Another week, another break up. I’m starting to wonder if there was some sort of memo circulating through Hollywood this month. Seriously, the mayor should really consider changing the name to Splitsville, USA. Yeah, none of us ever expect those celebrity relationships to last too long, but this is getting OOC. Thank goodness there’s not much to talk about in the Tiger/Jesse battle for head douchebag. At least we’ve got that going for us.

The Biggies:

1. In another celebrity cheating scandal, Larry King and wife Shawn Southwick are getting divorced because of a five year affair with her sister, Shannon Engemann! Talk about scandal. Apparently, Shawn discovered the affair because of Larry’s credit card statements which listed purchases from Cartier and a $160,000 car. Neither of which were for her. This disgusts me, not only because King is a cheating bastard, but because he is still finding women who want to see him in the buff.

2. Melissa Etheridge and partner Tammy Etheridge have separated after nine years together. They are asking for their privacy during this difficult time. The couple got married in Malibu in 2003 and have three year old twins together.

3. Leighton Meester and boyfriend Sebastian Stan split around the same time as Jessica Szohr and Ed Westwick last week. Apparently, Leighton “doesn’t know how to be in a relationship and really doesn’t like them” and some sources are saying that Leighton and Robert Pattinson are seeing each other! Rob was seen leaving Leighton’s apartment after spending the night and they’ve been having a texting (maybe sexting?) romance. I can’t say I’m opposed to this; if he’s not going to be with me, I’d rather him be with Blair Waldorf than Bella.

4. Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are reportedly calling it quits… for good this time. Rumors are circulating because Justin is working on the movie, Bad Teacher, with ex-girlfriend, Cameron Diaz. Justin supposedly doesn’t respect Jessica anymore and makes fun of her to his friends, all while Cameron is prancing around lookin’ hot. Personally, I can not allow myself to believe that Justin Timberlake, my childhood (and present) love, would be such a douche. Besides, Cameron is said to be dating A-Rod, and I don’t think Justin would be dumb enough to mess with that ‘roided up mess.

5. Angelina Jolie is allegedly pregnant with baby #325. Multiple sources have confirmed the pregnancy because Angie has changed her diet and she has a “baby bump.” But sources from her camp say these rumors are “totally false.” I say: girl just had a big lunch. Why is it that everyone who is the slightest bit bloated is all of a sudden preggers?

Other Ish:

1. One of Tiger’s skanky homewreckers, Jamie Grubbs, was arrested this week for driving with a suspended license and had two warrants for the same offense in different cities. Her bail was set at $30,000. Perhaps Tiger will hook her up?

2. Vanessa Hudgens was seen leaving boyfriend Zac Efron’s house the morning after some sexy time in leopard print leggings, holding her shoes and waiting for a limo. Now that’s how you Walk of Shame in style.

3. Taylor Lautner attended a swinger party at director Bryan Singer’s house, sparking gay rumors. Please don’t let this be true, TayTay; the world has had enough to deal with this year.

4. Keira Knightley agreed to shoot a short film called Maze for director Stuart Pearson Wright for free because his budget is only $23,000. I love her, and this makes me love her even more.

5. In honor of Glee’s return this week: Here’s a little eye candy of Gleek hottie, Matthew Morrison

There’s nothing wrong with knowing two languages. Actually it’s pretty cool. But if your professor teaches at a University in the U.S and they are not a fluent English speaker, and they aren’t teaching the language they are fluent in, you could be in for a rough time, especially if the class is science or math. The only thing more difficult then college level mathematics is college level mathematics from Russia (with love).

2) A complete lack of syllabus.

In college, stuff matters. Papers, grades, stuff that is trivial in High School gets more weighty once you sign away a few thousand bucks a semester. A syllabus is a contract between you and the professor to minimize f*ck-ups on both ends. With a syllabus, they can’t bust a giant exam on you and be all “I said!”, and you can’t claim you misheard the due date for the term paper (damn!). If your professor doesn’t come with a syllabus on day one, ask about it. If they don’t have plans for one, you may in some troubs. Write all important dates down.

3) Where did I put my…

People who forget stuff a lot can be cute. Unless you pay them to teach and grade you. Then it’s just annoying. We admit, teachers are people and forgetting stuff is fine, occasionally, but if your teacher forgets most of the stuff they were supposed to bring during the first week, you can bet on a semesters worth of waiting for AV equipment that wasn’t requested and photocopies that didn’t get made. Your assignments are at least slightly in your control, so make 2 copies and keep one for yourself.

4) Militant Political Views (In any direction)

It doesn’t matter if you agree with your new professor’s crazy theories, prof’s who bring their crazy into the classroom end up wasting your time. If you’ve got a super liberal, there is gonna be one Bushie student who never lets anything go. If you’ve got a right-winger, there’s gonna be a granola child who throws red paint on them. Crazy fem-nazis hate you because you have a boyfriend, and idiot chauvinists who won’t stop suggesting your ‘female chemicals’ make you irrational. It’s a free country, and you can believe whatever you want. But I don’t pay you to talk about those beliefs, motherf*cker!

5) Mr/Ms.Smiles

Every class has jerks. Kids who need the credit but don’t want to be there. They ask stupid, sarcastic questions, yell aloud, text and use the cell phone — I even had one girl bring her yippy dog to class. Jerk students are all around distractions, wasting everyone’s time. No one wants a Prof who’s mean, but you need someone who will check these offenders when the time comes, before the classroom devolves into some bizarre Lord Of The Flies type setting. Be wary of teachers who refuse to tell kids they are incorrect or out of line.

[Any other warning signs? Let us know!!]