I like American Apparel for the most part. Although their prices are a little steep for me, the trade offs are comfy basics that don’t fall apart after one wash *coughForever21cough.* You should be warned, though; try navigating their site and you’ll have to push through a bunch of these:

Now I really don’t know how to feel about this “swimsuit.” I honestly can’t believe that people actually buy this stuff (at $36 – really, American Apparel?) but after sorting through 35 mostly positive reviews about it, I’m torn. Not that I would ever wear this, but still – I can’t figure out if I’ve missed something crucial that makes this outfit socially acceptable. Like the very limited nipple coverage, perhaps?

Of course, to help me with my confusion, I’ve turned to my favorite guys for their opinions:

The Boyfriend, Rutgers University – Didn’t Borat wear something like that?

Photographer, The Art Institute of Houston – WTH is this?! They’re like the “mom jeans” version of a bathing suit; not attractive on anyone. I mean, if you like the elongated ass look, then by all means, buy it. But at least make it respectable with a bandeau top or a cropped tee underneath.

Premed, NYU- It’s pretty trashy; I’d never be okay with my girl wearing that, especially not around my family. But then again, isn’t this American Apparel? Aren’t all their ads super porno-ish?

*Touche, NYU*

G., St. John’s University - Can you wear that in public? Her boobs are like, literally popping out. What if they fall out? There are little kids at the beach!

R., Fordham University - She’s pretty hot. But still, I feel kind of violated/dirty looking at this.

Little Brother, 12 - *HA! Yeah, okay. Like I was going to let my little brother see that!*

I have to admit, Photographer’s advice to pair it with a bandeau top is pretty appealing, but not appealing enough to make me want to try it. Think of the tan lines! But that’s just me. What do you think? Will you be rocking this Nylon Tricot Swimsuit this summer? Any guys willing to share their opinions?

Well that’s bulls**t.

Bathing suits are supposed to be fun, flirty and cute. We wear them when we’re supposed to be having fun, not stressing because we’re not as surgically enhanced as the girl next to us or investing in last minute sarongs. With Spring Break steadfastly approaching, it’s time to check out the best bathing suits out there and re-vamp our ideas about swimsuit shopping.

So grab a trusted and honest friend, remove the necessary body hair and spray tan yourself silly (it seriously helps in dressing room fluorescents) and let’s shop.

Best Budget (And no one will know it!)

Old Navy’s Smocked Paisley Bikini

Remember those days when you wouldn’t be caught dead without your neon Old Navy Fleece jacket and every time you walked into Old Navy you had to buy 5 pairs of flip flops? Remember those really cheery Old navy commercials with everyone dancing? Well Old navy is awesome again (even though I was still shopping there when it wasn’t…those flip flops kick ass!) and all the proof you need is in their swimwear collection. This cobalt blue string bikini looks like you plucked it straight out of a Mediterranean boutique instead of your local Old Navy, and no one will be the wiser that you spent less than 50 bucks on the whole thing. You can shop by pattern, cut or mix and match, and every.single.piece. is under $20.

Best Bust Creators

Victoria’s Secret MiracleBra Swimsuits

Any of the tops offered by the MiracleBra line are bound to enhance whatever you’ve got up top. The suits all come in a ton of different cuts, colors and patterns, so the possibilities are endless when you’re creating your ideal bikini. (Bonus: seriously smaller chance that anyone on the beach will be wearing the same suit as you). Even if you want to be seriously sexy up top, you can keep it conservative on the bottom thanks to VS’s separates. This top is my favorite, mostly because it’s wireless, and if my PC doesn’t have wires, I personally believe my boobs shouldn’t either. Because it’s all cloth, the top is way more comfortable and definitely won’t get bent out of shape after some intense volleyball.

Bikini (F)or (large)Bust!

BECCA’s Expedition Halter

If you are well endowed when it comes to mammary issues, then you know how hard it is to find a decent fitting AND cute swimsuit. Enter BECCA by Rebecca Virtue. In almost every single pattern or style, the brand offers a D and/or DD cup size. Join in now: hallelujah! I love this geometric pattern because it is a) very cool and b) draws the eye in a diagonal direction, therefore (visually) cutting your boob in half (I said visually, ladies.) The cool coral, black and teal enameled brooch in the middle ties the funky pattern perfectly together, and the thick halter straps provide maximum support without underwire. Perfection.

Best One Piece

Venus’s South Beach Monokini

For the ultimate combo of chic and sexy, cut-out one pieces are the way to go. The cut-outs shave inches off of your waist by drawing your eye inward, and I love that the halter top isn’t so skimpy that the fabric will fall out of place if you move. In black, this suit begs you to wear it with heels, a floppy hat and huge sunglasses while you call everyone “dahling,” but all the other colors and patterns are so much fun that you might just want to buy two (and at $34 a pop, why the hell shouldn’t you?).

Best Itty-Bitty Bikini

Victoria’s Secret VerySexy Jeweled Orchid

All yellow polka dots aside, if you’ve been busting your butt at the gym since before SB09 was just a twinkle in your eye, show off your hard work in one of these. The maroon color is gorgeous on just about any skintone and the orchid accents are beautiful. They also allow you to look hot and fashionable on the beach without adding accessories that will probably end up broken, lost, or in the pocket of someone with a metal detector. The tiny triangle top gives you free reign over just how much cleavage you want to show and the low rise/high cut bottoms will leave very little to the imagination. If you’ve got the body to rock this bikini then work it!

Best splurge

Betsey Johnson’s Unforgettable Bikini with Swim Skirt

Not going anywhere for Spring Break? Then reward yourself for not blowing 6 months salary in one week (those margaritas add up!) and splurge on this. When I first saw this suit, my mind went into cuteness overload. Baby yellow? Yes, please. Floral detail on a classically feminine cut? OMG bikini heaven. This design also comes in a triangle or halter top , and tie or Brazilian bottoms (and yes, they all have the adorable rose detailing). Leave it to Betsey Johnson to create a perfect blend of retro glam, soft colors and hardcore sexiness…and turn it into a swimsuit.

Best Body Makeover

Miraclesuit’s Barcelona Bandeau

Ok, so I know the idea of a Miraclesuit sounds like something your Mom bought recently, but trust me when I say it truly is a MIRACLE. The extreme amount of spandex in this suit allows it to suck in, flatten, push up and shape pretty much any area on your body that makes you uncomfortable. The retro-bandeau style reminds me so much of pin-up girl suits, and they make the most of curves instead of trying to squeeze them into an ill-fitting suit.

Best All Around

BECCA by Rebecca Virtue.

Whenever I go to buy a new swimsuit, Becca’s collection is always the first one I check out. Her styles are always fabulous and fun, and there’s a cut for however–ahem—confident I’m feeling about strutting around in glorified underwear. And she never disappoints. A native Californian, Rebecca Virtue knows her beachwear. She believes in working with the natural shape of our bodies to create beautiful swimwear for everyone. All of her suits are designed with pretty detailing, gorgeous colors, cool combinations of fabrics (including soy!) and are meant to fit you flawlessly. And the best part? These suits last. I bought my first Becca suit when I was 15 and still wear it to this day without any saggy fabric or stretched out elastic—definitely worth it. You can check out her whole 2009 collection at her official website.

In other words, I know American Apparel.

Their stores are chock full of ridiculous things I would never wear, but they also happen to carry some seriously awesome essentials. You may have to pick through the sparkly unitards to find em, but they are most definitely worth the work. Don’t know what to look for? That’s why I am here.

I give you: The Best Things (EVER) at American Apparel.

1. The Vest

I bought the vest last summer and it’s still around. I remember the sales guy and I agreeing that the vest was “smart.” The vest is reversible and goes well with just about everything and is an easy way to spice up a rather boring ensemble. I pair it with a fitted tank, skinny jeans, flats and some bangles. Simple and stylin’ cuz that’s how I roll.

2. The Intimate

When a co-worker rocked a strapless top I asked her how she kept the ladies up so nicely. Everyone knows it’s hard to find a great strapless bra. She told me it was American Apparel! Yup. So I went shopping and bought three. The bandeau top layrs nicely under any kind of shirt and comes in more colors than your bag of Skittles. Just don’t jump/dance too hard or your support will ends up around your waist.

3. The Dress

The Sheer Jersey Bandeau Dress is pretty much amazing. There really is no other way to describe it. This thing can be worn a billion different ways! (They even have a video to teach you all the snazzy things you can do with it.) Really, this dress is like 15 dresses in one, which means anyone can wear it for any occassion. Genius, I tell you. GENIUS!

4. The T-Shirt

In morning you can fight with your boyfriend over who wears this one. The Unisex Tri-Blend Short Sleeve tee is soo comfortable and yet still sexy. The deep v-neck gives intrigue to the eye and the loose fit shows off curves while leaving something to the imagination. You can take this thing from class straight to the club! To say I am obsessed is a major understatement.

5. The Legging

I didn’t want to put the American Apparel leggings on this list, but due to the fact that I am currently wearing them, I realize that they had to make the cut. Leggings can be stylish or functional, so they are a definite closet necessity. And with the awesome three pack, you can stock up for super cheap.

Watch the dollars when you shop at American Apparel, they go quickly! And if you’re shopping online, the sizes tend to run a little small, but I think that’s the point.

Xhilaration Polka Dot Bikini:

Clown-esque. Wear it when you bring your nieces to the beach.

Xhilaration Bandeau Halter:

For girls who love to shred.

Hot Topic Rasta Stripe Halter:

Perfect for enjoying the cheeba at a backyard BBQ. Puff puff pass!

Arizona Striped Monokini:

Sure that guy’s a douche, but he has a boat! Ideal for yachting.

Newport News Belted One Piece:

It’s belted so it doesn’t fall down while you’re fighting crime.

Newport News Lavender Swimdress:

For ladies who see no reason why one shouldn’t wear pearls while tanning.

Spiegel Print Tankini:

Doodles + swimsuit = funzies.

Spiegel Peach Brooch Halter:

So Sophia Loren. Comes with a bottle of champagne.