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At 9:55pm it happened, the moment you all waited for. The moment you held your breath for, trembling at the quakes from Ashley’s mouth for. The reason why we all sit down together and watch one person date 20 other people.

Ashley got engaged.

After four dates with two guys in two hours…well okay more like a week. She was led to a circle of drift wood and exotic pink bushes.

But wait, let me back up a second and share with you all of the drams that went down before reaching Ashley on the beach, standing in front of two men who love her. Read More »

Okay Ashley, I get it. You’re ready to get married, start a new life … and just now, are realizing that to do so the man you’re going to marry should probably be interested in you. And another thing, enough with the feelings talk, I’m falling asleep faster than you were when Ryan went off on his water heater tangent. Let’s be real, you were out like a light before he finished his bottomless water heater speech.

Girlfriend needs to get in check, just this week she allegedly slept with two guys, was dumped by another one, AND rejected a fourth one. Clearly homegirl has her hands full, but don’t worry I’m here to break it all down for you. Read More »

This week on The Bachelorette- Home Town Dates. One of the episodes in the season we all can’t wait to see. Partly because it means it is almost over, but mainly we want to see how crazy the guys’ families are, considering they supported their journey of love on a reality dating show that usually results in messy public breakups.

Needless to say, I was thoroughly excited to sit down and watch two hours of what, in my mind, should have been an outtake from the Family Feud. Instead I got staged conversations and Ashley’s bangs of shame.

Ash’s first stop was Cumming, Ga (really ABC?) to see Constantine in “My Big Fat Greek Family’s Home Date.” The two lovebirds cooked, ate and danced. Constantine’s mom even declared she would be okay with making Ash an honorary Greek, his Father wants to see his son and Ashley in love forever…and also managed to sneak in that his son “is very good with kids.” For some reason his entire family supports him, only wishing he finds true love and happiness. After dinner is done, Constantine’s entire extended family decides to join in on the fun dancing with Ash and makin’ it rain on them hos tossing dollar bills in the air (like any Greek family does). Read More »

Hi, my name is Courtney and I’m still watching this season of The Bachelorette. Look I know it’s a problem, but the drama, the tears, the backless shirts, it’s all so addicting. I tried to kick the habit, but then Bentley came back and Ames’ forehead got bigger..it’s just too much for one girl to say no to.

In this week of “The Hidden Jewel of Asia” …er…The Bachelorette:

“Physically you’re exactly what I’m attracted to.” Ashley about Constantine, on their one-on-one date which involved riding on a steam train to a small village and lighting a love wish lantern (which was peed on by a dog..just sayin’). Looks like his only competition is his look-alike Ben F.

“I’m falling in love with Ashley, but I’m not ready to tell her yet.”-(Ben F to a confessional camera) “I felt like he was the man,” said Ashley while they scooted around on a manly moped. Ben didn’t want to “drop the L-Bomb” just yet…really, are we 13 again? Also Ben extended his one-on-one date to be an overnight. Yes, JP left track marks in the carpet and had lines of mascara trailing down his face when Ben came back. Read More »

Before I go into the boring details of the past week in Ashley Hebert’s life, let me start off with this: Bentley came back to re-dump Ashley on a canary yellow couch. And let me tell you, it is worth watching again, and again and again. Especially the part when Ashley says, “So this is our period. Be a man and admit that it’s a period. Put it there.” …yes they referred to their, wait for it, “relationship” in punctuations.

Other than that exciting 20 minute reality t.v. break up, the rest of the hour and 40 minute show was just one dull date after another. Well, with the exception of Constantine and Ben F. dressing up in red robes chanting “idiot” in Chinese  while losing in a dragon boat race.  Other important details you ask? Lucas and JP both got one-on-one dates, apparently JP’s name is Jordan Paul (what?!), Mickey left (literally peaced out before the rose ceremony) and Ash sent Blake home. I’m not going to lie to you, I was kind of excited to see the awkward dentist go home after he cornered Ashley during the cocktail party and attacked her for falling for Bentley. (Yes, I know I do that every week…but I’m not trying to date her.) Read More »

Continuing with the theme of whining about Bentley’s departure, and by that I mean new beginnings, Ashley and her crew flew to Chiang Mai . I’m not sure if it was the heat, the punches to the head or random Thai men jumping in the water, but this was by far one of the most awkward episodes.

Also, ABC promised me that I would get some good ol’ Bentley drams going down…they lied. They lied big time..instead they left us with a “dot dot dot” and a week to think about what will happen. Will the men all leave Ashley? Will Ashley be shown the footage? Will Bentley’s hair look okay when he makes Ashley cry again? …so many gosh darn questions!

Read More »

For those of  you who actually have a life (unlike me, who glues herself to the t.v. whenever there is any “reality” drams going down) and missed last night’s episode..Bentley Williams is gone. Boy toy has left the building, sayonara sucker!  This season’s villain is officially out of our dear bachelorette’s life…well hopefully.

So in light of this miracle, or the producers forcing him to leave due to his major douche baggery, I decided to put together a montage of some of Bentley’s best quotes. I apologize to his daughter Cozy who will some day find this article and realize what a mean twisted person her father really is.

Bentley…this is for you:

Hmm, I wonder what Bent is hoping for...

First impression of Bentley: “Even though I’m not overly attracted to her, I’m very competitive, so I feel like it should be mine.”

On marrying Ashley:“I mean, that just sounds terrible. I would literally rather be, like, swimming in pee than trying to plan my wedding with her. Because I’m not thinking like, omigosh, this is like the girl of my dreams. I’m thinking, like, she’s not my type.”

While having some one and one time with Ash: “Having her tickle my pickle, I mean that would be amazing.”

On their first kiss: “That was kind of bor — It started out good but it sucked towards the end. But it’s more of, like, an expected feeling. I’d be lying to everyone if I’m, like, ‘Yeah, I’m in this ’til the end. I’m gonna ride this out for two months.’ There’s no way I’m going to last that long.”

“Comforting” Ash after the roast: “I’m not going to pass up a moment to mess with her head” then three seconds later “I hate it when people cry, it’s not attractive at all.”

Saying goodbye to the guys: ”These fools, these freaking idiots believe me. None of them have any idea that I don’t care about Ashley. I had the opportunity and I played everyone.”

Bentley’s true feelings- Don’t hold back or anything: “[Emily's] such a standout, and…Ashley looks like an ugly duckling. I’m going to make Ashley cry. I hope my hair looks OK.”

Saying goodbye to Ashley: “I talked to her like I’d talk to a girl I was interested in. Ashley is not the girl I’m smitten by, but definitely the type of girl I’d hook up with now and then. Looking back, things could have been different if the Bachelorette was Emily.”

Here’s to you Bentley Williams, a real Prince Charming among frogs.

In other news on The Bachelorette: 

-Mask Man took off his mask, and then got sent home. (Maybe you should’ve kept the mask on.)

-William told Ash, “I thought I signed up to be with Emily or Chantal and then Ashley’s here. Really, who gives a sh*t?” during the roast. (Somehow boyfriend still got a rose.)

-Ashley cried…

-Three new bachelors were featured, either that or three old ones got complete makeovers and were lookin’ smokin’ during the what should’ve been cocktail party.

-…Ashley cried more.

What were your thoughts on the episode? Was Bentley truly the villain Christ Harrison & Co. painted him to be, or did he get the Wes editing treatment? Was I the only one shocked when Ashley didn’t notice The Masked Man lurking above her on the balcony when she walked in the house? Is this season a little…weirder…than the others?? Sound off below, ladies!

Until next time, fellow reality t.v. fans, when we join our gang of mis-fits in Phuket, Thailand.

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