It’s almost the big 20-11 and that means it’s time to make your list of New Year’s Resolutions. Or more importantly, make resolutions for all the absolutely annoying people around you — or should we say, resolutions to help you deal with them better. You know, so you don’t strangle anyone this year.

The Textaholic. The movie you’ve been dying to see for weeks now is about to begin and the message comes up on the screen reminding everyone to turn off their cell phones.  The movie starts and as you’re trying to enjoy Jacob’s shirtless bod in Twilight, you’re interrupted by the constant sound of clicking coming from behind you.  It’s two hours tops, people— put the phone away!  If something is really that important, take it outside.

Resolution: Texting Support Group. Enough said.

The Stinker. It may be your best friend or maybe even some random guy in line in a store, but either way— they stink.  Unfortunately, they are so used to their extreme body odor by now that they don’t even notice it anymore.  People may have even told them and they still refuse to jump in the shower once every few weeks.

Resolution: Febreze isn’t just for your mildewy apartment anymore….

The “Do You Like Seafood” Eater. I love to eat and I’m sure a lot of other people do too.  The thing I don’t like about eating is when I’m with someone else and they shovel food into their mouth, start talking, and their food ends up on my plate.  Sorry, do I look like a baby bird that enjoys eating pre-chewed food? No.

Resolution: Ever heard of an etiquette class? Sign ‘em up! And if that doesn’t work, getting a table for 6 when it’s just the two of you and sitting at the other end should send the message loud and clear. Read More »

College brings a whole lot of new experiences, new lessons and new people. But it seems that no matter what school you go to there are same characters on every campus. The frat house groupie, the sensitive all American, the cool girl, and the Unhinged Coed.

Once upon a time, at college orientation, you met someone who spent her weekend running around meeting everyone. Even the orientation leaders, academic advisors…and cafeteria workers. This person was friendly, funny, flirty. Then classes began, parties were under way and, whoa mama, it was…girl gone wild (annoying)!

Allow me to introduce you to the Unhinged Coed.

The Unhinged Coed is an attention hog (minus the “g”) to the umpteenth power. She will do just about anything for someone to take a quick look or give her a quick dose of attention.

While she comes off friendly and fun at first, the Unhinged is quickly reduced to nothing more than the nuisance you turn to when you need something. Eager to please (and for people to know she’s helpful), she is always there with a book someone needs to borrow, notes when someone misses class, and a pair of lips when someone is drunk and looking for booty.

In her quest to be everyone’s friend, she ends up with a small group – usually like-minded attention seeking-wannabes themselves – who stick around her to gain “access” to the people she claims to be close with. Only she isn’t, because her quest to be known by all leaves her annoyed by most. Read More »

I love Karaoke. Not in that attention-whore all eyes on me way, or as any kind of talent reassurance (I am not particularly talented) but just out of a love for the entertainment and interaction that is achieved by a really good karaoke master.

Karaoke is an un-paralleled public event, in which a single song can bring an entire establishment together and entertain friends and complete strangers alike. There is no other high like it in the night life.

My love of karaoke has been several years in the making. Nights of karaoke in several cities — even states — has taught me a lot, and I am delighted to share my findings with the rest of the world.

It is through my many hours of ‘research’ that I have honed the fine art of karaoke. It is all in the song selection, ideally one that the majority of other people know. I am a firm believer that there is an appropriate karaoke song for every person and occasion. For instance:

Girls night out: It is important to pick songs significant to the female persuasion. Something girls can sing along with are perfect choices, like Pat Benatar’s “hit me with your best shot” or the classic, “Like a Virgin” by Madonna. Read More »

Dear Normal Roommates,

So – how are you? I’m probably the last person that you want to hear from but I want you to know that I’ve changed. Please just hear me out.

Before I started college, I remember hearing third and fourth hand stories about crazy roommates (You know those stories – I don’t need to summarize any of them for you). Because of those stories, I went into the dorms worried about the crazy that I might encounter, never once thinking that I could ever BE that storied roommate.

But as it turns out, I was indeed that person. On behalf of the crazies who realize that they were the crazy and the crazies who are still not aware of what their crazy is doing to their roommates, I am truly sorry and I hope that you can accept my/our apology.

Specifically to my freshman year roommates, A. and R., I apologize for coming back to our room in the middle of the night and drunkenly puttering around in the darkness. I truly believed that I was being quiet, but I only realize now that my quiet when I’m drunk equals ‘wake-you-up’ loud to unintoxicated ears. Read More »

Perhaps it’s the sheer volume of people on one concrete island, or that the people are actually more attractive and put-together. Maybe more of the residents are chemically altered more often throughout the day here. Whichever the case may be, New Yorkers are not at all shy about their catcalls, or “hollas,” if you will.

Granted, I’m from the Midwest. I completely missed out on this whole experience during my teen years. Back home, it’s mostly the sketchy old men in bars hitting on you, or, once you’ve ventured to the undergrad lifestyle, the halfway-to-blackout frat boys who think perhaps their forwardness will reward them with a piece of ass. Too often, ladies, we have caved, be it for lack of self-respect or just for fun. Hey, I’m not judging. Sometimes you just need to hook up.

Some women have never learned how to take a compliment or think anything positive about themselves, I beg those women to come to New York. It’s guarantee that of the eight million people, someone finds you attractive. Read More »