The best thing about New York City in the middle of a very cold and dreary February is, obviously, Fashion Week. And it also happens to be the best thing about being an unpaid intern. This year I got the opportunity to cover a few fashion shows and presentations for my internship — and believe me when I say I couldn’t have been more excited to take on this particular task.

There is nothing quite like NY Fashion Week — the tents are full of a mix of sleep-deprived reporters, stylish socialites, celebrities surrounded by onlookers, and cranky photographers hauling around a ton of equipment. It’s pretty much the most glamorous trainwreck you’ll ever see and little ol’ intern me couldn’t look away. That is, until the doors opened and it was time for the main event. Let me tell you, even if you’re not into fashion (which I totally am), there is nothing like the energy you feel watching a fashion show, from the beginning when you’re waiting around for it start (always expect them to be at LEAST a half-hour late), until the end when you’re giving a standing ovation to a truly beautiful collection. Just knowing I was witnessing something so incredible, something that many people never have the opportunity to see up close, sent chills down my achy-from-walking-in-my-too-high-heels spine.

My favorite collection this year by far was alice + olivia, presented at the super-chic Plaza Hotel on Valentine’s Day. The presentation took up four rooms for beautifully clothed models, a full bar and a red carpet. Waiters walked around offering trays of mini cupcakes, flutes of champagne, and heart-shaped chocolate lollipops. And as much as I indulged on all of the above (hello, FREE FOOD!), that still wasn’t the highlight of the evening.  The clothes were, and I’m not exaggerating, AMAZING. Inspired by flappers, they had loads of girly details like lace and feathers, including sky-high, glittery platform heels and sequined pants. From my first cupcake to the end of the show, I literally did not stop drooling.

Before I could enjoy the party, though, I had to interview celebrities such as Kelly Rutherford, Gabe Saporta, and Brittany Snow. One of my style icons, Vanessa Hudgens, also attended, and I obviously stalked her for a little bit. She hung out with Brittany Snow the whole time, and they posed for pictures together, which me and my best friend desperately tried to photo-bomb.

Another amazing presentation that I went to was for Wildfox. Presentations are like parties that are full of New York’s fashion elite, usually a mix of celebs, and free drinks, so, really, how can you go wrong? Wildfox was held in a dark and smokey room, where everyone danced on couches as the DJs, The Misfits, did their thing. When the models came out to show off the clothes, huge balloons fell from the ceiling, immediately prompting everyone to throw them and pop them in a fit of excitement. The clothes were reminiscent of the seventies; bohemian, hippie-chic, and very drool-worthy. The best part of the night? Obviously the amazing gift bag — free Urban Decay makeup and a Wildfox t-shirt. Hollerrrr.

The most celeb-packed show I went to was The Heart Truth Red Dress Show. This show, featuring a group of female celebs rocking their best red dresses, is more about the cause it raises awareness for (heart disease in women) than showing off a collection. But really, when it comes to Fashion Week, it’s all about the clothes, so in that department this was a little bit of a disappointment.  That being said, the show was full of energy with the stars such as Audrina Patridge, Dita Von Teese and Natasha Bedingfield, among others, dancing their way down the runway to cheers and applause. Spotted in the front row: Matthew McConaughey supporting his wifey, Camila Alves, all three judges from America’s Next Top Model, and Susan Sarandon looking more than a little disheveled. I was star struck…sorta.

Thanks to my fashion editor, I had amazing seats to both Elie Tahari and Naeem Khan. Tahari showed off a collection in shades of black, white, nude, brown and red. The runway was full of sheer clothing and tons of lace and fur. Spotted in the front row was Joan Rivers, who was surprisingly very nice and gracious. The Naeem Khan collection showed off a variety of breathtaking dresses, from long and flowy floor-sweeping gowns to sparkly minis. They featured lots of sparkle and shimmer, with sequins, flower prints, feathers and a ton of gold and silver. The gowns were super glamorous, and I could easily see any one of them on the red carpet.

Unfortunately for my unpaid self, I don’t expect to see any of those frocks on me anytime soon. Sad. But, that’s OK; despite the long hours, the intense pain in my feet from wearing heels all week, and all that waiting around for speedy, 15-minute shows, the entire Fashion Week experience was absolutely incredible. There really isn’t anything like being there with all the energy, excitement and amazing craftsmanship by the world’s best designers. Oh, and rubbing elbows with major celebs doesn’t hurt either.

I can’t wait for the next one!

College days are jam-packed and it’s a struggle to fit in studying, drinking, smoking, sexing, protesting, exercising, birth controlling, and sleeping. That’s why Daylight Savings comes as the perfect time. Just when you think you’re all burnt out from the festivities of last weekend and midterm cramming, you get AN EXTRA HOUR.

So instead of using it for something productive (flip your underwear inside out, laundry can wait one more day), spend your extra hour on Sunday watching the best viral videos that our top notch interns could find.

And don’t forget to set those clocks back!

Idiots in Iowa Talk About Gay Marriage

Antoine Dodson: Sex Offender Tracker App

Audrina Patridge’s Mom!

Whip My Hair, Parody!

Thriller Halloween light show

Zach Galifianakis Smokes a Joint on Bill Maher’s Show

One Very Passionate Rant of Love to Pokemon

The Real Housewives of SNL

Voldemort & Death Eaters Take Over Grand Central Station

Terrible Singer Gets Mad at AutoTune

"I shoulda gone with the crotchless bottoms. Vajayjay shots get way more press."

Those who follow Heidi Montag’s tweets know the girl can say some pretty bizarre stuff.  And chances are you’ve caught a glimpse of her in action either in the latest tabloids or on The Hills (RIP).  Her one-liners are worth 10 plastic surgery procedures in one day a million bucks, and her rational is simply priceless.  Watch out, though.  You better not take what she says at face value, lest you fall into the PR trap that (for better or worse) is Heidi Montag.

Luckily, I’m fluent in TwoFacedFameWhore, the rare language indigenous to Speidiland, and I’m here to provide a little light…

Heidi tweets: “@LaurenConrad you were so right! Spencer is soooooooooo (Writer’s Note- there were a lot of Os; I didn’t feel like counting them all)ooooooooooo sucky!!!”
Heidi means: “I miss the days when it was just you and me, Lauren.  When I was on a show with steady ratings and had an attractive boyfriend who gave me a small dog for Christmas and…huh, wonder whatever happened to the dog.  Oh well!”

Heidi says: “My boobs are crushing me.  My body’s still getting used to them and I have major anxiety about it.”
Heidi means: “Maybe getting these behemoths removed will get me another People Magazine cover.”

Heidi says: (On plastic surgery) “I won’t get anything done again.  At least not for a long time.”
Heidi means: “Eh, I’ve got an appointment next month for a little touch up.  But *nudge, nudge* that’s just between us.”

Heidi says: (On plastic surgery.  Again) “I still can’t believe I’m 23 and mom is reacting this way. I’m nervous to go home and face her – especially with cameras rolling.”
Heidi means: “Please let her hit me.  Please let her hit me.  Please let her hit me.  The cameras will love that.”

Heidi tweets: “Crying“
Heidi means: “Binge eating and throwing up.”

Heidi tweets: “Cleaning the house and getting rid of my old life, it feels good to live fresh”
Heidi means: “Throwing away the effing crystals. Fingers crossed some paparazzi go through my trash tonight.”

Heidi says: “‘I love my boobs, but I still want to improve. I didn’t get them as big as I originally wanted,’ she said, adding that she wants to go up from her current cup size to an H cup — ‘for Heidi.’”
Heidi means: “I just want people to be able to see them from space.  Or on Google Earth.  I hear Google’s kind of a big deal.”

Bonus round!

Audrina says: “She said she wanted to be the next Octomom! I was like, ‘Heidi, no you don’t!’”
Heidi’s (probably) response: “Wait, you can’t just go to the store and buy babies?  Like, I might have to get fat?  Wow, I’ve really gotta think if this stunt is worth another round of lipo.”

Snooki says: (About Heidi) “I will punch her in the face because I don’t like her. She had too many surgeries. She looks like an alien and guidettes don’t look like aliens, just saying.”
Heidi’s (probably) response: “As long as you let my camera crew film it, I’m down.”

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The Girls of The Hills: Then and… holy sh*t is that the same person?

OMG. Oh. My. God.

What a freaking series finale that was!

I apologize if this recap is less than stellar, but I could barely get out of bed this morning after laying awake for most of the night trying to figure out what was real on the past 6 seasons of The Hills and what was shot at a soundstage in Los Angeles.

Anyone else see that one coming? I know I didn’t. I spent the entire episode scribbling notes about the forced endings for all of the characters, Brody’s horrible attempt at tears at Kristin’s goodbye party, and questioning the whole “Kristin is moving to Europe” plotline when we all know she’s still trolling L.A. in a bikini and heels.

But then, BAM, Kristin’s Town Car pulls away and we watch as the backdrop behind sad Brody gets pulled away to reveal a set and a crew. I screamed – like actually screamed – then paused my DVR to digest what just happened.

I gotta say, MTV is f**king brilliant. For the past 6 seasons of The Hills people have questioned if the show was real or fake. Just when we thought it was 100% scripted, they would bring in someone’s parents or document one of the cast member’s relationships that we knew was real from reading the tabloids. So we’d keep watching and following and referring to these people’s lives as if they were real.

MTV blurred the lines between real and fake and now that the show is over, no one really knows which was which.

Even more, had this show been shot in any other way – had we known with 100% certainty that it was a scripted drama like others on TV – no one would have ever watched.  Would you watch Gossip Girl if the only drama was someone dating someone’s ex? Or if all Blair and Serena did was go shopping and nibble on salad at restaurants? No, because that gets boring. We watch shows like that because we want to escape into the insane lives of others, to experience things we’d never experience in real life. But when we think we’re following the lives of some “regular” twenty-somethings, we get hooked on the “normal” drama and want to find out what happens next.

And that made The Hills the biggest show in MTV’s lineup.
Simply brilliant.

But the ending wasn’t the only thing worth mentioning on last night’s series finale. The episode was the perfect culmination of all 6 years of this show (including a lot of “then” and “now” photos – remember when Heidi looked NORMAL!?). It had stupid drama (Kristin’s chat with Brody by the pool), bottle service at a bar, and one amazing quote that is embodies the characters as a whole:

“You’re, like, the manliest guy I’ve ever dated, but at the same time, you’re, like, the sweetest guy… Yeah, ‘cuz you just, like, ride a dirt bike, but then, like, you’re just, like, a care bear.”

Thank you, Stephanie Pratt.

But now it’s all over. No more Audrina and Justin Bobby. No more Kristin and Brody. No more Stephanie and Lo and Frankie and that weird kid with the Hipster ‘stache. No more private planes, impromptu trips to exotic locations or me bitching about how there is no way on earth this show could be real because these people don’t have jobs. It’s the end of all of these people’s careers an era and, DAMN, did they go out with a bang.

It’s the end of an era. After 6 seasons of fake drama, long and uncomfortable staring, and fights over cocktails that no one seems to pay for, The Hills is coming to an end tonight. There are many rumors surrounding tonight’s one-hour episode, like whether Speidi will make an appearance, if LC will show up and if Audrina and JB will get back together. I don’t know what is going to happen but after watching 101 episodes of the show, I know one thing for sure: nothing is really going to happen at all.

Still, just knowing that the final episode of The Hills is a mere 6 hours away has me all torn up inside. It’s like saying goodbye to your best friends on the last day of sleep away camp. Or packing up at the end of freshman year. I’m sad.  I’ve known The Hills kids for longer than some of my friends. We’ve been through so much together, from LC and Jason’s epic break-up to Whitney’s departure to New York to the crash and burning of Lauren and Heidi’s relationship. And now, after 40 minutes of “drama”, 20 minutes of commercials, and an aftershow with those two really annoying MTV people, it’s just going to end. And I’ll be left with nothing but a gaping hole in my heart and nothing to watch on Tuesday nights.

The only thing getting me through this time of heartache and pain is the hope that, in true MTV fashion, one or more of our favorite Hills cast members will get a spin-off. And if that’s the case, I have an idea of what those shows will be:

Stare Down With Audrina Patridge:
In this half-hour game show, contestants will face Audrina Patridge for a staring contest. The rules are simple: the one who blinks first loses and has to have a 30 minute conversation with Ms. P while running their finger’s through Justin Bobby’s hair. The one who wins takes home a brand new set of boobs.

Justin Bobby: Who Can Stand Me?:
Much like The Bachelor, Rock of Love and For the Love of Ray J, Justin Bobby invites 12 women to an oversized mansion in L.A. to compete for his love. But instead of giving out fedoras in “the most dramatic fedora ceremony yet,” Justin just acts like himself, mumbles about love and burps at dinner. The woman who can stand him the longest wins a spot on the back of his motorcycle.

Stephanie Pratt: The Sober Life
Follow Ms. Pratt as she attempts to live her post-DUI life sans Vodka Red Bulls. Can she go on dates without having a glass of wine? Shop without an early morning mimosa?? This one’s so chock full of drama it will get a full hour of MTV prime time.

Ryan Cabrera: Surreal Life
That’s the show for washed-up has beens, right?

Lo Bosworth: How to be Normal in L.A.
Lo hits the mean hallways of LAX to ambush the new crop of ladies making their way west to make their “dreams come true.” Before they can hit the California sunshine and get brainwashed by the Heidi Montags of the world, Lo sits them down and gives them a crash course on staying low-key and fabulous in the city of Angels. With special guest appearances by her adorable boyfriend, of course.

Brody Jenner: Bromance
Oh wait… that one already happened.

"Let's go to this relaxing yoga class and disrupt everyone while we gossip in Downward Dog!"

With the series finale of The Hills coming up next week (moment of silence….) it seems the producers tried to pack as much as they could into last night’s episode. For the first time in history we only got one long stare (between Stephanie and her motorcycle man)! But that might have something to do with the fact that Audrina was M.I.A. And besides the gratuitous 30 seconds of booty shots before the crew walked into the club, most of the episode was actually things happening:

Stephanie Meets a Boy
And despite Brody’s attempts to scare him off, her weirdly giant hair on their date, and the fact that she can’t drink, he actually likes her! I still don’t understand what the big deal is about ordering soda on a date – both of them mentioned feeling weird about it – but whatever. Steph has her own sorta-Justin Bobby now so yay for her.

Mama Montag Comes to Town
And Holly puts on all the makeup she has on her vanity to welcome her. Seriously, she looked like a Geisha. I was sorta hoping we’d see Mama bang on Heidi’s door and then get dragged away by the cops as Spencer threw crystals at her, but all I got was a little crying over brunch. There’s always next week, right? RIGHT?!

Lo Celebrates her One Year Anniversary
And toasts her adorable BF with a shot. God, I love that girl. And I love that boy. They are so cute together and their post-date snuggle sesh officially goes down as the cutest moment in Hills history. We haven’t seen adorableness like that since Brody came out of Kristin’s room in her crop top LC and Justin cuddled up on the porch of their Malibu beach house after she skipped Paris to spend the summer with him. Let’s just hope Lo’s man doesn’t start doing drugs and punching bouncers outside of bars.

Frankie Falls off a Bike
Homeboy needs some training wheels.

Kristin Professes her Love for Brody and Gets Shot Down
Sigh. This whole thing makes me want to scream. Much like the Vienna/Jake interview, I wasn’t sure who I wanted to punch more in this little scenario. We’ve got Kristin who plays games with Brody for two years and pretends she wants nothing more than a little boom boom when everyone (except Brody, apparently) knows that’s not the case. And then we’ve got Brody who pretended to not know that Kristin wanted more than boom boom just so he could get some for two years while he waits for another Playboy bunny (or Avril Lavigne??) to come along. Seriously, dude? That’s the pussiest move I’ve ever seen. I know Brody isn’t the sharpest tack in the drawer, but he does know his way around a lady and he definitely knew what he was doing. He can blame this entire thing on poor KK (“It’s too late”), and she deserves some of the blame for never speaking up, but he knew exactly what he was doing and is a super selfish prick for messing with one of his friends.

Hm. I guess I do know who I want to punch more. Watch your back, Brody…. and Jake Pavelka!

Whew. Just recapping that episode wiped me out. Good thing I have a week to recover before the giant series finale. Will LC come back? Will Heidi come out of hiding? Will she have even bigger boobs? Will Justin Bobby propose to Audrina? Will Brody chase Kristin as she (fake) leaves LA? Will we finally learn how Stacie knows Kristin? Will Ryan Cabrera make a cameo in jorts?

It’s gonna be an hour so anything’s possible! OMG I can’t wait.

"You're so funny, Will. And cute. Did you hear that, BRODY?!"

Have you ever tried eating animal crackers while watching The Hills? I have…out of a Costco basin…. and those little guys are so crunchy I couldn’t hear a thing. I can’t tell you how many times I had to rewind the show so I didn’t miss anything important. Which, as it turns out, was a total waste of time once I actually listened to what was going on:

“Justin just grabbed my ass. Both cheeks.” – Audrina

“Brody was so mean last night.” – Stacey
“Who does he think he is?” – Kristin
“He’s such a jerk” – Stacey
“I know.” – Kristin

“Whatever it is it is; whatever it will be it will be.” – Faux-losipher Justin

But the monumental 100^th episode of The Hills wasn’t all dumb comments mumbled by pretty people/me thinking about the 50+ hours I’ve wasted in my life watching this show. Things actually happened! Frankie wore a Speedo and Aquasocks! Audrina wore an itsy, bitsy bikini on a surf board! Stephanie Pratt was slightly hilarious!

The biggest thing to do down last night was, of course, the dramz between Kristin and Brody. After two seasons of listening to this girl talk about how she doesn’t want a relationship, she likes doing things casually, she’s not a girly girl, blahhhhhh, home girl finally opened up. Sure it took packing up an LV suitcase, getting on a (shady looking) prop plane, flying to Costa Rica and getting wasted in a bikini on top of a bar, but Kristin finally admitted what we all already knew: she’s in love with the Brode-man.

And if that little scene in the pool with Taylor wasn’t desperate enough, Kristin got a one way ticket to Pathetic-ville and started hitting on the overly enthusiastic and totally dweeby hotel bartender with the lip piercing just to make Brody jealous.  I’d like to think Brody totally saw through this little charade (mostly because I’m in love with that kid – even if he wears beanies in the middle of a tropical rainforest – and I hope he’s not that dumb that he wouldn’t see the signs), but who knows? His longing stares and sad, puppy dog eyes did seem to dominate the camera time for most of the episode as Kristin was off with Will laughing a little too loud, throwing her head back a little too hard, and making really sloppy kissy sounds on the beach.

And speaking of sloppy kissy sounds…
OK, actually, that’s a terrible transition but I didn’t really know how to move on to Audrina and Justin Bobby so just roll with it.

JB obviously spent his time in Costa Rica trying to get back in Audrina’s pants. The moment he pinched her ass, I thought for sure she was going to cave and give him a little jungle lovin’. (I was also really jealous that her ass is that small that the guy can grab both cheeks at once and promptly put down the animal crackers.) But she didn’t! In fact, the only thing Audrina gave JB was a heaping spoonful of ‘tude.

“Would you come back here again?”
“Not with you.”

Buuurn. Way to stay strong, Audrina! I know I give this girl a lot of sh*t, but I was really proud of her for finally standing up for herself and realizing that Justin Bobby is nothing more than a pretty body with some unfortunate tattoos. Granted, she’ll probably hook up with him during the 101st episode, but for now, I gotta give her mad props.

And now it’s time to start counting down to next week. I can’t be sure (mostly because my DVR cut off midway through the preview), but I have a feeling we’re gonna be getting Heidi and Spencer back and I couldn’t be more excited. I never thought I’d say this, but I miss those asshats.

There’s not much to say about the 99^th episode of The Hills.

Audrina broke up with Ryan. Allie and Kristin had a fight at a club. The group went boating. And Justin Bobby came.

And that’s it.

Honestly, if it weren’t for the awkward break-up scene between Ryan (Cabrera) and Audrina, there would really be nothing worth talking about. Thankfully, these two had the most vague and pointless conversation in The Hills history (and that’s saying a lot), which made this episode worth sitting through. Tweedle Double D and Tweedle Spiky hair said a whole lot of words (presumably to fill up the time usually allocated to Speidi), but said nothing at all.

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to understand what was really going on though:

Ryan asks Audrina why she left his “concert.”

What Audrina said: “It was a little uncomfortable.”
What Audrina was really saying: “I just came from hooking up with Justin Bobby and then I saw you standing there… in tight white jeans.”

What Ryan said: “I was so thrown off. I’m trying to make us work, and…”
What Ryan was really saying: “Please don’t leave me. I was just starting to make my comeback. I need you and this show. After Ashlee left me for Pete Wentz I had nothing to live for. And then your boobs came into my life and you’re the only girl dumb enough to find my hair attractive.”

What Audrina said: “It just…it doesn’t seem to be going smoothly.”
What Audrina was really saying: “I don’t know how else to tell you I find you repulsive and annoying without hurting your feelings. Justin Bobby is so much hotter than you.”

What Ryan said: “Yeah I just don’t know how to properly move forward…you know. I know you’re dealing with a lot of stuff that’s hard for you to deal with but I think it’s the smartest thing is just to take a second and think, ‘can we make it work?’”
What Ryan was really saying: “I want to go up to my room and cry into my stuffed dog right now, but I need to get paid so I’m going to say a lot of vague things with lots of words so we can make this conversation last a little bit longer.”

What Audrina said: “We talked about making things work together and working out issues and it seems like there’s always something.”
What Audrina was really saying: “There’s not really something, I’m just over you. But I need to keep talking/staring awkwardly over your shoulder until producers tell me we’ve got the shot.”

What Ryan said: “I don’t really know how to, you know, fix the problem.”
What Ryan is really saying: “I actually have no idea what the problem is, but you are making no sense… I can’t believe I wasted a glass of wine on you.”

What Audrina said: “It’s just something that, I guess….”
What Audrina was really saying: “Uh…I don’t know what to say now. A little help? [Looks at production team.]”

What Ryan said: “You think we’re done.”
What Ryan was really saying: “Well, I guess it’s time to head back to obscurity.”

And time for Audrina to get on a boat and talk about love and relationships with a turtleneck-peacoated Justin Bobby. I was hoping, wishing, waiting for something to happen (not a kiss…more like JB falling in the water), but then the show ended. Harumph.

Let’s hope something (ANYTHING) exciting happens for the 100th episode of The Hills. The cast will be in Costa Rica for the big event so maybe Kristin will attempt to smuggle drugs back into the U.S.? Spencer and Heidi will pop out of the jungle while running from another season of “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Outta Here”? Brody will refer to Kristin as his sister, thus admitting that he’s been crushing on Kendall for years?

Meh. After the poor showing all season, I’m not holding my breath for anything but boredom.

One of my biggest issues with The Hills is that all these kids have a ton of money and do nothing all day. Wait, that’s not where I meant to go with this. I mean, yes, that is a big issue, but not my point. My other biggest issue with The Hills is that the producers make ridiculous things happen and never really fully develop them. Fine, MTV, you don’t want to explain how Kristin became BFFs with the bartender Spencer was flirting with 2 seasons ago? Whatever. And OK, I’ll buy that Kristin and the rest of the girls are fine and that her really big, really serious coke problem just sorta went away. Much like Holly Montag’s drinking problem.

But don’t bring Justin Bobby in all his greasy glory back into the picture and just gloss over his past with Kristin. THAT I WILL NOT STAND FOR, MTV.

I know it’s making for a much bigger scandal to shove stinky JB between Audrina and her cartoon character boyfriend, Ryan Cabrera. I know that Audrina and Justin Bobbo have a more complicated past than he did with Kristin. I know that it only makes sense to stir the pot with Audrina because she’s dumb enough to go back to the guy who broke her heart a thousand times…and also wears combat boots to the beach.

But I also know that Kristin and JB were a huge point of drama last season and now everyone’s acting as if it never happened. And it did. KK can’t be all buddy buddy with Audrina now and talk to her about her relationship with Justin (much like she can’t pull off that Gucci bathing suit she was sportin’….) after she shoved him in Audrina’s face last year. And why isn’t it awkward city between the two of them? Huh?

Whew. It feels good to get that all off my chest. So therapeutic…

Now I can get to the real “meat” of the show. Which, oh wait, is pretty much all about Justin Bobby. There was a little something in there with Allie and Mckaela, but even thinking about that storyline puts me in a coma. And there was also a giant, nappy weave on Kristin’s head at the Nylon party but thinking of that makes me throw up a little in my mouth. Oh, and Steph had a date and told him what he probably already discovered on Google. So let’s just focus on the good stuff.

Like when Justin showed up at Les Deux. (BTW, how great is it that they’re going back there again? It’s like the Peach Pit of The Hills and they’re really bringing this show full circle by returning to their stomping grounds from LC’s first months in L.A.). So Justin rolls in, shakes Audrina’s hand and then expresses his Ryan Cabrera disdain to Brody:

“That girl deserves the world.”  Apparently in Justin Bobby land, “the world” is a guy currently sporting a bouffant who burps on dates, cheats on her, and lies to her face for three years.

“He’s a rock and roller, dude. Women will be around.” Uh, not to be nit picky, Justin, but trust me on this one: no he’s not and no they won’t.

I mean, did you see the kid performing? Audrina did. And she cried. At first I thought maybe it was because she had just cheated on him with Justin Bobby (Why else would she show up late with a messy ponytail on top of her head??) and felt all guilty when she saw how sweet and innocent he was, but then I realized it was probably because her boyfriend was singing a 2003 MTV hit in a pair of white skinny jeans to a “crowd” of 1,000 people.

Girl, I’d cry too. And I’d probably put an end to things as well. She’s got a reputation to keep (not to mention ratings to maintain) and everyone knows Ryan is killing it for her. He’s a nice guy, yes, but Audrina doesn’t like the nice guy. She likes the faux-philosophical, greasy, smelly, jerky guy. And unfortunately for Ryan Cabrera and the career he was hoping to save by getting on this show, that guy just rolled back into town. On his bad-ass motorcycle. That doesn’t even have a seat.

Let’s see if Cabrera can do that….without getting his white skinnies dirty.
Till next week, peeps!