Far too often while dating in college we mistake little quirky qualities and pet peeves as things we can simply overlook. Perhaps we have, in the backs of our minds, the notion that dating in college these days is so non-traditional that our dating criteria can also be non-traditional. I can assure you: this is NOT the case. As we all know by now, communication is key to both progress and success, so talking about these things now will only help better your relationship in the long run. But what about those things that we don’t see? The tell-tale signs that your relationship is taking a turn for the worse, that for some reason you haven’t seemed to notice? We like to call these “red flags,” and apparently we’re pretty good at ignoring them when we don’t want to admit to the reality of things: the guy we’re dating is a complete douche and it’s time to give him the boot. To save you all the trouble (and potential heartache), I present to you the 10 red flags we tend to ignore most… Read More »

Question?! Answer: Ask TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Note To The Kids: I get several emails a week asking me to respond personally on email. I won’t do it. Stop asking.

Now back to your regularly scheduled column.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Why is that women stay with their abusers? A little less than two years ago, I certainly couldn’t have told you the answer to that question. Now I can. And that’s because I did.

I’ll never be able to pinpoint the exact moment when my relationship with Chris started to become unhealthy. It could have been as early as the moment I met him. It could have been the first time he criticized my weight. It could have been when he started controlling who I could hang out with. It could have even been the very first time he called me a “stupid slut.” Really, at this point it all becomes a big blur full of screaming, name calling, and suicidal threats, not to mention one very unhealthy pattern of fighting and making up.

With each fight, the emotional abuse became worse and worse. With each honeymoon period that followed, he’d tell me things would be different this time around and I would always believe him because I thought that our love could conquer anything. Eventually, I became convinced that I was just lucky to stand in his presence. I did anything that I possibly could to prove to him that I was worthy of his love. I gave him every single penny of the mere $100 biweekly paycheck that I earned at my student job. I stopped talking to people he didn’t want me to talk to. I ditched classes to drive an hour so I could bring him lunch at work, just to turn around and drive straight back home to school. No matter what I did, it never seemed to be enough. I was always too fat, too loud, too needy, too slutty, too something. Read More »

Dude,

I am dating this guy who everyone else thinks is this amazing guy. And I guess from what they see, he is pretty amazing. He is constantly telling me how beautiful I am, how wonderful I am, and how lucky he is. Now, that’s all great and sh*t, but I guess I should tell you a bit more…

He does that stuff all the time. Treats me nicely. Takes me on dates. Cuddles with me. Blah blah blah. BUTTTTTT, there’s this other side to him that no one knows about except me.

He does NOT invite me to hang with him and his friends… ever. He never wants me around them. It’s not like his friends are drug dealing murderers, either. I’ve met a few of them and they’re great guys! Sometimes I’ll call him and he’ll say, “Well I’m just over here at Josh’s. We’re having taco night! It’s so much fun!” And on the other line I’m waiting for him to invite me over. I like tacos, too!! One night I got frustrated waiting on him to invite me so I just went over. And it was so super awkward. He like latched onto me for dear life and made me feel like I had just crashed boys night. It’s not like I was the only girl there, though! Some of their friends who are girls were there, too.

Another thing – he doesn’t spend time with my friends either. If they are around, he says things to me like, “I wish it was just us, that’s all.” My roommate is my best friend and he makes her feel uncomfortable in her own home. It sucks. I don’t know why he’s acting like that.

It’s not like we’re having some secret relationship where he doesn’t want his friends to know we’re dating. He shows me off to everyone! I just feel like a trophy girlfriend. I feel like he sees only the surface and not me for who I really am. What do I say to this guy?? Am I overreacting?? Is this normal? Do guys do this all the time? What’s really going on here???

HELP.
– Left Out Read More »

Dear Dude,

I’m a first year college student. I’d never been in love…until recently. I met this guy in October and he seemed like everything I always wanted–cute and smart and boy, could he make me laugh. It wasn’t long before I started seriously falling for him.

Then, the snowball began to spin out of control. I did nothing nor said nothing while he flirted with a million other girls, even though I wanted to die a little. I did nor said nothing when he asked me to be his girlfriend in November then changed his mind a few weeks later without telling me. I did nor said nothing while he was leading me on, telling me we’d have a future but never committing to me NOW.

The last time we spoke was a few days ago. He was talking about our future. The day after that, he has a new girlfriend. I’m so beyond angry at him. Part of me never wants to talk to him again, despite the fact that we were quite close. The other part is still crazy about him even after all he did to me. Everyone said to stay the hell away from him because he would break my heart. I never listened. Turns out it was true.

We’ve hooked up a few times, which makes this so much worse for me. So much more painful because I’d never done any of that stuff before him. I’d never wanted to, until him. Please, Dude, just tell me why he did this to me. I feel so horrible, like I’m not good enough. I need answers or else I’ll go insane, I know it.

Sincerely,
Can’t Stop Crying Read More »

Question? Answer: TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over a year and I love him. That is something that must be understood first and foremost.

However, over the past couple of months I keep thinking about breaking up with him. He is immature, selfish, and inconsiderate. He has never bought me anything for my birthday, Valentines Day, Christmas, Sweetest Day, or our anniversary. I buy him presents every time I’m supposed to, and when I’m out shopping and see something I know he would like, I get it. I always keep him in mind and do nice things for him but he NEVER does anything for me. I understand that he doesn’t have a lot of money, but whenever he does have extra money he won’t even buy me a flower or a card or ANYTHING! I’m always expected to pay for when we go out to eat or to the movies.

I don’t complain since I know he doesn’t have a job, neither do I but I always find a way to get him SOMETHING. I’m not the type of girl who needs to be showered with presents but it would be nice if he would do something for me when he’s able. For my birthday he worked with a friend and got a little bit of money he told me was for my birthday. He expected me to kiss his a** and be so proud of him, and I was because I thought it was sweet. But when he got paid he bought himself new movies, and even had me drive him to buy them. He told me he’d still get me something, and never did.

Read More »

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of getting the pity-eyes as you sift through the Self-Help section at your campus bookstore? Over wondering what those boys are thinking?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question (Why did he do a total 180??) over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

Dear Dude,
I have been with my boyfriend for over 6 months now.  At the beginning, we were both very happy.  But lately, I am miserable.  He goes through random bouts of being depressed about everything, and then short spouts of being extremely pumped and into life.  I love the latter.

The thing that bothers me most, is he never acts pumped about me or into me anymore.  He acts like seeing me is a chore, and our nightly-before-bed phone calls are an obligation.  He always makes excuses to leave early, mentioning being tired, yet he has no problem staying out super late with his friends (or even going to see them right after me when he’s just told me he’s “exhausted”). I don’t even know if he’s really into the relationship or me anymore, but anytime I try to discuss a break or breaking up, he cries and says that’s not what he wants.

He also never defends me.  We had a mutual friend that would “jokingly” get physical with me, and he would stand by and watch it happen.  Yet, if I tried to defend myself against this boy, my boyfriend would stop me and tell me I was being childish.  That’s just one example of many.

I’m so confused about this whole relationship.  Aren’t boyfriends supposed to protect their girlfriends and make them a priority?

Please help me, Dude.
-Wanna Give Up Read More »

Do you ever put your foot down and say, “I can’t be with someone who…”?  If you’re dealing with a guy who doesn’t care about your O, I’m not alone in saying that’s grounds for giving him the boot.

And on that same note, tmotional cheaters are sometimes worse than ones who physically go out and whore around, so just say no to them, too.  And when he interprets your concern as nosiness, it’s time to sit down and talk before he dumps you.

And in the event that you do find yourself alone, here are eight things that are always better solo.

Girl: “I have a boyfriend.”
Guy: “I have a goldfish.”
Girl: “….. What?”
Guy: “I thought we were talking about things that don’t matter.”

There’s nothing that says I’m a creeper more than a terrible pick-up line comparing your eyes to the Pacific ocean (or the Gulf of Mexico, eeks). Maybe the only way to fix this creeper catastrophe is to take the bull by the horns…. and hope it doesn’t blow up in your face. Read More »

You know the drill. Qs to TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com etc. etc. etc.

Dear Tuffy Luv,
So freshman year is coming to close, but with a terrible ending. My best friend here has decided to go chase after the guy I had a history with/crush on at the beginning of the year. I’ve moved on from liking him ever since he clearly rejected me in February and have been able to settle on friendly terms with him even though he really left me in the dirt.

To simply put it, I was humiliated, deeply hurt, angry, and incredibly bitter. I still am if I think about what he did and how he treated me. He strung me along and played with my emotions and knew what he was doing, and then completely rejected me. My friend, this ex-crush, and I have been able to work together and slowly build back a kind of friendship up until now.

Last weekend the so-called best friend and the ex-crush/fling hooked up. I am not incredibly angry by the fact that she did that, but it’s more of a thing where I lost complete trust in her. I had come to her as a friend when I was emotionally distraught and felt bitter and rejected, and I wanted to rant to her about my hatred for this guy, but I found out later that she told the boy everything I said. And then she had also told me she would never go and hook up with him because I had and it would be sloppy seconds. Still, she did this and I asked why she did only to find out that she has liked him also ever since the beginning of the year. Read More »