Ever since that horrible live birth video they made us watch in sex-ed in 5th grade, I’ve been disinclined to anything baby-related. Heidi Klum may look great pregnant, but there’s nothing pretty about a giant head poking out of a screaming woman’s…yeah.

Anyway, after discovering that last night’s runway challenge was for super pregnant Rebecca Romijn, I sorta freaked out. I mean, she was really pregnant. What if she gave birth right there next to the runway?! I totally agreed with Logan when he said designing maternity clothes wasn’t really his “thing” and that babies scared him.

OMG, babies scare me too!

But I put away my fears because the smiley, lovely Rebecca Romijn from one of my favorite shows, Ugly Betty, was a guest judge. Not everyone could be as awesome a tranny as she can. I felt bad when she delivered her news, though (of the challenge, not the baby). Almost all the designers had never done maternity-wear before and they were lookin’ scared! Things were sure to be a mess. A hot, tranny mess.

I was surprised on the runway, however; most of the gowns were gorgeous! It made me almost reconsider my 5th grade vow-to-self to adopt… almost (I don’t think anything could ever wipe those terrifying birthing images from my mind). I could never tell the difference between Shirin and Irina before but now I know: Irina is cute but Shirin is cuter (which is why she won, of course). Epperson continued to create masterpieces worthy of display at the MET (a pregnant jumpsuit cannot be easy to make…or wear), and Christopher is still manly but sensitive to women’s curves.

Chris, if you ever switch back to your original team, call me.

But for the second week running, for one particular designer there was just no hope at all. This episode might as well have been titled, “Hatin’ On Mitchell.” And with good reason. All jokin’ aside, you know you’re a bad designer when: Read More »

I am a notorious people watcher and window shopper.  Whenever I’m walking around, I’m constantly evaluating the products I see.  For example, if I see a pair of shoes in the window of a store, I pick out three outfits in my head that I could wear them with.  Same goes for electronics, appliances, etc. – I always imagine when or where I could be using them.

The other day I was taking a little stroll through the city and I passed by the window of a baby store.  I had to stop because there is a lot of useful stuff in there!  I mean, who hasn’t been on an epic shopping trip, loaded with bags and stumbling on your swollen feet, and glared at the toddler being pushed around in the stroller?  I want a stroller!  Unfortunately, most things in a baby store are pretty mini.  But what if they weren’t??

Pacifiers - For the people that need some comfort in their lives!  Instead of eating while bored, just suck on a pacifier.  Same goes for drinking.  It could solve so many problems!  And when your girlfriends get a bit sloppy at the bar, just shove one of these in their mouths to protect them from their verbal diarrhea. Or putting something else in there…

Cribs -  Who hasn’t rolled out of bed on occasion? Especially after a night of debauchery? Cribs would solve everything!  Plus, they come with neat little gadgets and art pieces.  Set me up in an adult crib with a holder for my computer, phone, and adult pacifier and I’ll be set like a jet. Read More »

Aw, so cute! Thank god she belongs to someone else!

I have this problem and it seems as though other girls I know simply don’t have it.

The problem: I don’t want a baby.

Earlier this morning, I watched a two-year-old (with an English accent!) walking around and laughing, and he was hilariously cute. I smiled. I said things like, “Aww…he’s so smart!” And I truly meant the things I said. I truly thought he was adorable. But seeing a kid and thinking that kid is adorable doesn’t make me want one.

I love being an aunt. My niece and nephew are absolutely amazing and I, like many proud aunts and uncles, think they’re flawless godsends. There’s nothing they can do to make me love them any less than I already do.

But I just don’t want any babies of my own. Read More »

Sam Ronson wants a restraining order from crazy Lindsay.

Need an excuse? Try the economy.

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Victoria Beckham is too busy for Ugly Betty.

Get that perfect sunkissed look for Spring.

Childbirth is excruciatingly painful. Sounds like a no-brainer, right? Yeah, that’s what I thought, too. But ABC’s 20/20 is going to broadcast a segment on a new documentary called “Orgasmic Birth,” about women who said that giving birth was one of the most ecstatic (and orgasmic) moments of their lives.

In the segment, to be broadcast on Friday, January 2nd at 10 pm, Tamra Larter says that she spent part of her labor for her second child making out with her husband! “The physical touch and the nurturing was just really comforting to me,” she said, “[The birth] was happening, and I could hardly breathe, and it was like, ‘oh, that feels good.’”

Um. Ew?

Dr. Christiane Northrup, OB-GYN, was interviewed by 20/20 and reported that it is possible to experience orgasmic childbirth, according to “basic science.” She says, “When the baby’s coming down the birth canal, remember, it’s going through the exact same positions as something going in, the penis going into the vagina, to cause an orgasm.”

With all due respect to Dr. Northrup, I’m not buying it. And I think it’s great that Ms. Larter was able to get it on during labor (Sidenote: what’s her kid gonna think when he reads that ten years from now?), but either she has a really, really high threshold for pain, a really big va-jay-jay, or they must have slipped her the epidural without telling her. Also, if your baby gives you an orgasm, isn’t that moderately incestual? Just sayin’.

I have no children at the moment, and I have never given birth, so I guess you could say, “don’t knock it till you try it.” But I believe childbirth may be the one thing that you really don’t have to try to knock.  So, here are just a few reasons why I’m not expecting childbirth to be orgasmic:

1. An eight-pound baby is way bigger than a penis.

It’s true that the kid will be coming out the same way his daddy’s manhood went in, but even if that dad were Ron Jeremy (ew, btw), the biggest penis in the world couldn’t possibly compare to the size and weight of a healthy newborn. Read More »

These are the things I know about Jessica Simpson:

1. She is blonde.

2. She has little/no talent.

3. She once confused tuna and chicken.

4. She is ridiculously gorgeous and happens to be dating someone else who is ridiculously gorgeous.

5. She kisses with her eyes open?

6. She loves sex.

I mean, how else would you explain this quote she recently gave to Australia’s Daily Telegraph?

“I’d love six kids running around, but I guess I’ll have to start pretty soon.”

Six?! Six hot-but-totally-dumb children? She does realize that all those kids won’t give her Angelina’s career or worldwide respect, right? I mean, what is she thinking?

Unless this is her plan to get another reality show: Newlyweds meets Jon and Kate Plus 8…

I don’t know about you, but I am scared. And Jessica should be too; babies mean weight gain and stretch marks and getting all dowdy… without that killer body, this girl has nothing.

Halloween can be a great holiday; candy, being able to wear those 4-inch glitter pumps you bought for some occasion that could only be Halloween, weird-colored drinks that taste like an explosion of sugar…we could go on. Halloween is just badass.

But you know what? Halloween can also be really, really inappropriate. Inappropriate body parts shoved into spandex, inappropriate masks that scare the bejeezus out of people on the street, inappropriate dances to inappropriate song selections such as “Monster Mash” — if you’re not careful, this holiday can quickly go from good time to complete epic FAIL.

Here’s a few ways that can happen… Read More »

I don’t know about you, but if I never had to take the birth control pill again I would be one happy lady. Remembering to take it every morning, paying for it every month, and all the damn cramps are making me angry.

But what choice do we have, really? Condoms aren’t perfect, abstinence isn’t gonna happen, and I can barely take care of myself, let alone bring a child into my world.

Oh, and guys are always expecting it now! Seriously; I once told my ex that I wasn’t taking the pill and he looked at me like I had just told him I pooped in his shoe. How is that fair?

If only there were a birth control pill for guys. Wouldn’t that be amazing? Let them deal with all the crap we’ve been taking care of for years. Do you think guys would take it? Do you even think they know how good they have it?

Angry (it’s not my fault; my hormones go nuts on this damn pill!) I asked a boy those very questions. His answers surprised me (and made me cry…again, the hormones). Read More »

Like many long term relationships, my relationship with the birth control pill had many ups and downs.

Up = no babies.

Downs = weight gain, extreme emotions and severe migraine headaches.

For a while, the ups far outweighed the downs, but it soon got to a point where the headaches became debilitating (thus making me unable to have sex anyway), and I had to call it quits with the little pill. I tried other forms of birth control – the Nuva Ring, which was just too weird, and abstinence, which was just not realistic – and none of it worked.

I figured I was doomed to be sans BC forever, until my doctor told me about the IUD.

What is an IUD?

Basically, it’s a small object that is inserted through the cervix and placed in the uterus to prevent pregnancy. The doctor inserts the IUD onto your cervix where it stays for up to 10 years. If you want to get pregnant, you simply head back to the doctor and have it removed and your period and ovulation schedule return to normal. The IUD is 99.9% effective at preventing pregnancy and you never have to remember to take a pill again! Read More »

Now, I’m one to be up on the latest trends, especially when it comes to shoes. With a closet dedicated to my fabulous collection (at over 70 pairs, yes I admit, I have a problem!), I feel like I know what styles are new, what is out of fashion and what will be expected for each seasons new arrivals.

I did not, however, expect this: High heels for babies.

Yeah, you heard me.

Heelarious is a website that delivers soft shoes for babies, 0 – 6 months, who just can’t stop begging their mommies for some hot pink platforms. Featured in In Touch Weekly, New York Post, ABC News, ET Online and more, these plush shoes look like high heels and will give your baby the best look for her, um, day care class?!?!?! (Editor’s Note: Daycare is totes the best place to meet a guy!)

The New York Post called its article, “For Well-Heeled Fashionable Tots,” and, at $35.00 a pair, they’re obviously necessary for an individual who can’t even walk yet. With all different styles (hot pink, zebra pattern and – yes, even – leopard), your daughter, before her first birthday, will have conformed to society’s stereotypes! How proud you will be. Read More »