Going to college is so much more than hauling your butt out of bed before noon on a Friday to sit in the back of a lecture hall and attempt the daily Sudoku. In order to even be considered for a job in this economy, students are expected to pull great grades, take on multiple leadership roles on campus and still manage to avoid going completely broke (not to mention swing awesome summer internships).

Whew. Just thinking about it makes me sweat.
And then thinking of all those craptastic jobs out there makes me ill. I don’t want to waste my precious free time flipping burgers or folding clothes at The Gap.

If you’re looking to inch ahead of your classmates and line your pockets with a little beer money, we’ve got your back. Below is our guide to the best on-campus jobs. Whether they pay big bucks, offer flexible hours that don’t conflict with your social life, or give you plenty of free time to do your homework, these are the gigs worth fighting (and giving up your afternoons) for. Read More »

Every week, I write a list. Not a to-do list (I feel like they’re always mocking me) or a grocery list (because “Jimmy John’s” isn’t really a list) or even that list (lord knows I wish I was updating that thing weekly….). No, my list is on whatever hard-hitting issue I find relevant at 11p.m. on Sunday night. And you know it doesn’t get more hard-hitting than Back to School season or why I’m hating everything, right? Today’s big topic: people I want to dump my beer on at the bar. Alright, ladies – stay with me.

So it’s Friday. (Or Thursday, Saturday, or Tuesday morning….) You’ve got your favorite skinny jeans on, you stuffed your feet into a pair of  heels that start rubbing on your baby toes before you even leave the house, and you’re sipping on a little vodka/Crystal Light to get the night going. Once you’re feeling buzzed enough to handle the crowds at the campus bar, you throw that purse over your shoulder, loop arms with your besties and do a little run/walk into the night.

Only when you arrive, you realize pretty quickly that perhaps a few more drinks would have been a good idea before running into these annoying bar-goers.

10. Sloppy in Line:
We’ve all had that night. Whether it’s our 21st birthday or our “I just got dumped and need a night to get over it,” we’ve had the wasted-before-I-even-left-the-shower kind of an evening. But when I’m not having that night and someone else is tripping and falling into me, slurring his/her words and spewing chunks very close to my heels before we even get inside (true story), it’s not OK.

9. Martini Drinkers:
Repeat after me: there is no way to get this overpriced and probably watered-down martini from the bar to my table without spilling it everywhere. Even if I walk incredibly slowly and piss off everyone who is trying to get by me and to the bar.

8. Creepers:
I mean, do I really even need to say why?

7. Woo Hoo Girls:
(At least that’s what the How I Met Your Mother crew calls them.) These girls love to scream. When their boot of beer arrives, they scream. When their other Woo Hoo girl arrives, they scream. When Journey/Miley Cyrus comes on, they scream. When one of the Woo Hoo girls comes back from the bathroom with bloodshoot eyes and a little splash of puke on her cheek, they scream. And with each successive drink, the screams get louder and more shrill.

6. Bitter, Angry Bartenders:
All I’m asking you to do is crack open an Amstel Light and pass it over to me. What’s with the ‘tude?

5. Random Couple Trying to be Romantic:
Of all the quiet, coupley places you could go on campus to have a nice night, you chose this sweaty basement bar? Nevermind the fact that you can’t hear one another over the Usher songs blaring from the DJ booth, but there is nothing romantic about a bunch of really drunk, really sweaty kids grinding against the walls.

4. Bathroom Girls:
Hey you by the mirror – adding more powder isn’t going to make you look less shiny. Just thank god for the low lighting and get a move on. And you three in the handicap stall – can you stop crying about the boy that totally blew you off and let someone else use the toilet? And the rest of the girls in the world who just happen to take a long time to do their business, HURRY UP. I broke the seal/need to get back out there before ‘Like a Prayer’ comes on.

3. The Bar Loiterer
I know that at Cheers and The After Dark (behind the Peach Pit) people grab seats and order at the bar. But we’re in college, people, and there are hundreds of wanna-be-drunk patrons behind you trying to get their paws on a shark bowl. Can you be a doll, stop trying to look all sexy leaning up against the bar with that Miller Lite and walk. away? Kthanxbye.

2. The Big Dancer:
If you bump into me one more time, I swear to god…..

1. Ms. Perfect:
Seriously, how? How do you keep your hair straight, your makeup fresh and your pits dry while, by 1am, my sweaty hair is in a ponytail, my eyeliner is on a journey down my cheek and I have very obvious under-boob sweat stains on my cami? HOW?!

I was feeling a little rebellious this past weekend, a little adventurous. So, I took a challenge and stepped out of my comfort zone by reacquainting myself with my freshman year of college. No, I didn’t make out with a dude on a futon, and no I didn’t burn my Easy-Mac in the microwave and induce a 4:30 AM fire alarm.

I went to a house party.
And I’m alive to tell the story!

It had been about 2 years since attending my last house party and while standing amongst a large cluster of shirtless freshman dudes sweating and spinning their shirts in the air to the beat of Sean Kingston, I realized something. I am no rocket scientist (clearly, on account of my next statement), but house parties so different than the bar. You would think they would be the same – drunk people standing around – but there’s something (maybe it’s the open keg at house parties that encourages half-naked mosh pits in the living room?) that sets these two party scenes miles apart: Read More »

Easy on the soda water, homegirl.

A couple of days ago three bars at Penn State were fined for “lack of alcohol training.”

What?!

What exactly were those bartenders doing wrong to piss off the authorities? How hard is it to open a bottle of Bud Light or mix vodka and tonic together? It’s not like us college kids are ordering difficult drinks like mudslides and daiquiris at the bar. I think I speak for all of us when I say the only qualities I’m looking for in a bartender are speed and a heavy hand (well, the hand that’s holding the booze). And if they’re a bit slow at math and can’t add my tab correctly, that’s OK too.

The thing is, bartender experience is the least important offense when it comes to college bars. There are far more pressing and disturbing issues that should be addressed. And fined. And fixed!

The Line
I don’t mind waiting in line if the bar is hopping – I’ll just sip my 40 while I wait – but making people stand in line when the bar is empty only to make it look cooler? That should be illegal.

Watered Down Drinks
I did not pay $7 for soda on ice; if I wanted that I would go to the McDonalds down the street and get unlimited refills for a dollar. If I order a Cran-Vodka, I want it to sting as it goes down, not taste like I could put in my 3 year old cousin’s sippy-cup. So stop filling my mini-cup with ice to make me think I’m getting more booze and tip that bottle in there. I’m paying you more for this one drink than a full bottle at the liquor store so stop being so damn stingy. Read More »

My bartending style tends to run less towards the carefully measured, tried-and-true recipes and more towards the “What’s in my fridge right now?” trial-and-error method. I rarely use actual measures, because what is “good” depends on how many people are drinking, how liquored up they want to be, and how well they hold all that liquor.

That being said, I have a few favorite drinks that do really well in cold weather.

Peppermint Hot Chocolate:

This ain’t your grandma’s hot cocoa. (Or maybe it is…) I like to add a few drops (or shots) of Peppermint Schnapps to hot chocolate for an immediate warm-up. Make the cocoa with milk if you like it creamier.

Cinnamon Vanilla Cream:

One day my love of Starbucks and alcohol collided, and this drink was born. I just poured some Cinnamon Schnapps into my Vanilla Crème, and – voilà – an innocuous looking brew. Yes, I did keep it all in the Starbucks container. You can make your own Vanilla crème by warming up milk, adding a drop or two of vanilla extract, sugar to taste, and topping it off with whipped cream.

Hot (Spiked) Apple Cider:

First, you need to find some alcoholic apple cider. It’s probably somewhere between the beer and wine sections. Two bottles is a good amount to start with. On the stove, get it simmering with two cinnamon sticks, a tablespoon of cloves, a little bit of sugar and some nutmeg. What really makes it piping hot though, is the addition of either rum or apple brandy. Be generous, ladies – the apple cider has lost most of its alcoholic content in the heating process. Read More »

Every week I emulate my favorite late night talk show host, David Letterman, and countdown from ten. And then, last week, my favorite late night talk show host shared with us his story of being blackmailed for fooling around with some of his staff.

Whether you think his announcement was noble or unnecessary, whether you care where Letterman puts it or not, the scandal brought me to this week’s topic: the top ten people you should avoid sleeping with unless you want to suffer some serious aftermath. Maybe not a mistake that warrants a $2 million extortion, mind you, but still pretty scandalous repercussions.

10. The Bartender and/or Bouncer
Especially not at your favorite bar or club. One mistake with a bouncer equals embarrassment strong enough to keep you out of the doors of your favorite sports bar forever.

9. A neighbor in your dorm
Do you really want to worry about running into your fling when you’re in the dorm hallways wearing Powerpuff girl pajama bottoms?

8. “That Guy”
Collar popped underneath his Ed Hardy shirt with a sideways hat and a Lance Armstrong bracelet. Spare your dignity.

7. Ray-J
Unless you want a sex tape on the internet. Although it did kick-start Kim Kardashian’s career, so I guess this isn’t such a bad idea if that’s the direction you want to take your life. Read More »

So who took home the big statues?

Rebecca Gayhart’s having a (crack) baby.

10 things not to say to your hot bartender.

Your menstrual cycle is blogging.

5 ways to meet someone this fall.

Custom size condoms?

I learned more my first week at college than I did in my entire life. And I don’t mean academically. I mean socially, financially, emotionally and drunk-ly. Some things took longer to figure out than others (that I should visit the ATM before I get to the bar, to avoid extra fees and my tendency to tipsily make it rain) and other things took mere minutes (don’t eat dining hall hot dogs).

But there are 5 things that every freshman should figure out their very first week on campus. Consider this College Life 101: Intro To The Best 4 Years of Your Life.

The go-to hangover breakfast spot: For those mornings when a Gatorade and toast just won’t do the trick, you need to find the most happening breakfast place near campus. This is not only important for the mornings when you need to take things to-go (back to your bed where you can lie in the dark while watching Daisy of Love marathons), but also for the social aspect of morning-after breakfast. Because everyone knows, after the party it’s the after party…and after that and the hotel lobby… it’s IHOP.

So, on those mornings when your inner monologue sounds like “Hahalalala definitely still drunk and my hair and makeup still look great!” you’ll know where you and your girls can go to re-cap last night’s madness while chowing on carby goodness and watching people walk in wearing their clothes from the night before. Read More »

[I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the epitome of prim and proper- heck, who really is nowadays? But looking around at the misguided youths of today *ahem drinking buddies*, I’m starting to think that Miss Manners might have been onto something.

While you may never need to know how to greet a duke or how to tell which fork is REALLY the oyster fork, knowing how to deal with people whom owe you money, how much to tip, and how to address the ever annoying licorice-in-teeth conundrum without being rude might actually come in handy in the real world. I'm not trying to be your mother - oh goodness, no - I'm just here to help you out of those little etiquette dilemmas. So here goes: a quick lesson in etiquette. The sh*t you might actually need to know.]

I know that times are tough. The economy is in the dumper and our wallets are just getting emptier and emptier. These days it seems like I can’t turn a corner or walk into a bar without having to pay somebody something. Though I know it’s hard to choose between blowing your last dollars on another pitcher of beer or tipping the bartender, as a one-time waitress, I would never ever suggest skimping on tips. These service providers work hard (usually on a tiny salaries) and their paychecks rely heavily on your tips.

The other day, I was appalled when after ordering a heap-load of Chinese food, a “friend” of mine flicked the delivery guy a quarter and closed the door. A quarter. As in twenty-five cents. I literally had to chase down the guy and shove a few dollars at him. When I confronted her, she said she wasn’t sure how much to tip. I called bullsh*t, but it got me wondering if this is a real problem for a lot of people. So in case you were wondering, here is a tipping cheat sheet on who to tip and how much to tip them.

Read More »

Spring break can be a carefree week of fun in the sun…or two days of fun followed by five days of waiting for your flight home. Make sure you make the most of SB 2009. And don’t do some of the stupid shizz I’ve done on March and April vacations past.

1. Don’t book your flight for an hour after your last class of the week ends.

Well, technically, my mistake was agreeing to drive my friend to the airport. Not only were we racing against time, but my car decided to act up as soon as we hit the highway. It started shaking and rattling when I tried to go over 60 mph, and, for fear of our lives, I was forced to drive in the slow lane as the clock ticked on. We made it, barely, thanks to the fact that our local airport takes about five minutes to clear security, but my friend was a bundle of nerves before she even took flight. Yeesh. Read More »