Days as a Freshman: 167

Mood: frozen

“Grace, you’re soaked” Rebecca tugged on my shirt and spoke into my ear, keeping her eyes on Justin and Sasha. The tension between them was palpable; I knew she could feel it too. “Why don’t you at least change your shirt? You can wear one of mine.”

I didn’t want to leave the living room. I didn’t want to leave Justin alone with Sasha. But Rebecca was right. I was practically dripping alcohol. Like I had just jumped into a pool full of Jack Daniels.

“Let’s just run into a room. I’ll wear my long sleeve and you can wear the camisole I have under it. It’s fine.” Rebecca kept pulling on my arm, her jitters obvious in the repetition of her actions. Even tipsy, Rebecca couldn’t let her guard down. She knew something was off. She knew something was crackling in the air, and she wanted to leave before the match was lit.

“I have to…” I looked up at Justin. “I have go change.”

“What?” Justin blinked. He looked at me as though it surprised him I was still standing there.

“I have to go change. Everyone spilled stuff on me.” Read More »

I’m a progressive girl. I’m all about equality.

But give me my own bathroom.

Co-ed bathrooms are one of college’s biggest mysteries. Who thought it would be a good idea? Who decided that it would be totally cool to completely devoid college kids of any type of privacy? Did none of the inventors of co-ed bathrooms ever have a crush?

And if they did, how could they fathom perhaps bumping into that crash while they still had pimple stuff on their face and crow’s nest on top of their head?

I just don’t understand it. The bathroom is sacred. Private. It’s not a place I want to discuss homework or chat about the newest TV show.

I don’t want to step out of the shower and come face to face with the captain of the lacrosse team. I don’t need that sort of horrible awkwardness in my life.

Also, in case no one’s noticed, guys and girls take very different approaches bathroom etiquette. Guys often think nothing of taking the entire sports section into the stall with them and staying in there for hours, while girls prefer to get in and get out without anyone really seeing. Read More »

The “hand washing police” (creepy!) have decided that men are grosser than women.

During a meeting last Monday for infectious disease scientists, “researchers who spy on people in public bathrooms” (double creepy!) released a study that showed men have issues when it comes to washing their hands after using public toilets.

“One-third of men didn’t bother to wash after using the bathroom, compared with 12 percent of women” the researchers claimed, basing their findings on over 6,000 people in four big cities.

A spokesman from a co-sponsor of the survey, the Soap and Detergent Association (seriously?), urged men to “step up to the sink”, after holding their weewees at a urinal or taking a dump.

Because women are forced to frequent stalls all the time, we’re probably a lot more likely to realize just how dirty a public bathroom can get—although holding one’s penis and then shaking a stranger’s hand screams ‘unsanitary!’ just as loudly.

So, what is it? Is pee just considered not as dirty to men? Do they simply not care about poo contamination?

Are men really just really f*cking gross most of the time? Read More »

Public bathrooms are gross. I am not some freakish germaphobe, but even I realize that sharing a toilet with hundreds of strangers (especially drunk ones) is not fun. Or sanitary. Even if you believe what Dr. Oz (the awesome doc on Oprah) said about toilet seats being pretty clean surfaces, the rest of the situation is not. The floor, the flusher, the tampon trash can that people probably push open with their used….things.

I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Anyways, I don’t know about you but I know that I am pretty careful when using the bathroom. I lay TP down on the seat before I sit down, flush the toilet with my foot, and never (EVER!) put my handbag on the floor.

But until I saw this new invention, I never even considered the gross factor that is the toilet paper dispenser.

Who knows who/what has touched that thing? And the long strip of paper hanging out from the roll when you get in there? Lord knows where that’s been dangling. I don’t even want to think about it.

Okay, I just did and now I’m getting sick again. Read More »

Nothing like waking up in the morning and helping myself to some fresh servings of blog — these days, early a.m. updates rev me up more than an XXXL coffee.

Today was extra – special as Jezebel featured a post on the P – Mate, a device that allows women to pee standing up. Sometimes, the power of modern technology and ingenious thought eludes me.A simple waxed paper tube, the P – Mate enables women to “discreetly enjoy hygienic freedom.” Simply roll, insert, and let loose! Anywhere! In your backyard, at the beach, in the woods, the sky’s the limit (literally)! If you want a challenge, try your hand at a urinal. You’ll never have to sit down again (because who likes sitting?). Urinary freedom doesn’t come at too steep of a price: a pack of five P – Mates is only $5.25! The price of gender equality, beyond bathroom walls.

Finding a man at the bar is one of my favorite pastimes. I know what people think when they look at me leaving the party with yet another new man, but what can ya do? I love the chase…and the passion.

But even I have to admit the downsides to the ever-so-popular one night stand:

1. The period of time (about an hour) between returning home and ripping each other’s clothes off that is usually filled with obligatory and totally random conversation. You know, so no one feels like this is all about the sex….which we all know it is.

2. The awkward goodbye in the morning filled with clothing searches, phone number exchanges, and a long walk past the roommates.

3. Morning after poos.

Don’t even pretend that you don’t have ‘em. You know; the after-effects of beer, more beer, pizza, and booze. They are ugly, dirty, and very, very smelly. And if the boy sticks around long enough, someone is going to have one. And someone else is going to know.

Which is why I am totally obsessed with this fabulous new invention. This little toilet-seat-sent-from-heaven is the perfect solution to morning after poo’s. Or any bomb you have to drop with a cute man around. Read More »