People in relationships baffle me. They spend their lives living vicariously through singles, dragging them into their cult of couplehood, when really, what must they want other than to be back in those uncomfortable but oh so attractive shoes? It’s schaedenfreude.

They’re not happy until we’re miserable like them. They obsess over adding new couples to the guest list for charades or a round of Trivial Pursuit: the Pop Culture edition, and leave no stone unturned when seeking out converts-to-be. The most elaborate, and most obvious, baiting for information is the attempted nonchalant life inquiry. “So how are things? You know, work, your 401K…” Blah blah blah, quick segue: “You seeing anybody? Oh, really? Because I have this friend…” There is no question in my mind that every person who has been single for a minute of their lives has been hypothetically set up with “this friend.” Read More »