If I could go to a Bat Mitzvah every weekend for the rest of my life, I would. Those were the glory days. Personalized everything, sundae bars, extremely awful DJs, and everyone in their pubescent splendor.

You remember: it’s 7th grade. You have braces. Low by Lil John is playing and you’re doing your best imitation of Beyonce in the Crazy In Love music video. You’re most likely wearing a fold over skirt and Tiffany’s bracelet (imitation or real). Suddenly Low finishes and Heaven by DJ Sammy, Candlelight Mix, comes on. Everyone’s pairing off to awkwardly sway with one another, about three feet apart. But suddenly you notice there’s no line for the photo booth and it’s either now or never. This dilemma was a weekly thing in middle school.

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I’m always a step behind on the latest phone trend. By the time I got a rotary phone in my bedroom, everyone was already onto their cellphones, and by the time I made the jump to cellphones, everyone was already trading up for a flip phone. So it came as no surprise to me that when I finally got a camera phone, the iPhone had come out and BlackBerrys became more ubiquitous than see-through-white-dresses in the summertime.

But it wasn’t until this past summer living in New York City that I truly felt uncomfortable using my cell phone in public. The phone that I had once bragged about because it fit into my clutch was now making me feel as if I was using Zack Morris’s mega phone. People stared at me when I texted and expressed shock and awe that I still used only 9 keys to construct a sentence.

The look I got when I flipped my phone open the other day was the look I gave to my grandmother when she attempted to use her scanner to send an e-mail.

I can’t deny the jealousy. I admit that having the internet on your phone is insanely useful; whenever I’ve gotten lost somewhere, its a friend’s BlackBerry that got me home (not my phone’s tip calculator). And, sure, I’ve gotten frustrated when my T9 brutalized a word so badly that my text ended a friendship. I’ve eyed those keyboards and mouses and wished that my phone, too, could serve as a hand-held laptop. Read More »