Don’t worry about how you’re going to stomach all those hot dogs and hamburgers without a “reversal of fortune;” just prepare your body and mind before you start packing away the pounds and six-packs. I know that I’ll be eating twice my own body weight this weekend in order to get over Kevin Jonas being off the market. Well, at least there are two JoBros left! But we may need a bigger bed if we want a chance with either of them (psh, purity rings don’t stand a chance against a girl on a mission – although open-mindedness is not a bad thing, either).

Speaking of celebs, what a crazy week it’s been for them and their adoring fans! Having to dispel rumors about their own deaths can’t be too fun. Hopefully, the coming week will bring with it some things to smile about (and really smile about) in spite of all the bad news we’ve been hearing. The recession is still laying into universities’ budgets and leaving college grads lost in the job search (or just literally lost); but we’ve heard that if you try sometimes, you can get the advice you need to make it in the world.

However, this week still leaves us with one burning question that we have yet to find the answer to: what’s with hipsters and PBR?

From the first time that I saw you, I knew I had to have you. It was a cold afternoon in winter when my roommate came in from a shopping trip downtown and announced that she had found a new favorite dress. She went into her bedroom, and emerged shortly thereafter wearing beautiful, classic you. I remember how lovely you looked, so artfully simple with your long cylindrical shape and your sexy little ruched detailing, drawing attention to the tatas. I remember us discussing your versatility, how you so easily went from below the knee to just under the ladyparts with just a bit of bunching. I remember admiring the way you wrapped yourself around my roommate’s body so tightly in your spandexy embrace. It was amour at first sight.

Months went by, but I still didn’t make my move. Then, last weekend, the weather became warm and balmy and my roommates and I decided to have some friends over for a barbecue. Instantly I had a vision of you and I, lounging together in the sun, enjoying a margarita. I knew it was time.

The day of the barbecue, I went on a mission to find you. You turned up on 3rd Avenue, hiding shyly in the back corner on the wall. With trembling hands, I reached up and plucked you from the rail. I marveled at your simplicity, your lightness. Together, we entered the dressing room, and after a brief congress, proceeded to the checkout line.

Since that day, we’ve been inseparable. Every morning, as soon as I wake up, I just want to put you on. You’re so easy to wear and comfortable, and yet, so outrageously sexy. Every time we go out together, strangers on the street stop to tell us how good we look. And no matter what I pair you with – heels, a belt, sneakers, a pearl necklace, silver fringe earrings, a hoodie – you always roll with it. Glorious isn’t a strong enough word to describe your perfection.

American Apparel Cotton Spandex Jersey Strapless Ruched Dress, I just wanted to tell you you’re unlike any other dress I’ve ever had, and you’re worth every penny of the $36 plus tax I spent on you. I will eat salads every day for the rest of my life and hand-wash you in cold water because I want to be with you forever and ever until the end of time.

With love from the bottom of my heart,

Lyndsey

P.S. Ladies, buy this frickin’ dress.

Its still summer, bitches, and I’m enjoying it until the last of the Labor Day barbeque smoke disappears.

A celebration is nothing without food, so in honor of a summer that is NOT over, here are some munchies that are only truly fun to eat June-August.

• Jell-O Pudding Pops: Oh yeah. Remember these things from childhood? So. Freaking. Good. Apparently, they were taken off the market for a few years, but an actual petition circulated around the Internet until Popsicle started to remake them. Just staring at the box is making my 7-year-old inner child start to climb the walls in anticipation.

• Margaritas: You can drink ‘ritas any time you want, but these alcoholic treats are truly at their best when you’ve got one in your hand at the end of hot day. Besides, no one but little girls with fake I.D’s order a blended frozen drink in the middle of winter.

• S’Mores: There’s not much to say except yes ma’am when it comes to chocolate, marshmallows, and graham crackers. And sure, you can make these in the microwave in the dead of January, but how celebratory is that? Plus…have you ever had to clean up exploded marshmallow? It’s an all day affair.

• Fruit: So many yummy and healthy fruits are in season now; it would be a crime to leave them off this list. Plums, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries…the list goes on, and when fruit is in season, it’s almost as good as candy. I know I sound like your grandma when I say that, but it’s true. Plus, you can make delicious drinks like this.

• Grilled Meat! (or veggies): Summer is cook-out season, and just because your dad, brothers, and boyfriend surround the grill with drool seeping out of their mouth doesn’t mean it’s roped off to us girls. Grilling is pretty simple (I mean, if a bunch of dudes drinking beer and watching football can do it…), and even vegetarians can get into the mix. Get your grill on now, so by the time fall and winter roll around, you can boast about your phenomenal grill skilz to all those sweet, impressionable freshman boys.

• Cold Soup: Yeah, I know…a little hoity-toity, but nothing impresses a summer date like some homemade soup created especially for the summer. I haven’t ever tried it myself (I’m a little lazy), but every time they make it on the Food Network, it looks delish.

What about you, lovelies? Any other “summer-only” foods you can think of? Let us know!

Not that I’m complaining, but one can only consume so much brie, bread and wine on a checkered blanket in a beautiful park before the routine turns stale.

Fortunately, Jane Magazine offers some alternative ideas for a sweet summer pool party (which can easily be converted into a park/patio/apartment/street party), complete with snow cones and lemongrass cocktails.

Check it out here.