the kind of dating and relationship advice guys are being fed is a great way to get into the mind of a dude and see why he acts the way he does. Every Wednesday I’ll be doing just that. Hopefully, this will explain a few things…

This Week’s Article: “Open Up to Her?” from askmen.com.

A reader writes to Doc Love (really? Doc Love?) because he has been having problems with the woman he has been dating for 21 months. He writes: “Caprice is now saying she doesn’t know if we’re compatible. She still says she loves me and is still touchy with me (so I don’t think it’s just Womanese). One of her specific complaints is that I don’t communicate, and that she doesn’t really know me. In your book you say not to talk too much about yourself and only tell her things that will raise her Interest Level. I shut my mouth and make sure I listen, but if she asks what I think about something and I think my answer will lower Interest Level, I don’t say anything. Should I open up more?”

Doc Love’s first move is to remind the writer that he is always right. He says: “”The System” works all the time on everything. If you missed something in the Dating Dictionary or misinterpreted my techniques, then it’s not a problem with my book; it’s a problem with you. So please don’t say it only works ‘up to a point.’” Wow, way to hit that cocky ball out of the park, Doc Love. You really think you have all the dating answers? There isn’t one single situation in the whole world that the Doc Love “system” might not work for?

I’m really hating this guy already.

He continues to give the man some genius advice about how to communicate with a woman: “When Caprice asks what you think about something, you should always come back with something funny. Kid her about whatever she wants to know. In other words, give her what’s called a ‘non-answer answer.’” Because every woman craves sarcasm and avoidance!

Doc Love’s final conclusion on Syward’s problem is that there is absolutely no saving this relationship: “What should you do? There’s only one thing you can do with Caprice now, Syward: Drop her. Being more open with this girl won’t help because she wants to know it all. Don’t go telling her everything about yourself unless it’s positive.”

I finished this article with a giant WTF!?!? in my head. Doc Love should be telling Syward that his  girlfriend is starting to realize that she doesn’t know anything about him because he’s only telling her some perfectly filtered version of his life, as per Doc Love’s “system.” He should tell this guy that now that his girlfriend is in love with him, it’s OK to open up a bit. Isn’t that the point of a relationship in the first place – to trust someone completely with everything you are? She wants to know the real him, the one who has problems and bad days just like everyone else. She wants to be able to have a normal conversation with him that doesn’t end in sarcasm or belittling her concerns.

The fact that Doc Love tells this guy to simply dump the girl is infuriating. Neither one of these people is going to be happy with that and this advice is relationship suicide for Syward. What girl isn’t going to want to get to know more of him in a relationship? If he keeps up this advice, he’ll be single (and probably lonely) forever.

This kind of advice is the reason men and women have such problems communicating. Letting someone into your life and getting to know them is hard, but it’s especially hard if they’re purposely filtering the version of themselves that they let you see. Maybe Doc Love’s system would work on the first few dates, but by the time the relationship gets serious to be considering marriage (as Syward’s is) it’s time to start being honest with each other.

What do you guys think? Do you know any men that seem to be playing the “system”?

No one can deny that the male ego is truly an amazing (and monstrous) thing after reading the article, “Why Women Can’t Be Bosses” posted on AskMen.com. In a breakdown of the reasons why women apparently suck at being in charge, the article really makes some rather interesting points (interesting = far fetched, misogynistic and disgusting), some of which include how women don’t know how to control their emotions, how they hold grudges, and apparently all – yes I repeat, all -  have queen bee syndrome.

This has to be a joke, right? I mean, no guy really feels this way about women, right?

Take this line, for example: “In order for women to compete with any level of competence, they have to adopt masculine qualities.” Seriously? Wow. I wonder to which male qualities the writer is referring. Is it the ignorance, the insolence, or just the immaturity to write such absurd blogs like this one?

Or how about the claim made that women act the same way in a business setting as they do in relationships? Because apparently we don’t know how to separate the two or act in a professional manner. I’m not saying women don’t sometimes have emotional outbursts, hormonal rages, whatever, in a relationship,  but how does that automatically translate to their professional lives?

And, what, men can’t be crazy? I’ve seen men throw punches outside a bar over a sporting event, but I don’t automatically assume they are going to start punching people at work.  Maybe the real issue is that women are understanding creatures, whereas men are just quick to judge. I can’t imagine that’s a great quality in a boss.

The article concludes with this final thought: in being a boss, “there are goals to attain, hills to take” and “battles to win — all of which require decisive leadership and the respect of those serving underneath.” While that was intended to be yet another dig at the female leader, it seems to me like men are automatically disqualified from any sort of leadership role. I sure don’t see any “respect” for women coming from this article. Women who, since they can’t be leaders themselves, would 100% be serving underneath them.

It’s 2009 and, sadly, stereotypes still exist, and always will. They will never ever go away. In fact, as this article proves, they will only get worse and worse. But who cares? We can break these stereotypes and prove men wrong. That’s what they’re afraid of anyway, isn’t it? It’s that fear of being beaten out for jobs that leads men to make such ridiculous assumptions.

A leader or boss is someone who is decisive, strong, dedicated, and assertive. If that doesn’t describe a woman of the new milennium, I’m not sure what does.

We sifted through the list of influencers to find the best of the bunch. Influential and hot…this is a list of pure perfection. What more could a girl ask for?

12. Michael Phelps- With 8 Olympic gold medals under his Speedo, Mr. Phelps can stroke my breast breast stroke me any day!

11. Mark Zuckerberg- This Facebook creater and cutie patootie may not be Brad, but he’s got this “I Lover Nerds” appeal that gives him a spot on our list. Plus he invented the best, most addictive website EVER.

10) Kobe Bryant- What can I say? It’s Kobe! He speaks a few languages, is an amazing bballer and is one hot, hot man…infidelity aside.

9. Brett Favre- What a comeback…and he’s still fine as hell.

8. Ryan Seacrest-You may be sick of him, cuz he’s EVERYWHERE, but hey…I don’t mind lookin’.

7. Jon Stewart- He’s funny, smart, and ohmygod those eyes.

6. George Clooney- Mista Clooney will be on every hot man list till he’s 6-feet-under…

5) Cristiano Ronaldo – Foreign + soccer player + check out that bod = HOT!

4. Brad Pitt- How do you spell hotsexgod? B-R-A-D-P-I-T-T

3. Heath Ledger - RIP… you’re still hot.

2. Christian Bale – He can go American Psycho on me wheneva, whereva.

1. David Beckham – I…um…god, wow…just, uh, look at the picture

Which hottie has the most influence on you?