What do your favorite TV stars watch?

Are celebs more screwed up than us?

Stealing the style of the ladies of ‘Bachelorette’

Give Madonna all your luvin’

The best ‘Twilight’ vs. ‘Hunger Games’ battle

Introducing your man to toys

Can you really be friends with an ex?

Who isn’t in love with Tinker Bell inspired makeup?

Learning from sad celebrity breakups

Lizzy Caplan says it best

Sh*t Liz Lemon Says

Why Brad Pitt may get married again

Ashton Kutcher definitely wants to be the jerk

When should you let an ex back into your life?

Which Disney prince is right for you?

Kirsten Dunst finally lucky in love?

The most shocking celeb transformations

Affordable looks for your fave boots

At 9:55pm it happened, the moment you all waited for. The moment you held your breath for, trembling at the quakes from Ashley’s mouth for. The reason why we all sit down together and watch one person date 20 other people.

Ashley got engaged.

After four dates with two guys in two hours…well okay more like a week. She was led to a circle of drift wood and exotic pink bushes.

But wait, let me back up a second and share with you all of the drams that went down before reaching Ashley on the beach, standing in front of two men who love her.

Meet Ashley’s Sister: Kat Von D and Amy Winehouse’s‘ Love child. 

With two men left, vying for Ashley’s love, it was obvious the next step that had to occur. Meeting mom and dad. First up was our favorite New York Jewish boy, JP.  At first it seemed he was hitting all the right notes with Ash and her fam. Then horror-struck with Kat Von Winehouse called him out…using such phrases as “Ash was more herself with Brad,” or just plan attacking him. It was the one time I actually wanted to side with Ashley. All she was asking for was her family’s support, instead she got her sister’s very strong disapproval of JP…which only made things worse.

Next up was Ben F. We saw Ash run towards him, the music picked up and the waves rumbled..okay maybe it wasn’t just like that. The entire family, especially Kat Von Winehouse, fell in love with Ben. They not only felt that he brought out the annoying whiny dog voice in Ashley…er I mean the real Ashley, but I think they just loved to see their daughter happy and full of smiles. Although as things were winding down Ash went to a confessional and confessed that she thinks she and JP have a “love that will last a lifetime” cue audience “aw”/barf bags.

Last One on Ones: Any Final Thoughts?

For Ben’s final one on one, ABC– er, I mean Ashley — took him to a pile of mud. There they commenced a rub down in no way fit for basic cable. My favorite quote during their mud fight was “I want to reach all over his body like ten times” mostly because I have no idea what she is talking about. After their skin transforming mud bath they headed back to Ben’s hotel, where he tells Ashley he is in love with her, “Her walls are down, my walls are down. It’s just two kids in love.” They then went into a hot and steamy make out sesh which, um, I’m sure lead to other things.

For, what seemed like, the first half an hour of JP’s date he and Ashley discussed how her fam wasn’t feeling the JP love. So how does JP end the discussion/hearing Ashley’s high pitch voice (was it me or was her voice more annoying than usual? …it also could’ve been the heat though), he tells her he talked to her step father who basically told him to tell Ashley everything, i.e. I love you. From there things pick up, a quick romp in the water, then to his hotel room…boyfriend was feeling like he had it on lock,”She made love to both of us, but can only be in love with one of us.” But then again, isn’t that what the whole show is about JP?

The Engagement: 

Both men went separately to pick out their engagement rings, Ben choosing an antique circle cut (full of shiny diamonds) modest ring. While JP went for more of a square-cut. 

Then came the moment of truth, Ben and JP hoped on to two different airplanes in their personality typed outfits. Ben arrived first. He approached Ashley’s circle of drift wood ready to take his bride. Before Ashley could say a word Ben was on his knee holding out the ring and asked her to marry him. Ash paused for what seemed like an eternity, then took his hand and helped him to his feet. Giving him a tearful goodbye…then of course going to the cameras and saying how horrible that was…we get you have feelings.

Finally, the moment we had actually been waiting for. JP proposing to Ash. He explained his feelings, and Ashley finally told him she loved him. He got down on one knee and asked Ashley to be his wife…homegirl said yes.

Although I have struggled with liking Ashley this season I am happy that she was able to find someone special from a reality tv show and I do (with every fiber of my  cold heart) hope it will last. I also would love an invite to the wedding…just sayin’.

Okay Ashley, I get it. You’re ready to get married, start a new life … and just now, are realizing that to do so the man you’re going to marry should probably be interested in you. And another thing, enough with the feelings talk, I’m falling asleep faster than you were when Ryan went off on his water heater tangent. Let’s be real, you were out like a light before he finished his bottomless water heater speech.

Girlfriend needs to get in check, just this week she allegedly slept with two guys, was dumped by another one, AND rejected a fourth one. Clearly homegirl has her hands full, but don’t worry I’m here to break it all down for you.

Threesomes in Fiji: 

This week our favorite lady dentist got three one on one dates, which means, if you’ve been paying attention, the men tell all is this Sunday and the finale is a week from yesterday (a little bit excited? Yeah me too).

Her first one-on-one was with Ben F. They went on a boat during the day where they rubbed each other down with sun screen and Ashley tried to convince him to kiss her toe. They were able to keep their day date nice and light, it wasn’t until the night that things started getting deep…the guy who once referred to love as “the L word” is finally coming around. With remarks like “I’m available today” or that he’s “coming around to this whole ‘I love you thing’” — all things that I’m sure put Ash at ease. But then again, he did accept a rose, and spent the night with Ash in a big bed, so maybe homeboy has just been getting some selective editing.

The second one-on-one was a doozy. Well, first it was with Constantine … so I’m sure girlfriend was already confused when she opened the door to Ben F.’s look-a-like. The high-light of the date, for me, was when he apologized for his “Euro Mullet” hair do. Their day date was spectacular: they went on a helicopter ride (*cough* stolen from Brad’s date with Ash *cough*) to a gorgeous island where they swam under a waterfall and talked about, you guessed it, feelings. Not only did she confront him on how many houses he looked at before he settled (108), but then laid it out. She needs someone more emotional and willing to just dive into a relationship, I mean this is The Bachelorette after all … shouldn’t that be a requirement? The night part of the date didn’t end so well, Constantine rejected the fantasy suite card and Ashley all in one fell swoop. With that, the twin departed to go back to his greek roots and find a nice greek girl to marry.

Finally, after a half an hour of being cock blocked by the president, it’s JP’s one on one. The date we’ve all been waiting for.  The light romantic music picks up, we see a jump into the arms spin around hug. It’s clear they are in love. They hop into a plane together and set off for a private island stay, after some interesting underwater movements JP gets to confessional time: “When I look at Ashley I see the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with,” and of course ABC follows it up with Ash’s comment: ”When I look at him, I feel like I could smile forever.”  I’m going to save you from the rest of the detailed date, just know that it gets even more sickly sweet AND Ash is seen in a see-through shirt with a black lingerie set underneath. Oh JP totally went for the fantasy suite…pretty sure he didn’t even breathe until she took out the note card.

One is a lonely number: 

The surprise Bachelor was none other than Ryan, the crazed water heater guy. The one who brought Ash to tears, than spent 10 minutes trying to fake cry on camera, asked Chris Harrison if he could come back and ask beg Ashley for a second chance. It was more awkward than the time Fergie peed on stage. After three days of walking on the same beach and looking meaningfully into the ocean he got his answer. Which was a big fat No.

An Unnecessary Rose Ceremony:

Even though Ash was left with two roses and two men she still held a ceremony, because she now saw that for this to work the men had to actually like her back. Weird, right?

Up Next:

Sunday: Men tell all, not only do we get some more Bentley, but the Masked Man (Jeff) is back as well!

Monday: The finale! The boys meet Ashley’s family and perhaps a proposal?

This week on The Bachelorette- Home Town Dates. One of the episodes in the season we all can’t wait to see. Partly because it means it is almost over, but mainly we want to see how crazy the guys’ families are, considering they supported their journey of love on a reality dating show that usually results in messy public breakups.

Needless to say, I was thoroughly excited to sit down and watch two hours of what, in my mind, should have been an outtake from the Family Feud. Instead I got staged conversations and Ashley’s bangs of shame.

Ash’s first stop was Cumming, Ga (really ABC?) to see Constantine in “My Big Fat Greek Family’s Home Date.” The two lovebirds cooked, ate and danced. Constantine’s mom even declared she would be okay with making Ash an honorary Greek, his Father wants to see his son and Ashley in love forever…and also managed to sneak in that his son “is very good with kids.” For some reason his entire family supports him, only wishing he finds true love and happiness. After dinner is done, Constantine’s entire extended family decides to join in on the fun dancing with Ash and makin’ it rain on them hos tossing dollar bills in the air (like any Greek family does).

Then Ashley flew to Ames in PA, this is where things got a little awkward…go figure. First off any situation with Ames’ family was bound to get awkward, just looking at that forehead you know there has to be more where that came from. We find out that it is possible to have eyes further apart than Ames, and his sister has them. His sister is clearly protective of him but gets a little bit creepy before Ames takes Ash on their “romantic” date. Once they get to a spot under Ames’ favorite tree he starts laying it on thick. He says, “It’s the best when ordinary is extraordinary.” Oh, it gets worse from there. It also helps Ash’s case that she tells the confessional there just isn’t a spark…but continues to play with him and his damaged goods.

Afterwards, Ash was craving some sun (and booze) so she took a trip to Cali to visit Ben F. (Constantine’s twin). They drank Ben’s wine, talked about Ben’s feelings and about how if his mom or sister didn’t like her, then she would be gone. Just like that. Lucky (or unlucky) for him they both liked her, and after showing Ash some baby photos of Ben I can totally get what she sees in him…money. Because even the heart-felt conversation with his mother was a tad staged and boring. Who would want to spend their life being bored?

Finally JP decides to take it back to junior high as he whisks Ashley around a roller rink while “I Can’t Stop This Feeling Anymore” is playing in the background. Whiny JP was nowhere to be seen; instead we saw his loving Jewish family protect him from the evil clutches of Ashley. Apparently JP has a skelton in his closet, and this female skeleton caused him (and his family) a lot of grief, so they are a little nervous to see JP jumping in head-first with this girl. Finally, a family who can see this for what it is…”reality” TV! JP confesses to Ash that, “When I’m with you, I’m on a high and when I’m without you, I’m miserable.” Basically her love is his drug…right? Ash is nervous that JP has been single for so long, but really likes him…so whatever to the crazy factor.

Who got the axe: Ames was sent home, but the only thing people could talk about during the rose ceremony was Ben F.’s slightly less greasy hair. Ames walked away sad and left with this in his head, “I’m back to sharing a lifetime of adventures with myself” …because if reality TV dating doesn’t work out, nothing else will. Right…

Up next: threesomes in Fiji, and Ash gets a surprise visit…get excited.

What did you think of Ames’ creepy family (and his sister’s bizarre hubby)? How cute was JP back in his mini Kirk Cameron days? How ever will Ash choose between Ben and Constantine when the look exactly the same?

Hi, my name is Courtney and I’m still watching this season of The Bachelorette. Look I know it’s a problem, but the drama, the tears, the backless shirts, it’s all so addicting. I tried to kick the habit, but then Bentley came back and Ames’ forehead got bigger..it’s just too much for one girl to say no to.

In this week of “The Hidden Jewel of Asia” …er…The Bachelorette:

“Physically you’re exactly what I’m attracted to.” Ashley about Constantine, on their one-on-one date which involved riding on a steam train to a small village and lighting a love wish lantern (which was peed on by a dog..just sayin’). Looks like his only competition is his look-alike Ben F.

“I’m falling in love with Ashley, but I’m not ready to tell her yet.”-(Ben F to a confessional camera) “I felt like he was the man,” said Ashley while they scooted around on a manly moped. Ben didn’t want to “drop the L-Bomb” just yet…really, are we 13 again? Also Ben extended his one-on-one date to be an overnight. Yes, JP left track marks in the carpet and had lines of mascara trailing down his face when Ben came back.Remember how Ashley took William on a date to plan a wedding? Yeah, apparently girlfriend couldn’t take a hint and for her group date with Lucas, JP and Ames, she brought them to get wedding pictures taken because “Will he look cute in wedding pictures?” is a great question to ask to see if someone is right for you. And you wonder why I rag on Ashley. The date progressed slowly with each guy being more depressing than the next. Then we got to JP, now I used to love JP…but how much whining does one person need to do on television!? Clearly she gave him the rose so he would shut up *cough* this season’s Ashley *cough*.

Lastly, there was Ryan. Number 1: it was his first one-on-one date; 2: Boyfriend wore pink, which normally is acceptable but untucked and lookin’ like a mess is not; 3: who talks about water heaters on a first date? The entire date was painful to watch, Ash’s eyes were glazed over in boredom and Ryan didn’t even notice. It got better when she told him she just wasn’t feeling this and he responded with, ” You don’t want to meet my, see my family?” If that wasn’t hard enough we then had to sit through 10 minutes of Ryan trying to force the water works for the camera (I’m assuming to get more air time?).

Lucas also gets the boot, “Rejection is never fun” …yeah duh. Which leaves:

Ames, JP, Ben and Constantine for the home town dates. Which I’m pretty sure will go something like this:

Ames: New York, NY- Ames is quiet, sweet and has a giant forehead. So I’m assuming his family will be huge, loud and really into their heritage. I’m also hoping his mother pinches Ashley then tries to force feed her because she is just too skinny.

JP: Roslyn, NY- And JP proposes.

Ben F: Sonoma, CA- They go to a beautiful vineyard in an old car. His parents, who he calls Momsy and Popsy, are waiting for them on a blanket. After a light supper, they all ride off into the sunset.

Constantine: Atlanta, GA- Ashley will call him Ben a couple of times, in front of his parents. Constantine will be nervous and guarded, but after a short talk with his Dad will feel like being with Ashley is the right choice.

In other Bachelor news: Emily (last season’s winner) came on in the last half an hour to finally let the public hear her side about her split with Brad. The best part about the whole half hour was when, during the intro, Chris Harrison had an awkward turn to side camera shot. And cheer up Em, I’m sure Bentley would love to give you a call.

Upcoming: Home town date! Be prepared for awkward family conversations and at least two Mama’s boys.

Before I go into the boring details of the past week in Ashley Hebert’s life, let me start off with this: Bentley came back to re-dump Ashley on a canary yellow couch. And let me tell you, it is worth watching again, and again and again. Especially the part when Ashley says, “So this is our period. Be a man and admit that it’s a period. Put it there.” …yes they referred to their, wait for it, “relationship” in punctuations.

Other than that exciting 20 minute reality t.v. break up, the rest of the hour and 40 minute show was just one dull date after another. Well, with the exception of Constantine and Ben F. dressing up in red robes chanting “idiot” in Chinese  while losing in a dragon boat race.  Other important details you ask? Lucas and JP both got one-on-one dates, apparently JP’s name is Jordan Paul (what?!), Mickey left (literally peaced out before the rose ceremony) and Ash sent Blake home. I’m not going to lie to you, I was kind of excited to see the awkward dentist go home after he cornered Ashley during the cocktail party and attacked her for falling for Bentley. (Yes, I know I do that every week…but I’m not trying to date her.)

Leading me to the real meat of this episode:  Oh wow, you’re in a short dress and crying again…or 10 reasons to not date Ashley.

Cries…all the time: In basically every episode she has cried. These aren’t tears of joy, these are sobs with a word between each huff of breath she can manage to squeak out. Look, I realize being on a reality t.v. show is stressful, and having people pay for you to travel around the world is complicated…but come on! Suck it up for at least ONE episode!

Lacks balls:  Why do the guys have to decide whether they stay or leave? Pretty sure that’s your job Ash. I mean you do have the roses and a brain to decide if someone is stringing you along and messing with your head. Oh wait a second…

She’s not Emily…just kidding (that was for you Bentley)

Dangerous Dater: ( i.e. potentially getting a concussion and not getting any love for it) Dating Ashley is a dangerous sport emotionally, but as this season is showing it’s also a risk physically. Who chooses boxing as a date activity? Not to mention a boxing match where you have to beat another guy..not even Ashley!

Still hung up on Bentley: She claims she is over him…but still can not stop talking about him, crying over him, thinking about him. DUDE, you knew him for two weeks.

Bangs of Sadness: Girlfriend needs to get rid of those things ASAP!

Compares relationships to different punctuations: 30 minutes of my life was wasted listening to her and Bentley debate over whether their relationship was an ellipses or a period. Or they could’ve just realized that they weren’t ever in a relationship to begin with. Oh Ash, I really think you just need a hug.

Selfish (her words not mine):  She said it herself during the rose ceremony. The she was selfish for telling the guys all about her mad mad love for Bentley.

Needy: “Come close to me, Hug me, Love me”…blah blah blah

She talks to her dog in a voice the rivals the annoyingness of the Nanny and Gilbert Godfrey combined : ’nuff said.

Next stop the hidden jewel of Asia, Taiwan.  What we’re looking forward to:  Giant lanterns, slow Taiwan dancing, and no more Bentley!

So Ladies (and Gentleman) what did you think? Did Bentley and Ashley’s punctuation make you want to pull out your hair? Do you think Ames’ is an awkwardly loud kisser too?  And just how stinkin’ cute is JP?!

Continuing with the theme of whining about Bentley’s departure, and by that I mean new beginnings, Ashley and her crew flew to Chiang Mai . I’m not sure if it was the heat, the punches to the head or random Thai men jumping in the water, but this was by far one of the most awkward episodes.

Also, ABC promised me that I would get some good ol’ Bentley drams going down…they lied. They lied big time..instead they left us with a “dot dot dot” and a week to think about what will happen. Will the men all leave Ashley? Will Ashley be shown the footage? Will Bentley’s hair look okay when he makes Ashley cry again? …so many gosh darn questions!

Let’s get down to business now, shall we?

Best Awkward Moments:

-Ashley saying Rawr.

-The entire time Ben F. and Ashley were sitting in front of the temple. Half seeming like they wanted to kiss and half seem like they both had major stomach pains.

-Ben F. wanting to be a sugar daddy, and Ashley wanting to be a sugar baby. (I’m not sure of the specific terminology here, but I think you get the point).

-Ames introducing himself to the little boxing Thai guy “Me Ames, me no fight” or something like that.

-Mickey exclaiming, “He got his bell rung,” when talking about Ames. (…So Mickey wants to ring Ames’ bell?)

-”Who has two thumbs and is going to win the rose on this one,” long pause “this guy” -William (Pretty sure everyone watching just hung their head for the poor guy.)

-Ashley’s walk. This episode it seemed that she had to rush to the bathroom every time she stepped on to set.

-Lucas teaching Ashley how to golf. Honestly it just shouldn’t be done in heels and a short dress.

-William talking enthusiastically about how he is a man-boy, while Ashley looks like she is constipated/about to hit him in the head just to get him to shut up.

-Ben C. playing the piano while William lies on a couch looking like he would rather drink rat poison then be there.

Other notable mentions: 

-On the two-on-one date, William told Ashley that Ben C. wanted to leave so he could go try online dating. Because online dating is clearly the next best thing to being in Thailand on a reality TV show. Just sayin’. But then, it got better…because Ben C. denied it and Ashley still sent him home. How did he leave you ask? He was put on a raft by two men and floated away into the night with them…never to be seen or heard from again. (Okay, well maybe that last part is made up.)

-Ashley throwing a rose into the fire (similar to mask man throwing his mask in the fire…maybe they would’ve been a perfect match) and then going on to say, “If I don’t get closure with Bentley, I might end up alone.” Really? You’re going to let that douchelord destroy your only shot at real love? (…because The Bachelorette is obviously Ashley’s only shot at finding real love.)

-On a sad note, my favorite ball of wax got a mild concussion. After having a bloody nose, blood-shot eyes and a dazed look on his face, Ames was rushed to the Thai hospital. Did Ash go with him? No. Did he get the group date rose? No. Waxey suffered a head injury for you and you can’t even give him a rose magnet?

Elimination:

Nick, Ben C. and William leave. (Hey Nick, if you’re still free, I’m still lookin’… )

Next Stop:

Hong Kong. Ashley gets to confront Bentley, and the guys get mad because it’s a douche move on her part.

I guess it’s all just one big “dot dot dot.”

What did you think of Ames’ wax bell getting rung? How did William go from being so freakin’ cute to so effing annoying? Who else was so excited to see JP “the little Jew from Long Island” win that boxing match!? Leave your thought below. Until next time, ladies…

So in light of this miracle, or the producers forcing him to leave due to his major douche baggery, I decided to put together a montage of some of Bentley’s best quotes. I apologize to his daughter Cozy who will some day find this article and realize what a mean twisted person her father really is.

Bentley…this is for you:

Hmm, I wonder what Bent is hoping for...

First impression of Bentley: “Even though I’m not overly attracted to her, I’m very competitive, so I feel like it should be mine.”

On marrying Ashley:“I mean, that just sounds terrible. I would literally rather be, like, swimming in pee than trying to plan my wedding with her. Because I’m not thinking like, omigosh, this is like the girl of my dreams. I’m thinking, like, she’s not my type.”

While having some one and one time with Ash: “Having her tickle my pickle, I mean that would be amazing.”

On their first kiss: “That was kind of bor — It started out good but it sucked towards the end. But it’s more of, like, an expected feeling. I’d be lying to everyone if I’m, like, ‘Yeah, I’m in this ’til the end. I’m gonna ride this out for two months.’ There’s no way I’m going to last that long.”

“Comforting” Ash after the roast: “I’m not going to pass up a moment to mess with her head” then three seconds later “I hate it when people cry, it’s not attractive at all.”

Saying goodbye to the guys: ”These fools, these freaking idiots believe me. None of them have any idea that I don’t care about Ashley. I had the opportunity and I played everyone.”

Bentley’s true feelings- Don’t hold back or anything: “[Emily's] such a standout, and…Ashley looks like an ugly duckling. I’m going to make Ashley cry. I hope my hair looks OK.”

Saying goodbye to Ashley: “I talked to her like I’d talk to a girl I was interested in. Ashley is not the girl I’m smitten by, but definitely the type of girl I’d hook up with now and then. Looking back, things could have been different if the Bachelorette was Emily.”

Here’s to you Bentley Williams, a real Prince Charming among frogs.

In other news on The Bachelorette: 

-Mask Man took off his mask, and then got sent home. (Maybe you should’ve kept the mask on.)

-William told Ash, “I thought I signed up to be with Emily or Chantal and then Ashley’s here. Really, who gives a sh*t?” during the roast. (Somehow boyfriend still got a rose.)

-Ashley cried…

-Three new bachelors were featured, either that or three old ones got complete makeovers and were lookin’ smokin’ during the what should’ve been cocktail party.

-…Ashley cried more.

What were your thoughts on the episode? Was Bentley truly the villain Christ Harrison & Co. painted him to be, or did he get the Wes editing treatment? Was I the only one shocked when Ashley didn’t notice The Masked Man lurking above her on the balcony when she walked in the house? Is this season a little…weirder…than the others?? Sound off below, ladies!

Until next time, fellow reality t.v. fans, when we join our gang of mis-fits in Phuket, Thailand.

What is it about that show and always choosing the wrong one!?

Kim Kardashian is single?

Michael Vick gets to play football again.

Need a man? Try one of these cities.

Girls can be engineers, according to Rutgers.

Look out, ladies – Joe Jonas is single and ready to mingle!