"Oh, you have a girlfriend now? Awesome."

Fact: 100% of girls, always, look like complete sh*t at the gym. While I’m the exception to many rules, I am not the exception to this one. So you can imagine my horror, my utter horror, when I ran into a guy I used to date at the gym yesterday.

[To recap: we casually dated for about three months, during which we completely acted like a couple, but were not labeled as such. Why? Because he “doesn’t believe in relationships.”]

I asked him how he was doing, and he said school was good, blah blah blah, his girlfriend just got a new job, blah blah blah…WAIT WHAT?! Girlfriend? But…but when we were dating he said he didn’t believe in relationships! That monogamy was a sham! That labels ruined things!

My initial reactions were:
1) Jack him in the face.
2) Wait, you can’t throw a punch. Kick him in the balls.
3) Why was I not girlfriend material? Read More »

Last Thursday, I was craving a chicken caesar salad. I had half an hour before my lifeguarding shift started, and Sunset Groceries deli-fresh salad bar was calling my name.  I thought, “Hey, I’ll just run in, scoop up one of those pre-made containers with the Parmesan shavings already rationed out, and go to work.” At the time, it didn’t even register that I was rocking my navy blue one-piece, with GUARD embroidered across the chest. Waistband rolled Soffes? Why not, it’s not like I was going to see anyone worth impressing in the deli line. Thursday at 1:30 PM was prime time for soccer moms, not soccer players.

Weaving in and out of the deli displays, my salad search came up empty-handed. Lunchables, guacamole, pineapple chunks, but no grilled chicken-y goodness. I finished a few more unsuccessful laps before surrendering myself to the deli line. Maybe the salads were just so delicious that they hid them behind the counter, I reasoned, a treat for the persistent customers. Besides, I needed to get to work. There were lives to be guarded, flip flop tans to perfect.

“Number 96?”

I looked up. HOLY CRAP. I blinked. HOLY FREAKING HELLA CRAP. There, behind the deli counter, sporting a white apron and what appeared to be an ill-fitting hairnet, stood my Big Ex. The one I had not seen since our drawn-out, emotionally-draining, mentally-exhausting December break-up.  Read More »

So you’re finally settled back into home life for the summer. You’ve spent the last week catching up on sleep, home cooking and quality snuggle time with the dog and now it’s time to get out of the house. You rifle through the duffle bags you have yet to unpack, throw on some clothes and head out to visit your old high school haunts. Namely, the mall.

You park the car, grab a coffee from the first (of many) Starbucks in the suburban shopping center and begin wandering through the stores. You are contemplating a dress at Forever 21 when you hear someone calling your name. You turn around and realize it is an old high school “friend,” one of the many that you stopped talking to as soon as you threw your stuff on that twin extra long bed and began your life in college.

She wasn’t a good friend, but rather the kind of friend that you only had because you had homeroom together. The kind of friend that sort of drifted as soon as you got to college and realized that there were much better, cooler and more fun people in this world… and you didn’t have to talk to her anymore now that you didn’t have class together. The kind of friend that you only remember because she shows up in your Newsfeed every now and again. Read More »