If starting to plan Halloween costumes mid-July is wrong, then I never want to be right.  I have absolutely no shame in admitting that I get semi-turned on when I see stores start stocking candy corn and Halloween-y (weenie…ha. ha. ha) decorations in September.  It’s the inner child in me.  Unfortunately, it’s time to grow up, and grow up I will do.

Yet, for Halloween, “grow up” doesn’t have to always involve wearing see-through lingerie and animal ears and calling yourself a “Sexy Kitten.”  There’s a difference between “Sexy Kitten” and “Naked Kitten,” something that many girls don’t want to understand.  I’m all for celebrating the one night a year when you can dress seductively in public and nobody can say a word, but I’m also all for those girls who realize they don’t have to look like a total hooker to get into the Halloween spirit.

So if you’re stumped for ideas this year that don’t involve thongs, ass-less chaps, or stripper shoes, here are a few ideas that are sexy but don’t make guys stop and question if you’ll be charging for sex later on:

Hipster: But, let’s be real, Hipsters are not sexy.

Wayne & Garth (Wayne’s World): Ingredients: a brunette and blonde, black t-shirt, trucker hats, glasses, plaid shirt, ripped jeans (all things easily found in a dorm). Imagine how much warmer you’ll be instead of freezing your culo off. Speaking of culo…

Chola: To some, that brown lip liner and drawn-in eyebrows look may be sexy, but since it’s more likely to scare the crap out of people, it’s even more perfect for Halloween.

Risky business broad: Oversize white button-down, socks, wayfarer sunglasses, some booty shorts (or, if you’re willing, tighty-whiteys) and if you want to add a hint of seduction, add a red bra.  A little sexiness won’t kill you…

Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, or that OxyClean Guy: Or anyone else who really stood out in 2009. Octomom? Jon Gosselin? Swine Flu? Lady Gaga? (Though I would avoid her costume with the fireworks boobs…that might get dangerous.) Read More »

Okay, for a while, Tyra Banks‘ schtick was cute. On Top Model, she was bold and she was out there, walking the runway of Fierce Supermodel World. She definitely taught those young, naive models-in-the-making how to work it out and she always knew how to bring out the drama and make me tune in, week after week, marathon after marathon. I was a Tyra fan at one point, because she had just enough of that different personality to catch my attention.

Then, she got her own talk show and decided it was time to push her “I’ll say and do anything for ratings” image. Now, she’s a complete nut bag, she’s all over the television no matter what time of day it is, no matter what channel you turn to, and it’s like – okay. You’re crazy, Tyra. You’re out of your mind. We get it. Now shut up.

They say three strikes and you’re out. Well, here are just three of Tyra’s many recent strikes that have sent her from fierce to f*cking crazy:

1. This clip of Tyra going bat-shit crazy for Vaseline. Hey, I like petroleum jelly just as much as the next girl – it’s great for make-up remover and whatever else your dirty minds can cook up. But do I love it as much as she does? Should anyone love it as much as she does? Ummm, no. Read More »