When I was 13 years old, I dressed up as a homemade Christmas tree for Halloween. I was covered from head to toe in ornaments and Christmas lights. The battery pack was held securely in my underwear, which made for awkward and slightly dangerous times in the bathroom. Regardless, I was a-glow in the Christmas/Halloween spirit and I looked stunning.

Recalling my Halloweens past, my costumes of choice were a far cry from what teens these days are wearing. And what is it they are slipping into on Halloween? Not bunny costumes or scary ghouls. No, upon perusing the aisles at my local Halloween store I learned that the middle schoolers are taking a hint from their big sisters/Paris Hilton and getting into the spirit…of looking skanky.

It took me until my freshman year of college to embrace the sexy, slutty side of the holiday. And while I may have been a late bloomer, the pre-teen purchasing “Striped Prison Girl aka Mis-Behaved” is DEFINITELY ahead of her time.

I always thought this generation’s youth was one step ahead of the awkward curve with the invention of the straightening iron and a slightly more advanced sense of fashion. (We’ve all seen Suri Cruise in those great kitten heels.) But then they see their precious Hannah Montana posing nude on the cover of a magazine and doing a pole dance on stage, and so the door was shut on the age of modesty.

And opened wide on the age of showing their lady parts in exchange for Twix bars.

For every 12 year old I see this Halloween dressed as a street-walking Little Red Riding Hood, I will say a prayer. What child’s parents are letting them walk out of the house looking like they’re cruising for more than just candy? I hope they at least put a can of Mace in their trick-or-treat bag to ward off child molesters and Roman Polanski.

Remember when you were 13 and everything seemed like the biggest deal ever and “OMG you are going to die because life is just so bad”? Oh, and you were wearing giant bell bottom jeans and a shirt with a condom pocket on the sleeve? Yeah, those were the days.

Don’t you wish you could hop into a DeLorean and go back and give that girl some (fashion) advice? Maybe a little nugget of wisdom to make those angsty teenage years just a little less angsty? Unfortch, we can’t go back there (or maybe it’s a good thing – I don’t like looking at pictures of myself with that perm, so interacting with it in person would be devastating), but if you could, what would you say?

This week I asked the CollegeCandy team to share their life lessons with their younger selves.
What wisdom would you impart?

Sarabeth – University of Texas: Save yourself a lot of trouble and stop hanging out with all the guys and try putting on some lip gloss before you get to high school. Maybe then you will get an actual date to winter formals, prom, etc., instead of gay men. Kthxbye.

Vivian – Rutgers University: Yeah, you know those boobs mommy promised would come in eventually? You can stop waiting – they aren’t coming.

K – GW: Dear awkward 13 (cough 16) year-old-self, piling on the Clinique and trying to fit in is hopeless and unsatisfying. Just be yourself and happiness will find you.

Maddie – Tufts: Never shave in between your eyebrows (I know, embarrassing…). Have someone show you how to use a tweezer.

Kathryn – University of Wisconsin-Madison: It’s OK to not know what you want to do with your life. Hell, I’m a college graduate and I still have no clue!

Brithny- Duke: 2 AM is the worst time to make mistakes. And, BTW, overalls with a rainbow turtleneck is not a good look for anyone. ANYONE.

Kari- Florida State: Don’t ever text him more than twice if he doesn’t text you back! Seriously. Put down the phone…

Melanie Danko: Dear Melanie (yenior year of high school) on St. Patty’s Day,
Don’t drink the Bacardi 151. Just. Don’t.
Love,
Future Melanie

Teresa – UC San Diego:  MEN ARE JERKS. Be careful with your heart.  Also, never wear velour stirrup pants again.

Cristina – Michigan State University: “F**k Bitches, Get money” No seriously, be careful what girls you trust, and save your money.

Lauren H – The New School: He is not as amazing as you think he is; that’s why he has the confederate flag tattooed on his stomach.

Lena Chen – Harvard: All-pink business ensembles are an internship NO!

Kiki – University of Missouri: Smile more. Do not pour your teenage-heart out via cryptic Xanga posts ridden with Fall Out Boy lyrics. And, for the love of 80′s rock stars everywhere, lay off the Wet ‘n Wild eyeliner.

Carly – Grinnell: CHILL OUT! Nothing that you think is the end of the world actually is.

Elizabeth-University of Missouri: Hair grows, braces eventually come off and baby fat does disappear. Oh, and overalls are always a bad decision. Ditto with scrunchies.

Vanessa – Sheridan College: They’re not lying, high school really will fly by.