It's the moment of truth, little lady.

We’re well into another new school year and to honor that, we at CollegeCandy are bringing back the fan-favorite series, “We’ve All Been There.”  (We tried to get another national holiday/long weekend for you guys but it’s way harder than we thought so this will have to do.) Every week, Lauren from the University of Michigan will comment on the common experiences all college women share – like class registration, the dreaded muffin top or, everyone’s favorite activity, procrastinating. Read, relate, cringe and enjoy.

Your boxes are unpacked, your bed is made, and your parents have left the building. You are officially a college student.

Woohoo! No more living under their rules. You are a free adult livin’ the dorm life. It takes a few days of getting used to, but you’re finally feeling settled. You’ve even sorta mastered the cafeteria slop. This whole college thing isn’t so hard after all.

That is, until you need to do a little #2 in the public bathroom down the hall. The one every other girl on the hall also frequents to shower, wash up, dry her hair, and do her business. Girls you don’t know. Girls you want to befriend. Feeling the stage fright, you’ve been unable to go for days and, between the cafeteria salad bar (roughage!) and the frat party jungle juice, it’s been rather difficult. Read More »

Every week, I write a list. Not a to-do list (I feel like they’re always mocking me) or a grocery list (because “Jimmy John’s” isn’t really a list) or even that list (lord knows I wish I was updating that thing weekly….). No, my list is on whatever hard-hitting issue I find relevant at 11p.m. on Sunday night. And you know it doesn’t get more hard-hitting than Back to School season or why I’m hating everything, right? Today’s big topic: people I want to dump my beer on at the bar. Alright, ladies – stay with me.

So it’s Friday. (Or Thursday, Saturday, or Tuesday morning….) You’ve got your favorite skinny jeans on, you stuffed your feet into a pair of  heels that start rubbing on your baby toes before you even leave the house, and you’re sipping on a little vodka/Crystal Light to get the night going. Once you’re feeling buzzed enough to handle the crowds at the campus bar, you throw that purse over your shoulder, loop arms with your besties and do a little run/walk into the night.

Only when you arrive, you realize pretty quickly that perhaps a few more drinks would have been a good idea before running into these annoying bar-goers.

10. Sloppy in Line:
We’ve all had that night. Whether it’s our 21st birthday or our “I just got dumped and need a night to get over it,” we’ve had the wasted-before-I-even-left-the-shower kind of an evening. But when I’m not having that night and someone else is tripping and falling into me, slurring his/her words and spewing chunks very close to my heels before we even get inside (true story), it’s not OK.

9. Martini Drinkers:
Repeat after me: there is no way to get this overpriced and probably watered-down martini from the bar to my table without spilling it everywhere. Even if I walk incredibly slowly and piss off everyone who is trying to get by me and to the bar.

8. Creepers:
I mean, do I really even need to say why?

7. Woo Hoo Girls:
(At least that’s what the How I Met Your Mother crew calls them.) These girls love to scream. When their boot of beer arrives, they scream. When their other Woo Hoo girl arrives, they scream. When Journey/Miley Cyrus comes on, they scream. When one of the Woo Hoo girls comes back from the bathroom with bloodshoot eyes and a little splash of puke on her cheek, they scream. And with each successive drink, the screams get louder and more shrill.

6. Bitter, Angry Bartenders:
All I’m asking you to do is crack open an Amstel Light and pass it over to me. What’s with the ‘tude?

5. Random Couple Trying to be Romantic:
Of all the quiet, coupley places you could go on campus to have a nice night, you chose this sweaty basement bar? Nevermind the fact that you can’t hear one another over the Usher songs blaring from the DJ booth, but there is nothing romantic about a bunch of really drunk, really sweaty kids grinding against the walls.

4. Bathroom Girls:
Hey you by the mirror – adding more powder isn’t going to make you look less shiny. Just thank god for the low lighting and get a move on. And you three in the handicap stall – can you stop crying about the boy that totally blew you off and let someone else use the toilet? And the rest of the girls in the world who just happen to take a long time to do their business, HURRY UP. I broke the seal/need to get back out there before ‘Like a Prayer’ comes on.

3. The Bar Loiterer
I know that at Cheers and The After Dark (behind the Peach Pit) people grab seats and order at the bar. But we’re in college, people, and there are hundreds of wanna-be-drunk patrons behind you trying to get their paws on a shark bowl. Can you be a doll, stop trying to look all sexy leaning up against the bar with that Miller Lite and walk. away? Kthanxbye.

2. The Big Dancer:
If you bump into me one more time, I swear to god…..

1. Ms. Perfect:
Seriously, how? How do you keep your hair straight, your makeup fresh and your pits dry while, by 1am, my sweaty hair is in a ponytail, my eyeliner is on a journey down my cheek and I have very obvious under-boob sweat stains on my cami? HOW?!

Today is May 5th. Many of you are wearing sombreros and chugging tequila graduate in a few weeks, or even days. (Did I just freak you out!?) Thankfully I’m on a college quarter system, so I have one more month of bliss before entering the real world. But still, there never seems to be enough time these days for everything I want to do.

I want to tie up lose ends, check off more things on my bucket list, hang with my friends, take those last few exams, and maybe even make out with that hot guy in my Comm class. But despite all the things I’ve yet to do, I still know graduation is approaching. And like paying taxes or eventual old lady boob saggage, there is nothing I can do to stop it.

Soon all of us will be packing up, moving out, and moving on. We will pack up our extra long twin bed sheets, our dorm room essentials, and say goodbye to our roommates. And for the first time ever, many of us will be living on our own for the first time ever. Think about it: we’ve lived with family until college where we had the luxury of dorm life or a whole slew of roommates to share our space wtih. But now we’re on our own. Many of you may cheer and jump at this notion. Others may weep.

I’m somewhere in between. I mean, I hated wearing shower shoes all the time, but I didn’t mind the coed bathroom (I see you, unnamed hottie sophomore year that “accidentally” let his towel drop a few times). I’m excited about leaving my 10X12 jail cell behind, but I’m apprehensive about going it alone in the real world. There are just pros and cons to both, and I can’t decide which I prefer. Read More »

Don't. Tell. Anyone.

Let’s face it: we’ve all done some pretty ridiculous things in our lives. Things we think are totally logical in the moment, but make us cringe when we think about them later on. Things that we’d only tell our best friend when she’s three sheets to the wind and we know she’ll probably forget it. Things that we hide from the people who love us (and judge us) most.

Things that even we, ourselves, wish we didn’t know about. But things that our friends, family, and fellow CollegeCandy readers are probably doing all the time, too.

Like our fake boyfriends that we tell strangers about.  Read More »

Let’s face it: we’ve all done some pretty ridiculous things in our lives. Things we think are totally logical in the moment, but make us cringe when we think about them later on. Things that we’d only tell our best friend when she’s three sheets to the wind and we know she’ll probably forget it. Things that we hide from the people who love us (and judge us) most.

Things that even we, ourselves, wish we didn’t know about. But things that our friends, family, and fellow CollegeCandy readers are probably doing all the time, too.

Like our secret form of revenge on an evil roommate (that we hope doesn’t read this site).

So here is our chance to let it all out. To share our secrets and find that maybe we’re not so crazy, so weird, so abnormal, after all. We’ll spill the beans every Tuesday and invite you to share your own similar experiences below. Just think of it as therapy. Or a really hilarious way to spend a Tuesday afternoon.

Read More »

I wish someone would have taken that bottle of cran away...

I’d consider myself a seasoned formal veteran. As such, I have acquired a bit of wisdom as far as formal do’s and dont’s. Whether you are a freshman going to formals for the first time or even a senior not affiliated in the Greek circuit, I have chosen a recent and epic failure at Greek formal-ing that will hopefully teach you from my mistakes… or at least give you a good laugh.

The Blind Date

Blind dates are quite common in the formal world. Twice now I have agreed to help out a friend of a friend who “just can’t get a date.” This would be the red flag for most girls – why on earth can’t this dude nab a date?! -  but I, blinded by naivete and the prospect of free food and drinks, always acquiesce. My second transgression was just a few weeks ago. We get to the place, which happened to be a $30 cab ride away, making my chances of leaving slim to hitchhiking. We pre-gamed in a hotel room, where my date doted on me. And by “doted,” I mean basically poured booze down my throat. I even started pouring drinks down the drain out of fear of being too drunk around strangers. (Go me!)

We get to the formal and since he planned it, he left me every 5 minutes to “take care of things.” He couldn’t get me a wristband for whatever reason but brought me a flask of vodka (red flag #2). I decided to have a little chat with him about expectations, which was me conveying my disinterest in anything but “cutesy dancing” and eating and drinking. As well as I thought that went, when we got to the dance floor it was obvious that “cutesy dancing” did not register on his radar, or that maybe he thought grinding me against a wall was cute. Read More »

You waited in the line outside the party hoping the 3 frat guys with low self-esteem and big muscles manning the door would notice your short skirt/cleavage combo and let you inside. Once you got the point and nod from d-bag #1, you breeze past the fortress gate (a card table littered with empty beer cans) and dance your way (litarally) into the overcrowded party.

A wave of humid, stale air hits you the minute you step inside. You feel your hair instantly frizzing up. But the room is dark and every girl in there is suffering from the frizzies, so you pull it back, grab a few cans of (crappy) beer from yet another muscley frat boy and get your party on.

You’re dancing, sweating, having a good time when it hits you: you have to pee. And not just a little bit. A lot a bit.
As in, one more bump and grind and it will be dripping down your leg. You grab your friend, pull her close and scream into her ear, “BATHROOM!??” The music is so loud, though, she can’t hear you.

“WHAT?!” She mouths as she gets low, low, low, with a guy with giant pit stains. You try screaming again, but it’s no use. So you break out the gestures, pointing to your bladder then pointing in the direction of the stairs. She finally gets it, leaves her perspiring prince behind and joins you in the hunt for a clean-ish bathroom.

You climb the stairs, passing couples making out along the way. As you near the top you see a long string of girls lining the hallway. Obviously, this is the line for the bathroom. And obviously, you have no choice but to wait in it (because, unlike those boys, you can’t just head outside and empty your bladder into a bush). Read More »

Between running out of toilet paper, sitting on dirty pee stained public toilet seats, and producing gag worthy smells, going to the bathroom is definitely not the cleanest, girliest, most fun activity that occurs quite often in a day (I know I’d much rather be hangin’ out on TFLN).  But it is a part of our everyday lives and we kinda have to do it, so we might as well make the best of it, right?

Well, 2009 doesn’t just mean cool cars and advanced cellphone technology. It also means new and improved products for the potty.  Take a look at some of these new things that make the bathroom experience that much more pleasant. Don’t ask me why or how I found these. Seriously.

Poof
This latest product does exactly what it says. It literally makes the smell of your poop go “Poof!” This liquid deodorizer traps the odors of the big brown boys in the water, releasing a refreshing scent of Japanese mint to fill the air. Unlike an air freshener that can just leave the bathroom smelling like misty grossness (fresh spring breeze + poop = fresh and springy poop), Poof traps the odors before they can even try to escape the toilet. No more worries about having to hold it in after your hot date at a Mexican restaurant.

Go girl
Whoever said guys are the only ones that can stand when going to the bathroom? Just because they get to avoid the unsanitary toilet seats that get exposed to way too many butts in a day, doesn’t mean we can’t too!

iCarta
Okay, so this one may be a tad bit unnecessary, but it sure is freakin’ cool. It’s a toilet paper dispenser with a built in iPod dock and speakers. Because pooping is so much more fun when you’re doin’ it with the Kings of Leon. Read More »

Your boxes are unpacked, your bed is made, and your parents have left the building. You are officially a college student.

Woohoo! No more living under their rules. You are a free adult livin’ the dorm life.

It takes a few days of getting used to, but you’re finally feeling settled. You’ve even sorta mastered the cafeteria slop. This whole college thing isn’t so hard after all.

That is, until you need to do a little #2 in the public bathroom down the hall. The one every other girl on the hall also frequents to shower, wash up, dry her hair, and do her business. Girls you don’t know. Girls you want to befriend. Feeling the stage fright, you’ve been unable to go for days and, between the cafeteria salad bar (roughage!) and the frat party jungle juice, it’s been rather difficult.

But now it’s time and you have no choice but to suck it up, drop the pants, and take care of business. Read More »

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!]

(A crazy guy on campus trying to sell joke books.)

Crazy guy: Does college make you want to sh*t your pants?

Scared freshman: Um … no?

(A professor, reminiscing in-class.)

Professor: I just, you know, kinda grab nearby papers sometimes. I have many squirrel-like tendencies. That’s what my mom said.

(Girl, angry, on the phone.)

Girl: … because you’ve got the personality of a tennis ball! A tennis ball with acne! Read More »