Everyone hates Barbie. Is it because she’s tall, leggy and disproportionately well-endowed? Or is it because her lashes are permanently curled to perfection and is always matched up with the incredibly good looking Ken? Banish the biatch from shelves for good (or at least hide them behind a bunch of much uglier toys). Do what you gotta do, Iran—this pernicious piece of Western culture is eroding morality codes everywhere!

Reuters reported earlier this week that Iranian government officials have recently been enforcing a ban on Barbie dolls as part of a “soft war” against decadent cultural influences. The public must be protected from what they believe to be eroding traditional Islamic values, and Barbie has been deemed un-Islamic since 1996 because the doll incites “destructive cultural and social consequences.”

“About three weeks ago they (the morality police) came to our shop, asking us to remove all the Barbies,” said a shopkeeper in a toy shop in northern Tehran. Though the ban has existed for years, it had yet to be overtly enforced until a few weeks ago, when officials threatened to shut down shops that sold the doll. Instead, Barbies are being hidden behind long veils and other toys to still meet stores’ high customer demand.

Iran’s Barbie ban is this week’s Hot Button Issue, and it’s yet another unflattering angle for the flawless female form. Throughout American history, she’s already collected so much smack for promoting an unattainable standard of beauty and reinforcing a philosophy of white supremacy. And such a pervading definition of perfection is pretty persuasive when constantly played with from a young age, right?

Well…

I’m sorry, but part of me has to disagree. Maybe I’m one of the few American kids who grew up peacefully playing with Barbie dolls without wanting to actually look like them or feeling badly about myself when I looked in the mirror and was then reminded that we were so starkly different. I also didn’t get these feelings whenever I played with Cabbage Patch Kids, teddy bears, Tamagotchis or Super Mario Bros. And on a more serious note, I also never wished to physically identify with perfect actresses or cartoon princesses on TV (really, I think this might be just me who escaped this, but props to you if you did as well).

However, it’s hard to believe that a complete erosion of values or countless body image issues can route solely from one doll, one toy, one childhood token that was supposed to spark your imagination instead of brainwash you with harmful messages. Barbie is supposed to be anything and everything, from a hardworking stay-at-home mom to the President of the United States. And she literally could’ve been whatever you wanted her to be, right? I mean, she’s a doll! She didn’t come packaged with preset plot lines or a concrete back story that you had to stick to as a kid. Does she have to simply stay skin deep just because she’s pretty? Isn’t how we played with a toy more reflective of how we were raised or what other messages were shaping our worldviews until then, rather than a reflection of the toy itself? People create different things out of plain pieces of paper, and outcomes will vary depending on whose hand a weapon is in…it’s not completely up to the material itself, but the person who actually does something with it and then shelves away the blame. Why attribute so much child-raising responsibility to a piece of plastic purchased from a toy store?!

I acknowledge that there must be some kind of continuous ripple effect: one standard of beauty set another; little girls saw Barbies and grew up to become young Hollywood who in turn shaped young America who now has no idea what to do about it, even though there are now Barbies and dolls that reflect various physical characteristics across the board. And I really do apologize if you feel that your childhood companion set you up with an unrealistic physical standard and actually hurt you in the long run (seriously, I do understand that logic, and I really am sorry).

To be honest, I’m still shocked that kids these days—anywhere in the world—still have the capacity to play with Barbie dolls, a toy that doesn’t have any batteries, flashing lights or access to the Internet. In fact, the fact that this ban is still being circumvented by shopkeepers and customers alike actually kinda gives me hope for the dissipating attention spans of the children of the future. But that’s a whole ‘nother issue.

Ashley is a UC San Diego grad who is holding on way too tightly to a potential career in magazines and goes to Vegas all too often. She’s fascinated with celebrities and strawberry beer and doubles as a pathological texter/emailer/blogger. Feed the addiction with tweets @cashleelee. Thanks in advance.

The British Prime Minister has awesome music taste

Rihanna is just too cool for award shows

Girls just wanna have fun

Always wanted a temporary tat for your ta tas?

You know your coat is missing a tiara

Where are all the sensitive guys?!

Is Barbie going bald?

Apparently it’s a thing to barely wear a dress

Ohmygah best mashup of 30 Rock ever

When you think of Barbie, you think of the classic childhood doll even if she is proportionally incorrect and could never exist in real life. We all had Barbies, Kens, and dream houses. Sometimes you’d get a cool limited edition Barbie, but we stumbled upon some extremely interesting (and creepy) celebrity Barbies. And the weird thing is that these are collector’s items. For adults. These aren’t the kind of Barbie that you’d buy for your niece or that little girl you babysit on winter break. People are paying for these. I can think of a million things to buy before purchasing a celebrity Barbie.

Check out these WTF Celebrity Barbie dolls…

Senate Republicans blocked President Obama’s hu-mun-go jobs plan when it went up for vote in Congress this week. The $447 billion bill included a number of incentives and policies that Obama said would increase job growth, support small, struggling businesses and ultimately bolster the still-faltering economy. Fortunately or not, enough of Congress didn’t agree. Only 51 Democrats of the 60 needed signed on to a filibuster that would force the bill back into discussion. Some political strategists say Obama never expected the thing to pass, especially considering the GOP majority in the House, he just wanted Republicans to go on the record against it. Hmmm…tricky, tricky.

The man responsible for the yearlong hacking of over 50 celebrities’ private accounts, known as “Operation Hackerazzi,” was arrested this week. Christopher Chaney, a 35-year-old man from Florida, was perhaps most famous for stealing and leaking nude photos of Scarlett Johansson, which in turn caused the trend of “#ScarlettJohanssoning” (google it…). Chaney acted alone, and claimed his scheme “started as curiosity and it turned to just being addictive.” Other possible victims (nobody is quite sure yet) include Mila Kunis, Christina Aguilera, Ali Larter, Miley Cyrus, Natalie Portman and Vanessa Hudgens. This is only one of the many reasons I am thankful I’m not famous. How did he do it? He simply guessed their e-mail passwords by researching their lives. Chaney could face up to 121 years in prison.

A deal to release Gilad Shalit, an Israeli soldier being held by the militant Islamist group Hamas, was reached five years after his 2006 capture. Staff Sgt. Shalit, who has become a famous face across the world, will return home in exchange for 1,000 Palestinians from Israeli prisons. A number of Israelis are unhappy about the deal, though, because of the criminals it could potentially reintroduce into society. According to the leader of Hamas, which is commonly considered a terrorist organization, 315 of those freed would have served life sentences if not for the deal. On Sunday, three families of Israeli terror victims petitioned the Israeli Supreme Court because they are “afraid the terror will again rule the streets — that they will murder us again in restaurants, in cafes, at night in bed, at kindergartens and in schools,” sad Meir Schijveschuurder, who lost her family in a 2001 restaurant bombing.

Pic o’ the week:

Thank goodness Barbie doesn’t have a strict Mom, otherwise she would be in a lot of trouble. Mattel has unveiled its newest version of the 50-year old doll, which features permanent tattoos on the neck, chest and arm. This has caused some controversy… But really, don’t most Barbies have messy, sharpie-drawn tattoos within the first few weeks anyways?

Barbie and Ken finally get married

Celebs by day, bloggers by night

James Franco is returning to General Hospital

Fall hair trends you can pull off

We are in love with Vera Bradley’s fall collection

Is this better than sex???

Celebrities Abercrombie & Fitch approve of

Taking care of your lady bits

Ochocinco gets engaged

Abercrombie is embarrassed by The Situation

Wear pink without looking like Barbie

This is why you should think twice about plastic surgery

Our favorite TV and movie couples

Guess who’s trying to make bank on shoes like J. Simpson

How to do your own salon quality manicure

Important instructions for life

A little detail can make all the different

Kevin Federline procreated again

But in real life, Barbie isn’t so cute. Actually, Barbie is pretty scary.

At 5’9″, with a 39″ bust, 18″ waist, 33″ hips, and a size 3 shoe, this is what Barbie would look like as an actual person. And the best words to describe real life Barbie would be effing scary severely disproportionate.

Galia Slayen, the creator of the life-size Barbie, manufactured the doll as part of the National Eating Disorder Awareness Week (NEDAW) at her high school. Frustrated with the societal pressures to look a certain way, Slayen decided this was the perfect way to shed light on the eating disorders many girls struggle with because of an unattainable body image propagated by a little girl’s toy, Barbie.

But NEDAW or not, this is down right horrifying. I mean, I knew Barbie’s boobs looked a little large and in charge, but my god!

For more information, frightening statistics and to get Galia’s full story, click here.

Trying to keep things modern, Mattel’s new News Anchor Barbie embodies the smart, sexy, powerful woman that is so prominent today (because we all know that a pink power suit say “I am woman hear me roar.”). We get what they’re trying to do over there (Veterinarian Barbie is soooo 1999), but Mattel has totally missed the mark. If they really wanna modernize the Barbie brand and have everyone’s favorite big-boobed bombshell represent the real women of today, maybe Mattel should consider a few of these:

1. 90210 Barbie: Comes with many interchangeable body parts perfectly suited to reflect the times. Change out lips, nose, and breasts. Not only can you give her implants and Botox at will, you’ll also be able to shape her thighs, stomach and underarms to your liking.
*Not to be confused with Heidi Montag Barbie.

2. Cougar Barbie: Comes with rock-hard implants, a recent divorce settlement, and a calculator to help her determine if the age gap between her and her crush is big enough.
Please note: I’m-Not-Old-Enough-To Shave Myself Ken is sold separately.

3. I Prefer “Exotic Dancer” Barbie: Comes with a mysterious background fit for a Lifetime movie. Is she a struggling single mom trying to pay for her son’s speech therapy or an independent college girl working to pay off her debt? The decision is yours!
*Optional accessories include self-esteem and clear heels.

4. Soccer Mom Barbie: Comes with a mini-van, Crocs, and several cases of wine. Her outfit is filled with baby throw-up stains and splattered spaghetti sauce. Pull the string in her back and get to hear all about she spent six hours uploading bath time photos of her kids to Facebook.

5. In-Debt Barbie: Includes over twenty realistic credit cards, plus her cell phone comes with pre-blocked numbers! And the crazy thing? You can use In-Debt Barbie’s cards to go on a shopping spree and put all the damage under her name!

6. Facebook Whore Barbie: Automatically uploads new photos to her profile every other hour, updates statuses with inane detail, and comes with tools to harvest crops! She’s always up for a Facebook chat and comes with a growing eye problem from staring at a screen all hours of the night.

7. Politician-ish Barbie: Comes with great view of Russia that can be pasted onto Dream House window! She has a vocabulary of over 100 words, although we can’t predict in which order they’ll come out. But either way, they’re totally tweetable.

8. Stalker Barbie: Wears customizable “I heart ____ ” shirt, underwear, bra, and tattoo. She’s an active Foursquare participant with “Mayor” status outside your window.
Be aware: binoculars and customizable blow-up doll are not included.

9. Unemployed Barbie: Offers you the chance pull string on her back to hear her gripe about being poor. Comes with a personalized invitation to The Pity Party and two pairs of Costco sweatpants. She dumped Ken for someone she met in Craigslist personals and seems content lounging around at all times.

• It’s time to ditch your type

• Colbert reenacts Real Housewives fight

• 10 summer trends men hate

• Real life Barbie is actually really scary

• How your sex life is killing the earth

• Efron really is all grown up!

2009 was a great year for awesome products; God knows everyone had to be creative this year and recession-proof any product launch. But which products were best?

Here’s a rundown of the best stuff we got to call our own in 2009. If we were lucky. And if not, fingers crossed the prices will drop on this ish in 2010!

Snuggie
Now available in leopard! If there was any kind of product phenomenon last year it was definitely the Snuggie. I sadly did not get one and I immediately turned Christmas-tree green with envy when I saw anyone’s status onFacebook reading “Just got a zebra print Snuggie from Grandma!” A blanket, with sleeves? If that’s not bringing brilliance, laziness and amazingness to a whole new level, well, I’m just not sure how it could be anymore American. Oh yes it can. Because now? You can get a Snuggie for your pooch! My Yorkie is totally getting hooked up for her birthday.

The iPhone 3GS
iPhone upgraded, and it was good. Video functions, voice recognition and a whole slew of apps that could pair with your trendy phone made 2009 the year of the smart phone. If you aren’t into it (or actually have decent phone service and use Verizon), you’ve got the new Blackberry or the Droid to keep you constantly updated.

Twitter
Okay, is Twitter a product? Debatable, I suppose. 2009 was truly the year of the tweet. It brought celebrities, companies and information in the form of 140 characters to our fingertips. I mean, seriously, I can’t even imagine my life without knowing how Rachel Zoe is spending her vacation at all times.

The Flip
A teeny little camcorder, smaller than your cell, that records over 60 minutes of footage? Perfect for those mornings when you just can’t exactly remember what you did (or where you left your heels) last night.

Marc Jacobs Bruna Bag
In PURPLE? If heaven was a handbag, this would be it. If you can’t afford the splurge (I know I can’t), Marc by Marc Jacobs also released some of the hottest bags of the year.

Barbie Escalade
If only I was 5 again. Power Wheels with serious attitude.

Hulu
Who do you turn to when you’re alone, lost and scared on a weeknight? Everything on TV is terrible, Jersey Shore is a repeat or Snooki just isn’t delivering that night. Your DVD collection has lost it’s luster, including every episode of Arrested Development that you’ve watched at least 19 times. Well, there’s something that can help. Hulu! Where else can you catch up on SNL clips (because, really, why bother watching the entire show anymore), particularly “What Up With That” featuring Kenan, or entire episodes of “Always Sunny” that your DVR managed to accidentally eat? And did I mention the mminimal commercial interruptions and the luxury of watching it wherever your laptop goes and WiFi exists (like in your lecture hall)? I heart you Hulu, don’t ever change. Or charge.

What were your faves of ’09?