Oh no, does my hair look OK like this?

Sex. It’s a love-hate relationship. While it should be “love at first orgasm,” all the bending and unflattering positions have me thinking more about my body than about the big “O.” And then there’s my ability to perform – am I good? Am I bad? Am I so bad that he tells all his friends about it? Does he notice me lying there thinking about all these things?

It’s a series of events during an evening that lead me to experience the “insecurity plague.”  Here’s the breakdown:

8 PM- Dinner is over; the date’s going good. We’re both feeling it. Suddenly, he reaches over and pulls me in for a kiss. He’s got soft lips and for a brief moment, I’m lost in eternal bliss. But then, I remember the onions I ate in my salad at dinner and quickly pull my tongue back, wondering if my breath smells.

9 PM- Soon after, we’re in his bedroom. We start making out and it’s getting’ hot and heavy. He pulls my shirt down and unhooks my bra. I’m packin’ the Ds so it’s hard not to worry about my breasts when it comes to sex. They’re heavy, so they lack the extra perk. Questions run through my head. Do my boobs look weird when I’m lying on my back? Are my nipples too big? How big are nipples suppose to be anyway?!

9:02 PM- Before I know it, he’s unzipping my jeans and making his way south. I go right into my head: What underwear am I wearing? Please don’t let it be the granny panties. Phew, it’s the stripey boy shorts. Does he like boy shorts or is he more of a thong guy? OK, looks like he doesn’t mind. As he makes his way south from my lips, I fear my nether regions are not up to par. And then I start wondering: Did I miss any hair while shaving? OMG- what if he thinks my ingrown hairs and razor burn is an STD? Does my vagina look weird?  Does it smell….fresh? Read More »

Q: I met a guy about six months ago, we hit it off and after a few weeks we started hooking up. At first we couldn’t keep our hands off each other, making out every chance we got and having sleepovers every weekend. The sex was amazing, but I never orgasmed. I still really enjoyed being with him, it just wouldn’t happen for us no matter what he did or how hard he tried. This went on for about a month and a half and then he started losing interest in messing around, now we only hook up about once a month. Could it have anything to do with the fact that he couldn’t make me orgasm? And why is that so important to guys? It’s not like he couldn’t make me feel good without that.

A: Oh, the ever-so-popular “wtf happened?” question. Without knowing every background detail of your relationship, I’d say, sure, maybe he’s distancing himself because he’s hung up on the big O. But we all know it can be pretty much anything. Guys fall off the face of the earth every day for every reason imaginable, and in my experience, it’s rarely for the reason we think.

You say you still hook up about once a month–who’s initiating these hookups? Is he still showing the same amount of enthusiasm? And most importantly, have the two of you ever talked about the (non)orgasm issue? I’ve been in your shoes–I’m not super easy to please, and it seems like some guys have trouble understanding that sex can be awesome for us without an orgasm, so I usually tend to mention it in a light-hearted way, either be saying something like “no worries, I’m hard to please, but we’ll get there” or by laughing about it if the dude is the first to make a joke about it. Read More »