According to a recent study of 1,580 Australian men (ugh, the best kind), drinking alcohol might actually help a guy out in the sack.

I know! I’m shocked too.

I don’t know about you ladies, but from my experience, getting it on with a drunk guy has always been devoid of satisfaction. Either the  guy is done and snoring after 3.5 seconds, or he’s still going (and going and going) without much success long after I’ve lost interest. And then there was that time he puked…

But science is science and this study shows that 30% of men who drank had fewer problems during sex. Even those obnoxious belligerent drunks had less problems with E.D.

Have I been hooking up with the wrong guys, or what!?

I guess it all makes sense, though; I know alcohol always makes me feel a little more adventurous in bed. God knows I wouldn’t end up in a handstand during sex if I were sober. Hell, I wouldn’t even have sex with the lights on if alcohol weren’t involved.

I guess offering guys just one more beer before heading home for a romp session is the best way to guarantee some pleasure. In fact, maybe I should keep a little beer stocked in the mini fridge next to my bed. You can never be too prepared.

I know full-well what makes a man not-so-good in bed. I know it when I can’t sit comfortably the next day, or when I want to fall asleep during the most boring sex of all time. And I definitely knew it that time the dude licked me from my mouth to my ear..and left a nice puddle of saliva in my hair.

But I have no idea what makes a woman bad in bed. Can a woman be bad in bed? Could I be bad in bed? I started to develop a complex after a male friend of mine told me he had faked orgasms…on multiple occassions! Guys fake orgasms? Could a guy have been faking with me?

OMG! WHAT IF I AM BAD?!

I turned to my male advisor for the answers. (Note: I did try and convince him that it was “my friend” who was worried, but we all know it was neurotic, self-conscious me.) Read More »

I consider myself an equal opportunity dater: non-discriminatory and always up for a new challenge. That’s not to say this hasn’t gotten me in trouble. Among those ranks, friends, can be filed a character I shall refer to from here on out as The Comedian.

Initially, this adventure was appealing for a variety of reasons, not the least of which were my love for funny men and an awkward crush I may have on Jerry Seinfeld. Who doesn’t enjoy laughing? What could be better than someone who’s a walking source of amusement? And what a conversation piece, right?

This was a fantastic idea in theory. I met the comedian at a comedy show, naturally, where all these people hang out if you’re in the market, and our first date was the following day. And so, he became a promising prospect.

Amusing was a great adjective for this guy. He dressed like a little kid whose parents gave him the go-ahead to pick out his own clothes for the first time. He didn’t have a real job but went to a good school, didn’t have gigs but called himself a comedian… the paradox kept me intrigued. But the conversation started to get a bit exhausting. You can only spend so much time judging whether a bit is funny or not, if you get what I mean. A great deterrent to this, in my mind, was to hook up.

And this is where the joke ends. Read More »

1. YOUR FRIEND’S ROOMMATE

In this wacky age of co-ed cohabitation, it’s common to spot a likely young man in your friend’s apartment. At first, it can seem natural to make out with him. You have so much in common! For example: you both spend a lot of time in his apartment! There is nothing more erotic, for two people, than seeing each other ALL THE DAMN TIME. Am I right?

I am wrong. Face facts: you are going to stop sleeping with this guy. I don’t know what you do with people you’ve stopped sleeping with, but I, being Amish, shun them for life. It is the only way. Unfortunately, this gentleman’s proximity to your friend means that, when you call a ceasefire on the boning – or when he calls it, which can happen – you’re going to have to stay friendly.

It’s going to suck.

2. DUDE YOU MET ON CRAIGSLIST

There is only one dude you meet on Craigslist. He has many disguises – horny lawyer, horny accountant, horny ice cream truck man – but he is the same dude. He’s a magical shapeshifter!

He’s also a shady perv. Dude You Met On Craigslist thinks that a perfect date would consist of tying you to his radiator and making you watch the puppet shows he performs with human organs. Some of them would be yours.

This may seem like a radical assumption, but I’ve had my fact-checkers look into this, and they concur: that dude you met on Craigslist is creepy.

Also, they are all dead. Read More »

Sex toys are great. They’re empowering. They’re sexy. They help you

to figure out your body and have more fun, alone or with a partner.

Yes, sex toys are a blessing for us all.

Except when they aren’t.

Sad to say, not all sex toys are invented by brilliant Swedish feminist engineers who work with an eye toward improving society one orgasm at a time. Some of them – many of them, in fact – are designed by scary cheeseballs with a limited sense of anatomy and the sensibility of a coked-up frat brother. That is to say, some of them are ugly, ill-functioning, and just plain gross.

When you go sex toy shopping (which you ought to) odds are high that you may encounter some of these terrors. Hopefully, you’ll have researched the subject at a reliable, pro-girl website – like, say, babeland.com – and will know enough to steer around them. But, to further assist you in your shopping choices, I offer this column, dedicated to the worst of the lot.

Check out the NSFW Latex Sex Toys after the jump Read More »