Selfish.

As I got older, my selfishness started to go away, for obvious reasons. Like – there were other people in the world. Compromising started to sound like something fun, sacrificing time and money started to become the norm. I started growing up. And with growing older came giving up some of the things I did for myself, to begin doing for others. I started making time for others – I went to group project meetings instead of watching TV show finales or roaming around Target. They were simple sacrifices, but they were prominent.

Growing up is all about losing that selfish factor. Especially in a new job environment, – I want to make sure everything I’m doing is coherent with everyone else’s time and tasks. Even with friendships, I want to always keep others in mind. I want to make others happy and let them trust me for things. I am keenly aware of what others are thinking, based upon my adult actions.

But at a ripe age of twenty-four, are these new selfless acts starting to get blurred in my vision? I’m not saying I want to stop doing things for others on the basis of complete carelessness. I’m just saying I don’t want to lose sense of that selflessness for myself. While it’s important to keep others in mind, it’s easy at this age to lose sense of myself and what I deserve.

This type of thing could happen in the simplest of forms. Say I tell my girlfriend I’d go to drinks with her after work…then once 5:00 p.m. rolls around, all I want to do is go to yoga instead. While I want to remain true to my friend, I really just want to perfect down dog and lay on my chest. I’m telling you to be a little selfish! Make that decision for yourself. You don’t want to be a flake, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do things your own way every once and a while.

This personal selfishness can apply to bigger forms of life as well. A change in a job path, breaking up with a boyfriend, saying goodbye to a roommate, backing out of a big move…these are decisions you need to make for yourself and not for others. I have learned that we live in a big and unapologetic world – and you are the only person who can make a decision for yourself. It sounds so simple, but it can be so easily lost in translation when you’re trying to please everyone. 

So, here’s what I say: Be aware of others, but if you’re going to do anything for anyone – do it for yourself. We don’t need to worry about supporting our own families, children, big house payments, permanent commitments. We’re in prime place to discover who we are and letting others define that is out of the question.

One of the primary lessons of preschool and Kindergarten education is about sharing with others.  Share your milk and cookies, share your toys, share your nap mat, etc.  Growing up with a younger sister, I had these lessons pounded into my head both at school and at home.  That Easy-Bake-Oven cake that I worked so hard on (c’mon, I was six)?  I had to share it with my sister, who did nothing but play with MY Barbies while I slaved over my one-bulb oven.

Well, maybe I’m done with sharing and sacrificing my efforts for others.  Maybe it’s time to be more selfish.  After Googling around for some articles to back up my selfish ambitions, I found that it’s a good thing to be selfish (sometimes).  I think everyone should try it!  Here are the reasons why you should be more selfish:

Less Stress – As college women, we have a million things going on: if we’re not writing three papers for tomorrow, we’re helping our friend move out of their dorm and into their new summer apartment.  What would happen if we (selfishly) decided not to do some of those things? Of course, you do need to do all your schoolwork and whatnot, but maybe you don’t have to plan your friend’s wedding for her.  You also don’t have to go shopping with your sister or watch your boyfriend play community soccer when you could be relaxing in the bath.

More Strength – No, I’m not talking about physical strength.  Just think about all the times you’ve stretched yourself thin by not being able to say “no” to a friend (or acquaintance or classmate or rando person on the street…).  Once you start saying “no”, you can say it more often and with more confidence.  People will respect you more (or, at least, walk all over you less) and you’ll have more strength to decide what requests merit your time and energy.

More Stuff - Back to that thing about sharing milk in Kindergarten…don’t share your milk.  Or any food.  It is very selfish to hoard food, but if you went all the way over to Whole Foods to get that particular kind of avocado dip that you like, then keep it to yourself, sister!  Those chocolates your aunt sent you from France? Hide ‘em.  Same goes for clothes, shoes, test answers, etc.  You don’t have to share.  Sharing is NOT caring – sharing is annoying and can lead to my best friend spilling a margerita ALL OVER MY NEW PUMPS.  Just saying.

You’ll Get Yours – Ohai, Day-At-The-Spa! How nice to see you! Oh, and massively unnecessary shopping trip! You came, too!  Getting yours goes beyond just saying “no” to people.  When you have free time, you should spend a little on yourself…or all of it.  You tired? Take a nap.  Worry about the laundry/dishes/homework/AIM conversations later.  Seriously…do exactly what you want once in a while.  It’ll be good for you (and your deliciously manicured nails).

Better Sex – I guess you can say this is “getting yours” more literally.  Make sex about you and you’ll reap the benefits.  Your partner?  Maybe it won’t be his best time in the sack, but he’ll live.  You’ve made it through a fair few awkward sessions in your life (omg – so. many.), so you deserve to make the fireworks happen in your pants.  Just make sure to warn your pal before you get all nakkie – he might want to know why you’ve suddenly become Drill Sargeant Jill.