Ah, middle school dances. Remember those? Middle school was a time filled with girls who like boys but are taller than them and boys who like girls but are suffering through that awkward I might-be-going-through-puberty-soon stage. A time for “do you like me? check yes or no” notes, relentless bullying as a sign of flirtation, and teachers who are more in tuned with the adolescent gossip than the actual students are. So when you bring all of these elements together for a school dance: the awkward meter skyrockets! As we take a trip down memory lane, let us remember those crucial ingredients needed to concoct the perfect middle school dance.

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And to make things worse, middle school kids are mean. Like, really mean. Name-calling is like eating for middle schoolers–they do it compulsively. Last time I visited my middle school (don’t ask me why I ever went back to that awful place), the halls were plastered with signs telling kids to stop being so mean to each other. Waste of money, obviously. At least they tried.

It will probably never stop, that’s just the middle school MO. But if you thought you were the only one out there getting called chicken legs on the regular, you are oh so wrong. Even celebs got teased when they were kids. Oh you thought they were perfect? Well they are, of course. But they had to be 13 sometime.

Check out these nicknames celebs were teased with when they were younger.

Breathtaking.

Like most people, the years I spent with little metal boxes cemented to my teeth weren’t exactly my best. Not only did those years coincide with my awkward phase (no coincidence there), but my braces also hurt like crazy. And I’m pretty sure I spent 50% of my time in the bathroom picking food shrapnel out of my teeth.

The other 50% of my time was spent smiling for pictures with my lips closed and being thrown into the back of my mom’s minivan for those monthly adjustment appointments (ouch).

And I wasn’t allowed to chew gum or eat popcorn.
Yeah, it’s really not a time I want to relive.

Unless it has to do with other people.

Behold, one of my greatest Internet finds since TFLN:

When I had braces…

This website won’t help you become a better cook or organize your fashion wish lists, but it will make you laugh and that’s all you really need on a Wednesday morning, right? The premise is simple: readers submit their favorite (OK, most awkward) picture of themselves in braces along with a small anecdote about their experience with the little devils. For example, the photo above, which is pretty awesome in its own right but truly magnificent with this little ditty:  “When I had braces straightening irons weren’t yet perfected.”

The best part is, this photo isn’t even the greatest one; the site is chock full of awkward moments in braces’ past. And if you’ve ever had braces, you can definitely empathize with them…. or just use this as a chance to feel a whole lot better about your most awkward days.

Remember when you were 13 and everything seemed like the biggest deal ever and “OMG you are going to die because life is just so bad”? Oh, and you were wearing giant bell bottom jeans and a shirt with a condom pocket on the sleeve? Yeah, those were the days.

Don’t you wish you could hop into a DeLorean and go back and give that girl some (fashion) advice? Maybe a little nugget of wisdom to make those angsty teenage years just a little less angsty? Unfortch, we can’t go back there (or maybe it’s a good thing – I don’t like looking at pictures of myself with that perm, so interacting with it in person would be devastating), but if you could, what would you say?

This week I asked the CollegeCandy team to share their life lessons with their younger selves.
What wisdom would you impart?

Sarabeth – University of Texas: Save yourself a lot of trouble and stop hanging out with all the guys and try putting on some lip gloss before you get to high school. Maybe then you will get an actual date to winter formals, prom, etc., instead of gay men. Kthxbye.

Vivian – Rutgers University: Yeah, you know those boobs mommy promised would come in eventually? You can stop waiting – they aren’t coming.

K – GW: Dear awkward 13 (cough 16) year-old-self, piling on the Clinique and trying to fit in is hopeless and unsatisfying. Just be yourself and happiness will find you.

Maddie – Tufts: Never shave in between your eyebrows (I know, embarrassing…). Have someone show you how to use a tweezer.

Kathryn – University of Wisconsin-Madison: It’s OK to not know what you want to do with your life. Hell, I’m a college graduate and I still have no clue!

Brithny- Duke: 2 AM is the worst time to make mistakes. And, BTW, overalls with a rainbow turtleneck is not a good look for anyone. ANYONE.

Kari- Florida State: Don’t ever text him more than twice if he doesn’t text you back! Seriously. Put down the phone…

Melanie Danko: Dear Melanie (yenior year of high school) on St. Patty’s Day,
Don’t drink the Bacardi 151. Just. Don’t.
Love,
Future Melanie

Teresa – UC San Diego:  MEN ARE JERKS. Be careful with your heart.  Also, never wear velour stirrup pants again.

Cristina – Michigan State University: “F**k Bitches, Get money” No seriously, be careful what girls you trust, and save your money.

Lauren H – The New School: He is not as amazing as you think he is; that’s why he has the confederate flag tattooed on his stomach.

Lena Chen – Harvard: All-pink business ensembles are an internship NO!

Kiki – University of Missouri: Smile more. Do not pour your teenage-heart out via cryptic Xanga posts ridden with Fall Out Boy lyrics. And, for the love of 80′s rock stars everywhere, lay off the Wet ‘n Wild eyeliner.

Carly – Grinnell: CHILL OUT! Nothing that you think is the end of the world actually is.

Elizabeth-University of Missouri: Hair grows, braces eventually come off and baby fat does disappear. Oh, and overalls are always a bad decision. Ditto with scrunchies.

Vanessa – Sheridan College: They’re not lying, high school really will fly by.

I loved the idea of anonymity and the fact that I could meet a random guy and never have to see him again. It was a sense of freedom I had never quite experienced and one I decided to take full advantage of.

Then I learned one very important lesson: random hook ups in college do not exist.

One particular weekend I went home with a very nice lookin’ boy. He was in a fraternity that none of my friends were in/associated with, which was extremely appealing. We bunked up at his place, had a grand ole time and ended things the next morning with the obligatory phone number exchange (which I immediately removed upon arriving home… I didn’t plan on seeing him again, so why tempt myself during an inevitable drunk dialing situation?).

The following weekend, while out with some friends, we ran into some guys I didn’t know. I started pourin’ on the charm with the cutest of the bunch and we really hit it off. We ended up back at his place chowin’ down on some Jimmy John’s when his roommate came home and began regaling us with stories from his night…

Including one about my man friend from last weekend.

Turns out they were best friends. Hang out all the time. And, in fact, were having a joint birthday party the following weekend. Did I want to come? It was gonna be awesome! I haaaave to be there.

What were the chances? My school had 30,000 undergrads! These guys weren’t in the same fraternity or in the same year in school! How the hell did they know eachother?!

I left the next morning and returned home to tell my roommates about the not-so-random guy I met expecting them to sympathize. Instead, I was faced with faces full of shock. Turns out that the guy from the night before also happened to have just broken up with our next-door neighbor and a mutual friend of ours was in love with him.

WTF?

It turned out that not only were my hook-ups not so random, but actually became the talk of the town. (Note: This is even worse if the guy is ugly…careful with those beer goggles, girls!) I couldn’t avoid the stories…or the boys. They were suddenly everywhere I went – in my classes, at the bar, at UHS when I went there to stock up on my birth control….

I learned the hard way that college campuses feel like huge places, but it only takes a little time (and some late nights) to make them very, very small. Beware, ladies, of the random hookups. They are never what they seem.

[Photo courtesy of collegeotr.com]