Remember when you got rejected by some snot-nosed brat named Brad because you had a pimple on your forehead and your mom told you he was an idiot and looks don’t matter. She was lying, partly. Looks matter, whether we like it or not.

This isn’t a fat/thin kind of thing. So take your head out of that dark and periled pit filled with Weeping Angels and Halls of Mirrors. Beauty really is subjective, despite whatever environmental standards may have been implanted on our subconscious. But make no mistake, beauty counts when attracting the beasts and the princes alike. When you interact with someone for the first time what do you do? You look at them. And if you don’t like what you’re looking at, things are a bit more uphill from there, aren’t they?

This is a common sense article. Do you give guys a second look if what you see isn’t appealing? Don’t pretend you don’t judge some books by their covers. Everyone does! And that’s okay. It’s natural. “Shiny, good!” We all f*cking do it. No reason to be hypocritical and claim to be immune to such primal determining of potential mates.

When did people suddenly get on this, “only what’s inside a person matters” bullcrap? Don’t dare try to pass off that how you dress, how you get your hair cut, what style you envelope yourself into — hell even what kind of glasses you wear — don’t matter to you. You make choices. You pick. Or you decide not to, because that “don’t care” look is your statement. Oh, it’s all a bit persona reflecting the person. In class, job interviews, with your family, a million different set of circumstances that you make choices to look differently for. Why? Because how you look matters!

And you better believe it does when it comes to sex and love. Regardless if you’ve been together with someone for 2 years, 5 years or 20 years, how you look STILL matters. I mean, let’s be frank. Sometimes part of the thing that distances couples is the fact that they lose their attraction to each other. How does that happen? It’s not JUST — notice the qualification — because you feel like the other person is acting differently, they’re probably looking differently.Less appealing somehow and less stimulating. It takes work and it’s an effort BOTH partners need to make. We have a responsibility to our relationships to keep the spark alive and that requires some calculated or spontaneous changes to our looks.

Hell, we’re all going to evolve our styles and our looks anyway. Aging will dictate the changes we will need to make and help us be motivated to make them. Just to feel better if for no other reason. Because the point, ladies, is not simply “you need to look attractive for him,” it’s that how you look matters more to YOU. Own it!

If you don’t think you look good, no one else is going to. You’ve got to find that happy comfort in your body and in that comfort is your inner hotness that will radiate outward, for all to see.

Oh, you don't like my skirt? That makes me love you even more.

It’s a situation almost every college girl finds herself in. You’re sitting in your room, watching your news feed on the ‘Book. There’s a guy that you’re kind of interested in, but not enough to actively pursue him, when all of a sudden you see his name pop up. He’s commented on someone’s picture, so of course you click on it to read it. And the next thing you know, you’re poking around his profile, checking on his every move.

Oh! Turns out he’s going to a party on Friday that you also happen to be attending. Splendid.

You talk to him briefly at the party, both of you getting a little flirty. He’s not the smartest guy you’ve ever had witty banter with, but he’s OK. He could be worse. And then he walks away and you catch him chatting up someone else and – OMG – is she putting his hand on his back? Suddenly you’re upset.

Jealous.

You’re totally into him.

But don’t worry you’re not alone. (OK, you are alone standing there…but you’re not alone in feeling this way.) According to a new study titled, “He Loves me, He Loves Me Not… Uncertainty Can Increase Romantic Attraction,” women are more attracted to men when they can’t tell how much the men like them.

Yes, my dear friends, it’s not our fault! Uncertainty messes with our heads more than abs, dimples and the cute way he winks at you in class anything else. In the study, researchers from Virginia University and Harvard had a group of college women go onto Facebook and rate profiles of four men (which, to you, might sound like a regular Wednesday night). The catch – the women were told the guys had either expressed interest in their profile, thought they were average, or were unsure about them. The boys the women expressed the most interest in? The guys they were told weren’t sure about them.

Scary stuff, right?

And our good friend Mark Zuckerberg is only making it worse. We are now able to see who the guys we meet are talking to, whose photos they are commenting on and what events they are invited to. Whether or not we like it, we’re bombarded with this constant uncertainty, and it only makes us more interested. And potentially crazy.

The worst part of all of this? The fact that we can’t help it. It’s innate. Maybe it’s women’s constant desire to win people over, or maybe we’re more into the chase than researchers ever believed. Either way, we’re more attracted to the guy who ignores us than the guy who brings us flowers (or, more likely, buys us shots at the bar). Perhaps the best way to combat this is to form friend support groups and have our friends constantly remind us that we didn’t really like that guy to begin with. Either that or log off the computer and stop checking the social networking apps on our phones.

……

Yeah, friend support group it is.

What do you think of this study? Is it accurate? Any idea how to break the crazy cycle?

[The following post was written by dating coach, Kira Sabin, a keg of dating and relationship wisdom. She's been helping people find love for years so we thought we'd tap this keg and see what sort of brilliant advice she has for the CollegeCandy readers. Drink up!]

His name was Tyler.  He was the roommate of one of my good college friends and from the moment I met him I was smitten.  The witty banter was perfect and it took about 10 hours (and a few drinks) before we were hooking up.  After that near perfect weekend we walked to my car, kissed like we invented it and he said he was crazy about me.    It was a definite moment in time.  He was everything I was looking for.  He was ridiculously smart, cute, had a smile that made my toes curl and did I mention completely emotionally unavailable?

For the next few months or so Tyler and I did this little dance where we would have incredible moments and then I wouldn’t hear from him.  I would get vague emails breaking our plans and even when I visited him four hours away sometimes he gushed and sometimes he was cold.  I thought, “How could this be happening? Did I do something wrong?   Connections this incredible rarely come along and have to mean something, right?”

Excuse me conductor… are there any seats left on the crazy train?  Ticket for one, please.

Over the years I have dated numerous Tylers of all ages and nationalities.  After a good conversation with a friend one day she laughed out loud (I think wine actually came out of her nose) when I exclaimed I didn’t have a type.  She very quickly and easily pointed out the similarities in about 5 guys I had dated.  Although they looked very different on the outside, the patterns were definitely there: quick chemistry, witty banter, good drinkers, underachievers, passionate, a little lost and always keeping me in a place where it was enough to stay, but never enough to feel good.

All of a sudden it hit me. I had a definite type and my type sucked.

We can psychoanalyze for years why I was attracted to these guys (trust me, I did), but at the end of the day one thing is perfectly clear.  No matter why, they were never going to be able to give me what I need in a good relationship.  The chemistry was always there but I realized that it, as well as love, are only parts to a good relationship.  Could they communicate their needs?  Nope.  Listen when I needed an ear?   Not a chance.  Give me the support after a bad day?  Hell no, we were too busy talking about their f-ed up life from their continual bad decisions.  These were not bad guys…they just were not in a place to give to a relationship.  So I always felt frustrated, a little crazy and alone.

I was on a rollercoaster and although I loved the thrill, after awhile it makes you want to puke.  I was ready to get off.

The good news is that once I learned what I was attracted to and how it wasn’t helping me get the relationship I wanted, I was able to step back and recognize the chemistry drug and  “just say no.”   I figured out that I was never envious of the crazy up and down relationships; I loved the ones where there was an incredible amount of love, respect and appreciation.  Nothing is sexier than a man who can only say incredible things about his girlfriend.  I wanted that!

So I started by looking at my relationship role models (everyone should have them) to see what made their relationships work.   I then looked at my friendships to see what made me feel good, strong and happy and realized that those qualities were a must for my future couplings.  The final step was to stop dismissing fantastic guys who didn’t always have that immediate spark but had the qualities to actually create something great with me.  To get me to the much more exciting place of continual happiness.

So ladies, as you head back to school this year I ask you to step back and look at the chemistry.  Who are you attracted to?  Are these the qualities for a good relationship?  Who are your relationship role models?  What great guys have you been dismissing?

Need some help?  Join us for the College Candy Dating Makeover in January.

You brought a boy from the bar home with you. He was pretty cute too, from what you remember. But now as you slowly roll over to see his peaceful face drooling all over your throw pillow, you nearly fall off your bed into the pile of McDonald’s wrappers from last night’s fourth meal.  Ok, he’s not that narsty, but the dude does not look like half the man you thought he was at 3 in the morning.

I know it’s happened to the best (and most responsible) of us. You’re in the bar and you see a guy across the room. That “Oh em gee, he totes resembles Gerald Butler” feeling washes over you and and then - boom – the next morning you’re laying next to Shrek.  But why?  I understand a little alcohol can disable your senses, but what about your senses are beer goggles disrupting that leaves the curly haired freak you thought resembled Gerald Butler as your big spoon??

Lucky for us, British researchers have come up with an explanation.  They have discovered drinking is linked to people thinking others are more attractive. (Duh, I could have figured that one out.)  But here’s the real kicker: Women are more affected by beer goggles than men. Ok, gimme an explanation.

Apparently by nature, people find beauty in symmetry, but alcohol is what screws around with detecting this symmetry.  When we pound more Scooby Snacks, we start to get confused and believe everyone has a symmetrical and beautimous face. Why are girls more affected by this?  Although the initial study did not explain this specifically, scientists say the difference has something to do with men being more visually oriented than woman (they tend to blatantly ogle at the ladies).

Well, that puts the ugly, hairy bum in bummer.

Guess it’s time to ditch the wingwoman and find yourself a DD (designated decider) to eye the crowd objectively and prevent you from letting the Beer Goggles do the talking.

[Photo courtesy of Gizmodo.com.]

Where are the non-creepers?

As a woman in the prime of my single-dom, I am fixated on having fun, and – in the midst of my fun – wouldn’t mind finding Prince Charming. You know, funny, passionate, driven, cute.  The traditional barf-inducing list could go a mile long.  But lately, I have been noticing a recurring trend in the battlefield of love (aka local bar/library) and it has been happening to me a lot lately (insert sad face).

The scenario goes a little like this: guy approaches me at the bar, we make small talk, I calculate he is not my type.  The next thing I know, he is following me around the bar as if his goal in life is to creep my socks off, or fall madly in love with me.

And that’s the end of my story… and my interactions with the opposite sex.

When I eventually ditch the creeper and head home to scarf down some Domino’s (alone) while my girlfriends are off with their so-perfect-it-hurts boy toys, I am left wondering:

Why do all of the wrong guys like me?

I can’t count how many times I have (mistakenly) given out my number to someone who quickly turned out to be oh-so-wrong. Picture texts of men posing with their shirts off, suggestive texts begging me to send them pictures of myself, guys with girlfriends – I’ve seen it all.  And if it’s not a creep, it’s a nice guy. A too-nice guy who may be perfect for someone else, but not so right for me.

It is frustrating and leaves me wondering what I’m doing to attract the wrong dudes.  Do I have a post-it on my head that says “I want to see your lack of arm muscles in a Picture Text message later?”  God, I would like to think not.

Some people tell me that I’ll find my guy when I’m not looking. Others tell me I have to put myself out there. But no matter what I do, I still end up running away from some weirdo at the bar and coming home to an empty bed.

WTF, cupid?

"Uh. Er. Ummm. Uh. Er..."

I find Jude Law to be mind-numbingly attractive. There is no doubt in my mind that if I were ever to happen across him, I would be reduced to simple sentences and one-syllable words.  But according to a new study, it’s Jude who has to worry about the mind-numbing affect when interacting with members of the opposite sex. Namely, me.

Psychologists in the Netherlands carried out a study that found that after only a few minutes of chatting with an attractive woman, a man’s brain function is significantly decreased. Women, however, maintained their calm, cool and intellectually superior attitude when talking with handsome men. Once again, it has been proven that women are smarter than men. Or at least that we can handle ourselves in public.

Not the boys, though; put Heidi Klum in a room with the smartest man alive and he will be reduced to a bumbling idiot within minutes.

So the next time you’re talking to a hottie, pull confidence from the fact that he is probably straining to remember his middle name while you bat your eyelashes.  Or if you’re feeling particularly vindictive against an ex, wear a short skirt to class on exam day and give him a wink. Chances are high his mind will blank out on the very first question.

Just another weapon in the female gender’s arsenal, right alongside withholding sex and tampon-talk.

Wait, that’s not so weird. It sounds like the same thing that happens nightly in college bars from coast to coast. Only on TV.

Much like the feeling of repulsion that has come over many of us after last call, the people on the show who really hit it off in the dark aren’t such fans of each other once the lights flip on.

Now, maybe it’s just me, but this doesn’t really cast people in the best light (no pun intended), right?

Maybe it’s because I’m most often attracted to a guy’s personality before I start to find him cute, but I can’t imagine rejecting a dude on the basis of looks alone if I’ve already felt a strong connection with him. I wouldn’t date a guy that I wasn’t attracted to, but personality totally takes a guy from zero to ten (OK, maybe 5 to 10). If I liked him in the dark, especially enough for a little tonsil hockey, I’d like to think I’d be happy in the light, too.

But that is not what’s happening here.

Last week on the show, a girl and guy were all over each other in the darkroom, then the chick totally rejected the guy once she saw what he looked like. (Rude.) Now, I know that this is probably happening for some serious shock value, but I still found myself jumping on my couch a la Tom Cruise and yelling at my TV. First, why would you make out with this dude in the first place? And, seeing that she was sober and enjoyed it, how did those feelings change so quickly with the aid of a light bulb? There was obviously some physical chemistry there before, sweetheart.

I’m not going to say it’s jerk-like to judge on the basis of looks, since we all do it to some degree, but just how important are they? If you know you have a lot in common with someone but they’re not exactly a 10 in the looks department, is that enough to turn you off? And if it is, can’t you always just date in the dark?

Kidding.

Life would be a whole lot easier if money weren’t an issue, right? You wouldn’t have to worry about those pesky bills, you could travel the world in style, enjoy daily shopping trips at your favorite boutiques…

Whoa. Sorry – zoned out there for a minute.

Anywho, even if people don’t want to admit it, marrying someone with money would be pretty fan-effing-tastic, no?  Just look at all those Real Housewives – their lives aren’t too shabby. Who wouldn’t want to have all that (minus the ridiculous dramz, of course)?

So, is there anything wrong with trying to find a wealthy man to sweep you off your feet? And does looking for a man with a cushy bank account make you a – how did my friend put it? – prostitute? There’s a fine line between liking someone with money and liking someone for money, but, at the end of the day, is either one really ok?

See both sides below, then weigh in on the topic in the comment section!

Not me. But it turns out that great dudes are all over the place—you just have to know where to look and how to strike. Read on.

1. Smile.
This might sound dumb, but everybody’s attracted to a good smile. You can’t pick up a guy if you look sour, so flash those pearly whites. You never know when somebody cute is going to look your way.

2. Be who you wish you were.
If you’re shy but you really want to be outgoing and flirty, what’s stopping you? It’s hard to overcome labels you’ve placed on yourself, but you’re the only person who has the power to change things. So rather than slinking back into a corner, cross the room and talk to that hot dude. And hold your head up like you mean it.

3. Be open.
This does not translate to “Be desperate.” Instead, what I mean is that you should believe that you can meet guys anywhere—including at the grocery store. You don’t have to actively look, but you do have to acknowledge that the possibility is always there.

4. Be charming, but stay yourself.
Sometimes, I put out my best traits right away when I meet a guy in hopes that I’ll be able to nab him. It usually works, but the relationship doesn’t have much staying power when he realizes I have other personality traits that aren’t compatible with his. You can be charming and be 100% yourself at the same time, and that’s something I fully recommend. If you turn out to really like a guy, the relationship is much more likely to last a while if you show him who you are right away.

5. Look hot.
To everyone who says looks don’t matter, I say, “Are you kidding me?” Of course they matter, and that’s why you should heed the advice of the “What Not to Wear” crew when they say that you should always look great. Plus, caring about your appearance and putting together a look shows that you care about yourself, and that’s hot, too.

6. Don’t discriminate.
If the emo guy who keeps smiling at you in class isn’t exactly your type, don’t discount him just because you spend your nights dreaming about jocks. Emo Dude could have a few surprises in store and a killer sense of humor, and you’d never know unless you took a chance on him. So go for some variety!

I’m going to make a bold statement here: pretty people have it pretty easy in life.

Well, at least when it comes to dealings with the opposite sex. I watch guys trip over themselves to get near a hot girl with big boobs, yet I find myself breaking a sweat trying to prove to the same guys that I’m worth a moment of their time.

I don’t mind this – I love showing people how awesomely funny I am – but it does irk me when I see the “perfect” girls coasting through life without lifting a finger. WTF, pretty people? How is that fair? I’m just as worthy, if not more, of the same things you get in life, yet you get them handed to you on a silver platter and I have to pass some sort of test just to get a taste?

I wanted to see what my male counterparts had to say about this subject. Do they know they’re doing this? Do they deal with it too? Let’s see….

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