But this year I think I’m going to be optimistic; since V-day is all about love, and I love myself, I’m going to celebrate. And stuff my face with chocolate! Yum! I’ll curl up with my favorite snuggle buddy and listen to love songs, maybe do some therapeutic shopping, and re-evaluate my unfortunate attraction to bad boys and how that ties into spending V-day alone. Maybe I’ll borrow or rent one of these guys to keep me company. (Can you do that? God they are cute!)

But for those of you celebrating V-day with your special honey, make it count! Times are rough but romance doesn’t have to cost a lot. Like J-Lo said, “My love don’t cost a thing, thing, thing…” Spice up your sexy time with a little shower action, we know it can be hard in college, but it can be done. And if you are interested in cutting back on the spending and being a little eco-friendly, try these ideas. Save the world and have an amazing day with your special someone.

Single or not…Valentine’s Day is a day of love! So share it and enjoy it! Happy Valentine’s Day!

Will Smith is hot.

But let me tell you why. Even since his days as “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air,” Will Smith has oozed sexiness like whoa. Yes, even with the neon sweatsuits. But he was never that cocky-hottie sorta guy: he is and always has been a family-loving gentleman and an all around good guy.

I mean, the guy even did rap music respectfully. He took home a couple Grammy’s and never once did he mention “b!$#@es n’ hoes” in his lyrics. Sure, that may have led him to undergo some bullying from hot shots like Eminem (remember the line, “Will Smith don’t gotta cuss in his raps to sell records, well I do so F*ck him and F*ck you too!”), but we have a soft spot for the underdogs!

But music isn’t all he does; Mr. Smith is a super talented actor. With hits like “Bad Boys,” “Independence Day,” “Hitch, “The Pursuit of Happiness,” and, who can forget, “Men In Black,” Smith has more than proved himself to Hollywood. And he looked damn good doing it! WOWZA!

What makes Smith even more effable is his soft side. He and wife, Jada, recently donated $1 million to a school of Scientology to help with school supplies and organic meals. Yes, it’s creepy Scientology, but it was still a donation to benefit kids and nothing is hotter than a guy who loves kids.

Will Smith is 100% the complete package…and I’m sure he’s got a complete package, too, if you know what I mean. Ayooo.

To top it all off, the idea of effing Will Smith is actually doable. Apparently he and Jada have some strange agreement that they can do the naughty with whomever they want as long as they don’t tell each other about it. I could be that person. I COULD BE THAT PERSON….if I ever meet him (or even see him).

A growing sense of disdain for Dubya didn’t cut it. Being able to register at the DMV just didn’t do the trick either. P. Diddy couldn’t get us to do it, for Christ’s sake. So just what will it take to seriously win the youth vote? We are, after all, 20 million strong and dammit we deserve to be wooed!

I, for one, would like to see an increase in, shall we say, “game” from candidates both blue and red. McCain, obviously, has taken a step toward this lofty goal by recruiting the support of one of our high holy leaders. Sorry, Obama, that you have neglected to secure such a prestigious pledge of loyalty from the chosen generation (us, duh) but feel free to borrow any of these gems that I think would increase voter turnout for those of the youthful persuasion. You see gentlemen, the key to our hearts is to manipulate our basic dependence upon the following:

Natty Lite

Slap some platform positions on the back of those bad boys and cover up the saddening nutrition facts–we don’t need to see that anyways. I consider this a double-edged sword. Not only would the important issues be readily at hand (provided you go coozie-less), but additionally, voters can appreciate the conversational lubrication that is cheap beer. As inspiring as 4.2% alcohol can be to philosophical convos (if you drink, don’t EVEN pretend you’ve never been there post bar crawl!) that stuff takes a while to imbibe, making those discussions last just a wee bit longer. Now that a pseudo intellectual discush has gone down, both candidates have enjoyed spirited (literally) debate over their issues that should inspire sober consideration come November.

Facebook.

Okay so beyond groups, events, Flair, etc., Facebook remains a largely untapped renewable resource that neither of the candidates have considered drilling off the coast of. I, however, have pondered many a time just what my life would be like should bumper stickers ever be converted into useable currency. The first guy who figures out how to do this (come on Congress, I know you’ve thought about it too!) could easily channel the power of a demographic that has more disposable free time than disposable income. Split it down the middle of the “recently popular category”– McCain gets all proceeds from those vintagey pastel ones with witty quips and Obama nabs all those concerning Edward Cullen, whoever he is. Convert those bad boys to campaign donations and hot damn we might just end world hunger.

Pizza.

A dietary need for everyone from Rhodes Scholars to Stoners, and all of us in between. If only the powers that be had thought to harness this essence of cheesy, carby goodness. So it may seem a little unorthodox, but hey, this is def a ground breaking race. So to demonstrate just how far you would go to serve your people (sit down McCain) I’m almost positive that door to door delivery of pies is the way to go. It proves you’re omnipresent (watch out terror!), punctual (30 minutes or it’s free!) and dedicated to the needs of your public (fatty deliciousness.)

Thirsty Thursdays.

A hallowed staple of coeds across the nation, Thursday nights are a beacon of hope throughout a heavy week of exams, papers, and lectures that make it seem like Friday will never come. So we said f*ck it, started the weekend early and vowed to slog through hungover Friday classes. I think this kind of pluck and determination should be recognized by the men fighting for our loyalty. Personally, I feel that there’s a lot to be said for the ability of wasted people to recall song lyrics– attend any AYCD with a Dave Matthews Cover Band and you’ll see what I’m talking about.

Boys, I’m thinking you should use the power of blind conformity to your advantage and have O.A.R. write your campaign songs from now on; let the sound of your manufactured ideals pour into your ears from the mouths of random drunks of our great country. Conversely, I am a staunch adversary of drinking and driving, and I’m sure you both are too. To reinforce your standpoint, I suggest you put your money where your billion dollar defense budget is: pay our cab fare for the ride home!

So there you have it: our necessities. And unless you can find a way to guarantee state sponsored booty calls (this would be a good time to consider Spitzer for a running mate) you just won’t get any closer to secure the “youth vote.” Of course I realize that these are highly generalized (some might even suggest degrading) paths to our vote, but so far the best anyone’s come up with is MTV cramming their airtime with veejays and celebrities urging us to “rock the vote.” So, ya know, until the grown ups figure out we’re capable of intelligent thought and all, any more brilliant ploys our future president can use to earn our vote?

Nice guys think they finish last. Assholes think they finish first. As Dane Cook would put it, “What about the whole middle ground here where YOU’RE AN IDIOT!?“

There’s more to it than good guys and bad guys. I’m sick of hearing nice guys complain that so many of us girls choose to date jerks. Screw that. It’s just that the nice guys, the REALLY nice ones, are disguised. “Nice Guys” are the ones hovering over your desk at work, telling you:

“You know, I’M A NICE GUY, but you girls only like dirtballs.”

See? That “Nice Guy” thinks he’s one thing, but in actuality, he’s a creep. He is a lame, lame creep who hangs onto something he learned from his mother when he was young about being nice to ladies. He might always pay for meals and he might always make sure you get into your home safely after a date WITHOUT inviting himself in…but that’s not all that it takes to be a nice guy. For all I know, Mr. Self proclaimed “Nice Guy” is actually an axe murderer who likes to feel like he can save the day. You can’t fool me. I watch Dexter.

A genuinely nice guy doesn’t need to go around bragging about how he’s a nice guy. A genuinely nice guy demonstrates this through his actions and everyone around him, especially woman, can see right to his core. A genuinely nice guy can pick up on your tone when you had a weird day and need to talk about it. A genuinely nice guy won’t have sex with you if he doesn’t have time to hang out afterward (unless you’re totally all about it). A genuinely nice guy will find ways to show you that he supports you and cares about you without having to buy out advertising space on a highway sign for his creepy smiling face with a headline that reads: “Looking for a nice guy? Well! You found one!”

So yeah, that “Nice Guy”, that one who thinks he is entitled to all women out there…he is the worst kind of guy. Girls, if you’re looking for a good catch…you need to look up, down, and through every aspect of a guy’s life. And if he decides to pronounce to you that he is a “Nice Guy”…I would write him off immediately.

…Unless you prefer your compliments with a side of jerk.

As a little girl, when my parents wanted a little quiet time, instead of popping in a Wee-Sing video they put on Dirty Dancing or Grease. By the time I was eight I could recite every line. And while the abortion references escaped me, the whole good girl can change a bad boy idea did not.

I got older and my favorites gravitated towards Pretty Woman, Cruel Intentions, 10 Things I Hate About You, and as a result, I have suffered a life-long affliction with bad boys.

Not the bad boy in the sense that they served jail time, smacked me around or started bar fights. No, they were bad boys in the sense that they were bad for me, and I stuck around like a barnacle on a humpback trying my best to fix him (you know, just like I learned from Julia, and the rest of the girls..)

It is a classic formula, the one I equate to my relationships: one bad boy with a fatal flaw (every ex I’ve ever had) + one good girl (me) + an undeserving amount of love, support and patience that will change them into the perfect man (the problem) = reality.

Case and point: The cheater, a repeat offender. The boyfriend, did not believe in romance – an obvious problem for a girl who believes the premise of The Notebook is not asking too much. The real bad-boy, with regular altercations with the law and other bad-boys. And, the self-proclaimed “laid back” boyfriend, too laid back for a job or to be counted on.

Talk about unfair. I follow the rom-com directions perfectly, waiting for them to realize that I was putting up with their crap and adoring them, yet they all failed to hold up their end of the bargain and change. It can’t possibly be all my fault either. In fact, I blame guys — for not watching rom-coms and taking serious notes.

I know I am not the only victim of the rom-com, we hopeless romantics are strong in numbers, and strong in our hopes for great romance and love. So I am wondering if perhaps we could use our strength to mandate a law that guys must view movies like Dirty Dancing and 10 Things I Hate About You until they realize that they need to change when a good girl comes along and offers to fix them up.

Whose with me?

Instead, I got Mr. Deceptive.

Mr. Deceptive was definitely smart, but he wasn’t as nice as he made himself out to be. He was a Nice Guy Poser.

I think the first time I realized this was when I saw him interacting with a florist he used pretty regularly. (Yes, he sent flowers to people often enough to be a regular at a florist! And no, that doesn’t make him the dream boyfriend you’d think it would.)

During this particular visit, Mr. Deceptive wanted to arrange to send flowers to a colleague’s wife’s funeral.

“How much do you want to spend? ” the florist asked as he started to show Mr. Deceptive the flowers he recommended.

“Oh, about $50 or $60,” Mr. Deceptive answered.

Even I, who admittedly knows nothing about funeral flower arrangements, thought that seemed a bit low. Turned out I was right. The florist hesitated and looked at Mr. Deceptive quite hard. “May I suggest you send a live plant to the person’s house, instead?” he asked carefully.

Mr. Deceptive wasn’t only not as nice as he thought he was, he was also completely clueless about it. “That’s not enough?” he asked, genuinely surprised.

“Uh… No, ” the florist said. Shrugging, Mr. Deceptive acquiesced, and together they picked out a nice potted plant in Mr. Deceptive’s paltry price range.

This enlightening trip wasn’t over yet, though — not by far. While ringing up the purchase, the florist somehow got us onto the subject of who versus whom. Mr. Deceptive gladly — a little too gladly, I thought — shared his expertise on the topic, correcting the florist when the poor man used the wrong word.

I was horrified and embarrassed by the exchange, but in retrospect I should have realized that it was merely a taste of what was to come. The more comfortable Mr. Deceptive became with me, the more he let down his guard — and with it came many of the “nice guy” behaviors. He was generally pretty nice to me, but the sh!t he talked about everyone else — a lot of making fun of their grammar and complaining about other minor things — drove me nuts.

Needless to say, when we broke up I wasn’t too disappointed. In fact, shortly after we broke up, he complained about my morals… But that’s a whole different story, so we’ll save that for Part 2!

The moral of the story: Guys who are smart and cocky aren’t really “nice guys.” Intelligence needs to be tempered with a good dose of humility and kindness, or you’re not gonna survive the relationship!

In my dating experience, I have gone back and forth. After getting my heart broken by the asshole frat guy, I opted for a more conservative wholesome dude. The only problem was that I had to force myself to be attracted to the latter and eventually gave up on that after a few months. I have now settled somewhere in the middle with my current bf. Or at least I’ll keep telling myself that.

Regardless, I do think that nice guys tend to get the short end of the deal; I stumbled upon a website recently with many entertaining reasons why women tend to prefer bad guys, from a woman’s point of view.

Here are a few of my personal favorites from the list that I found funny and actually somewhat true:

“Nice guys feel so undeserving of ‘awesome you’ that they make you feel that you have, most assuredly, picked a real loser.”

“Nice guys sit there like passive puppies, waiting for their girl to make all the moves. This is because woman love to feel undesirable.”

“Nice Guys really don’t like themselves. Insecurity is not sexy, it is suffocating, clinging and obsessive. Issues with nice men are unbearable. Issues with jerks are workable.”

Okay, okay, maybe some of these are a bit harsh. But check out the list and see for yourself who you side with.