I remember having a drunken bonding moment with a really cool guy in college a few years ago, and he asked for my number. I asked for his screen name instead. I mean, IM-ing someone is so much more casual, and so much less stressful. You don’t have to feel your heart thumping through your chest as the phone rings. Is he going to answer? Is it going to go to voicemail? Is he blocking me? What do I say if he picks up?

With IM, you can see if he’s away or idle, and choose your own adventure from there. You can leave a casual “Just wanted to say I had a great time last night” IM, rather than starting a phone call with the same line and then struggling to make small talk. Likewise, you can make small talk behind the shield of the IM window, where he can’t hear your voice crack, and where you can copy and paste the whole convo to all of your girlfriends and get advice while you try to weed out his intentions.

And then came Facebook. The social network has made quite the mark on the dating scene. There’s the poke, which can be viewed as casual, flirty, or creepy. There’s the “it’s complicated” label for the relationship you’re in (finally- you can be open about having a f*ck buddy without warding off the rest of the male population!); and of course, there’s the wall post, which makes the casual IM seem like the awkward phone call of yesteryear.

I mean, the Facebook Comment is meant to be a quick exchange, with no pressure to make conversation. When you make a phone call, you have to come up with a discussion and keep the ball rolling. When you IM, there’s still the slight chance that he comes un-idle and writes back. With the F/B comment, it’s open and shut. Even if he writes back immediately, you can pretend you didn’t read it, and wait until the drunken-hookup hormones die down before you decide whether you want to pursue a fling or keep it casual.

Even better, the post-date phone call screams “interested.” So there’s not really a way to let someone down gently. You meet, you have a date, you feel a connection. Then you wait three days. If he calls, he wants you; if he doesn’t, you’re done. But Facebook gives people a chance to be “friends” first (and I use the term loosely, since Facebook friends and true camaraderie are entirely different entities). But the “friending” option is beneficial in two crucial ways. One, you don’t owe a Facebook friend anything. You don’t owe him a date, just like he doesn’t owe you an explanation if his last fifteen comments are from blonde supermodels in training. Two, since you don’t owe him a date, you can safely flirt through F/B until you know it’s time to make a move.

Say you meet someone at a party, and your buzz makes you believe you could be compatible. He calls, and you’re pressured to make some sort of plans. Then you have to fake food poisoning and skip out on the check because the beer goggles have flown off with the force of a Kansas tornado. However, if you have access to his Facebook, you can check out his interests, his friends, and, most importantly, his photos. You can also poke and message for an undetermined amount of time, and bide your time until you’re ready to meet up again.

Yeah, Facebook and Myspace have their flaws, which you’ll discover when you’re denied a job because a recruiter saw your kegstand photos during a background check. But they’ve changed the face of relationships. And personally, I think the dating scene has gotten easier. Nobody ever got an STD from a cyber-poke.

[photo from jupiterimages]

February 8th:

February 11th: 17-year-old student shoots and critically wounds a fellow student during high school gym period in Memphis, TN.

February 12th: 14-year-old boy shoots a classmate, 15, at junior high school in Oxnard, CA. The victim is declared brain dead.

These three shootings preceded the most recent school tragedy to take America by the heartstrings. February 14th, 2008 will not go down in history as just another Valentine’s Day: instead, it will be remembered as the day of another fatal college campus massacre, this time, at Northern Illinois University.

Six people, including gunman Steven P. Kazmierczak, were shot to death, with 14 more shot and wounded. The gunman appeared from behind a curtain in a geology class minutes before the period ended and began to open fire.

It was less than a year ago that the Virginia Tech massacre (the deadliest ever at a U.S. school) happened; 33 students and faculty members died, and 20 more were wounded.

According to reports by CNN and Yahoo News, Kazmierczak was dubbed an outstanding student, celebrated by his peers and teachers. Whereas the Virginia Tech shooter described his motives and anger in a horrifying video and was classified as mentally ill, Kazmierczak simply showed no warning signs; he won awards and excelled in school (although new reports now say he recently came off of medication and exhibited “erratic behavior” in the last two weeks).

As I read the coverage of this latest tragedy, so many questions flood my mind, and I don’t know where to begin.

How much is too much? As young adults, our moods and personalities fluctuate all the time, especially with the aid of various medications. When is there a reason to worry–when does a seemingly average mood swing turn into something more, something fatal?

Maybe it’s an issue of school security. Maybe schools should start incorporating metal detectors and an airport-esque security process. Or maybe background checks on the mental stability of each student should be run. Maybe the focus should be on prevention? As the New York City subways say, “If you see something, say something.”

Are all of these shootings reflective of the scary access U.S. citizens have to guns, or the mental states of certain members of the population? Is there an outside influence in the media, with images of violence in the news, video games and movies affecting some people too much?

I attend a very small private college in a secure Manhattan neighborhood–and I’m still shaken up about going to school. I can only imagine what it’s like to attend a large college with an actual campus. But I don’t know or understand the root of my fear–why are these shootings happening?

I want to be able to point the finger at someone or something, to know what’s causing this. We have to determine the cause before we can come up with a solution. Right?

What are your thoughts on this matter? What is going on with America and school shootings?

To all the victims and families affected by all of the recent shootings, our thoughts and prayers here at College Candy are with all of you.