Welcome back to The Rival Rundown! If you’ve always wanted to give props to your school on CC, now’s your chance! Shoot us an email explaining what’s awesome and unique about your school (or what stinks about Rival U) at rivalrundown@collegecandy.com!

Let’s travel to the Midwest, where the people are friendly, the food is hearty, and the state school rivalries are relentlessly combative. In the great state of Indiana, two state school systems (Indiana University and Purdue University) are so entrenched in a battle for loyalty that many homes boast signs in their windows reading “A House Divided”–or in other words, the domain has both Purdue and IU alumni.  Can one school win the rights to true Hoosier pride?

1. Mascot Match-up

Indiana – The Hoosiers are not only the university mascot but the state nickname–a term for someone who transports bales of cotton.  Though a derogatory word in other parts of the country, a Hoosier is a label of pride in Indiana!
Purdue – The Boilermakers get their moniker from the longstanding tradition of excellence in engineering at Purdue, which in the 1890s (at the time of the mascot’s inception) meant toiling in the forge room to boil and meld metal.

Three credits to: Indiana, since it takes some balls to claim a questionable slang term for a school (and state) nickname!

2. Crimson and Gold Cup Stats

Indiana – In the six academic years the contest has been held, Indiana has won 3 times and tied once.
Purdue – Won the Cup in ’07, and tied in ’08.

Three Credits to:  Indiana has the definitive edge here!

3. Academic Specialties

Indiana – New York isn’t the only place to make it as a journalist– Indiana is a tour de force in producing great writers. The university has graduated more than 30 Pulitzer Prize winners, while its creative writing MFA program and workshops are world-renowned.
Purdue – If you’ve always wanted to be an astronaut (I’m talking to you, Lance Bass), Purdue is the place to be. Along with MIT, Purdue has boasted more alumni in NASA space programs than any other non-military university. The school also receives funding from NASA and the National Science Foundation for research in aeronautics.

Three credits to: Purdue–actually, it is rocket science (ayoo!).

4. Ass-kicking Alumni

Indiana – Jared the Subway Guy, Meg Cabot (author of The Princess Diaries), Will Shortz (NYT crossword puzzle writer).
Purdue –Neil Armstrong, Jim Gaffigan, Harold Gray (wrote “Little Orphan Annie”).

Three credits to: Purdue. How can it be that the first man on the moon and the infamous Hot Pockets dude are both Boilermakers?

5. Acceptance Rate Agony (for the class of 2012)

Indiana – 70.7%
Purdue – 71.5%

Three credits to:   Indiana!

And the diploma goes to: Indiana is the definitive winner here. Forgive us for the cliche, but Hoosier daddy?

Two guys, in the dining hall, sitting over empty plates:

“What are we doing tonight?”

“Dan’s probably going on a beer run. I think there are a few parties up at the apartments. I wanna get crunk.”

“Definitely, man. Gonna rock it.”

After a moment:

“We’re playing Magic tonight, aren’t we?”

“Yeah. Probably.”

Two girls at a party:

“It’s not ‘yes’. I’m drinking. It can’t be yes if I’m drinking.”

“Can you just say ‘yes’ now?”

“But I won’t be be able to say ‘no’ later.”

“You wouldn’t say ‘no’ anyway, would you?”

“No. No, I probably wouldn’t.”

Nearby, the boy with his arm around one girl looks terribly uncomfortable.

One frat boy, from across the library: “Burrito?”

Many frat boys, holding burritos: “BURRITO!”

“So, like, bondage?”

“No, no. How about this. We pretend the bed is a rocket ship, and that we’re all astronauts. And we can only talk with our short-wave radios. And every time we talk dirty, we have to say ‘over and out’.”

One dude talks across a lunch table:

“Talking about relationships is easy. I think drawing diagrams really helps.”

A pause.

“Maybe I’m not the best person to be talking to about this.”

Outraged girl, storming over to the table with a newspaper:

“Since when are furries animals?”

The girl, upon further inspection, has a tail attached to her belt.

At a party, a couple is on the floor, in the middle of the room, making out.

Bystander: “Are they fine?”

Other bystander: “How are you guys doing?”

They keep making out, despite the circle of people around them.

“Yeah, I think they’re fine.”

You don’t have to look too far for examples of life with lots of bed rest. There are plenty of people in this world who are, in fact, confined to a bed with paralysis, old age, injury, sickness, or disease. Or, metaphorically speaking, many people in this world who live life without activity or zest. Bed rest, to me, is the polar opposite to traveling. In fact, it’s the exact opposite of life itself.

On the other hand, after four months of lying on a bed I would certainly have the desire and money to travel around the world. But why would I willingly do it if it means 120 precious days of life gone by?

I wouldn’t. $17,000 for bed rest is quite a price to pay for four months of life wasted.

So excuse me while I walk out my door right now and do nothing but soak in my surroundings. One minute of that is worth more than $17,000.