Regardless of your relationship status, there will be situations and the people that stir them up, who at any point in time, will have you questioning what’s really important in life. It just so happens, though, that probability of that sort of drama infiltrating your life spikes when you’re single. There are some people who take the dating game a little too seriously, who extract meanings from things everybody else thinks are harmless, and more often than not, those people are looking for someone to blame. Luckily, the Single Girl Society has you covered with a general rule of thumb on how to deal with people who don’t always have your best interest in heart, or for that matter, don’t even really have a heart.

Lesson #47: When it comes to people: If they’re toxic, cut them out, and if they’re people you wish you could be more like, hold them tight.

There really only are two kinds of people in our lives: life ruiners — those that make you wonder how you’ll get by; and life savers — those who you wouldn’t be able to get through the hardship without.

There’s always going to be a girl, who took Mean Girls a little too seriously, who wants to take you down, simply because she’s got a fetish for vendettas. Despite what women’s magazines and our mothers have been telling us, girl-on-girl hate is not always about jealousy. Sometimes the drama stems from the fact that the Blair Waldorfs of the world get high on scheming an ultimate take-down. Take it from me, there is no reasoning when it comes to these girls. Cut them out of your life, and never look back, because even if you do reconcile your differences, you never know when she’ll strike back out of boredom.

When it comes to guys, it’s important to remember that dating is a hit or miss situation. Some guys are going to try to pick you up only to see how far they can throw you, and you’ll spend the majority of your time together feeling like you’re never enough. Chances are that guy isn’t committing to you anytime soon, so why should you commit your time to him? Leave him behind sooner rather than later, because you’ll have the opportunity to devote the energy to someone else instead, yourself.

Good friends are not hard to come by, but they are easy to lose if you’re too busy getting caught up in the drama that doesn’t include them. Give those people (and yourself) the respect they deserve, and don’t ever let them forget how much they mean to you.

Got it? Feel empowered? Good. Now get the first 46 rules of the Single Girl Society

Lesson #43 – Sometimes A Friend Isn’t Worth Keeping

Maybe I’m just one of the lucky ones, but my high school years never once made me wonder when my life had become an episode of The Hills. The peak of drama during my high school years included deciding whether to play it safe and straighten my hair or to take a chance on my unpredictable waves on yearbook picture day. When college rolled around, the drama remained relatively low as I clung to a small inner-circle of good friends and the few boyfriends I had through the years. I can’t help but feel lucky with my less-than-turbulent recent years, but since it appears that single life and drama can sometimes go hand in hand, so here are my tips on how to deal.

We’ve all heard the classic rule that “no man is worth losing a friendship over,” and while I whole-heartedly agree when it comes to close friends, I can’t say that I agree in all instances. As girls, we all have that one friend who, for whatever reason, seems to only want to know about your dating life. Every time you grab lunch with her, the topic of conversation is always centered around what guys you’re currently dating or what guys you want to date, and every time you try to steer the conversation away from dating, she immediately brings it right back. It’s almost as if she doesn’t really care about you, because has no interest in anything you do, just the guys you date.

Though I’m sure many are bound to disagree, I consider this an exception to the “no man is worth it” rule. If the extent of your relationship with a girlfriend is based on discussing guys, then it’s not a surprise if you lose her friendship over a guy because it seems as though that’s the only realm you two have ever shared with one another. Clearly I wouldn’t advocate this for most friendships you have, but instead just for those few girls in your life who have never seemed to care much about your life outside of the time you spend discussing guys with her.

It’s also worth disclosing that if you do sever ties with a girlfriend over a guy, then you should realize that blame is an equal opportunity employer. For whatever reason, girl drama tends to place all of the blame on the girl and yet the guy, who is just as deserving (if not, more) goes unscathed. Just because you lose a friendship over a guy, doesn’t always mean you don’t lose the guy too. And if you end up making the judgment call that a guy is worth the mess he was partially to blame for, then out of respect for the girlfriend you lost and for yourself, let your guy know what he did isn’t going to fly again.

Lastly, and most importantly, remember that just because you sever ties with a girlfriend doesn’t mean you have to do it without class. You don’t need to make it your business to make this girl’s life a living hell simply because she wronged you and you really don’t need to destroy her life to rebuild your own. If you’re going to drop a friend, then drop her and don’t come back to it if you don’t have anything nice to say. Girl drama is cyclical if you deciding severing ties is the best decision for you then do your part to break the cycle by actually breaking it, and moving on with your life.

Got it? Feel empowered? Good. Now get the first 42 rules of the Single Girl Society

Dear Tuffy Luv,

My college program keeps me and my friends in school full time in the summer. I was totally excited to be back at school after our winter internships and see all my friends. Everything was going totally swell. The weather was great and we had one midterm left to go so we started planning a beach trip/camping trip. I didn’t have the same lunch break as my friends so I left some of the detail planning up to them. Anyway, it was a couple a days before we were planning on going camping and I’m hanging out with my best friend. She is literally my only girl friend at college (male dominated programs are tricky that way) and a really important to me. I saw a list of camping supplies on her dresser and asked what was up with the planning and how much money I owed for supplies. And then her exact words are “You’re not going.” I got bumped from the trip because there wasn’t enough room in the car.

I wouldn’t have normally been that upset or mad but one of the people going was her friend that didn’t live in our dorm and never hung out with the group of us that did. She only hung out with my friend who kicked me off the trip. The guys going were a really great bunch but one of them was also the guy that my friend was hooking up with and then later she found out he was seeing some other girl in the winter when he moved away for his internship.

Is it just me or did I totally just get replaced? We haven’t been speaking but I told her I was really pissed off about getting ditched and that we hadn’t tried to get another car or something. She really doesn’t think it was a big deal at all and thinks I’m being dumb for being pissed. I really don’t think I have anything to apologize for but clearly she thinks so since she hasn’t made any effort to talk to me after I told her I was mad. I really don’t want to “cave” and apologize for getting mad but she’s not making any effort to talk to me!

What do I do???

-Ditched.

Dear Ditched,

Um. You should TOTALLY be mad.

I mean, it would be one thing if they didn’t have room and decided you couldn’t go (which is still messed up) and then TOLD you, but you had to find out by way of offering to pay for supplies?! What the floop!!!

But let’s back up here. Aunt Tuffy’s got some shoop to SAY.

Okay, first of all, you should be upset, but not just at this one girlfriend. Women have a tendency to blame each other when men are also at fault. How is this not also all your guy friends’ faults too? They helped vote you off the island! Girls need to band together and learn to take guys to task for their part in things instead of just blaming the guys as stupid bystanders. It’s insulting to women, and it’s insulting to men.

Sociopolitical tirade said, you have two choices. One, let this go and truly forgive and forget. Or two, tell this shoopmongers how you feel.

Tuffy sez go with choice two.

See, you’re not GOING to forgive and forget. You may drop it and not mention it again, but Tuffy guarantees you won’t be able to stop resenting them for it. And this is because of the simple fact that they were schmucks. You were involved in the original idea of a camping trip, and then, not only did they get together and decide to drop you, they then didn’t even TELL you! You found out DAYS BEFORE YOU WERE GOING TO LEAVE because you happened to see a piece of paper on your friend’s dresser. This is totally flooped up.

Instead, I suggest you talk to each one of them individually. Invite them, one by one, to coffee, and explain, calmly, that your feelings were really hurt and that no one told you that you weren’t going to be getting to go. Do NOT get emotional. Just explain that you wish someone had told you when it was first decided, or that, better yet, if they had explained the situation to you so you could have helped come up with a solution.

The friends who apologize genuinely and/or give you an honest response get to stay in your life. The ones like this “best friend” of yours who tell you it’s no big deal don’t.

You don’t need these kind of untrustworthy people in your life. Don’t make a scene–after your talks and when you’ve determined who deserves to stay in your circle of trust, quietly blow out the campfire and fade into the distance. The jerks you leave behind deserve each other.

Also, I hope they step in poo.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

Girls are terrible to each other.

Girls are each other’s own worst enemies.

But…WHY?

Why is it that guys can be each other’s brothers but girls can’t seem to get it together enough to be each other’s sisters? Why are girls so goddamn catty? Where is the love? Where is the loyalty?

I want answers and I want them now. Yes, I’m being serious. I have questions and I want answers. So, give em to me. Explain the reasoning behind this girl on girl hatred.

1. Why do girls call another girl pretty or skinny with a tone of disgust? You know what I’m talking about. Imagine this sentence being exchanged from one girl to another girl, about a girl passing on the street: “Oh my god…..she is so….skinny…(or, if you prefer, skinnnnayyyyy).” Why the attitude problem?

2. Why do girls call other girls sluts? Any girl who has thought about the meaning of the word ‘SLUT’ knows it is offensive. The thinking girl knows that this word can be used to describe a woman who flirts with another woman’s boyfriend or a woman who has slept with people she didn’t love. The thinking girl knows that there is no definition to this word and that it is hurtful to all women alike, so why do some girls say it?

3. Why are girls so judgmental? Why do you have to break down 1,000,000 walls before a girl will let you in to be her friend? I feel like tons of my friends sit at the bar ready to claw any girl who is nice to them. What does a girl have to do to make some freakin’ girl friends?

4. Why do girls assume that every girl their boyfriend and/or aspiring lover is friends with is either f*cking him or wants to f*ck him? Girls should know better than anyone that we can be friends with a boy without wanting to do him. So why don’t girls give other girls this benefit of the doubt?

5. Why do girls gossip? Why do girls swear they can keep a secret just so they can have dirt to tell everyone else? Why are girls such bad friends to each other sometimes?

I want to know your answers.

[Photo from: aolcdn.com]