I once went home with a guy who sniffed his sheets before throwing me down and taking advantage of me. Even worse, once he threw me down to take advantage of me, he asked me if I thought his sheets smelled funny. Really? Is that supposed to get me in the mood?

Then there was that time I went home with the guy who waited until we were both completely naked (on his futon, no less) to tell me that he had a girlfriend. “But I don’t like her that much.”

It seems that the guys I tend to gravitate towards (when heavily intoxicated) don’t have the most tact when it comes to the bedroom boogie. I was curious to see if anyone else had the same experiences, so I asked the CollegeCandy writers to tell me the worst thing a guy has ever done or said in bed. Somehow I don’t feel so bad anymore…

John – UConn: The worst thing a guy could do in bed? Immediately after sex, he opens up his cell phone, makes a call and says “Hi Mom. Guess I win the bet. Pay up.”

Amanda – Wagner: “That’s not how my ex did it.”

Brithny – Duke: “Say cheese!” [Pulls out camera.]

Charlsie – Hollins: Refer to himself in third person. It’s creepy and weird!

Sara C – Fordham: How about, “you’re such a little girl!”? It makes him sound like a pedophile, and I’m a grown-ass woman, thank you very much.

Lauren – University of Michigan: “This is going to be quick.” Ugh, and it was.

Kayla – California State University, Sacramento: If he ever compared me or my techniques to a past girlfriend, I would have to slap him and close up my Cookie Shop for a while.

Beata – Notre Dame: Well, for me personally, it is so annoying when guys ask, “Do you like that? You like that, huh?” It’s like, “If I didn’t like it, you would know about it already, so quit asking.”  But one of my friends has had the experience of a guy who had seen too many pornos calling her a dirty whore in bed. Needless, to say, he wasn’t getting any more action from her.

Noa – CU Boulder: “Baseball, baseball, grandma, baseball.” I know he was trying to last longer to help me out, but I don’t need to know he’s thinking of his grandma when he’s looking at me naked.

Liza M – Minnesota: ‘…did you have one?’ Because believe me, If I did, you wouldn’t have to ask.

Sarabeth – University of Texas: Quote South Park. I’ve had it happen. It’s just so off putting, and it scarred me for life.

Cristina – Michigan State: “Oops…I might be too small for this condom”

Erica – Kent State: Compare to any of his exes.  Hands down.

Kari – FSU: Roll over afterward and vomit…into my hair.

Carly – Grinnell: Be completely silent! It’s so much worse than even bad feedback. You can’t tell what the heck he’s thinking or if he’s just wishing he were anywhere else.

Kelly – UMass: Call out someone else’s name. True story.

Ricki – University of Michigan: “That was almost as good as the way my last girlfriend did it”

[Photo courtesy of oliwilken on Flickr.]

I’ll be the first to admit that we females are fickle, fickle creatures. Men have a hard time (whether that be their lack of capability or common sense) figuring us out on many levels. What we really mean when we say we’re “fine,” what we really want out of a relationship, etc., are generally difficult for men to decipher.

However, one thing men should never have to figure out is what makes you ooh-la-la in bed. And ladies, we need to help them out by never faking an orgasm. Why, you ask?

By faking an orgasm when you’re in bed with a significant other (or just a hump hump booty call), you’re allowing the guy to think he’s doing everything correctly, when, in fact, he’s not pushing your, er, happy buttons. While females would always know if a guy is faking it (or so I like to believe) and it’s easier for ladies to get away with it, we need to focus on getting ours too, not just pleasing the man.

If you are impossible to please, don’t care about having an orgasm, or simply too bored to let the madness go on, faking it is still not the answer.

Faking an orgasm makes a man think he is THE MAN and it’s not always such a good thing. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t make the man feel like he’s done a good job, but we shouldn’t let the man believe he’s done an “OH MY GOD THAT IS SO AMAZING” job when his work is really just mediocre. Teachers don’t give you A’s for effort, so why reward a “C” performance with an A++ grade?

Think about the next girl who interacts with that guy. Do you want her to have to suffer, too? Help a sister out!

Now, I’m not saying not-so-great bedroom gymnastics should keep you lying there like a mute, dead fish. That is just mean. If your guy can’t seem to hit the right spots for you, don’t let him believe he is; instead, just direct him. And not in a, “Do this, don’t do that,” mean teacher sorta way, but more of a, “oh baby, this feels good,” with some hand direction.

He wants to please you (hence him always waiting for the “OH YES!” moment before he throws in the towel), so help him help you. Not only will you end up feeling warm and fuzzy all over, but you’re paying it forward to the next girl who crosses this boy’s path.

Have you ever faked it? Why did you feel compelled to?

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If you have similar feelings towards sex toys, this is your lucky day, as I have decided to do all the research for you. I have sifted through the most peculiar of sex toys (seriously, check out the Micro Vibe Tiger and the Safari) to bring you my top 5 reasonably tame, couple-friendly toys. If you’ve tried any of these or have some other personal faves, puh-lease don’t hesitate to share!

Her Pleasure Vibrating Finger Massager – Of course this can be used in the fashion of a normal vibrator (use your imagination), but what I like about it is the versatility. It can really be used to stimulate any body part during foreplay or during sex – the possibilities are pretty much endless. Plus, it’s a pretty safe toy to bring into the bedroom without offending your guy or insulting his skills.

Vibrating Boy Shorts – You got it – boy shorts with a vibrator actually built into them. Now I probably wouldn’t wear these out in public, but they do sound fun as pre-pre-sex activity. Not only will it warm you up while you make out, but I would imagine it would feel pretty good to him as well. For those that can severely contain themselves, I suggest you try one that comes with a remote control for your guy. Now he can do more than just wink at you from across the room….

Velvet Touch – At first glance, this flesh-toned contraption seems pretty intimidating and/or perplexing. According to MyPleasure.com, however, Velvet Touch is one of the most highly recommended c**k rings for couples. Now, I don’t know much about c**k rings, but this one looks like it’s got a lot going on – the soft touch of CyberSkin and a vibrator and several stimulation parts to choose from. Just read the dozens of reviews on MyPleasure.com and I swear you’ll be sold before you even put in your order.

Our First Bondage Kit – Alright so this pick may be a little biased as I tend to enjoy a little blindfold action. Obviously this one can be a DIY project by just throwing a bandanna and some scarves into the bedroom, but if you feel like getting fancy I suggest you pick up the complete kit. According to the website, the kit contains, “Four plush cuffs for ankles and wrists are completely adjustable with Velcro fasteners, which also allow quick removal.” You can kiss the days of being caught in the middle of intense bondage sesh’s goodbye! P.S. If this has happened to you, please do share in the comment portion – I gotta hear about it.

LAYAspot – This one’s pretty similar to the finger massager, but it’s a little larger to cover more surface area. The kicker about this puppy, however, is the fact that it’s pretty discreet. On the outside, it’s your every day Sharper Image hand massager. On the inside, however, it’s a lean mean vibrating machine with several different settings and levels of pulsation for your personal enjoyment. Plus, this toy’s simple enough to let your creativity run wild and use it in any way imaginable.

Enjoy!!

But I have no idea what makes a woman bad in bed. Can a woman be bad in bed? Could I be bad in bed? I started to develop a complex after a male friend of mine told me he had faked orgasms…on multiple occassions! Guys fake orgasms? Could a guy have been faking with me?

OMG! WHAT IF I AM BAD?!

I turned to my male advisor for the answers. (Note: I did try and convince him that it was “my friend” who was worried, but we all know it was neurotic, self-conscious me.)

Besides all the sucky-ness that moving has to offer, it does have on hell of a silver lining: DECORATING!That’s right ladies – whether you get to trick out a house, apartment, townhome or dorm, you get at least one special private room that will reflect your amazing style. Not only will your boudoir be your locale for sleeping (or not sleeping, wink wink!), it will be where you study, get ready, pre-pregame, watch trashy TV, and lie in bed doing nothing.

No doubt it will be as fabulous as you are, but in case you needed some help getting started, here are some of this years’ hottest decorating trends.

Robin’s Egg Blue on Chocolate Brown

This pairing of ultra-pastel and super dark is per.fec.tion. Aim for a super rich brown in a luxurious fabric (or one that looks luxe, for way less and pair with super soft, silky sheets).

The palest shades of blue look amazingly tranquil on your walls and expand your room, no matter how itty bitty it may be.

By mixing crazy textures or prints all in similar colors, you can add depth to these pretty, pretty colors.

For accents and decorations on your walls, stick with shades of bronze and gold to warm up the blue and play up your brown pallete.

A funky, intricate selection of accessories keeps these colors feminine–beware of going ultra-modern, because these colors can look masculine if left too bare.

Black, White and Purple All Over

Black and white is always classic, edgy and cool. Throw a rich, royal purple into the mix and you’ve got a sexy, lush vibe goin’ on.

For a sophisticated, urban look try a deep plum semi-gloss for paint (but only if your landlord gives you the OK);

For a more playful look choose a brighter purple like the one below:

Tip: If your room is tiny (as so many of ours are), experiment with painting only one wall, or adding an inexpensive chair-rail and painting only the bottom half.

For your bedding, stick with black and white so you don’t overpower the walls. The simplicity of this combo will pop against your vibrant walls, especially if you choose a great graphic.

For your accessories, choose sleek, contemporary designs in black, white or nickel. Keeping things like lamps and bedside tables simple keeps the focus on your sweet bedding with the gorgeous walls as the perfect back drop.

For finishing touches, keep a look out for bold picture frames and crystal finials or curtain tie backs to add some sparkle.

Sunny Side Up

Nothing can put you in a good mood like happy, sunny yellow. Choose a very pale shade (it will be waaay brighter on your walls!), because going too citrusy will make your eyes water.

You can use your bedding to determine which direction you want to steer your room’s theme. By picking an airy, frilly coverlet you lend an ultra-girly hint to this pretty pastel.

If you choose a buttery gold, your room will always look like it’s glowing and gleaming, giving it a bright, bold feeling.

Again, use your accessories to customize the look you want your yellow to take on.

The best way to score quality stuff without blowing your budget is to comparison shop. Check out Target, Walmart, and K-Mart. These stores all have great home departments with fabulous accessories at great prices. But don’t forget about discount retailers like Ross, Marshall’s, and Stein Mart; you’ll find expensive department store stuff at discounted prices.

No matter how you decide to decorate your humble abode, just keep a few simple things in mind.

1) Determine your color scheme

2) Find your bedding.

3) Match your paint color(s)

4) Personalize with accessories

5) Have your friends help – grab a bottle of wine and some friends for a painting party.

Happy Hunting, and enjoy your beau-ti-ful new room!

A newly-decorated dorm wall–for cheap!

Alright girls, it’s now officially Back To School Season. Does the thought of dorm décor make you sweat worse than the Summer heat? Do the prices in the PB Teen catalog make you woozy? Fear not, because Sarah is here to make it all better. I went to boarding school, so I’ve got double the dorm years under my belt—that means I’ve got double the tips, tricks and shortcuts to transform your dorm from cinderblock cell to palatial pad (without spending your Summer savings). So put away the lava lamps and movie posters, and let Sarah be your guide.

We all know that those PB Teen and Teen Vogue “dorm makeovers” are a sham. Why? Well, for starters no college student can afford a $200 duvet cover or a $50 pillow. We’re lucky if we can afford to eat lunch. And second—I don’t know what college these kids are going to, but at my lovely institution there is no way in hell we could ever paint the walls, swap out the furniture or even put nails in the wall (have you ever tried to hammer nails into cinder block? Not. Fun.)

So my roommates and I made due with that gummy blue tack stuff, that god-awful industrial dorm furniture, and a little inspiration. Our first dorm project starts now, in the middle of the Summer. Later on, when you move in and get settled, you’ll need a roll of ribbon, a package of wooden clothespins, and some adhesive hooks. All of these things are super-cheap, and can be found at Target or any big box store.

Right now, you just need to start collecting. You might already have a shoebox somewhere filled with postcards, notes, photos, pretty business cards, etc. If not, it’s time to start gathering! Your friend sends you a postcard of a flamingo while on vacation in Florida? Put it in a box. Spot a dish of colorful business cards at a restaurant? Stash one in your wallet. Ticket stub from a Summer festival? Into the box. Start collecting little bits and pieces for the next few months, and by Fall you’ll have a box-full.

Now all you need is an ugly blank dorm wall. Attach two adhesive hooks to the wall about 2 or 3 feet apart from each other. Cut a length of ribbon that’s a couple inches longer than the space between your hooks, and tie each end to a hook. Make sure the ribbon is pulled tight, to avoid sagging in the middle. Then just pin a clothespin to both the ribbon and a piece from your box. Keep adding clothespins until you’ve run out of ribbon. Simple!

Now you have an instant way to display all the things you’ve collected, without having to tape each individual piece to the wall—and you can change your display as the year progresses, since swapping things in and out is so simple. Throw up pictures of your new friends. Display those lovely grades from first semester. And easily get rid of evidence of the ex without having to deal with all that blue tack; just pull that once-cute photo down and replace it with something (or somene) cuter. And the bonus? The total cost for this project is probably less than $10.

Happy collecting!

Let’s start with the place you sleep, study, sex, and–let’s come clean here–eat. Yes, that’s right, we’re going to make your bedroom green.

Don’t panic! It’s totally easy. Ready? Here we go:

Change Your Bulbs

Replace your light bulbs with energy saving ones. Florescent lights are great–did you know they only use 1/3 of the energy your regular bulbs are using?

Stay Cool

Your air conditioner is sucking up a lot of energy (and costing you a fortune).

If you have an air conditioner, or any other large appliances, replace it with an appliance with the Energy Star label.

Or, if you’re really brave, ditch the AC and use fans instead. Or at least try to use fans instead of air conditioning most of the time.

Line Your Windows

You lose a lot of energy right out the cracks around your windows. Line your windows with either caulk or weather-stripping to keep that shiz in!

Change Your Sheets

And not just every week. (Or, more realistically, every two months.)

Regular cotton sheets and pillowcases are full of pesticides that you get to drape all over yourself every night while you sleep. Sweet dreams.

Get yourself a set of organic cotton linens. They’re soft and cozy and way better for the environment.

Get a Mattress Topper

A lot of mattresses are treated with toxic chemicals to keep stains from showing. This is so bad for you I don’t even want to think about it.

Get a nice mattress topper to put some space between you and the toxins. Ah, much better.

Donate Your Clothes

No, not all of them. Just the ones you never, ever, ever wear.

Recycling clothes is a great way to help the environment. No waste is good waste.

How do you keep your space green?

[Photo courtesy of Pricop Alexandru Mihai]

I started in the office, concentrating in the computer area. College seems to bring with it numerous credit card offers and bills and notifications that always seem to be tucked in various places on the desk, asking to be thrown away or forgotten. So I got very a simple, $3 silver mail sorter that went nicely with our translucent blue desk (who says you can’t be functional and stylish?.) There are slots for outgoing mail, my mail and my boyfriend’s. Using this simple system, we have been able to keep track of our mail much better. Now I can pay my bills on time and not have mini heart attacks when I can’t find that one, really important piece of mail.

If you are anything like me, disorganization is not simply limited to your desk. No maam; it extends also to planner and mind. It’s difficult to remember due dates in the midst of piles of homework, so I got a small dry erase board from a dollar store and stuck it to the nearest wall with all the due dates for our monthly payments. It’s not written down and forgotten about in some small place in my planner or on a note that will get lost; it’s in a place that I can’t help but look at.

Another problem in my working area was not having a place to put necessary paperwork like tax information, financial aid information and notifications from school. As it stood, all these important documents were tucked willy nilly in various folders stacked on my desk. Of course, this too has a simple fix: I went to Office Depot and got a small file box and created pertinent files for all of my paperwork and all of my boyfriend’s–making sure to keep them separated… just in case, well, you know. I also got a small storage container with drawers to sit on the desk and hold office supplies for $7.

The rest of the work for this room involved cleaning and reorganizing. I threw away a lot of old folders that were taking up space and freed a lot of shelf room that I left fairly bare, knowing that as I re-organized the house, I would probably find things to fill the office shelves. That is one of the key things I learned going room by room: it isn’t necessary to fill every blank space with decoration or stuff, its good to leave some room for all the new things you acquire, like research for papers or schoolwork for a given semester.The rest of the room is still filled with the boyfriend’s stuff, which isn’t great, but I have learned to pick my battles and just make sure that if it isn’t necessarily well organized, at least it’s clean.

The next room I concentrated on was the bedroom. I’m like many women who find themselves with more shoes than room to store them. I bought two small bins for $3 each to store my shoes: one bin for dressy, one for casual. This freed up a shelf in my closet that I could use to store my pants. Knowing myself, I have a hard time keeping shoes in any sort of order, so instead of trying to find a way to organize and display my shoes, I just threw them in a bin with a lid to create a cleaner look.

I became a big fan of things with lids, so I got a standing laundry hamper with a lid. I’ve found that lidless hampers tends to look a little messy and standing hampers take up less room, which is greatly useful in small spaces like apartment bedrooms and dorms.

I needed to do something about my accessories, and quick. I scoured the house, looking for old boxes that I’ve kept for such an occasion and found instead an old popcorn tin in the office that I’d kept just in case. I cleaned it out and it fits perfectly in my closet to hold my scarves, gloves and other various accessories. I also got an over the door rack with hooks for $5 to hold purses and coats, which frees up a lot of room in my closet. When looking for storage, think outside the box (literally). Those old shoeboxes that you can’t bring yourself to throw away could become jewelry boxes or hold knicknacks.

Alcohol can do a whole lot of things to us. For most girls, there is one sure thing it seems to do every time we’ve had way too much to drink:

It convinces us that we are sexy. That we are…SO sexy.

And a wasted girl who is convinced that she is…SO sexy…is pretty much a recipe for soon-to-come regret. With the slightest instigation, whiskey shots can transform themselves into public make out sessions. And public make out sessions can even sooner become private bedroom parties where you are, invariably, SURE that you’re Jenna Jameson.

And while your ass in the air is likely a sight to be seen and your “dirty talk” is welcomed, (albeit much more hilarious than sensual); you are not Jenna Jameson.

Jenna Jameson is not a trashed party girl, slurring her words and stumbling on her own feet. Jenna Jameson is paid (very handsomely) for her work. She comes equipped with all sorts of accessories like: fake boobs, fake hair, fake nails, frosty eye shadow, and hooker shoes. YOU, on the other hand, have spilled red wine all over your white shirt, chipped your nail polish, messed up your hair, smudged your makeup, and lost one of your shoes at the bar.

And when you wake up the next morning, you know exactly what you did. Well, lets face it…you probably hardly have a CLUE what you did, but you know that if anyone was videotaping, you’re in for a world of embarrassment. A world so humiliating that you would count your lucky stars to be Vannesa Hudgens.

So how do you cope with these drunken wild sex nights?

Of course trying to make sure you don’t drink so much is the most efficient and immediate solution to this sort of ridiculousness; however, this article is not about how to deal with responsible behavior (I mean, I’m not trying to bore you to death).

My advice is to roll with it.

If the subject(s) of your affection make a remark about your Coyote Ugly dance; laugh with them and say, “Yep, I was wasted.” End of story.

Crazy sexual recklessness can be damaging in some senses, but the least you can do for yourself and your self esteem is to embrace whatever it is you did and deal with the consequences, should they come, later. And remember, while you’re probably not any Jenna Jameson; I bet you had more fun last night than she usually does.