If you love America as much as we do (and you should, or else you’ll have to answer to Stephen Colbert), then you’re excited for the Fourth of July and all the awesome things it brings: a break from work, a sizzling barbecue, and quality time spent with family and friends (or just friends, if you’re not too keen on family reunions).

Don’t worry about how you’re going to stomach all those hot dogs and hamburgers without a “reversal of fortune;” just prepare your body and mind before you start packing away the pounds and six-packs. I know that I’ll be eating twice my own body weight this weekend in order to get over Kevin Jonas being off the market. Well, at least there are two JoBros left! But we may need a bigger bed if we want a chance with either of them (psh, purity rings don’t stand a chance against a girl on a mission – although open-mindedness is not a bad thing, either).

Speaking of celebs, what a crazy week it’s been for them and their adoring fans! Having to dispel rumors about their own deaths can’t be too fun. Hopefully, the coming week will bring with it some things to smile about (and really smile about) in spite of all the bad news we’ve been hearing. The recession is still laying into universities’ budgets and leaving college grads lost in the job search (or just literally lost); but we’ve heard that if you try sometimes, you can get the advice you need to make it in the world.

However, this week still leaves us with one burning question that we have yet to find the answer to: what’s with hipsters and PBR?

I am a long-time resident of Madison, Wisconsin. We’re surrounded by lakes, there are nice bike paths, and we have a bangin’ farmer’s market, but my very favorite thing about this place is Brat Fest.

For those you not familiar with brats (rhymes with knots) or bratwursts as they’re formally known, they are delicious sausages hailing from Germany that found their way over to the states and are now a staple on mid-western grills. You usually soak them in beer and onions before you cook them, then you can top them with assorted condiments and relishes. It’s essentially what a hot dog aspires to be.

Brat Fest is exactly what is sounds like: thousands of people converging on a park in the middle of the city to listen to local bands, sit in the sun and gorge themselves on these unique sausages. All the proceeds go to local charities, and boy do they rake it in. At least 170,000+ brats are sold over the course of the weekend making the event “The World’s Largest Brat Fest.” Yes, I know they don’t have too much competition but when’s the last time you set a world record? Read More »

Dear American Apparel Cotton Spandex Jersey Strapless Ruched Dress –

From the first time that I saw you, I knew I had to have you. It was a cold afternoon in winter when my roommate came in from a shopping trip downtown and announced that she had found a new favorite dress. She went into her bedroom, and emerged shortly thereafter wearing beautiful, classic you. I remember how lovely you looked, so artfully simple with your long cylindrical shape and your sexy little ruched detailing, drawing attention to the tatas. I remember us discussing your versatility, how you so easily went from below the knee to just under the ladyparts with just a bit of bunching. I remember admiring the way you wrapped yourself around my roommate’s body so tightly in your spandexy embrace. It was amour at first sight.

Months went by, but I still didn’t make my move. Then, last weekend, the weather became warm and balmy and my roommates and I decided to have some friends over for a barbecue. Instantly I had a vision of you and I, lounging together in the sun, enjoying a margarita. I knew it was time. Read More »

It seems like every time I have lunch with my mom, we have the following conversation:

MOM: (after a thoughtful silence) So…

ME: (while eating) Mmhmm?

MOM: So, is he….the one?

ME: (still eating, somewhat muffled) what?

MOM: Have you discussed the “M” word?

ME: (after a pause, uncomfortably) Well, I guess…

MOM: (bursts into tears)

She’s not crying because she doesn’t like my significant other, quite to the contrary. She is crying because she realizes that marriage is another step towards adulthood and away from any pretenses that I am still a virgin.

I get uncomfortable during this conversation not because I am uncomfortable at the prospect of marriage but because I’m uncomfortable with the pomp and circumstance implied by the whole dress-cake-church-crying parents to-do. A big wedding is something that popular culture tells us that women have been dreaming about since they were little girls, but every time I think about having to put all that time, money and effort into one day, I get unpleasantly itchy.

The truth is, I am sort of engaged, but I haven’t told my mom yet. I don’t want my huge southern family losing their collective sh*t or making a big thing out of it, I also really don’t want to have the you-don’t-need-a-grossly-expensive-ring-to-be-engaged conversation, but mostly I don’t want to have to deal with my mother’s shock and total dismay when I tell her about the wedding plans we’ve made (and I use the terms “wedding” “plans” and “made” very loosely).

We are eloping. To Oregon. To get married at a doughnut shop. Read More »

Just because it’s August doesn’t mean it’s time for school. Ignore those back-to-class commercials, put off buying that dorm furniture for a few more weeks, and wait for that fall fashion to go on sale in September.

Its still summer, bitches, and I’m enjoying it until the last of the Labor Day barbeque smoke disappears.

A celebration is nothing without food, so in honor of a summer that is NOT over, here are some munchies that are only truly fun to eat June-August.

• Jell-O Pudding Pops: Oh yeah. Remember these things from childhood? So. Freaking. Good. Apparently, they were taken off the market for a few years, but an actual petition circulated around the Internet until Popsicle started to remake them. Just staring at the box is making my 7-year-old inner child start to climb the walls in anticipation.

• Margaritas: You can drink ‘ritas any time you want, but these alcoholic treats are truly at their best when you’ve got one in your hand at the end of hot day. Besides, no one but little girls with fake I.D’s order a blended frozen drink in the middle of winter.

• S’Mores: There’s not much to say except yes ma’am when it comes to chocolate, marshmallows, and graham crackers. And sure, you can make these in the microwave in the dead of January, but how celebratory is that? Plus…have you ever had to clean up exploded marshmallow? It’s an all day affair. Read More »

It must be summer — I can’t get through a single day without going to a picnic or a barbeque. Literally. I even eat hot dogs and corn – on – the cob for breakfast.

Not that I’m complaining, but one can only consume so much brie, bread and wine on a checkered blanket in a beautiful park before the routine turns stale.

Fortunately, Jane Magazine offers some alternative ideas for a sweet summer pool party (which can easily be converted into a park/patio/apartment/street party), complete with snow cones and lemongrass cocktails.

Check it out here.