Ah, home for the holidays. An escape from school. Your soft, cushiony bed instead of your cardboard-like dorm room bed. Food, family, and friends. Long, lazy hours on the couch. Am I right?

As Thanksgiving and winter breaks draw near, I think it’s safe to say that everyone is looking forward to a little time off. But wait… you didn’t think I was going to let you off the hook, did you? Just because you’ll be visiting home over the next few months doesn’t mean you can’t use some workout tips. You’ll most likely have a bit more space at home to work out, so take advantage of it! I’ve got some tips to get you moving around a bit more than you could in your dorm room, but don’t get too crazy – we wouldn’t want to destroy any family heirlooms.

1. Dance

No, I’m not telling you that you have to do the polka with that random second cousin you don’t recognize. I’m telling you to have an all-out, crazy dance party in the comfort of your own room. After just a few minutes of this, you’ll see that it’s great cardio. There’s no one watching, so don’t worry about how you look. If you don’t want to wake up grandma with your music, you can put on your headphones and pretend you’re in one of those old iPod ads.

2. Stair Lunges

Do you have stairs in your house? Ugh, you are so lucky. I used to want to live in a two-story house so desperately when I was growing up. Extra luckily for you, stairs are great workout tools. Since you probably don’t have more than one flight of stairs in your house, running up and down them over and over again may not be the most practical workout. So try stair lunges! All you have to do is take the stairs two, three, or four at a time, depending on the length of your legs. You’ll feel the burn in your butt and thighs.

3. Work Out in Bed

I’d be willing to bet that your bed at home is much more comfortable than your bed at school. So why rush to get out of bed in the morning? Check out this great video featuring an arm workout you can do without even leaving your bed. That’s right. You can work out and be lazy at the same time. Who could ask for more?

Dear Tuffy Luv,

So to start, this is humiliating, but last Friday night I peed my bed. I’m a 24-year-old grad student and live in the dorms at my school. I have no idea what happened, and this was a completely random event. Anyways, my roommate found out (it was pretty easy, she was awake when I woke up soaked…), which was even more embarrassing. I got up, took my wet pajamas off and went to take a shower. When I got back to the room, I stripped my sheets and took everything to wash. When I got back, I sprayed my mattress with Lysol…I think I handled the situation very responsibly.

But Monday, I got an email from my RA, requesting a meeting with me, my roommate, and her boss, who runs the whole dorm. Come to find out, my roommate had taken pictures of my wet bed and clothes. In the meeting, they expressed their concern that a girl my age was “still wetting the bed,” which is apparently how my roommate explained the situation. My RA’s boss said I had to pay for a new mattress and am required to have a waterproof mattress cover on the new one. Having the mattress cover isn’t a big deal, but paying for the new mattress caused my account to be billed and now my parents are aware of the incident. My roommate also told EVERYBODY in our hall about my accident, a rumor that has circulated to many more people on campus and made me the target of many snide remarks. Up until now, we had a great relationship. But I have no idea what to do! This has been the most humiliating few days of my life. I really don’t want to live with her anymore-should I request a room transfer or what? I cannot believe this has become such a big deal!

If you could offer advice, I’d really appreciate it,
Thank you,
BW

Dear BW,

Oh, man. That sucks.

Well, these things happen, no? Once in a while, some horribly embarrassing incident occurs, and, happily, you really did deal with it well. As you say, you were responsible, and you were also considerate.

Unfortunately, we can’t say these things about your roommate.

Okay, first let’s get this part out of the way: health stuff, yes? I’m glad to hear this is the first time it happened. Probably it was just a total fluke. (Were you drinking? That’ll do it.) But if it happens again, you should go get it checked out by a doctor. There are, Tuffy just learned, a number of things that can cause a person to wet their bed even when they’re otherwise healthy. So, seriously, if you find yourself in the same situation again, get thee to the college clinic.

In the meantime, your roommate is a total bootch and you should definitely move out.

There is no way to salvage your relationship with this girl. Instead of asking if you were okay, she went behind your back and told everyone a very embarrassing and personal thing. Karma will get her; you just get out. Don’t just request a room transfer. Transfer out of the building. There is really no way for you to recover from this. Something crappy happened to you, and then your roommate made it crappier. I’m not telling you to run away from it, but I am telling you to GET away from it. Cut your losses and move and then never speak of it again.

As for the haters who bring it up, I’d just put on a sad face and say, “Oh man, I was really sick that night” and refuse to give any other details. Hopefully they’ll feel messed up for bringing it up (which they are) and, either way, you know not to deal with said individuals again.

And your roommate? Eff her in the ear. Don’t speak another word to her. Ever.

Sorry, man. Feel good.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Like a little pain? Get more Tough Love right here.

Now, dear CC readers, let’s be honest.  I think many of us have encountered a member of that misguided 21%.  Sure, he may be funny and intelligent and wildly attractive.  But when it comes down to seductive gestures and the main event, the dude’s got as much game as Snooki at a country club.

I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation somewhere for this significant discrepancy.  And I know the blame doesn’t entirely rest on the other side of the court, ladies.  Right now I’d guarantee men are insisting, “If she would just speak up, I’d know what she likes!”  Well, he’s right.  You need to open your mouth as frequently as you open your legs.  That being said, I think you’ll agree on the more frustrating roadblocks some guys just can’t seem to overcome:

He throws you on the bed with such passionate intensity…
Expectation: Excellent things are coming your way.  Records will be broken, perhaps a few lamps, too.  There’s no way you’re going to be able to walk straight tomorrow.
Reality: Homeboy hops right on and the whole thing is over in six minutes.  Bow chicka wow…eh.  You text your friends to see if they left for happy hour yet because, hey, the night doesn’t have to be a complete wash.

While you’re making out, things get a little handsy…
Expectation: Second base goes highly underrated, and you think you’ve found someone who agrees with you.  Sometimes it’s fun to just make out like teenagers on prom night.
Reality: Okay, you didn’t mean he had to be as clueless as a fifteen-year-old boy.  That poking is kinda annoying.  And…ouch…little aggressive with the boobs there, killer.

So you think you bagged yourself a winner…
Expectation: How can anyone who resembles Javier Bardem be a bad kisser?  Finally, someone who looks like he knows what he’s doing.
Reality: Whoa, whoa, whoa.  Maybe that’s how they do it in España, but stateside we use a little less tongue.  You can’t even move your mouth to try some hands-on teaching.  The whole thing is really awkward so you just stand there and wait for the oral assault to be over.

You’ve thrown your inhibitions to the floor along with your clothes…
Expectation: He wants you to speak up in bed, well guess who’s getting bossy tonight?  You are.
Reality: You want to be on top, he keeps attempting to flip you to the bottom.  You want to start slowly, someone’s already nearing finish line.  No, just like the last dozen times, you don’t want him anywhere near your butt.  But yes, just like the last two-dozen times, he still tries.  FML.

To keep things interesting, you’ve decided to push the envelope.  Just a little…
Expectation: “You’re the coolest girlfriend/friend with benefits/random hookup ever!”
Reality: “You…want to do…what?” (He says sheepishly as he pulls the sheet up to his chin.)

Bonus: The Lingering Touch, aka Ghost Hands
All guys do it and I can’t figure out why.  Please tell me this happens to you, too.  It’s when you’re walking and a guy puts just the absolute tips of his fingers on the small of your back.  (I’m sorry, are you trying to subliminally steer me in a certain direction?)  Or when you’re sitting and he lays his hand ever-so-gently and very lightly on your knee.  (Or are you holding your hand above my knee?  It’s hard to tell.)

Fellas, if you’re going to make physical contact- please do so like you mean it.  Throw your arm around our shoulders, grab us by the waist, put your hands on our legs.  It’s okay to be a tiny bit rough, we won’t break.  Have some confidence.

I once went home with a guy who sniffed his sheets before throwing me down and taking advantage of me. Even worse, once he threw me down to take advantage of me, he asked me if I thought his sheets smelled funny. Really? Is that supposed to get me in the mood?

Then there was that time I went home with the guy who waited until we were both completely naked (on his futon, no less) to tell me that he had a girlfriend. “But I don’t like her that much.”

It seems that the guys I tend to gravitate towards (when heavily intoxicated) don’t have the most tact when it comes to the bedroom boogie. I was curious to see if anyone else had the same experiences, so I asked the CollegeCandy writers to tell me the worst thing a guy has ever done or said in bed. Somehow I don’t feel so bad anymore…

John – UConn: The worst thing a guy could do in bed? Immediately after sex, he opens up his cell phone, makes a call and says “Hi Mom. Guess I win the bet. Pay up.”

Amanda – Wagner: “That’s not how my ex did it.”

Brithny – Duke: “Say cheese!” [Pulls out camera.]

Charlsie – Hollins: Refer to himself in third person. It’s creepy and weird!

Sara C – Fordham: How about, “you’re such a little girl!”? It makes him sound like a pedophile, and I’m a grown-ass woman, thank you very much.

Lauren – University of Michigan: “This is going to be quick.” Ugh, and it was.

Kayla – California State University, Sacramento: If he ever compared me or my techniques to a past girlfriend, I would have to slap him and close up my Cookie Shop for a while.

Beata – Notre Dame: Well, for me personally, it is so annoying when guys ask, “Do you like that? You like that, huh?” It’s like, “If I didn’t like it, you would know about it already, so quit asking.”  But one of my friends has had the experience of a guy who had seen too many pornos calling her a dirty whore in bed. Needless, to say, he wasn’t getting any more action from her.

Noa – CU Boulder: “Baseball, baseball, grandma, baseball.” I know he was trying to last longer to help me out, but I don’t need to know he’s thinking of his grandma when he’s looking at me naked.

Liza M – Minnesota: ‘…did you have one?’ Because believe me, If I did, you wouldn’t have to ask.

Sarabeth – University of Texas: Quote South Park. I’ve had it happen. It’s just so off putting, and it scarred me for life.

Cristina – Michigan State: “Oops…I might be too small for this condom”

Erica – Kent State: Compare to any of his exes.  Hands down.

Kari – FSU: Roll over afterward and vomit…into my hair.

Carly – Grinnell: Be completely silent! It’s so much worse than even bad feedback. You can’t tell what the heck he’s thinking or if he’s just wishing he were anywhere else.

Kelly – UMass: Call out someone else’s name. True story.

Ricki – University of Michigan: “That was almost as good as the way my last girlfriend did it”

[Photo courtesy of oliwilken on Flickr.]

Shower with a friend (or lover) – I’ve recently discovered the joys of showering with a significant other. Not only do you lower your water bill by cutting shower time in half, you can also save money by going halvesies on soap and shampoo. Nothing better than smelling like Old Spice body wash while you’re boyfriend’s hair smells like your coconut conditioner. Plus, you get to save money just by being naked. A win-win, if you ask me.

Turn out the lights – Spend more time with the lights off. You can slash your electricity bill while boosting your sex life. Light some cheap-o Dollar Tree candles for mood lighting and you’re in business.

Wear your boyfriend’s clothes – Or just spend most of the weekend naked in bed. If you spend one day a week not wearing your clothes, you can save a lot of money. Think about it – one outfit can cost anywhere from $50 (if you’re SUPER cheap like me) to $300+ dollars. That could add up to savings to over $1,000 per month!

**Disclaimer: Above statistics are most likely complete bulls**t

Stay in for dinner – Instead of going for a romantic night on the town, get a little wild in bed. Sure, you could stay in and make an intricate meal, but I say just whip out the whipped cream and get right down to it. It’s not the most nutritious meal, but 3 dollars a can really can’t be beat. For more…exotic ideas, you may want to check out my previous article on Food Sex. (Shameless plug, I know.)

Get hot and heavy – According to calorie-count.com, a 150 pound person burns 102 calories per hour of active sexual activity. Do it enough, and you may be able to substitute the expensive gym membership for a midday romp instead. Sounds like my kinda workout plan.

**FYI: Sexual activity requires “vigorous effort” in order to be considered active, so get into it!

Ah, the Futon. The good ol’ Flip and F**k. The  piece of furniture that is really not so cute or comfortable and takes up so much space in your already tight dormroom quarters. But it is convenient. Really convenient.

Bet you didn’t know this, but cute futons do exist! You can be an interior decorator extraordinaire and still have a friend (or two) crash after a particularly rough bar night. Here are some of the hottest futons on the market!

1. Ikea’s Armchair Futon

This one folds up to an armchair position, so it’s not going to take up too much space. And it can fold out into a perfectly comfortable bed for that one friend who lives off campus and likes to crash. Choose a color that fits your room, and passers-by won’t even realize that you have an ugly futon in the middle of the room.

2. Innovations Spider Frame Futon

This cute little number isn’t clunky like the wooden-framed futons that take up way more space than necessary. Plus, the cute little arm cushions offer a splash of color to brighten your room.

3. Target’s Mali Flex Futon Combo

I’m a fan of silver myself, so I dig the sleek, silver metal frame. Plus, the ends fold up to create arm rests on your futon so it takes away from the standard “futon-esque” look, and more closely resembles a chic little loveseat. It includes pillows and cushions, comes in a variety of color combinations (try pink sundae stripe if you want to embrace your playful girliness), and all this can be yours for under $200! What are you waiting for?

4. Target’s Uptown Upholstered Futon

What I love about this is that it looks like a real couch, so when you graduate, get a job, and move into a swanky apartment that’s fitting for the sophisticated career woman you’ve become, this piece can come with you. The back adjusts to two positions, and it turns into a full size bed. Perfect for a suite, apartment, or your first guest room.

5. Futon Creation’s Studio Futon Sofa Set by Handy Living

There’s something about this bright red futon that makes me with I had a nice enough living room to put it in. Whereas some of the above futons have thin, metal arms that make them more appealing, this sofa has none, and I think it works. The skirting at the bottom is nice too, especially when you have to clean your room at the last minute and do the ol’ sweep-everything-under-the-rug (er, futon) trick.

1. I regret that time I met a guy at a bar and did some naughty things at a very public table. That other people may have been sitting at. And the bar also happened to be a restaurant. And it was definitely not sanitary.

2. I regret purchasing condoms while drunk and choosing that the ones that glow in the dark/have spikes “for her enjoyment.” I did not enjoy them that night, nor did I enjoy the way those spikes made me feel for the next 3 days.

3. I regret thinking hooking up in a boy’s bathroom was “hot” – it was not. In fact, it was dirty, moldy and didn’t have a lock. So, with that, I regret that guy’s roommates walking in and getting quite a show.

4. I regret hooking up in my roommate’s bed because she then hooked up in my bed in retaliation…and made a much bigger mess.

5. I regret keeping my hot stilettos on during a particularly wild romp that led to a giant gouge in my wall and a large, bloody gash down my man’s back.

I know I am not alone in making poor hook up decisions. What are your biggest regrets?

His Place

Pro: You don’t have to worry about the pile of dirty laundry on your bedroom floor.

Con: You have no idea if he has to worry about the pile of dirty laundry on his bedroom floor.

Your Place

Pro: You can easily access your toothbrush and contact lens solution.

Con: He can easily access all of the secrets of your medicine cabinet.

His Place

Pro: You don’t have to worry about waking up/sexiling your roommate.

Con: You have to worry about his roommates.

Your Place

Pro: You won’t have to take a walk of shame in the morning.

Con: You risk your entire floor seeing him leave your room.

His Place

Pro: You can sidestep the awkward morning-after moment by creeping out of the room.

Con: If he doesn’t live within walking distance, you’re going to have to rouse him for a potentially awkward drive home.

Your Place

Pro: You can sleep better in your own bed.

Con: You have to wait for him to wake up, and then politely kick him out the next morning.

His Place

Pro: He has to entertain you with the facade of the pre-hook-up movie and a few icebreaking drinks.

Con: He might NOT entertain you with the facade of the pre-hook-up movie and a few icebreaking drinks.

Your Place

Pro: You know the layout, so you won’t bump into the wall on the way to the bathroom, or accidentally stumble into his roommate’s room.

Con: Now he knows where you live.

Depending on the guy you’re with, either scenario is win or lose. If your place is closer and neither of you are under the driving limit, it’s definitely worth hitting up your own place, no matter how many pairs of dirty underwear you have strewn throughout your room. If you share a bunkbed with another girl, it’s obvious that you should be scouting out a different place to hook up. And if you’re not comfortable letting him know where you live, or being brought to an unfamiliar place, perhaps it’s in your best interest to exchange numbers and continue your tryst soberly, and in daylight.

Suddenly, you and your roommate are juggling class schedules, study time, piles of laundry, the remote control, and trying to throw intimate time with a guy into the mix. It can be rough, but it can be done. You just need to remain respectful of your roommate, and follow some simple steps to sexile (and be sexiled) without spitefully poking pinholes in each other’s condoms.

1. Have “The Talk.”

Tell your roommate what’s going on. If you move in, and you’re already in a relationship, be honest. Tell her your boyfriend will be coming up one weekend a month, and ask if you can arrange some private time in the room. If you’re single but have a prospect, tell your roommate that you have a date on Friday and ask if she has plans, just in case.

Do not get separated at a party and call your roommate at 3 a.m. to tell her you’re already stumbling home with a boy in tow.

2. Likewise, Keep Score

If you make a habit of bringing home a random guy every weekend and kicking out your roomie, it won’t take long before she’s requesting a housing swap. It’s okay to have a one-night stand, but don’t make your roommate suffer for your own promiscuous needs. She’s more apt to be understanding if she knows she’s giving up the living space so you can spend some QT with your boyfriend, or so you can finally have some alone time with the guy you’ve been crushing on all semester. This goes with rule #1, but she’s probably going to get annoyed if you point out a frat boy at a party and slur, “Can I have the room for a couple of hours?”

Also, if you are sexiling her several times a week, but have never been sexiled yourself, you are being selfish. If this is the case, you may want to read the next rule…

3. Explore All Options

Does it always have to be in your room? Can you steal away to a different hotspot, e.g. his room/apartment/house, the football field, the backseat of his Volvo, whatever? Changing locations will not only make things better for you and the roomie, but it might also spice things up for you and your mate.

If it does have to be in your room, ask if there’s a place she can go so she’s not totally out in the cold. After all, you’re already following rule #1 and having “The Talk.” Maybe she’s cool with crashing on a friend’s futon. Maybe she has her own plans. While it’s not her responsibility to find alternative living arrangements (for the time being), there might be a comparable solution.

4. Try to be Convenient

Kicking her out on a Monday? Maybe not the most considerate thing. Asking her for a few hours when she’s elbows deep in midterms? Pretty selfish. Telling her you’ll be doing the no-pants dance the weekend her parents are coming up to visit? Seriously, get a hold of your libido.

One year, I was told that I had to vacate my room for the duration of Valentine’s Day weekend. That may have seemed reasonable to my roommate and her boyfriend, but I was single and had some single girlfriends coming up to get rip-roaring sloshed. So, my girls and I were homeless while my roommate and her boyfriend had a “romantic” weekend of bunk bed boning. That really irked me. If he was a real Romeo, couldn’t he have sprung for a hotel room? But I digress.

5. Mind the Noise Level

If you have a suite with a common area that is separate from your bedroom and you’ve banished your roommate to the couch for a few hours, make sure she can’t hear you. She knows what’s going in there, but she doesn’t need an audio reminder while she’s being kind enough to catch up on “A Shot of Love” reruns until you’re spent.

6. Don’t Invade ANY Personal Bubbles

This includes the two biggest no-no’s of hooking up in a shared space:

NEVER hook up while she’s in the room and NEVER, EVER do it in her bed. This should go without saying, but come on, we all do stupid stuff when we’re drunk, and throwing hormones into a sh*tshow can equal some VERY bad decisions. It’s also a good idea to shy away from fooling around in shared spaces (read: no BJ’s on the common room sofa). If she catches wind of how you’ve left your scarlet letter on the desk she writes her papers on, she will resent you long after you’ve both moved out and moved on.

When in doubt, use your best judgment and remember what your teachers told you in kindergarten: treat others the way you would want to be treated.

Just remember: a quickie only lasts a few minutes, but you have to live with your roommate 24/7.

Unfortunately, my life is not very conducive to being hungover, and forces me to inevitably be anywhere but in bed on those days when I swear off drinking for good. If you’ve ever been hungover, chances are you’ve been forced to be somewhere you absolutely did not want to be at the time. I present the short list of the worst places to be while hungover.

5. Class. Ahh college. It offers us so much freedom, so much responsibility (or the option to exercise irresponsibility)! It even allows us to go out and drink on a weeknight. The consequences of this option can be felt the morning after that party that e-v-e-r-yone went to. You promised yourself you wouldn’t drink, you would just go to say hi and then get your scholastic tush home to get some shut eye for your 9 am. But alas, that cute baseball player from econ offered you a Solo of Natty and you just couldn’t refuse. Then came the beer pong tournament, the Vodka Slide race and finally, the sudden death round of Ring of Fire. Fast forward to this morning, drearily listening to your professor lecture while simultaneously cursing yourself and evaluating the quickest escape route should a wave of nausea hit. You are never drinking again! Oh wait–it’s ladies night and 2-4-1 at your favorite bar…

4. Work. This varies in degrees of miserable-ness depending on what you do. I work with children. For me, a day hungover at work (not something I’ve ever experienced or ever hope to) would consist of screaming and crying until snack time, Barney Live, Dora the Explorer and Thomas the Train episodes in rapid succession, then a very much needed nap time. I don’t even know what the kids would be doing that whole time though; they’re so on their own. If you are lucky enough to have a desk job, just zone out whilst typing. If you are unlucky enough to be a roller coaster ride tester, I suggest you avoid the weeknight festivities.

3. A Sporting Event. Being a hungover spectator is no fun; being a hungover participant is downright unbearable. If the game is an ESPN-worthy rivalry match between State U and U State, you can count on being drunk-over (resulting from last night’s massive block party induced-hangover combined with hours of painstaking tailgating). If the game is against your IM rival and you are the team’s star player, you can count on a lot of disappointed fans and angry, unforgiving teammates. Couple this with the way your body will feel after rigorous exercise, and you’ll think twice about ever going out the night before a game again.

2. Your Place of Worship. Be it synogogue, temple, mosque or church (Atheists and Agnostics, be glad this is something you need not worry about) sitting or kneeling for hours upon hours (at least it feels that way), surrounded by those attempting to absorb God’s love is not somewhere you want to be the morning after a hard night of drinking. Not only are you paranoid that the adorable child to your right can smell the tequila oozing from your pores, you’re pretty certain the little old lady to your left is privately condemning you. Of course, today’s topic of discussion will be on the evils of gluttony and drinking, leaving you to shrink into your seat, hope the sermon is not directed at you and pray the big guy (or guys, girls, etc.) upstairs is not about to smite you.

1. In Any Kind of Moving Vehicle. Obviously, this location takes the cake. It doesn’t matter if you wear your biggest, darkest sunglasses. It won’t make a difference if you lay down in the back seat or close your eyes (which I do not recommend if you are the driver). This is not something that gallons of water and any amount of carbohydratyes can cure. Your inner ear is sensing movement and it is going to punish you severely for it. Maybe you’re just running a few errands after a late night. Or perhaps you’ve just woken up after celebrating a week’s worth of studying for/acing all of your finals and are now embarking on the 9 hour drive home. Whatever your endpoint, the moment you buckle yourself into any car, van, bus, train, airplane, or– heaven forbid– boat, you will instantly regret it. All you can do now is sit next to a window or within proximity of a toilet and will yourself to your final destination.

[Thank you to the hungover girl above and Flickr.com for that hot shot]