I’m not sure if I mentioned it before, but I’m currently a nanny to an adorable (when sleeping) four-month old baby boy. Before taking this job, two and half months ago, I thought I wanted kids. I now realize I do not want kids, at least not for a really really (huge emphasis on really here) long time.

They are smelly, cry a lot, and think screaming should be some kind of cruel game meant to torture you.

My 12 hour days have become a constant reminder to take precautionary measures when things get heated. No way am I getting stuck with a lumpy chunk-a-lunk while I’m still a kid myself! And yes, I know, kids are precious and should be treasured, all that yaddie yadda junk…but having a kid before you are ready isn’t always the best idea (although I do have friends who have proved me wrong…but they are exceptional cases).

So in lieu of the utterly horrible day I had yesterday, which may or may not involved me crying, here are ten reasons why babies are not my favorite:

initiating the gallery...

I admit babies do have their cute moments, mostly while sleeping or the ten minutes of happiness they allot themselves a day. But as of right now I firm on my stance to avoid having one of those things for myself. The bad greatly out weigh the good, plus… I am not ready to give up alcohol for nine months.

There comes a tipping point where you have to say “enough is enough,” and you either need to fix what is driving you to the edge or take a step back to realize what needs to be fixed. My tipping point just arrived and resulted in me saying: “I quit!”

So, you know those people I was playing nanny for? Besides the peach cobbler incident, things have been okay. In fact, the family hired me on as their accountant/bookkeeper – so I have been doing tax forms and working with thousands and thousands of receipts for the last few weeks. However, things started going south pretty fast once I started playing the role of babysitter and bookkeeper!

There were tons of demands. It was like once they had me around all the time, they would do anything to keep me there. For example, I would give the family my schedule and they would be mad because I had LSAT class or a few hours out of the day blocked off to study – things they knew when they hired me from the start. They started wanting me to nanny and do bookkeeping work at the same time – but they only wanted to pay me for bookkeeping, despite me watching their young children. Then it turned into almost full-time hours, when I only want to work part-time. And, the worst part was when the pay became sporadic. As I write this, I still need to be paid for nearly a $100 worth of work. Do I think I’ll see the money? No, but at least I’ll have my sanity back.

About two weeks ago, I realized I haven’t had a day off in nearly two weeks. Every day was constant LSAT studying, practice tests, classes to attend, and then nonstop babysitting and bookkeeping work. And to top it all off, since I started working there I have contracted the following: pink eye, a random eye infection, ring worm, and a stomach virus – all because the kids have had these things. After having pink eye back to back, you start to feel the effects. So, I started asking myself why was I depending so much on just a few bucks here and there? It seemed stupid to waste so much time doing things that aren’t going to help me get to where I need to be and want to be in the future.

However, my boiling point really came over the weekend. The dad told me that I should be able to finish all the accounting work by that day, and I told him that would be impossible. Even if I worked for 72 hours straight – there was no feasible way that I would finish. In response to this, he said to me “Well, you must be stupid or something.” And then he told me I had to cancel my trip to St. Louis (I’m going to see my boyfriend) — something I planned and booked over a month ago! Huh, what? Wait, did you just call me stupid?

No sir, in fact, I’m not stupid. The only stupid thing is your behavior towards me. It was unacceptable for him to say this, so I just had enough and did my first real adult “I quit” moment. I’m sorry, but no one is going to call me stupid for no reason – especially in a situation like that. Yes, I may be a newly post-graduate student trying to figure things out in the world, but that doesn’t mean I’m stupid. If he wanted the accountant books to be complete by this week, he should have had someone start it months ago — not three weeks ago!

Although I need the money, I have to admit – I feel better already. I will have more time to study and time for myself, so I really can’t complain. And although I won’t be working, I’m not getting too discouraged – something will have to turn up…it always does.

You know those hermits you hear about that live in caves, hunt wild animals, and never cut their beards? Well, whenever I come home during a break from school, I give them a run for their money (minus the wild animal and beard parts – I like my meat cooked and my face fuzz-free). When I’m home, I hang out with my family and might make it to lunch with some friends a few times, but that’s pretty much the extent of my human interaction. As an only child, constantly being around (drunk) people at school can drive me absolutely crazy, so I love coming home and locking myself away for however long I can manage to.

With that said, last night I ventured out for my high school best friend’s birthday dinner. My mind, which had been reacquainted with constantly being with sober people, was blown. The champagne guzzling started at the dinner table and turned to shots as we headed out to a sweaty, packed club where there was so much grinding I was tempted to go home and get an STD test. Don’t get me wrong, it was fun…until everyone got super sloppy and my role turned from dancing queen to babysitter-to-the-sloptarts.

It got me mad.
And it got me thinking….

Would You Rather have your best friend get so drunk on your birthday that you have to take care of her all night OR have every single last one of your friends be busy on your birthday, so you spend it alone?

Things to consider: Puke on your birthday shoes, annoying drunk people, eating cake alone on the couch while watching Teen Mom.

The first step was obviously fighting over choosing which Disney prince was your BF (I’m looking at you, Prince Phillip). Then, after putting on lipstick and kissing a) your hand b) your Ken doll or c) your pillow, he would construct an elaborate proposal. Next thing you know, you’ve got your Mom’s heels on, a white sheet taped to your head and a gorgeous floral arrangement done entirely in weeds (nuisance plants are the next big thing for centerpieces, I’m telling you) in your sticky little hands as your BFF pronounces you and Prince Phillip (or Eric, he was always a solid choice too) married. Then you break out the big guns: your baby doll.

When you’ve got yourself surrounded by fake bottles, strollers, binkies and baby clothes, you know you’ve made it in the pretend game of playing house. Of course, my opinion on victory at playing house now is quite the opposite. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that a baby right now would be a massive fail (on both my and LoEstrin24FE’s behalf).

But, it seems as though David and I are movin’ on up in the game of playing house. After some mild success (we have neither burned the house down nor broken up), I guess people are starting to realize how fantastically great we are at living together and have decided to reward us with some kids. And not just any kids – teenagers.

So, while my game of playing house is progressing entirely out of order (I don’t recall David slaying any dragons to win my love or us getting married at a castle decorated with rainbows), it looks like I’ve reached the ultimate level. David’s dad and step-mom are headed to a wedding out of town this weekend, and have left their gorgeous home, dog, and 17- and 15-year-olds behind for us to look after. As luck would have it, we’ll be responsible for their most cherished assets while a developing Tropical Storm is headed for SoFla, and while their youngest is serving a summer-long sentence of grounding. Perf.

Naturally, David and I mapped out our parenting styles over a (large) bottle of wine last night. It’s looking pretty balanced; he’s decided to be the hardass. I, on the other hand, feel like I was just 15 a short while ago (and grounded for a vast majority of that year…and the rest of my teenage years), and can totally sympathize with her. Add to this my tendency to act like “the cool Mom” from Mean Girls, and we could be in for a bumpy weekend, Tropical Storms aside.

Even though I’m a nanny when I’m at school to two gorgeous little girls, I’m guessing there’s a difference between caring for 4- and 7-year-olds and 17- and 15-year-olds. Plus, I’ve never joint-babysat with anyone before, let alone a boyfriend. I’m wondering how splitting the authority down the middle will go… and if it will be as effective.

Anyway, I’m pretty psyched to see how this weekend goes. They have way better On-Demand channels than we do, and I’m fairly certain their fridge will be stocked with more than string cheese, fruit and beer. I’m not too worried about taking care of David’s step-siblings (honestly I’m much more concerned with having to put shutters on the 7,000 windows of his Dad’s house if this storm turns into a hurricane) and excited to see how my man handles the short-term child rearing.

After all, the best part of playing house (besides getting to live with David) is that when the game’s over,  you can return your baby doll to her rightful place in your toy box- and you can return your teenagers to their rightful guardians come Sunday.

In an effort to beat the winter bulge and get my body back into shape for a weekend of bikini-clad fun come July 4th, I decided to pump up the volume on my workout last night. And now I can’t move. Even typing up this very post is sending shooting pains up my arms and I’ve completely given up on reading this website due to the extreme pain that comes with laughing.

And to top it all off, it’s an ugly, rainy day in Chicago. If I didn’t have the Glee soundtrack blasting from my iTunes right now, I’d fall into a deep funk and claw my way out with a gallon of ice cream. Which, of course, would completely defeat the purpose of my post-workout paralysis.

So in an effort to forget about the fact that I can’t move my legs without crying, I will focus on something else. Like this week’s “Would You Rather….”

Would You Rather have an unpaid summer internship with a boss like Miranda Priestly from The Devil Wears Prada or a summer job making bank as a nanny for the brattiest group of triplets you can imagine?

Things to Consider: your post-grad resume, your mental health and sanity, your empty bank account.

Vote and give us your reasoning below!

With a full week in California under my belt, I’ve officially moved in. This move-in was a lot different than any dorm room move-in I’ve done throughout college. Instead of signing for my dorm key, I signed a lease. A real “I’m an adult, I must abide by this contract or I’m legally responsible” lease. In fact, everything I’ve done this past week had a stamp of “Adult” on it, making post-grad a lot different than any undergrad experience.

So, now that I traded my student checking for an everyday bank account, I think it’s time to put some money in there. Maybe it’s my drive to be successful, even when my life is in limbo, or all the California wealth around me, but I have been looking for some kind of job to occupy my time. However, job hunting is a full time job, and it seems like the job market has turned its back on us post-grads.

Nearly every job listing requires three to five years of experience. Uh … I’ve been in college classrooms for the last four years, does that count? It’s kind of scary to think that I spent all this time getting my B.A. degree, only to be told that I need experience to match my degree – full time experience. It seems like entry level positions, which used to require a degree and interest (not a few years of experience), don’t exist anymore. I want to use my skills, so I can build up experience – but I can’t gain experience when I can’t get hired. Some listings I’ve seen even say that if resume don’t show three to five years of job experience in the field, they will be tossed. Yikes!

Like a lot of college students, I have equated experience as being something I’ve gained during my internships. I was told over and over again “internships offer invaluable experiences” and that they were necessary to obtaining any post-grad jobs. It sure doesn’t seem like it now. I’ve had some great internships – but those aren’t going to count as prior experience in any field, and while I think they say “Hey look at what I’ve done and where I was hired as an intern at,” they aren’t offering much of anything else.

While looking for jobs, I have also been on the prowl for internships. When applying to law school in the fall, I feel like it’s really important to have an internship experience during my time off to show that I’m dedicated to hands-on learning. However, the outlook on the internship search is not so good. Maybe it’s just California, but every single internship listing requires that the intern must get “college credit.” Now that I’m not enrolled in school, it seems like all these opportunities are closed off to me. I don’t want monetary compensation for an internship and I don’t need college credit – I just want to learn.

I haven’t given up on the job and internship search yet. In fact, all the little detours that have come my way so far have encouraged me to keep looking for the job that will offer me what I want. If anything, college taught me to be determined in everything I do (whether it’s finishing off a bottle of wine or getting the internship that I want).

And hey, it’s not completely bleak…I have an interview for a part-time babysitting position today – and the mom is taking me out for frozen yogurt with her kids. Free frozen yogurt and a possible reoccurring babysitting job that won’t tax my cash money? At least it’s a place to start!

Here are the ten worst summer jobs… which might just make bankruptcy look like the better option.

1.  Amusement Park Attendant
You make minimum wage to stand in the blazing heat all summer, get lobster-red sunburns, and keep little kids in check as they anxiously await their turn on the water slide you’d sell your soul to go down.  You deal with cranky parents demanding that you speed up the line (which you can’t, for everyone’s safety), and clean up puke when the little brats get sick off of the giant ice cream cone they inhaled right before getting in your line.  Oh, and you have to wear a doofy polo with the theme park’s logo.  PASS.

2.  Landscaping and Construction.
These jobs are grueling no matter what time of year.  But when it’s 90 degrees and there’s no shade in sight, you can really do some damage to your body.  Sure, it pays well, but you’re going to constantly battle UV rays, dehydration, and straight up muscle exhaustion.  If you’ve been relatively inactive sitting at your desk and studying all summer, taking on such a physically exhausting job will be brutal.

3.  Flyering.
I wouldn’t include this if I hadn’t done it before, since most of you probably have no clue what “flyering” is.  One summer, I took a one-day job hanging 1,000 door hangers advertising a new ice cream shop on residential doorknobs.  It paid $250 for the day, so I thought it would be cool.  However, that day was spent walking around on concrete for 9 hours (even in sneakers this gets painful), and being paranoid that residents would come out with a shotgun after I left shit on their doorknobs.  Oh, I tried to wear sunscreen, but missed two strips of skin and wore a racer-back tank top.  My sunburns left scars, which look like wings on my back.  No lie.

4.  Flyering- Part 2.
If you live in a big city, there are plenty of companies looking for promoters to hand out fliers advertising their product.  Again, one of the sh*ttier jobs I’ve done in my life.  You stand for hours in the blazing heat, trying to give people a deal… and they get MAD at you for it.  They could just walk away and say “No thank you,” but these people feel like you’re targeting them.  As a flyer-er, I’ve seen everything from people saying the product I’m promoting sucks (not my problem, just trying to make a deal), to strangers thinking that my handing them a piece of paper means they should immediately tell me their life story.

5.  Ice Cream Scooper.
One of two things will inevitably happen.  One – you build huge forearm muscles scooping ice cream for obnoxious tourists in plaid shorts and fanny packs.  It’s crazy hot and the ice cream melts down your arms, so you retreat in a sticky mess every night.  Plus, you can’t even eat any of the goods.  Two – you CAN eat as much ice cream as you like, but you’re sedentary for the whole summer and can’t fit into your bathing suit two weeks after starting the gig.  Oh, and after a shower, you have SPRINKLES clogging the drain.

6.  Theme Park Mascot.
We’ve all heard the Disney horror stories, right? About the theme park characters who aren’t allowed to take their “heads” off, even if they get so overheated they puke on themselves? Need I say more…

7.  Any office work that is totally unrelated to your future career plan.
Let’s face it: you need the money so you do secretarial work all summer and miss all of the beautiful summer pool parties and beach outings, yet get no career experience out of it.  Settling for a desk job simply blows.

8.  Babysitting.
Like the office gig, you’re going to miss out on a lot of fun outings this summer.  Babysitting as a part-time job isn’t so bad, but if you’ve somehow committed to wrangling the neighborhood brats every day for the summer, when you say “NO” to your BFF’s beach party road trip, it will feel like a dagger through the heart.

9.  Housekeeping.
You live in a summer tourist mecca where jobs just sprout over the summer.  EVERYONE’S taking their holiday there, and the restaurant and hotel jobs are flourishing.  Yet, you get stuck as a housekeeper.  Remember that scene from Blue Crush when the surfer girl freaks out over cleaning some drunk football player’s shit out of the bathroom? Yeah, picture that before you agree to be a housekeeper.

10.  Lifeguarding at a Senior’s Center.
You’re not going to have the opp to do mouth-to-mouth on anyone remotely attractive.  And you’re going to get depressed about the inevitable future when you see the wrinkled doing “water sports” in the pool each day.  Yeah… need I even explain that one?

Hey, CC’ers, what jobs are you looking forward to (or NOT looking forward to) this summer? And what are the gigs you passed up on because all the money in the world couldn’t persuade you to punch in every day for three months?

As I grew older, I expanded my professional resume with retail positions, internships and jobs geared towards my career interests. I came out of college and now have a full-time job (and this super fun writing gig to keep me sane on the side) and am working towards getting the things I want for myself in life.

I consider myself – and many women just like me – to be a part of something new: the New Generation of 20-Something Women. No more relying on a man to determine financial status, stability or success; we are independent and have our own individual goals. Our own plans. Our fate in our hands.

Growing up, I learned that if you want something, you need to rely on yourself to get it and not someone else. I am taking that theory into account and notice that more females these days are too. Years ago, women were expected to find a man, get married, have children and keep the household. Rather than growing up and looking for our Mrs., 20-something women today are looking for a job, life experiences, travel and, most importantly, a life for themselves.

It’s not only the man now-a-days that needs a woman to sign a pre-nup when they get married. Meaning, more women are creating their own success as individuals, before solidifying their life with a man. These women are more realistic to the facts that 50% of marriages end in divorce and, if you want to enjoy your life, you have to rely on yourself first and foremost. Are you with me ladies?

More and more women are coming out of college and getting great jobs (albeit, men are doing the same, not trying to bash you boys, just pointing out our pattern), rather than heading straight to getting a great man. If you can have both, like my lucky self, then you’ve got two great ends of the spectrum. But my point here is that women can have both. And women are starting to realize it and put their own wants and needs first. And I quite like that.

Are you one of these success-driven females? What’s your driving force behind your goals?

[Photo courtesy of LogoKey]

And every once in a while, I let the kid stay up past his bedtime, because, I mean, making them go to sleep when the sun is still up is just wrong.

I may not be an angel of perfection when it comes to taking care of other people’s kids, but at least I don’t get them stoned.

Earlier this month, a 15-year-old Florida girl was arrested and charged with felony child abuse after smoking a joint around the little kid she was babysitting—and posting a picture of it on MySpace.

The girl (who’s name is being withheld by authorities because of her age and massive stupidity) was charged as a juvenile and released into her parents care after the arrest, but the possibility that the state attorney’s office will charge her as an adult later is quite high (haha. Get it?).

While I’m completely amazed that anyone in their right mind would think smoking weed around a little kid is okay, I can’t even fathom the idea of doing something like that and then posting it as your profile picture on MySpace!

Perhaps those anti-pot commercials could use her as a spokesperson? “Weed makes me so dumb, I think taking pictures of myself doing it and posting it online is cool”.

On second thought, that kind of stupidity is definitely the sort of thing you’re born with.

But after my experiences this past week, spontaneous (and maybe even super safe) sex is totally. Out. Of the question.

I spent my entire last weekend watching three children. Six-year-old twins and a potty-training three-year-old. And it only took me a total of 4 minutes to realize just how unready I am for child rearing.

Somewhere between the mini van and the screaming and the multiple trips to McDonalds (which somehow all ended in tears and ketchup all over my brand new jeans), I learned just how horrible the idea of getting pregnant could be. And for those of you out there who continue to have unprotected sex, STDs are not the thing to fear – this is:

1. No Showers: There is just no time. And if you manage to find 5 minutes in the day to leave the kids by themselves, you will most likely come out to find mass destruction, a child crying or both.

2. No Privacy: Try taking a minute to pee. Most likely, a small child will make their way into the bathroom and ask you questions about your private parts, what you are doing or if they can have an Oreo cookie. You tell them to leave so you can finish and get the cookie. They throw a temper tantrum forcing you to finish your business with them crying at your feet.

3. No Sleep: Babies wake up many times during the night. Little kids don’t nap anymore. And they wake up at 7. And they are hungry. And they want to play. And they want to go outside. And they want to jump on the bed. Etc…

4. No Friends: This is a given. No one wants a friend with a kid. Going to the bar just isn’t the same when your boobs are leaking milk all over the front of your low-cut tank.

5. No Exercise: Unless you count running the potty trainee to the bathroom once she has started leaking.

6. No Sex: Seriously, who would want to have more sex if it is what got you there in the first place?

And if all that wasn’t bad enough, I saw Knocked Up last night. And while it was a hilarious movie, watching it immediately post baby sitting nightmare was not good for my sex life. Nothing says “I don’t want to have sex” like watching a baby get shoved out of Katherine Heigl’s va-jay-jay. Like really watching. Up close and personal. Ewwwww.

I am officially a believer in the old saying, “Abstinence is the safest form of sex.” Amen, brother.